Melon Colon and the Infinite Student Debt, but With 106 Words Added
"Oh," said the purple alicorn à la corn, "what do we have here?''
It looked like the yellow butter Pegasus was rubbing her nicotine vaporizer all over her body. It was weird.
The purple pony with both wings and a horn asked the pegasus, "Why are you rubbing your Vape all over your body?
The yellow pony, a popular character among many of the shier or more socially awkward fans of the show, responded that it was good luck, because once she spilled vape juice and the nicotine really burned her eyes, but one day in a dream Luna came to her and told her if she just rubbed the vape all over her body she would not spill nicotine again. Twilight Sparkle thought this was all hogwash, but was not 1 2 (one to) interfere in pony's traditions. We all have weird traditions. I mean, look at you, you read pony fanfic each day. Seriously, find a better hobby or something. Or join the Socialist Party. We're pretty cool. Anyway back to the story.
''OK, well hurry up and smoke your vape, Fluttershy, because we have a human in Equestria story coming up.''
It was true. Marine Le Pen, disgraced after the recent loss in France, was coming through a portal to Equestria right now just to spread her far-right views in Equestria. Oh whatever would the ponies do?
The woman who I'm too lazy to read the Wikipedia article on showed up and immediately began spouting nonsense about how they had to stem the tide of griffins or gryphons, however you like to spell it, that were flooding Equestria.
''Wow", Twilight Sparkle said, nonplussed, "that is like the laziest ponification I have ever seen. Shame on you, Super Trampoline."
Anyway, a hydra ate her. Marine Le Pen, not Twilight Sparkle. I guess that was ambiguous. Imagine a world where we had different types of pronouns that would reference who was like most recently spoken to or like who was second most recently spoken of or third most and they would refer back to earlier parts that would be pretty crazy and we wouldn't have all that ambiguity anymore. Maybe we should write a new language. The nerdy purple book horse would probably like that.
Anyway after that they held the funeral and Fluttershy rubbed her vape machine all over her body again and it was really distracting so Rainbow Dash tried to snatch it from her but then the vape broke and Fluttershy got vapor juice all over herself again and the nicotine burned and she was sad and she cried a lot and the funeral was kind of ruined but that's OK because honestly, Marine Le Pen is a butt.
"So look," asked Celestia, "is this story going to actually have a plot?"
Twilight rallied herself, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Apple Jack, and Rainbow Dash together. "Girls, it's time to go on an adventure. Let us stop the evil bedsprings from taking over Little Rock, Arkansas!"
So they went through the portal to the real human world, not like the weird Equestria Girls humans who have really funky skin colors and get a sucky movie--well maybe a mediocre movie--about once every year or year and a half. I'm talking about the real human world like the one that you the reader live in.
That's pretty crazy to think about, that literally every single person who ever has read any My Little Pony fanfiction lives on planet Earth, this tiny little blue and green and other colors dot in the vast ocean of space. Here, we fight and kill each other over little pieces of this tiny marble hurling through space. Wait, I mean hurtling. The marble isn't throwing up. Anyway, how sad is that? I wonder if this website will one day be read on other planets in other galaxies. That would sure be a trip. One day ponies and humans will look at us the way we look at ponies and humans from the 1500s. Man, that is one heck of a trip. I am so privileged to live where I live right now. That blows my mind.
But anyway so ~~humans came to Earth~~ I mean sorry ponies came to Earth to fight against springs. Where were the springs? In Montana. What part of Montana? I'm not sure; I don't know much about Montana.
But the springs had pointy ends, and would spring towards their victims and then corkscrew themselves into the humans as the humans died a nasty death. These were big springs: about maybe 4 inches wide and a foot long. You did not want to mess around with these springs; they would mess your stuff up. So the girls came to the portal and were like, "Hey, springs stop it." But then a spring came and tried to attack Fluttershy, so she poured vapor juice on it. But it wasn't very effective because springs don't have eyes or skin or pain receptors or anything like that. Fortunately, the girls had their magical defense to avoid getting injured or killed by the springs, and eventually Twilight learned how to make a magic spell that would heat the springs up so hot that they would melt, although it was kind of risky, because, I mean, getting attacked by a really hot spring would suck. haha, hot springs!
Actually every year several dumb or just unfortunate people fall into hot springs and die. It's not a pleasant way to go. Even if you get out, your skin literally sloughs off your body. Ick. Stay on the boardwalk, kids.
After approximately three hours, the former Elements of Harmony holders had eradicated all 9,257 springs in Montana, plus three in North Dakota, and a couple dozen in the Dominican Republic. I'm not really sure how they got to the Dominican Republic so fast without the US government trying to capture them because they were crazy weird horse aliens, but they did and they ended the spring menace and they flew back to ~~earth.~~ Equestria.
The end!
