Remember When Princess Molly Was a Thing?
One day, Cadance fucking exploded.
This came as a surprise to many.
But not to Shining Armor. He had expected this for many weeks now. Blowing up was actually one of the many things he enjoyed about his wife.
Princess Cadance, basically
You see, his wife was a mathematical construct. According to Wikipedia,
In mathematics, blowing up or blowup is a type of geometric transformation which replaces a subspace of a given space with all the directions pointing out of that subspace. For example, the blowup of a point in a plane replaces the point with the projectivized tangent space at that point. The metaphor is that of zooming in on a photograph to enlarge part of the picture, rather than referring to an explosion.
Blowups are the most fundamental transformation in birational geometry, because every birational morphism between projective varieties is a blowup. The weak factorization theorem says that every birational map can be factored as a composition of particularly simple blowups. The Cremona group, the group of birational automorphisms of the plane, is generated by blowups.
Besides their importance in describing birational transformations, blowups are also an important way of constructing new spaces. For instance, most procedures for resolution of singularities proceed by blowing up singularities until they become smooth. A consequence of this is that blowups can be used to resolve the singularities of birational maps.
Classically, blowups were defined extrinsically, by first defining the blowup on spaces such as projective space using an explicit construction in coordinates and then defining blowups on other spaces in terms of an embedding. This is reflected in some of the terminology, such as the classical term monoidal transformation. Contemporary algebraic geometry treats blowing up as an intrinsic operation on an algebraic variety. From this perspective, a blowup is the universal (in the sense of category theory) way to turn a subvariety into a Cartier divisor.
A blowup can also be called monoidal transformation, locally quadratic transformation, dilatation, σ-process, or Hopf map.
What was more amazing, however, was the way in which Cadance would put herself back together. Piece by piece the prince would watch as his wife levitated into the air, each piece of flesh connecting to one another in a sort of haphazard dance. It was both beautiful and absolutely disgusting at the same time. Eventually, the princess morphed into a single construction again. That’s what usually happens after she exploded. All until one day, things didn’t go exactly as normal. Like, she didn’t reassemble herself. This really worried Shining Armor…
Instead, she reassembled into a pink refrigerator.
She was a large fleshy rectangular prism with two doors one could pull open. Were one to open her, one would find…
Cheese. Pounds of cheese. Nearly a hundred different varieties. Mostly Gouda though.
Shining Armor liked cheese.
Especially Gouda…
This led to one of the greatest internal conflicts in the young stallion’s life. Like, he really loved Gouda. And here there was, about a hundred pounds of it right in front of him.
But deep down the prince knew he probably shouldn't eat parts of the same molecules that composed his loving wife… He knew that he should probably contact his sister Twilight or Princess Celestia or some other powerful wizard about this peculiar issue with his wife.
But again, Shining Armor really loved Gouda.
I mean… fuck. I don’t think you understand how much he liked gouda.
Do you remember your first time having sex? I don’t because I’m a virgin. A 27-year-old virgin. How sad is that? I had a girlfriend at 18 who wanted to have sex, but I didn’t feel ready for it at the time. But, as Joni Mitchell astutely observed in “Big Yellow Taxi”,
“Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got
Til its gone”
Anyway, do you remember your first time? Do you remember how wonderful and amazing it was? Actually most people have a pretty akward and underwelming first time.
Um… oh! Molly! Do you remember your first time doing molly? Do you remember that feeling of warmth and happiness and connectivity flowing over and through you? No? What do you mean you’ve never done molly? Um… yeah, there’s no way for me to get you molly without the mods riding my ass, so you’re on your own, kiddo.
Anyway, that feeling was the feeling Shining Armor got when he ate good gouda.
It was totally like the best roll on molly he ever had in his college days at Equestria State university. Also the blue (it’s usually red) wax covering on the gouda for some reason looking at the Gouda reminded him of the 1969 hit song “Crystal Blue Persuasion” by Tommy James & The Shondells, which some people thought was about crystal meth. It reached #2 on the pop charts though, the US Billboard Hot 100, so that was cool though. He liked to imagine how many people on acid listened to the song at the time, especially people who went to the Woodstock Festival and the like.
But he knew better than that. That band was all about acid and that’s what song was about. In fact, he totally wanted to listen to that song after he ate some gouda. Molly was kinda a psychedelic like acid too, anyway. But it was also an amphetamine so a little bit like meth too… so this also conflicted Shining Armor. The pharmacokinetics of MDMA were peculiar, that’s for sure. And the prince knew it.
But molly felt so nice too… maybe having practically a hundred pounds of it right in front of him would quell the hurt feelings of pretty much mutilating and ingesting his wife for the ultimate feeling.
So Shining Armor set out to acquire some Molly.
Meanwhile…
“Oh yes, Trenderhoof, harder! Give me Daddy cummies!”
Oops, wrong scene.
Ween Mile…
Princess Ember and King Thorax were snogging a storage closet in the Changeling hive. Real wet and sloppy kisses, all over each other. Unf.
When I say all over, I mean all over. Yes, in totally sexual places too. You sick bastard.
Though nopony knew, as it turned out, the leaders of the two species totally had the hots for one another. In fact, some might say they were in love.
But sadly, it was a forbidden love. Being totally different species coming from completely different lands, there were some creatures in both lands that would rather disapprove of their respective leaders getting rather… close. It’s just the way it is.
But that didn’t stop Ember and Thorax from seeing one another. In fact, almost every weekend they made up some excuse to their respective residents to need to go to either or’s kingdom. When they’d come back, they’d say it was a false alarm for whatever emergency they might have made up. This raised some creatures’ eyebrows, but the leaders didn’t give a shit. They ruled those lands.
On this particular day, Thorax felt he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. By, what else, doing molly of course.
To Ember’s chagrin, Thorax broke the kiss. But the Changeling sported a devious smile on his face.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Thorax whispered as he opened the door to the closet. Ember just nodded, a slightly annoyed look plastered on the dragoness’s face.
It was only a few moments before he returned, bearing a small plastic baggie with pill capsules inside.
“What’s that?” Ember asked inquisitively.
“The good shit,” Thorax replied enigmatically.
“The good shit?” Ember echoed.
“Yeah, this stuff will fuck you up.” Ember raised a dubious eyebrow. “In a good way, I mean,” Thorax clarified.
“Uh, okay. Um, what is it?” Ember asked inquisitively.
“A powdered form of MDMA.”
“What’s MDMA?” Ember asked inquisitively. She asked a lot of things inquisitively. She had lived a pretty sheltered life, you see.
“Here, let me pull up the Wikipedia article.” Ponies (or more accurately changelings in this case) don’t have computers, so every four months, a mysterious entitity known only as Billy Preston mailed a new set of the free encyclopedia anycreature (God that’s a fucking dumb term. Just say “anyone” for fuck’s sake!) can edit to everycreature (fuck, there it is again!). The most recent edition is 69 volumes. Nice.
ETwilight Discovers Wikipedia
Twilight Discovers Wikipedia
Fattymagee1 ·
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Speaking of Fattymagee1 and Wikipedia...
Anyway, Thorax opened up volume 42 and found the entry on MDMA. It read:
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA),[note 1] commonly known as ecstasy (E), is a psychoactive drug primarily used as a recreational drug.[13] The desired effects include altered sensations and increased energy, empathy, and pleasure.[13][14] When taken by mouth, effects begin after 30–45 minutes and last 3–6 hours.[11][15]
Adverse effects include addiction, memory problems, paranoia, difficulty sleeping, teeth grinding, blurred vision, sweating, and a rapid heartbeat.[14]Deaths have been reported due to increased body temperature and dehydration.[14] Following use people often feel depressed and tired.[14] MDMA acts primarily by increasing the activity of the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenaline in parts of the brain.[14][15] It belongs to the substituted amphetamine classes of drugs and has stimulant and hallucinogenic effects.[6][16]
MDMA is illegal in most countries[14][17] and, as of 2018, has no approved medical uses.[6][18] Limited exceptions are sometimes made for research.[15]Researchers are investigating whether MDMA may assist in treating severe, treatment-resistant posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with phase 3 clinical trials to look at effectiveness and safety expected to begin in 2018.[19] In 2017 the FDA granted MDMA a breakthrough therapy designation[note 2]for PTSD, meaning if studies show promise, a review for potential medical use could occur more quickly.[23]
MDMA was first made in 1912.[14] It was used to improve psychotherapy beginning in the 1970s and became popular as a street drug in the 1980s.[14][15]MDMA is commonly associated with dance parties, raves, and electronic dance music.[24] It is often sold mixed with other substances such as ephedrine, amphetamine, and methamphetamine.[14] In 2016, about 21 million people between the ages of 15 and 64 used ecstasy (0.3% of the world population).[25] This was broadly similar to the percentage of people who use cocaine or amphetamines, but fewer than for cannabis or opioids.[25] In the United States, as of 2017, about 7% of people have used MDMA at some point in their life and 0.9% have used in the last year.[26]
Ember was intrigued. She had never heard of such a thing before in the Dragonlands, but being the leader of the dragons, she knew it was her responsibility to explore new things and ideas such as this. And besides, if Thorax said it was good shit, it must be good shit. Whatever that means…
The king of the Changelings opened the baggy, and pulled out two small capsules filled with white powder.
He hoofed her a pill. “Just swallow it, and soon you’ll be in a world of bliss.”
Ember just smiled, grabbing the pill in her claws and quickly swallowing without giving it a second thought. Thorax quickly reciprocated.
“So… what happens now?” the dragon inquired with a bewildered expression.
Thorax grinned rather deviously. “Oh… give it maybe a half hour give or take ten minutes or so. In the meantime, wanna keep making out?”
“Fuck you bet I do.”
Ember thrust her lips back into Thorax’s, eager to explore his mouth even further. To quote another Super Trampoline story, their tongues twisted and slithered over each other like hot and bothered epileptic eels. Unf. After 30 to 45 minutes, the molly started to kick in.
Green Mile…
Shining Armor wanted to get seriously fucked up on molly. He only had one problem: He had no molly. How could he find some? Well, he turned to his sister’s mentor: Princess Molly
Princess Molly is just a smaller version Pennisetum Prince of reaching only 35-50 cm as opposed to 150-180 cm. This gives gardeners with smaller landscapes an opportunity to enjoy a beautiful Fountain Grass without it being too large for the space. The leaves are a deep burgundy with a cascading growth habit. This plant is also very disease resistant. Use as a single specimen or in containers.
At this point in time the co-author went to pick up pizza. Please enjoy this pony pizza picture:
Shining Armor was confused why his sister looked up to a shrubbery so much, but who was he to doubt his sister. She was kinda a genius and a princess, after all… but also kinda insane. Shining liked to forget about that.
Anyway, Shining took the express train from the Crystal Empire to ~~Canterlot~~ Ponyville to pay his sister a visit. When he arrived, he found her in her bedroom, reclined seductively on her bed.
“Hey, big brother,” she said sexily.
Shining Armor just stared. “Uh, Twily, why are you wearing socks? And why are you looking at me like that?”
The unicorn princess giggled. “Oh Shiny, don’t deny it. I know you love me!”
Shining Armor sighed and rolled his eyes ~~struggling to hide his throbbing horse peener~~. “Twilight, I know you’re trying to get that sweet sweet Incest is Wincest $25 participation prize by fucking me, but the rules clearly state that no ‘troll fics’ are allowed. I’m pretty fucking sure we’re in a trollfic right now.”
Twilight’s seductive smile faded. “Ugh, Jesus Fucking Christ, can’t a mare just fuck her brother because she wants to? Does there always have to be some cynical external motivator? Maybe she just find incest stupid crazy hot, and wants to pop her rocks off on her brother’s gargantuan turgid horse cock. Is that too much to ask?”
The thought of shagging his nubile alicorn sister did um….. things to Shining’s brain and dongle.
“Fine, what ever. We can fuck each other. AFTER, you get your floral friend to help me locate some molly.
Tween Bile…
“Oh. Oh wow, haha I definitely think I’m feeling it, Ember chuckled, as they cuddled, now in Thorax’s private chambers. “This is really nice.”
“Indeed,” the bug king replied as they lay on his comfy bed, “a lot more comfortable than that closet that’s for sure. Though I’m sure you’re used to royal treatment. I’m sure the molly doesn’t hurt either.”
“Not really, like all dragons I sleep on a rock in my royal chambers. But yeah, this is pretty nice. I think I’m starting to get what you mean by ‘fucked up’ as well. I just wanna…”
The two creatures stared into one another’s eyes, strong sensations of lust overcoming them as the molly kicked in. An overwhelming sensation of euphoria and desire to be close to one another washed over the two as their lips connected again.
They wanted, no needed to be as close as they could to one another. Like a positive and negative charge of a powerful magnet they wrapped their arms and hooves around each other, a euphoric longing to be… inside one another.
As they made out ferociously on the bed, Ember’s tongue licked Thorax’s with enthusiasm, begging for entrance. Thorax happily obliged, allowing the dragon’s long slithering tongue to enter and connect with his own. Together their tongues danced in a sort of haphazard dance, a dance that would probably win one of those generic dance contests on television like So You Think You Can Dance? or some shit like that.
Anyway, eventually this progressed to sex. Lucky Thorax, getting to fuck his dragon waifu.
I bet this is the closest you’ll ever get to fucking Ember. You fucking Scalie.
Anyway, yeah, they had coitus.
Screen Pile…
Twilight Sparkle teleported herself and Shining Armor to Canterlot, ‘cause she’s OP like that. She took him out to the Canterlot Gardens, and soon they found themselves before a 
Princess Molly Pennisetum Purpureum- Fountain Grass. Shining armor raised an eyebrow. “This is Princess Molly? It’s going to help me get stoned immaculate?
Speaking of Stoned Immaculate, did you know that Train did a Godawful cover of “Light My Fire”? I didn’t until about thirty-five seconds ago.
They should really just stick to songs like “Hey, Soul Sister”...
Anyway, Twilight responded, “Oh ye of little faith, watch and behold.”
“I’m pretty sure MDMA like all amphetamines is not naturally occuring. As in chemically synthesized…”
His sister just ignored him. A little perplexed why his sister was speaking like that, as well as pretty much completely forgetting about his deformed cheesy refrigerator-wife at this point, he watched as Twilight levitated a few of the skinny leaves into the air and into her mouth.
“With this it’s absorbed buccally. Just like acid or chewing tobacco,” the alicorn giggled with glee as she placed the leaves under her lip and tongue.
“Uh… okay.”
He just watched as in a matter of just a few moments, the purple princess began laughing uncontrollably, falling onto the grass next to the small bush. She then abruptly stood up again, wrapping her front hooves around her older brother and planting kisses up and down his neck.
“Twilight… this is really weird. Doing this alone is one thing…. But we’re kinda in public. You know, outdoors?
The alicorn broke the kisses for just a couple short seconds. “Oh shut up and put some of this amazing molly into your mouth you sexy beast.”
Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “Ugh fine. You better be right about this. I have some cheese back at home waiting for me…”
“What?”
“Nevermind!” the stallion boasted as he too levitated a few of the skinny leaves into his maw, copying exactly his sister’s actions. He had never done anything like this before. It was definitely kinda exhilarating he had to admit.
Wine Meal…
So you know that raver pony in the episode where the girls are fixing up Rarity’s new shop? The one with the pacifier necklace, which I’m honestly surprised the animators got away with? This chic?
Well, apparently according to Derpibooru, her fan name is Molly. So you know what she has? If Pinkie has Pinkie Sense and Cheese Sandwich has Cheesy Sense, then Molly must have Molly Sense! The ability to detect when somepony (or ugh, somecreature) is slonking the disco biscuits. Even from miles away…
Anyway, so yeah, she could tell not only that Thorax and Ember were rolling in the deep, but that Shiny and Twily were tripping the light fantastic. So you know what she did?
She did some molly. That’s what she always did. Like three times a week. Which is almost certainly too much for anypony, but fuck that she didn’t care. #Yoloswag, right? Serotonin syndrome be damned.
Oh and also she teleported herself, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Ember, and Thorax into the Crystal Empire Castle’s large walk-in fridge, as ~~people~~ ~~ponies~~ creatures on molly tend to overheat easily.
For some reason it was full of cheese.
Author's Note
Trenderhoof is a bear.
