Chapter Two: Butter Heresy

The sun was high in the sky, its rays bouncing off the snow-capped mountains and making them shine with a most brilliant light. Rock faces made of unflinching, monolithic stone stood tall over the lush plains below, guarding the beautiful and tranquil wilderness.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

I took a deep breath, trying to relax after that inconceivably loud shout. You would expect a man, stranded in unfamiliar lands with no large chance of survival, to be in anger at his situation.

However, the source of my anger was the margarine in front of me.

"You're not even butter! You're a lie, a wolf in buttery-sheep's clothing!" I frothed, glaring at those offending yellow packets before me, my rage simmering slowly. "How am i meant to enjoy crackers without butter?! Instead i have to deal with YOU. The sickly, vegetable oil reject cousin of the best thing since toast!"

I felt as if i was going mad, screaming my rage away at some fake butter and its heretical existence. Heretical as it may be, the margarine was an outlet for my anger and despair at this hapless situation i found myself in.

I dragged my suitcase behind me, pocketing a singular packet of margarine. Not that i like the horrid stuff, but desperate times may call for desperate measures. I felt my ceaseless wrath begin to fade, my case clacking against the stone it was dragged across.

As i begun my journey to the nearest form of civilization, i looked up to the sky, finding the once soft blue now slowly being replaced by a brilliant, burning hue. The colour itself was lost on me, an odd mix of pink an orange i found indescribable. A nigh unnoticeable smile graced my lips as i continued, that lush green grass coming ever closer as i descended. The hours passed slowly, and i soon found myself a mere stones throw from the field below.

It had been a long trek, my legs aching and sore as i fell upon those small green blades, the coldness of the grass caressing my features as i grunt in discomfort. I suppose i wasn't all that unhealthy, but i wouldn't of regarded myself as fit either, in fact it would be more accurate to call me average. Not too skinny, not too fat, and not that chiseled either. This of course explained why i was bloody exhausted.

"Good Christ, why didn't i stay in the bleedin' scouts.." Another groan slipped from my mouth, my body protesting as i lumbered off to a nearby tree, intent on at least making some kind of shelter. I slumped against the hard trunk of what i assumed to be an oak tree, gazing up at sun as it finally let night take the stage. Minutes upon minutes ticked by as i finally regained an iota of stamina, allowing me to take a few gaudy old shirts from my suitcase without my body screaming like a primary school student who got his cajones kicked-in.

I tied the sleeves of the shirts together, fashioning a sort of quilt that looked almost as strange as Mark Zuckerberg. With that done, i wrenched a sizable branch from the tree, that same branch hitting me square in the jaw around three tries in.
After a few choice curses and well placed tugs, the branch came to be embedded into the ground before the tree.

Soon, this Herculean task would be finished and i could drift into peaceful slumber. With my resolve now boosted, i finished tying the shirt-quilt around the stick and trunk, my impromptu tent now complete.

"Halla-fekkin'-jujah" I grumbled, climbing into the tent and laying my head upon my suitcase, eager to drift into a peaceful sleep.

"Twilight Sparkle, you have been summoned to the Canterlot Upper Academy on behalf of her most esteemed majesty Princess Luna Diana Sov, in regards to a recent phenomenon pertaining to the magical leylines of Equestria. Given your experience with the subject, you are expected to accompany the princess on her expedition for a minimum of four days. Signed, royal scribe Compass Point."

Spike recited the letter perfectly, his brow raised in mildly hidden exasperation as his friend and sister practically exploded with excitement and trepidation.

"Oh my Celestia! Spike, get the thaumograph, travel kit and resonance device!"

Twilight was filled with glee and nervousness. Glee at being requested to study a phenomena because of her expertise, but nervousness at the prospect of error. Such was standard for the bookish unicorn, her intellect only matched by her propensity to worry. As if she were on fire, she darted from bookcase to bookcase, from shelf to shelf and from wall to wall gathering miscellaneous items and reference materials for the upcoming task.

"All right, all right. But don't you think you should tell your friends where you're going?" The reptile questioned, his emerald eyes painted with a small semblance of curiosity. At that, the young dragon scurried off to collect the required items, but not before asking a question. "Why do you need the resonance device anyways? Isn't it that strange copper looking stick that glows green at the end and does nothing?"

"No spike, you're thinking of the sonic resonance device, which isn't even mine anyways." Twilight sighed, filled with faux exasperation. With a wave of her hoof, Spike resumed his duties. "He is right though, i should tell the girls. Maybe they should come along..."

As Twilight continued with her preparations, the library door swung open. Through that door strode a cocky, prismatic mare. 'Daring Do' novel in tow.

"Heya Twi! I just finished reading Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny. It was So awesome! "

Rainbow quickly composed her self, chuckling awkwardly before noticing the mulberry mare's machinations. "Woah, what's got you in a hurry?" She inquired, lazily flapping her wings as she looked at Twilight with intrigue and slight concern. One brow was peaked in a questioning way, giving the impression of a curious cat.

The prodigal pony seemed perfectly proud as she launched into an explanation. The pegasus of course listened with a degree of interest.

"I've been invited to do research on a large scale magical phenomena! By princess Luna! For a week!" She shouted, voice laced with glee. Rainbow begun to take a higher interest after the word 'phenomena'

"Hey, slow down there egghead! Did you say phenomena? Like, the really nerdy word which basically means a super cool thing?" A questioning tone had made its way to the cyan mares voice, a feisty smirk on her face at the prospect of an adventure.

At the librarian's confirmation, the prismatic pegasus pumped a hoof into the air. "If its cool stuff, i'm in! 'Rainbow Danger Dash and the Lost Phenomenon' Dang I sound awesome!" The mare said, absorbed in her own fantasy, envisioning herself to be as strong and fearless as her favorite character, Daring Do.

"I'll go and get everypony else!" Rainbow dash exclaimed, bolting out of the library at incredible speeds.

Author's Note

Sorry for being so late, and for the quality of the story should you not find it to your liking.
I was recently wrapped up this week, my brother decided to take me re-enacting.

There is nothing more satisfying then firing a gas operated Vickers-gun.

(This chapter will likely be revised at a later date)