Chapters Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
Dr. Wolf smiled as he readied his microphone. Just last week Luna was talking to him about how she wished that more ponies knew how to handle some of their own problems before they had to go to seek professional help. When he brought up some of the radio shows that a lot of ponies listened to Luna jumped for joy. Before Dr. Wolf could agree to help Luna had already bought the equipment, got a time slot, and sent out papers about the new show.
Now at first, Dr. Wolf was against the idea, but Luna explained that he would still be able to have private sessions for ponies with more personal issues. He soon got into the idea of helping a larger audience so now he converted one of his offices into a recording station. It would only be one hour a week, and it was during a time when his wife did her grocery shopping.
Dr. Wolf was excited as he checked his watch. In a few seconds, he would make his first impression on ponies across the nation.
As soon as the light switched on Dr. Wolf spoke up with his calm and charming voice. "Greetings and welcome one and all. I'm Dr. Wolf and this is the Hurting Helpline. Do you have any habits, hurts, or hang-ups? Then call me at What? I don't know his number. and let me help you with any problem you are having. Oh! We've just got our first caller... and it looks like it's my dear friend Lightning Bliss. Bliss, you are on the air."
Bliss's voice sounded upset and shaky as she spoke. "Sniff Hey Doc. I was worried about what other ponies might think if they all heard me, but I need your help right now!"
"I understand. Everypony listening has probably had a similar problem that you're going through right now and they want to learn how to deal with it themselves. Tell us all what's going on right now."
"Well, I was just minding my own business when suddenly Firebrand came out and called me a new name. He called me a mini rainbow warhead! He always makes fun of me because of my looks! I'm just sick and tired of it!"
Dr. Wolf could tell that she was nearly in tears as she spoke. He took a deep breath as he spoke. "Well, what have you done so far to try to deal with it?"
"Well, I tried taking deep breaths and thinking positive about myself, but it didn't help any. Now I'm going to do the one thing that I know will fix everything."
Dr. Wolf was actually excited when he heard that she found a way of dealing with her constant picking on. "Really? What's that?"
"I'm going to drown my sorrows into five gallons of Mr. Cream's Chuncky Munchy ice cream! "
Dr. Wolf's heart dropped when he heard that. He was already concerned about her sugar intake, but he knew that if this was going to be her new outlet then it was probably going to send her off the deep end. "Uh Bliss, I'm afraid that you might have the wrong idea. You see, we tend to go to these empty wells like food or anger which gives us no true way to handle our problems. Why don't you let me talk you through this?"
"Because you're a wolf and not an alicorn. You don't understand that there are some problems that can only be solved through chocolate! "
Dr. Wolf sighed as he realized that she clearly didn't call him to ask for personal help. "Bliss, if you didn't want any help with your personal problems then why did you call me?"
"I can't get the ice cream out of the carton," Bliss said sorrowfully.
"Take the ice cream and microwave it for thirty seconds."
"You can't do that! That's against the law or something!"
Doc could tell that she was in no way thinking clearly. He pulled out some aspirin as he talked to her. "Just trust me on this. Now get a bowl."
"I don't know where they are."
Dr. Wolf groaned a bit as he leaned back into his chair. "Alright, are you at home?"
"Yes."
"Are you in the kitchen?"
"Of course! Do you think I keep my microwave in the bathroom or something? Where do you keep yours?"
Dr. Wolf felt a little silly when he heard her say that. "Alright, just go through the shelves until you find it."
Wolf listened as she rummaged through the shelves. "Hey, I found it, but what do I do with the Lucky Wolfs?"
Doc couldn't believe his ears as he heard her ask about a kids cereal. He had to start guessing that she had a mental magic surge that would cause her to ask stuff like this. It was that or Discord was messing with her. "Uh, you do nothing with them."
"No, you don't understand. I found the bowls next to the cereal and the little wolf on the box asked, "Hey, what are you doing with my bowl?" and it's creeping me out. He's looking at me with those beady little eyes and those stubby little paws. It's probably what you looked like when you were a kid. It's like the movie with the werewolf in it... what's it called?"
"Werewolf?"
"YES! Help me!"
Dr. Wolf could now say for certain that Discord was at work here. He sighed as he thought of any way to defuse this. "Alright, just take some cereal and pour it into the bowl. Does that help?"
"Yes, he's doing a little dance now."
"Okay did the microwave go off?"
"Yes! Does that mean that it's going to explode?"
"Sigh. No. Just take it out and... I can't believe I'm saying this, but scoop the ice cream on top of the cereal."
"Gasp! You made Lucky Munchies!!! Mad Munchkin is going to love hearing about this!"
As Doc realized that this was all a joke about his friend he asked one single question. "Discord, are you impersonating my friend just so you could make fun of Ms. Munchkin?"
A smooth male voice replied. "It was the only way how I could set up this gag. Mary Sue paid me ten bits to pull this off. You're a little too trusting Doc, but I think you need to loosen up a little more."
Doc's voice became stern as he spoke again. "Discord, I'm on the air right now... and that's not a request to make my chair fly again. There are a lot of ponies listening right now."
A chuckle came off of the other end of the line. "I know! I had to do something to make this interesting. Now ponies will actually stay awake for this. Call my little show a sign of what's to come. Good luck Doc, you'll need it."
The line went dead as Doc was about to ask what he meant by that. He sighed as he realized that he'd probably only have enough time for one more caller before his hour would be done. "Alright, we'll have one more caller before we wrap up. Firebrand, you're on the air."
A pain ridden voice replied to him. "Doc, I've got a big problem. I used that new nickname that was on your show on Bliss and she blasted me through twelve walls. How do you make an improv stretcher to carry my broken body in?"
Dr. Wolf groaned out loud as he buried his face in his paws. "Brand, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times. I'm not that kind of doctor!"
Author's Note
I got inspiration to do this from a video about a skit that I watched. This is something which I want to start doing. I want your ideas about what kind of unconventional issues should Doc have to deal with. Feel free to PM me your ideas and I might throw your OCs in this story.
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
Dr. Wolf was completely embarrassed after his first time on air. He had somehow gotten trolled by Discord and then had to explain that he's a physiatrist and not a medical doctor several times. The only bit of good he was able to do was when a young colt asked him how to deal with feeling alone when his father isn't home. Even with the small bit of good he did, he still felt like a complete and utter fool. The worst part of it was the fact that it was Luna's idea and she'd definitely ask him about it. Doc dreaded going to sleep that night, but even though his spirit was willing his body was weak.
Dr. Wolf opened his eyes to see Luna standing in his dream in her formal appearance. "Doctor, we need to talk."
His heart dropped as he faced the princess of the night. "Uh, I can explain what happened..."
Before he could finish Luna picked him up and wrapped him into a hug. "Huzza! Your radio hour is a hit with the ponies! Critics call it funny and insightful, you should be proud!"
Doc's eyes were now widening, and it wasn't just because he was being crushed by an alicorn's hug. "Wait! You're not upset about what happened?"
Luna chuckled a bit as she set him down. "Doctor, as much as we wish that Discord wasn't your first caller, you kept your cool and tried to be helpful. I was glad that the child called so you could show how much you truly can help."
Doc looked embarrassed by it. "I just thought I'd be dealing with some more serious stuff."
Luna shook her head as she smiled. "I don't know much about what the kids are doing nowadays, but this is something that is being listened to by thousands. You should expect some less extream problems."
Doc's heart was racing as he learned that the failure of a first call was a major hit. "So... I'm not in trouble?"
Luna laughed as she gave Doc a strong pat on the back. "Nonsense. We all can't wait to hear how you help your callers next week. Keep up the good work."
As Luna flew off Doc was left alone with his jaw dropped. He stood there for several minutes before he could speak. "What just happened?"
Dr. Wolf spent the rest of the week trying to keep his normal routine. He did start noticing a few more ponies coming in, but besides that nopony addressed his new radio show much. He knew that Luna supported this, but he didn't know if he was doing any good.
Finally, it came to the day when he'd have to broadcast again. He was dreading the idea of messing up again and only being known as a fool. As he was trying to collect his nerves to step back into his recording studio he felt somebody hug him from behind him. He turned around to see his wife standing behind him. She had a gentle smile on her face that gave a sense of confidence. It was almost like she was saying, "Don't be afraid. I trust you."
Doc smiled as he hugged her back. There were many days when he asked where he would be without her. A part of him wished that he'd be able to go shopping with her, but the last time he went grocery shopping he came back with two tubs of cheese curls. Never let a hungry wolf do the shopping.
When his wife left Doc made his way into his seat and tried to clear his mind as he waited for his time slot to open up. He knew that he had to block all fear and doubt from his mind. As strange as ponies can be it was still his job to help them.
He cleared his throat as his clock counted down and his show started. "Greetings and welcome one and all. I'm Dr. Wolf and this is the Hurting Helpline. If you need help with any problem then call me at Nothing's changed, I don't know it.. Let's go to the phones now one line one. Steady Hoof, you are on the air."
The voice that replied was a young and child-like one that belonged to a colt. "Uh, hi. Is this the hurting helpline?"
"Yes, it is. Tell me what's wrong. What hurt or hang-up are you struggling with?"
"Hang-up? You need me to let go? How does this work?"
Doc quickly regretted his choice of words. "No, sorry. Just tell me what's on your mind."
"Well, I'm having problems with my cutie mark. I heard about a club in Ponyville that works with stuff like this, but I live too far away."
"That's alright, and I thank you for your courage. So what part of your cutie mark are you struggling with?"
"All of the kids in my school says that it's weird and creepy. Everybody calls me names and all the grown-ups give me strange looks. I'm tired of getting picked on over it."
"I see your hang up here."
"You need me to hang up?"
"No. Sorry again for that. Listen. Your talent is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe the other kids just don't understand how gifted you truly are. A lot of kids tend to do this when they feel confused or if they feel like yours is better and want to find some form of equality. It's a wrong mindset. I believe if kids can learn to find contentment and learn to focus on building themselves to be better then this problem would fade away. Tell me, what is your cutie mark?"
"A kidney."
Doc's jaw dropped as he tried to understand what he heard. "Uh... Can you repeat that?"
"It's a biologically accurate kidney."
Doc had to pause as he tried to picture this strange sight. "Um... when did you get it?"
"During an amazing biology class. I'm top of my class in it."
Doc had to think about it for a few moments as he did want to help encourage him. "Well, you might get strange looks for a while, but give it about ten years and your job is going to be bringing you a bunch of bits."
An excited voice replied. "You think so?"
"Trust me. Doctors make a bunch of bits. Just keep studying, and try to keep making friends. I'm sure that if you put your mind to it you'll be an amazing pony one day."
"Wow, thank you, Dr. Wolf!"
Doc smiled as the child hung up. He always loved the feeling of being able to help ponies, but he knew he had to keep going with the show. "That child has a bright future ahead of him. Now we are going to line two with Johnson. John, you're on the air."
This voice was deeper, gruffer, and still male. "Uh, hey. You're that Wolf feller, right?"
"Yes, it is. Tell me what's on your mind."
"Well, I wanted to ask about when cutie marks take place. I'm currently getting impatient."
"It only happens when a pony understands what their true calling is. I understand how much you want to see your child gaining..."
"Uh, I was talking about mine."
Doc was shocked when he heard this. It sounded like an older pony was on the other end of the line. "Sir... How old are you?"
The voice now sounded panicky. "Uh, I'm thirteen!"
Doc could quickly tell that he was being lied to. "Now Buck..."
"I'm ten!"
"I cannot help you..."
"I'm a baby!"
"If you don't tell me the truth."
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "... I'll be turning fifty next week."
Doc couldn't believe his ears. There wasn't a pony alive who remained a blank flank for that long. He didn't like the theory that he came up with, but he had to try it. "Uh, what race are you?"
"I'm a griffon. I live outside of town though."
Doc sighed as he realized what was going on. He quickly reached for the controls to his radio. "Uh, I'm going to put you on hold for a second. Now to everybody who's listening, I've got a fifty-year-old griffon on the line who apparently has never been told that only ponies get cutie marks. This is something that I've actually haven't dealt with and I'm trying to think of how to break it to him without embarrassing him."
"I'm still here." Doc's heart stopped as he realized that he somehow pressed the wrong button. The confused Griffon was now asking questions. "Is this some form of radical therapy? Because you're hurting me right now."
Doc knew that it would be a little too awkward to explain on the air, so he had to play a card he hoped he'd never had to use. "I'm going to put you on hold for a while and I'll talk to you privately later."
As Doc placed him on hold one thought ran through Doc's mind. "Celestia, give me strength."
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
"Greetings and welcome one and all. I'm Dr. Wolf and this is the Hurting Helpline. You have a problem and want to talk call me at Don't you know what a running gag is? Now let's go to the lines, Foxhelm, you are on the air."
The voice sounded tired as he spoke. "Yawn! Morning Doc."
"Uh, it's afternoon."
"I truthfully don't know anymore. These new hours are killing me."
"Oh, well tell me about it." Dr. Wolf waited for a few moments before he heard some light snoring. "Mr. Foxhelm?"
"Ahh! Sorry! I work in a private security business. I'm a thestrial, so I used to work the night shift."
"I see, so what's the problem?"
"The economy is the problem! They had to switch me to the lousy day shift. I'm doing everything in my power to not go to sleep right now..."
"Mr. Fox?"
"Ahhh! Sorry!"
"It's quite alright. This actually makes me remember when I used to do odd jobs, trying to find my purpose in life. I did almost every job under the sun."
"So did you find the most effective coffee brand?"
"No, but I find that time is the best tool here. The first several days are the worst, but every day you tend to grow more accustomed to it. All that you can truly do is keep working at it. Count every day as a victory until your trial becomes a mear memory as it fades away."
Dr. Wolf once again found himself in awkward silence. "Uh, Mr. Fox?"
This time the only thing that responded was a soft snore.
Doc sighed a bit. "I'll call him back later. Next, we have Aramau. You're on the air."
Aramau's stern and monotone voice responded. "Thank you, doctor. I'll try not to take up a lot of your time."
"Please take all the time you need. Tell me what's on your mind."
"Well, for those who do not already know I'm engaged to Firebrand. I'm currently trying to make the proper wedding preparations."
"I'm glad to hear that. How's it going for you."
Suddenly the calm voice disappeared and her voice became stressed and panicky. "Horrible! I'm trying to manage my job and my love life at the exact same time! I have a million things to do to get this ready and make it as perfect as possible. I thought it was hard enough being a secretary. How am I going to do all of this? It's just too much!"
Doc was shocked to hear such a leveled headed pony talk like this. "I-I had no idea that this was so stressful. I thought if anypony could handle the workload it would be you. Is it just the work that's bugging you?"
"No. I need to make this whole thing perfect. I'm afraid of what will happen if anything goes wrong. I-I don't want to lose Brand before I even marry him."
Doc could hear Aramau starting to cry on the other line. He took a deep breath before he tried confronting her. "I can understand what it's like. I can still remember how I was before my wedding. I was worried every day that my lady would just call the whole thing off at the drop of a hat. I even had doubts if I was the right wolf for her. My lady noticed this and confronted me about it. She actually explained that she was just as nervous as I was."
Aramau sniffled a bit as she spoke. "I just feel so overwhelmed. Am I even doing the right thing anymore?"
"Tell me something honestly, can you picture your future without Firebrand?"
There was a silence for a moment before Aramau spoke. "No. I can't picture my life without him with me."
"And that tells me that you truly love him. Now I promise you that hard times will come, but always remember the love that you two share. This workload may seem like the most complicated and important juggling act of all time, but I promise you that there will be no greater moment than when you'll say the words 'I do.'"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive. Always remember that this step that you two are taking isn't a promise for life without trials, but a vow to make it through them together. If you ever want to talk more about this then I'll be more then happy to talk to you and Brand."
"I think I will. Thank you, Doctor."
Doc smiled at being able to help Aramau calm down a bit. He all honesty saw a few sessions with her and Brand in the future, but he saw that marriage lasting for a long time.
"Alright, we have enough time for one more caller. Oh dear. Mary Sue, you're on the air."
Mary's annoying voice soon spoke up. "Hello Doc, aren't you glad that I called? Of course you are! I'm Mary Sue. Everybody loves it when I call them."
Doc rolled his eyes a bit. As much as it was his job to care for other ponies, Mary was one of the harder ones to put up with. Hopefully, this call was a sign of her finding some form of humility. "Well Ms. Sue, what seems to be the problem."
"What makes you think that I have a problem? I'm flying around my bedroom right now. I'm here to explain that these problems the ponies claim to have are not as big as ponies make it out to be."
"Now Mary, I don't think that's..."
"Doc, listen to me, I'm Mary Sue. The problem is that you all make a mountain out of a molehill. If you all can learn to just have fun and fly around a small bedroom as I do then you'll realize that these fake problems don't really..." Crash!!! "AHHHHHH" Thud!!!
Doc listened for a second as Mary was now crying in pain. "Mary? What happened?"
A small whimper spoke to him. "I hit the ceiling fan in my room. "
Doc felt sorry at first, but he wanted to try to help her with something more personal. "So... You're hurting?"
"It hurts so bad!" Mary cried out.
"Hey, everybody has these pains in life, we can talk about this."
"No, we can't. I thought that pain wasn't real and I could just ignore it. Now I'm feeling it and it's just tearing my life a..." Crash!!! "NOOOOO!!!" Thud!!! "GASP!!!"
"Mary, what's wrong?"
"The cealing fan fell on me! GASP!!!"
Doc could tell by her gasps that it probably landed on her stomach. "Now Mary..."
"GASP!!!"
"We try to act invincible..."
"GASP!!!"
"We don't want to face our problems..."
"GASP!!"
"But the reality is..."
"GASP!!!"
"We are only blinding ourselves to the real..."
"GASP!!!"
Doc waited for a while for her to stop gasping. After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke. "I want to help you..."
"GASP!!!"
Doc sighed as he knew this was going nowhere and he was out of time. "Go to a hospital and I'll see you in my office later. Have a good night everybody."
Doc rubbed the ridge of his nose as he started whispering to himself. "It's good to be helping. Just keep repeating that to yourself and you'll be fine. This is why I need my wife."
Author's Note
Thanks to Foxhelm FanficReader920
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
"Greetings and welcome. I'm Dr. Wolf and this is the Hurting Helpline. If you have a problem and you want to talk about it then call me at Why do you keep looking? Right now I've got Marc Sparker on the line. Marc, you're on the air."
The male voice sounded a little panicky. "Uh, maybe I can work with this. I'm going to be straight to the point. I've got a bunch of people who won't leave me alone. Can you help me out."
"I see. I guess as much as we need good friends to help support us I think we all need some time to ourselves every now and then. I think that we need to figure out why they want to be around you and how we can best work the situation so everybody can be happy."
"Uh, you misunderstand. I was messing with some necromancy... yeah. Zombies."
Doc sighed a bit. "I'm not Doctor Hooves. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, this was just a case of the wrong number. I'll try to find a real reason to call you sooner or later. I bet that this is the first time you've dealt with a guy complaining about zombies."
"I need to introduce you to Aeon of Dreams. Alright, now that the little mix up is done we have Script Singer on the second line. Script, you're on the air."
The voice was soft and weak. "H-hi. I was hoping that you could... Nevermind. You don't want to hear."
"Please Ms. Singer. I want to help you. Just tell me what's on your mind."
"... I was hurt by somebody. I'm still struggling with it to this day. I'm just having so many problems right now. I'm struggling with school, my weight, everything. I even hurt somebody else through my pain. I don't know what to do anymore."
Dr. Wolf could feel her pain and frustration through the phone. He took a deep breath as he tried to calm her down. "I'm so sorry for you. I can't imagine what kind of pain you're going through, but I have dealt with several people who have been hurt by others. I am actually one of them."
"W-what?"
"I had a friend who I tried helping. I trusted him so much, but I learned that he was doing something that was wrong. When I tried to help calm the bystanders down they got mad at me and my friends. It's hard when everybody always expects you to be the one who fixes everything. I was mad at myself for what I said and some people still haven't forgiven me. I can still feel the effects on me and my friends to this day."
She sounded ashamed when she spoke again. "I'm sorry."
"Pain takes time to deal with, and I know that you are in a hard place, but don't give up yet. I know that there are several ponies who are wanting to encourage you to keep going. You have so much to live for. Don't let one pony ruin your life for you."
"It's just so hard."
"Ms. Singer, I'm here for you. If you ever want to talk to somebody about it then come and talk to me. I wish I could spend more time talking with you today, but please don't give up. I have enough time for one more caller, Light Heart. Tell me what's on your mind."
His voice was a little nervous, telling Doc that he was dealing with a fan. "Uh, hey. I didn't plan on calling you, but I had something to get off of my chest. A few months ago somebody... lied to me. Forgive me if I don't give details about it."
"It's alright, but if this happened a long time ago, then why bring it up now?"
"Because for the first couple of months I allowed myself to stay angry at her. It affected how I looked at ponies in general around me. It took me too long to realize that I became the pony in the wrong. She lied to me, but she was hurting. I waited way too long and she didn't get better. I allowed her to sink deeper into depression, and that's something that I struggled with in my life. I should have been the bigger pony and moved on."
"Mr. Heart, I can understand how it feels to have somebody lie to you. I know it always feels easy to get angry, and I've been mad at my own friends at times. One rule that I have in order to keep myself from becoming bitter is that I'm not allowed to stay mad at a pony after the sun sets. I don't hold a grudge and I forgive whoever wronged me, even if they don't deserve it. That doesn't mean that you allow them to walk over you or get away scot-free, but you stop being mad at them. You put away the anger and move forward in your life. Do you understand?"
"Yeah. I realize how bitter I was and how it affected me. I just wish I could have let it go sooner."
"Well, Mr. Heart. I think you know what to do now. Is there anything else that I can do?"
"I think I should apologize now. I haven't made it right yet. Do you mind if I do this on the air?"
"If you are okay with it. Just don't list any names."
"Okay. I know she's listening, but I just want to first say that I'm sorry. I've held a grudge against you for too long. I should have gotten over it and tried helping you again sooner. The second thing is that I forgive you. I don't know if you are truthful about why you did it, but I'm past that. I want to help you get over your depression. Don't make the same choice that I almost made. Thank you for your time Doctor."
"Thank you for calling Light. Before I end tonight I'd like to talk about the value of life. Everybody affects another person for better or worse and in their lives and deaths. Never give up on your life, and always strive to help others. The phrase 'all ponies are created equal' doesn't stand for physical stature or social standing, but the value of life itself. Everybody is valuable, from the princess to the youngest fillies. Always strive to help other ponies to be the best they can be. After all, it's good to be helping."
Author's Note
I made this chapter with a couple of friends in mind. Marc was the first one and he was begging for a chapter with his OC in it. The other one was an older friend who had to deal with depression. Never give up on life and never give up on yourself. This is the most serious chapter I've ever written, but I think a story like this can easily shift into a more serious tone. What do you all think? I still plan on bouncing between a comedy and reminding everybody that Doc is a physiatrist.
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
Author's Note
I would like to apologize for using certain analysis bronies without permission. The only ones that I had real permission to use were Dr. Wolf and Mary Sue. I'm not certain of what to do with the previous chapters, but I will be avoiding ones that I don't have permission to use in the future. Please forgive me.
A few words a day
"Greetings and welcome one and all. I'm Dr. Wolf and this is the Hurting Helpline. If you have any problems that you want to talk about the call me at STOP LOOKING!!! Let's go to the phones. We have Lotus Moon with us. You're on the air."
A female voice responded. "Hi, Doc. I wanted your help with my special somepony."
"Oh? Tell me about him."
"Well, he's been upset at me for not noticing some of the stuff he does for me. I do notice it, but I just don't always have the time to thank him for it. How can I show him that I do care?"
"I see. Well, the first thing I should say is that love isn't about what you get in return, but what you give. This does pertain to both parties. My best advice is to make time and tell him how thankful you are for what he does for you. If he's only wanting something from you then you should be careful. True love doesn't press for something in return. I hope that this helps you."
"I think it does. Thank you, Doc."
"Well, let's keep moving with the calls. We have Blunt Edge on line two. Blunt, you're on the air."
A teenaged boy spoke on the other end. "Hey. I'm just calling you so you can help me get my parents off of my back."
"I see, so what's bugging you about them?"
"Well, they keep claiming that I'm disrespectful for some dumb reason."
"Alright. Tell me about some of the stuff that they complain about."
"I guess the most recent one was when my mom wanted me to clean my room and I said that she'd better check herself before she wrecked herself."
Doc started getting worried as he heard this. "Okay... that's pretty disrespectful. First of all, you shouldn't be talking back to your mother like that. It's rude and probably the cause to a lot of this."
"Yeah, but she always complains whenever I roll my eyes at her."
"You roll your eyes at your mother?"
"Is she still stupid? Yeah."
"Just because you think that their judgment is flawed doesn't mean it is. They do care about you and your future and it's wrong to dismiss their attempts just because you don't understand their reasoning."
"Alright, but a week ago I told her 'your momma's so fat..."
"Wait! That's your grandmother that you are talking about."
"... If the shoe fits."
"Okay... I think insulting your mother's relatives is very disrespectful."
"Alright, but a month ago I called my dad..."
"Stop right there. If you call him anything besides dad, father, papa or anything along those lines..."
"Like a fat idiot?"
"YES!!! Excuse me, but that's completely disrespectful. You need to start asking how you would feel if other ponies were throwing insults at you. Always try to treat others the way that you want to be treated."
There was a long silence before the pony spoke again. "I've got a ton of ponies that I'm going to have to apologize to. I've got to go now."
Doc sighed a bit. "Alright. Next caller, you're on the air."
"Thank you, Doc. I've been avoiding this for a while, but now I need to speak up."
Doc quickly recognized the upset voice on the other line. "Princess Luna?!? What are you doing?"
"I'm here to talk about my sister. I know that I was the one at fault when I took over, but her lazy, insensitive, and forgetful nature is pushing me over the edge. Even as a kid she'd always take most of the cake before I could even get a piece."
Doc started sweating in pure panic as Luna was unloading her issues with her sister on the air. "Luna... Let's talk about it a bit. Celestia has grown a lot, just as you have grown and learned from your mistakes. I'm sure that you can just talk to her and..."
"NO! It's what she did today! Of all the things she could have done she forgot about my birthday! There was no party, no present, not even a happy birthday wish from her. Right now she's probably stuffing her own face with all of that cake in her vault. And I thought she was already fat, but if she continues her current diet her flank shall block out her own sun. This is the worst Sunday of my life!"
As Luna started to cry over the phone Doc realized what was going on. "Luna, I'm positive that Celestia does care dearly about you. Tell me, what day of the week am I on the air."
"Well, from what we agreed on, Saturday... Oh dear... Uh... I'm just going to let you go now."
"Alright, and tomorrow I'm sure everybody will wish you a very happy birthday. I would like to give a shout out to Princess Celestia and I'm going to pray that she doesn't shut this down over what happened right now. I'm Dr. Wolf and as always, it's good to be helping."
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
"... And for the last time, this isn't the number to get pizza. May you please stop calling me? Sigh! We are now going to go to Limestone. You're on the air."
Her gruff voice spoke up. "Hey, doc. I've got a big problem with somebody in my life right now."
Doc's stressed voice lightened up a bit at the prospect of a serious issue. "Oh, with who?"
"My mom."
"I see. I want to applaud you for your bravery today. It's not easy to talk about something this personal on the air. Ms. Limestone, if you are okay with it, please tell us your problem."
"My mom buys generic pop tarts."
Doc sighed as he gently lowered his head onto the desk. "Well... Maybe she's just trying to save some money in this rough economic time."
"Well, maybe she needs to love me more! Have you ever tried generic pop tarts? It's like they stuck fig pudding between two pieces of stale bread. They don't even have frosting packets! What kind of weirdo doesn't want the frosting?!?"
Doc sighed a bit. "Ms. Limestone, I know that you are the same age as Pinkie Pie. Do you have a source of income?"
"Yes! Do you think I'm a loafer or something?!?"
"No... but I need to tell you something that will fix your problem and help your relationship with your mother... Buy your own pop tarts. Take a bit of financial responsibility into your own hooves. I'm moving right into the next call with Mary Sue again. What is it, Sue?"
"Hey, Doc. I got out of the hospital and I'm back on my hooves and flying around my room again. I was told that I had to thank you for calling the hospital for me and having that long and boring talk about real ways to deal with my pain."
"Well, I'm glad that you have learned and that ponies at home know that there is progress... Did you say that you were flying around the room again?"
"Yeah! You've got your hobbies mainly consisting of uptown funk marathons..."
"I thought we agreed that we don't talk about that."
"That deal went out of the door when it went on the air, but four hours of straight dancing to one song? Only I could do better than that because I'm Mary..." Crash! "No!!!" Thud!
Doc gave a soft groan as he heard Mary gasping for air again. "You hit the ceiling fan again, didn't you?"
"Yes, and it hurts so bad!"
"Okay. Three, two, one."
Crash! "No!" Thud! "GASP!"
"Now Mary..."
"GASP!"
"When you do the same thing again..."
"GASP!"
"And expect something different..."
"GASP!"
"And I'll talk to you at the hospital. Now we have a Mr. Cahn."
A strong and totally not fake French accent spoke on the phone. "Ello Doctor. I'm here do ask iv your fridge is running."
"Discord, this is the twenty-seventh time... today. Why do you keep calling me?"
The accent was quickly dropped. "Because I get bored. Ever since you started this little talk show I've had so much fun listening to your antics. This isn't a dull emotional show, it's comedy hour."
If one would listen closely they'd hear Doc's sanity snapping. "Oh, you all love calling just for laughs and giggles. Forget the fact that this thing is meant to help ponies, but no! You all just want to laugh at the puppy."
"Uh... Are you okay?"
"Oh! Now you all want to know how I feel. Nobody asks the only doctor in town how he feels, but he's never allowed to feel anything but calm. I'm not invincible! I just want to be helpful!"
As Doc started crying in his arms Discord's nervous voice spoke up. "Uh... I think that's all for today. Please don't be worried. I'm sure that the good doctor will be back... after a little vacation. I think we all learned today about how much you can push somepony before it stops being funny. Now that we know that, we don't need to..."
"Uh, Discord? What's going on?"
Discord jumped at the sound of Fluttershy's voice. "Uh, I'm on the phone. We'll have tea later."
Doc's crying could be heard from all over. "I'm a failure! Nopony ever takes me seriously!"
Fluttershy's voice became stern. "Discord. What did you do?"
"Uh... I might have pranked called him about one... or twenty too many times... on the air... and I might have broken him."
"Sigh! Discord. You know what I've been saying about Dr. Wolf. Now You've hurt his feelings."
"I'm sorry! I'll do anything, just please don't tell Celly. Wait, is he still on the air?"
Author's Note
Well... I think Doc needs a little break. Looks like somepony is going to sub in. I'm doing a Cameo where Celestia comes in for a session and I want you to tell me what she deals with. The best three suggestions get featured. The deadline is June 1st.
(Don't worry about changing suggestions. This is still a comedy.)
Dr Wolf's Hurting Helpline
"Greetings and welcome my little ponies. Due to... personal reasons, Dr. Wolf is taking some time to himself. I'm sure that he will be fine after he deals with this, but from now on I think it would be wise not to try trolling him. So for this week I, Princess Celestia, will be taking over his show for him. I've never hosted a radio show before, but I doubt it'll be that hard. So, if you have a problem that you wish to talk about, just call at I remembered the gag this time Let's go to the first caller with... wait! That's one of Discord's numbers. You can always tell when you see numbers that don't exist. Uh... that's a lot of callers. Okay, if you just want to ask me basic questions instead of talking about personal problems then just hang up now... okay, we went from four digits to one digit. Let's go to Fabricator one line one."
Celestia could have sworn that the voice was somewhat familiar, but this pony seemed to be trying to disguise her voice. "Uh, hi. I'm the Fabricator, which is totally not a made-up name. I had a question that I need... I mean, want to ask. Let's say that there's a student.. er, a friend of yours who looks up to you a lot. Not let's say that this pony is worried about your real opinion about her... wait, let me restart... "
Celestia smiled as she realized who this was. "No need. Tell me, what brought up this sense of doubt?"
"What? I'm not having a problem. It's just a... uh... a friend of mine's problem. It's not like I've messed up in front of somepony I idolize several times or anything like that."
Celestia soon remembered what she was talking about. She took a deep breath as she tried to comfort her student. "I can understand the feeling of worrying about what your friends truly think of you. I always looked up to Starswirl before I became a princess. I was always afraid of messing up in front of him and losing his respect. When it started affecting my studies he had to sit me down and explain that he understood that all ponies make mistakes and that I shouldn't be afraid of failure. All I can say about your friend is that you can only trust them to be honest with you, and will forgive you when you make bad choices and decisions. I know that I'll always trust and respect my student and friend, and that is the whole truth."
"Oh, thank you... I mean, for answering the question."
Celestia gave a soft chuckle. "You're welcome. Now we have Script Maker on the second line. Maker, you are on the air."
A young male voice spoke up. "Thank you, your highness. I've been working on a series for a while, and it's been pretty well received, but recently I have had some personal issues come us which kept me from writing. I'm afraid that if I start again, nopony will notice me. What should I do?"
"Well, life is a thing that nopony can control. Sometimes a project needs to be set aside to allow you to focus on what's important. Do you still have a passion for writing?"
"Well, yes. It's something which I've always enjoyed."
"Then you shouldn't let your absence keep you from writing again. If you love what you do, then you need to keep doing it. It might be a challenge to get back to where you once were, but if you still love it, then you need to keep pushing forward."
Celestia started to feel rather comfortable with these calls now. "Well, I think it's time for another caller. Uh... Maye Sue... you're on the air."
"Hi, sis!"
Celestia gave a soft groan. "Mary, we had medical tests done to prove that we are not related in any form. Why are you calling me?"
"Because you never talk about how amazing I am. It has to be a mistake because I'm.."
"Mary, you are not related to me. You do not hold any political power in Equestria. I don't know who you are, and I don't know what you want. If you want to be in a movie, I can't give you that. But what I do have is a specific set of skills. Skills that I've gained over a long TV career. Skills that make me a nightmare for writers who want to make a movie reference... I need to stop hanging around Discord."
"Yeah, I think that I'd work it better because I'm..."
"Sorry, but we need to move to our last caller," Celestia said, now fully annoyed by this alicorn. "Our last caller is... Uh... Dr. Wolf? I thought I told you to take a rest?"
"I did for a bit, but I needed to talk to you. I have been under a lot of stress for a while. I have to deal with trying to balance my job with being a peacemaker for my friends, and it's gotten to where I've felt that there was an unrealistic expectation placed on me. I felt like everypony expected me to always have the answers and to always be the calm voice of reason. I started feeling that nopony remembered that even though I'm a wolf, I have the same problems as any other pony."
Celestia had a small smile on her face as the doctor was now opening up to her. "I see. I can definitely relate to feeling like you're being held to an impossibly high standard. I sometimes feel like I'm supposed to be this symbol of perfection. So, how did you find peace?"
"Well, I just backed away for a while and spent some time with my wife. She is one of the few people who I feel like I can be normal around. I never feel any judgment from her because she trusts me and knows my flaws. She's helped me feel safe and allows me to escape the environment of judgment and pressure. I have spent this last week relaxing and not worrying about anything."
"That's rather wise of you. It makes me think of how much of a help my own sister had been to me. It's nice to have somepony who you can be around without the fears of judgment or criticism. It allows us to relax and feel comforted and loved without any personal worries. I do remember you talking about some of your friends who might also be able to help you with these feelings. Although, I must ask you something. Why did you bring this up on the air? Aren't you afraid of this judgment?"
"I was at first, but I started to realize how hypocritical I'd be if I didn't share what I've been learning. We all spend so much trying to deal with the judgment of others, that we sometimes forget to act normally and accept ourselves for who we are. When we are too worried about the pressures and the world around us, we tend to forget about being ourselves. Having comfort that you accept who you are is better than always stressing over every detail of your own life."
"That's... very enlightening. I'm definitely going to be carrying that knowledge with me to the next galla. I'm sure that there are plenty of ponies out there who have felt the same pressures in their day to day lives. I believe that it's wide to take some time to just be yourself, away from the world's pressures. I'm glad that you are feeling better doc, and I hope to hear you on the air next week. And with that, I think we can it a night. I'm Princess Celestia, and as the good doctor always says, it's good to be helping."
Author's Note
Okay, this took way to long to finish. I have been struggling financially for a while now. I do encourage you to send me requests. I will be bringing the good doctor back in the next chapter.
Thanks to
for giving me the request for this.
