Another Q joke

“If you don’t mind me asking: why do you people wear clothes? Isn’t that kind of formal?” Twilight asked. The mares and baby dragon were inside a turbo lift, Geordi accompanying them.

“Well, although it is not very useful in ponies, humans have to wear clothes to have privacy.”

“What do you mean ‘privacy’?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, did you ever see a human before?”

“Does it walk on two legs; have two arms, hands with 5 claws and no horn or wings?”

“Yes! Where…”

“Discord appeared like that.”

“I see. The point is, our reproductive system is in between the legs, without clothes…”

“Oh! I see…” Twilight said, blushing a little.

“Here we are: Ten Forward.” Geordi announced. The guests gasped. There was a window going through all the extension of the room, it showed space and equestria.

“Holy mother of Celestia! How high are we?” Rainbow Dash was the first to ask.

“About 35.000 kilometers up. We are in geostationary orbit, which means we are always hovering the same spot.”

“Thirty five thousand…” The cyan Pegasus was amazed.

“So, what do you want to eat or drink?”

“Water.” Twilight said.

“Apple cider.” Applejack said.

“Sparkly water with a slice of lime, please?” Rarity asked.

“Nothing, thanks.” Fluttershy said in a whisper.

“Blueberry juice!” Pinkie said.

“Do you guys have gems?” Spike asked.

“Gems?”

“Dragons eat gems, but I don’t think they have spare diamonds and rubies lying around Spike.” Twilight said.

“Well, I can replicate some, but it won’t be the same.”Geordi said, spike nodded in agreement.

“Wait, replicate?”

“Yes, it’s like the teleporter, but it uses a pattern pre-recorded on the computer to create matter. And you?” Geordi looked at the cyan Pegasus.

“Whiskey.” They all looked to Rainbow. “What? Applejack asked for cider!”

“Yeah, but cider ain’t strong enough to start a fire!”

“Fine! Give me a beer.”

“Guinan, you heard them.” Geordi said.

Although 6 guests were still looking at the planet bellow, Twilight felt that she had to look at the bar. What she saw made her entire universe stop.

Oh my Celstia! An alicorn!!!

Twilight’s thoughts started to rush, a part of her mind told her to kneel before he dark brown being. Another told her to scream, and an third one told her to faint. Instead, she just stood dumbstruck.

“Here.” Guinan said. “Water, sparkly water, apple cider, earth Lager beer, a few diamonds, rubies and other gemstones and a blueberry juice.”

The others turned to the direction of the voice and founded themselves just as paralyzed as Twilight.

“Is something wrong?” Geordi asked.

“Sh-she is an alicorn!!!” Twilight said, almost screaming.

“Indeed I am. I take that they aren’t very common, are they?” The dark brown alicorn said, with a calm smile.

“Well, there are only two alicorns on existence, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. And they are responsible for raising the sun and moon, or should I say, maintaining our planet rotation.”

“Wait, you mean there are two begins who, alone, keep an entire planet from stopping?” Geordi asked, shocked.

“Yes. Now, there are three. I wonder if the princesses will like the company of another alicorn. Spike, take a… Oh wait.”

“Is there something wrong?” Guinan asked,

“I didn’t bring scroll or quill. You mentioned ‘replicating” gemstones, can you do the same with scrolls and quill?”

“I can replicate a quill, but I think there is no pattern for a scroll. Computer, A piece of paper and a quill.” The small opening o n the wall started to glow, and after a few seconds a quill, ink and a piece of paper stood there.

“Thanks.” Twilight floated the paper and quill, dripped it in the ink, and stated to write.

Dear Princess Celestia

I’ve just found the most incredible thing.

You see, Picard isn’t a pony at all; he is from a species called human. Let me explain.

As you are already know, Discord’s real name is Q and he has unlimited power. The humans are much more advanced than us, but lack magic. They explore the space in huge starships, like the one that is orbiting our planet now (Find a telescope, it’s huge.)”

Q have been teasing and playing around with humans for a while and Picard is his favorite human.

He now threw him here, and turned him into a pony. But that is not why I am writing o you.

Remember that humans have starships? Well, when the crew from the ship which Picard is captain found out that he was gone, Discord brought them here, and all of them were turned into ponies.

Now, the most incredible thing is: one of them was turned into an alicorn

I am sure you will like to meet her. Just come here.

Your faithful student.

Twilight Sparkle.

“Spike: send it.”

The dragon burned the letter, and the smoke disappeared in thin air.

“She should get here any moment now.” Twilight said.

“Wait, what do you means ‘she we’ll be here’? How?”Geordi asked.

“Teleportation is one of the mostly know of the advanced tier arcane arts. Every unicorn can execute it with enough training.”

“Are you saying that unicorns can perform teleportation without any kind of device?”

“Yes.”

“That’s amazing! You should really go see doctor Beverly, she been transformed into a unicorn a can barely contain herself of the possibilities that the horn opened.”

“Sure, me and Rarity will go see her, where is she?”

“She’s…” Geordi trailed of, as he started to look at a seemly random spot. “Well I’ll be dammed!”

“What? Why are you looking at nowhere…” Twilight was cut off by a bright flash of light, which revealed both princesses standing at the spot that the caramel unicorn was looking “Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” All the seven guests knelt before the presence of the two Princess. The other few ponies present were dumb folded at the two alicorns that had just appeared out of thin air, and Guinan was simply smiling at the whole scene.

“Wow!” Geordi said, with an amazed expression. “You two opened a wormhole! That’s no easy feat!”

“Thou were starring at thee before our arrival, you knew ye would arrive?” Asked Luna.

“Well, this baby is much more than a pair of glasses, I saw the spike of graviton count there before the wormhole actually appeared.”

“Wormhole?” Celestia asked, curiously.

“Yes, you two just punched a hole in space. That takes an awful lot of power.”

“I guess you are here to see me?” The two princesses turned to the brown alicorn, and were amazed.

“The other alicorn! What doth thou name be?”

“Guinan.”

“Sister, I think it would be better for you to talk in more modern speech patterns.”

“Ok, it’s just that I forget sometimes.” Said Luna.

“Princess, I am glad you came so fast.” Twilight said. “If you want anything, ask Guinan and she will provide.”

“This is beautiful!” They looked a Luna, her eyes watering as she stared down at the planet below.

“Indeed, we must be at somewhat 35 thousand kilometers high.” Said Celestia, standing beside her younger sister. “Miss Guinan, Twilight said you are the only alicorn aboard, any idea of why?”

“For starters, I was not human.”

“Oh, but wasn’t this a human vessel?” Rarity asked before Twilight or Celestia could do so.

“No, this is a Starfleet vessel, any species that is linked to the federation can join. Worf for example, is, or was, a Klingon.”

“Then, your species is the cause of your transformation into an alicorn? If I may ask, what species were you?” Twilight asked.

“I am El-Aurian. We were a race of listeners.”

“Were?” Luna asked, confused.

“There is a great evil in our galaxy called Borg. The spread like wildfire and consume civilizations like a hungry swarm. They scattered my people across the galaxy.”

“That is horrible!” Said Celestia.

“Yes, but we are getting over it. I even got myself a bar to take care of. For a race of listeners, taking care of a bar is the Holy Grail. I can listen to people and they can take the weight of their backs.”

Before the conversation could go any further, three exited fillies got in the middle of the bar, two of them hugging two mares

“Apple Bloom?” Apple jack said, dumb folded.

“Sweetie?” Rarity was shocked.

“Squirt? What are you girls doing her? HOW did you girls get here?” Rainbow said to Scootaloo, puzzled by the crusaders presence.

“We used Pinkie’s teleporter to…”

“YOU WHAT???” Pinkie said before Apple Bloom could finish “ARE YOU ALL INSANE? That thing was never made to teleport anything living, much less to this far!!! How come you are even alive???”

“Well…” Sweetie Belle said, scared because she had never seen Pinkie angry before. “A nice colt said that he got our ‘beam’ or something and was able to ‘materialize’ us.”

“YOU SHOULD BE GLAD! You all owe him your lives! If he didn’t help you would all be scattered in atoms.”

“We’re sorry.” The three crusaders said, in shame.

“It’s not with me you should apologize; do you know what it would mean to lose you guys to your sisters and parents? Without even remains to bury at the grave? An empty coffin ceremony?”

The three fillies were even more scared of this; they didn’t think of that when they came up with the plan.

“Apologize to them.” Pinkie was much more serious than she ever had been. Her stare was so frightening that could only be met by Fluttershy’s stare.

“Ah am sorry sis’”

“Yeah, sorry sis.”

“Sorry Rainbow.” Scootaloo didn’t have a parent or sister present, but apologized to Rainbow, as she had looked so worried.

“Its okay hun’, but what were yer’ all thinking?”

“We saw the three ponies and zebra appear outside of Ponyville, and decided to investigate. We talked to Zecora and she said that the zebra was a warrior, and that zebra warriors were known for being tough and strong.”

“Interesting…” Rarity said, all the ponies present shot a glare at her and she blushed lightly. “Sorry, go on Sweetie.”

“So we thought that they may have been here to invade, but Zecora told us that zebra warriors never go to start a war alone, so we went to the library to tell twilight.”

“But I wasn’t there, were I?’ The lavender unicorn said.

“No, instead the place was empty, except for Angel.”

“Angel? What was he doing? Is he all right?” Fluttershy said, worried.

“Yes, but he saw you being teleported and panicked. So Apple Bloom remembered that Pinkie had a teleporter, we went there and had Angel use your target localizer thingy at the library, and then we appeared her.”

“Well, that was interesting.”

Suddenly, the lights dimmed to a yellowish tone.

“Picard to Geordi, we’ve detected something on the long range sensors. Come to the bridge.”

“Aye sir. Geordi out.” He tapped his comm. Badge with his hoof. “Wait here.”

“No.” Rainbow said. “If something is about to attack Equestria, I want to know what.”

“I bet you all want to come, huh?” All the guests nodded in agreement. “Goerdi to the Captain, the six ponies you brought aboard and the two rulers of the planet bellow want to examine the situation, should I let them come with me?”

“Two rulers? When did they get aboard and how come I don’t know about it?"

“They teleported themselfes.”

“What? How?”

“No idea, but I think they will tell if you ask them.”

“Ok , bring them. Picard out.”

“Okay. Now, I don’t mean to insult, but the turbolift isn’t big enough to all of you.”

“No problem. We can focus on Twilight location an teleport to were she is.” Celestia said.

“Ok, what about the kids, I can’t let them on the bridge.” The crusaders sighed.

“Leave them with me. I am good with children” Guinan said, leaving the bartend and stopping beside the three fillies.

“Are you sure?” Rarity asked, worried about the alicorn’s sanity.

“Yes. I am the mother of a lot of kids; taking care of only three at a time will be easy.” She said, with an honest smile.

“Okay, good luck Guinan. Twilight and friends, follow me.” Geordi said, walking towards the door.