Roll for Initiative

Cadance smiled. Coyly. Watching him as she always did with a faint grin tugging at her lips. Her husband was such a dork, but it made her happy to see him happy, and that's how she knew she loved him truly. Deeply. Dearly. Whatever it took to make him happy made her happy, and tonight that was Ogres and Oubliettes.

Across from her sat Shining Armor, the two separated by a country of cardboard filled with endless quests and counters. He looked adorable with his knitted brow and squinting eyes, peering at his character sheet with the most intense focus Cadance had ever seen from him. In the air, next to him he jostled a tiny leather bag filled with tiny wooden dice that made the loudest clacking sounds Cadance had ever heard. Every few moments or so he would quickly shoot a glance at her, searching eagerly for any hint to her plans. She was coy as usual, her smile unwavering. He would grumble, turn back to his sheet and idly move his character piece back and forth across the board.

"Do you have an answer for the witch's riddle?" she purred. His ears perked instantly and he stared at her stone faced and solemn. The intense scrutiny of his gaze however, was no match for whatever sinister machinations that danced about in her skull. He could not suss out any secrets, nor discern what she was playing at. She was aloof as ever, peering past him with the same coy grin she'd been wearing when they'd started playing. He was silent in his response, letting his gaze flicker back down to his character sheet.

"I would like to use my knowledge of spell craft to see if her riddle is magical," he said. Slowly. The words spilled from his lips with the speed of molasses from a jar. He tried to sound confident, but Cadance could hear the nervousness riding along his voice. She shook her head with that same maddening grin and sighed.

"I'm afraid you've already used that ability today. The ostrich problem? The one I let you re-roll?" she reminded him cheerfully. He returned to his character sheet with an audible growl. Who knew ostriches could be so troublesome. She smiled sweetly.

"Tick-Tock. The witch is waiting. Who will rescue the princess if you fail, oh great paladin of the realm? Oh brave, bold knight, you would not leave her to suffer, would you? The enchantress awaits your response," Cadance grinned. Had her smile gotten any wider it might have lopped the top of her head off. Shining sighed.

"Alright. I think the answer is...a...um...quill? They both have quills. That's why a raven is like a writing desk?" He asked as confidently as his wavering voice would allow. Cadance, to her credit, did not giggle at his response. She did not smile nor laugh nor even glance at him. She merely peered down at her own character sheet and with a telekinetic flick, tossed a single die across the board in front of them.

"The witch cackles," she said quietly. Shining winced.

"She is pleased that you answered her riddle incorrectly and now you must deal with the consequences of your failure. Please roll for me," Cadance purred. Shining Armor scowled.

"This isn't fa-"

"Roll for me,"

"I didn't get a chance to-"

"Roll for me,"

"Who on earth even came up with "Why a raven is like a writing desk?!"

"Roll for me,"

"That's not even a riddle anyway,"

"Roll for me,"

"That's just dumb,"

"Roll for me,"

Shining looked up at Cadance. The same coy grin. He stared at his character sheet and sighed. The leather pouch he had been jostling in his telekinetic grip twisted over (finally) and numerous crimson, glossy dice spilled out onto the cardboard country between them. He stared. She stared.

"....Fffffffffffffffffffffffffff-"

"Now now!" Cadance said quickly, cutting Shining off from what was sure to be a pleasant journey to the land of expletives. "The witch waves her magic wand and you feel a strange shrinking sensation," Cadance crooned, watching in delight as the magic took effect. Slowly but surely, Shining Armor felt something tingly creeping into his frame. It started from his hooves, and worked it's way up his legs to his middle. It was warm, buzzing like electricity and all the while, Cadance's smile get wider and larger and larger and wider. Wider and wider still, becoming monumental in scope. In fact, Cadance herself seemed to be growing. Her pink frame dominating his vision, everything about her growing wildly out of proportion. If she didn't stop, she would break through the castle's roof!

"C-Cadance!?" He called. She did not reply, simply smiling her smug, smug grin and peering down at him from her mountainous height. It was then, Shining noticed the trees. The card board trees that now towered over him. The ones that had only been a few inches tall mere moments ago. They stood, stoic and flimsy as ever, but they were the size of normal trees, which meant...

"Now then." The sweetest voice he'd ever heard rumbled like thunder through the air. The massive princess smiled down at him, and promptly stood up.

"If you wish to return to your normal size and stature, you have a new quest. There is no gold to be had here, but the experience, will more than make up for it," Cadance giggled. She turned away and delicately sat back down, rolling onto her side, her massive, mighty hips obliterating numerous houses underneath their immense weight. Hips that currently were facing him. Hips and other areas of interest. He gulped. She grinned.

"You must scale the impossible heights of the Colossal Callipygian mountain, cross the dreaded Canyon of No Return, or find your way through The Divide of Divinity and transverse the Tremendous Treasure Trove to find the Pink Pearl of ultimate wisdom. Can you do it, brave bold knight? Your princess is waiting for you," she giggled.

Shining Armor's mouth dropped open. He had never been so happy with a critical fail in his life.