Contemplations

Moonlight's throw,
Harrowing sorrow.
Everything I ever knew,
Is scattered to the winds,
To the mind of all but a few.

For all my might,
There is no respite;
My former transgressions might...
See present's light be befallen with blight,
For my previous lack of sight.

Not lending you their ear;
Treating you as the 'younger one';
Never truly considering you a peer.
Make them pay, you know you want to...
Make them suffer for what they put you through.

I know I love them, I know I do;
But can I ever forgive them,
For what they put me through?
Yes I can, why shouldn't I?
To live in hate and loathing is no life at all.
A selfish lie, to live a life like that;
It would be better to lay down and die.

I have the chance to start anew,
And not dwell on the thoughts of a bitter few.
I shan't waste it on thoughts of the past,
When my country needs me strong;
My virtues stand true;
Held fast.

It'll never work,
You know that deep down.
That pitiful self-loathing in your heart,
Will always keep you held to the ground.
Try as you might, don't mistake,
They hate you with every waking breath they take...

Why would you say that?
I know you're telling lies...
Your pathetic self-sustaining cries.
Still your hounding persists;
I will not have it!
Few have ever gained a second chance;
The slate wiped;
Forgiven for sins forgone into the past.

Your malevolence will meet deaf ears,
Tonight and every night henceforth!
I'll no longer aid your plight;
Allow you to wither and fade,
Into the dark abyss you once sought;
All your effort is for naught.

I doubt that very much,
I gave you strength when you were weak.
Failing to peruse your thoughts;
You would rather silently weep,
Than ever give a thought to speak.
I've never been your enemy;
You know that to be true,
All I've ever been,
Is you.

I know it's true;
I always knew.
The foolishness of the past is gone;
But for your purpose, you no longer have one...
I'm at peace; I know what I want.
So why are you still here?
What would you have done?

I'm you, I want what you want.
I've only done what you desired to come to pass;
I couldn't change it if I wanted to,
Although I don't.
I am you, I always have been;
A split personality is not healthy,
So why don't we become one, truly,
And newly begin?

You are right,
I am right.
It is time I truly embraced myself from within.
Others forgive me for what I have done;
For my regrets, I have some.
My sins are done, into the depths of time;
Only resurfaced by my selfish desire, held in my mind.
I felt as if I needed a purpose from which I could aspire;
My self loathing was becoming truly dire,
Poisoning the good intentions of the ones I love,
I would think they were turned against me,
That they were my enemy.
But my worst enemy comes from within,
Accepting myself is the true choice to take;
Maybe then I can truly win.

The love of others is too precious to loose;
I have learned from my previous mistake.
All I had to do was choose.

Audio cover of this chapter by BigMacDavis is here, big thanks to him for this, fantastic work; fantastic guy.