Chapters Let me Take you for a Ride...
It was now November in Canterlot, and for some reason the weather had gone a bit haywire. Normally the snow would be settling in by now, but settling in it was not, and instead the sun was high in the sky. It wasn't hugely hot, only pleasantly so, but at the same time it wasn't freezing, so wearing short sleeves was still fine. However, the climate experts had warned that this oddly warm cloud of weather would not stay for long, and so people were being advised to make the most of it whilst they could.
It was the afternoon at Sweet Apple Acres, only two weeks since Halloween and the big game they had played that had resulted in most of the residents dead (thankfully, it wasn't real). Harvest time was over, and the family were currently preparing the farm for winter, which included ensuring the trees were stable and not about to collapse from snowfall coming down upon them. Pear Butter was running one of the inspection trains, powered by a small Simplex petrol locomotive, as it looped around the entire site and back to the depot where they kept the locomotives and rolling stock. All looked to be in order, as the branches were not sagging under weight of snow (there being no snow) and the apples were safely away to be sold to market or for juicing. The train came back around to the front of the house and was brought to a stop. As Pear reached for the engine key, she suddenly sneezed and her foot flew off the clutch pedal, causing the engine to stall. It sputtered and then stopped, the belt stopping in place as the engine cut out.
"Darnit!" Pear said under her breath. She had heard stories that people sneezed when somebody else was talking about you far away, but it was far more likely a reaction to the amount of smoke the engine on the loco threw out. She reached to restart the engine when she saw Applejack trudging down the path to the farm. "How'd it go?" she called. Applejack had applied for a job at the new theme park down in Halfway, called Equestria Land, to generate some extra income for the family.
"Ah didn't get mah position," Applejack said sadly back to her, walking onwards. "Rarity got one, but not what she'd gone for."
Pear hopped out of the cab and walked after Applejack. "Hey, it's OK," she said to her eldest daughter, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Thin's don't always work out the way we wanted to, but that's just life. What did Rarity get?"
"She's lead fashion designer on the parade," Applejack replied. "Boy has she got her work cut out fer her, as it's openin' today!"
Pear thought for a moment. It had been a while since they had done something together as a family, and she did want to spend more time with her kids, especially with all the crazy shenanigans going on. This could be a perfect chance to do so. "Do ya wanna head down later today? Apple Bloom's been askin' about goin' for a bit."
"Kinda hard ta go ta a place that ain't open yet," Applejack smiled. "Haven't we got apple sauce makin' ta do? The manual way?"
Pear shook her head. "Has yer pa still not gotten around ta fixin' that thing? Whose idea was it ta do it manually?"
"Granny."
"We could be hear a while." The pair had reached the barn by this point, and Pear pushed open the door to find Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith already there.
"Where have you been?" Granny Smith addressed Applejack. "We've been waitin' for thirty minutes or so!"
"Sorry," Applejack replied. "Streetcar ran late due to a hot axlebox." She climbed over the side of the mixing tub, and the trio of Apple siblings got to work on the extremely messy work of making apple sauce. With their feet (and boots).
Pear went outside to find Bright Mac standing outside. "Hi there!" he said. "Ah was about ta go and fix that apple sauce makin' machine we have."
"Well, ya won't be able ta do that fer a while," Pear informed him. "They've just started manual production."
Through the door, they heard a phone ring, and Pear, whilst not normally the nosy kind, chose listen in on the conversation, or the one side of it she could hear.
"Rarity!" There was a brief pause. "Fantastic! I could not be happier... makin' foot-stompin' applesauce the old-fashioned way with my family."
"Less chatter, more splatter!" shouted Granny Smith.
Bright shook his head. "Ya know, if they just stopped and let me look at that thin', they'd save a lot of time and be able ta go ta that theme park everybody's talkin' about."
Pear nodded. "Ah was gonna take the kids if they wanted ta go. They deserve a break."
Momentarily, the conversation resumed. "And I'm happy for you and your new job, too." Another pause. "I'm sure you won't slip up. Whoa!" This was followed by a long silence indeed. "You bet your britches, missy! I wouldn't miss your big night for the world! Whoa!"
There was a loud splat, and Pear pushed the door open to see Applejack dripping in apple sauce, being pulled out of the gloop by Big Mac. "Watch yer step," he said sternly.
Seeing Bright Mac outside, Granny Smith motioned for the kids to get out of the vat. "Bright! Can ya fix this mixer fer me?"
"Sure thin', ma!" Bright called, and rushed in as fast as he could.
Pear spoke up to address the kids. "How'd you three like ta go ta Equestria Land?"
"Rarity's offered me and mah friends VIP passes," Applejack said.
"And Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are gonna be there too!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ah'd love ta go!"
"Count me in," Big Mac smiled. "Ah'll pay ma way, don't ya worry about me."
"When yer all cleaned up, we'll go, OK?" Pear said. "Ah can't even remember when Ah last went on a rollercoaster."
The journey from Canterlot Central station to Halfway was fairly simple, but the train was absolutely jammed by people, and the previously quiet station of Halfway was incredibly busy. The park had been built in the small town in an attempt to attract tourists there as well as locals from Canterlot and Crystal City (those who lived in San Fernando had Disneyland, of course), and it seemed to have worked. After walking through the ticket gates and paying for a season pass, as Pear suggested she'd be coming here a lot, Applejack went ahead to join her friends. Already so much was going on. Over on the left, a Drop Coaster plummeted three stories vertically, before the train went into a reverse section. Screaming could be heard from some of the other rides, whilst one was housed in a show building which looked suspicially like the Apple family's home.
"And that one on the left is Nightmare Moon's Revenge!" Apple Bloom was excitedly explaining. "That has a three story vertical shock drop!"
"Sounds like a prime way ta lose yer lunch," Big Mac said.
"Well, who goes on roller coasters straight after lunch?" Apple Bloom retorted.
Pear laughed. "Ah did that once when Ah was yer age," she said to Apple Bloom. "Ah looked such a mess at the end!"
They had caught up with Applejack, and Apple Bloom, seeing Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, went over to join them. Pear saw her other daughter talking to a rather odd looking woman. She had yellow skin and pink and white hair, combined with giant leaves in her hair, and a pair of blue eyes. She wore a white shirt with purple lining (which failed to cover her shoulders), a pair of blue shorts with a black belt, and a pair of black (or brown?) boots.
As she got closer, she overheard bits of their conversation. "I told you not to use the "B" word. I'm your... "friend"... who gets to boss you around!" the woman said.
"I don't get it." Pinkie was confused.
Pear soon lost interest in the conversation as it veered off into social media discussions, until she suddenly heard something catch her ear again.
"Rainbooms? Why is that familiar? A hundred thousand followers? Focused consumer-centric demographic, too? Does your curated content consistently aggregate across multiple platforms?" This woman was seemingly a social media giant, based on her comments.
A little more talking, and then the woman walked off, and the friends dispersed. Pear shook her head, and suddenly saw Cheerilee relaxing at a table, drinking a coffee. "Care if Ah join ya?" she called.
"Sure thing!" Cheerilee replied. "I'll finish this coffee, then I need to get after Scootaloo. Who knows where those three are know?"
"This place looks great," Pear grinned, as she sat down. "So, who runs this place?"
"That woman back there, Vignette Valencia," Cheerilee explained. "Self made business guru and social media phenomenon. Has more than 20,000 friends on Instagram. Also speaks mostly in hashtags and internet slang."
"Ah never heard of her," Pear replied. "Been on any rides yet?"
"A few," Cheerilee replied. "They're great. But get a Fastpass for the Wild Blue Wonder. The queue is currently two hours long!"
"Noted," Pear said, and got up again to head after Apple Bloom. As she walked along, she saw that Vignette character, looking at her phone more than anything else. As she looked closely, she saw a strange spark come off her phone. "What in the world? Somethin's not right here, and it ain't her Welsh corgi."
Author's Note
The reference to Vignette's Welsh Corgi is further evidence for me that EqG takes place in our world. If there's no Wales, how can there be Welsh Corgis?
I want an Alien for Christmas...
Over at the Wild Blue Wonder, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were looking up at the ride in a mixture of confusion and fear. Confusion on the part of Rainbow Dash, who didn't have a clue where the entrance was, and fear on the part of Fluttershy. To say she had a fear of these sorts of rides constitutes something of an understatement, and she looked up at the ride, shaking as she did so.
"Pretty great, right?!" Rainbow Dash called to her perpetually frightened friend.
"What?!"
"Can you hear me over all the screaming?!" Rainbow Dash responded, unable to hear Fluttershy's response.
"I can't hear you over all the screaming!" Fluttershy yelled back, also unable to hear Rainbow Dash's words. To be truthful, Rainbow Dash wouldn't have heard her anyways, as Fluttershy shouting was two or three decibels above normal speech for most people. She looked away and sighed. "Oh. I wish I'd gone with Sunset and Twilight. Or Pinkie Pie. Or anyone else in the entire park."
Rainbow Dash, noticing her friend seemed a bit down, walked over to her. "Look at it this way," she said, pointing up at the vast pile of steel and iron that was the Wild Blue Wonder. "It's the perfect opportunity to conquer your fear!"
"Can't I conquer something a little smaller first?" Fluttershy asked.
Rainbow Dash consulted her map. "Hey, good idea! A warm-up before the big game!" Her eyes scanned over many rides that were there. "Ooh! What did you have in mind? Dragon Lands Drag Racing?" She pointed to a Bolliger and Mabillard dual launch coaster. "Or how about the Appleloosa Runaway Train!" Indicating a Great Coasters wooden coaster with her finger did she. "Ooh, Neighagara Falls Barrel Flume?!"
Fluttershy pointed to a much smaller coaster.
"Really? A MACK Powered Coaster?"
Rainbow Dash found herself cringing and facepalming the entire ride, as Fluttershy screamed in terror over the tiniest of drops.
Pear was strolling through the park, admiring the work and effort that had gone into building it and creating a cohevise themed environment for patrons to enjoy. Apparently, the project had several former Disney imagineers working on it, and it had payed off, as everything seemed to be running properly and the park was full. Not a single detail or opportunity was missed. Even the food stalls and bathrooms were themed and integrated into the environments in clever ways, such as a barbeque restaruant being incorporated into a volcano. It was also a bit warm, so Pear went over to a vending machine to purchase a bottle of water for herself. She inserted the needed coins, and the drink soon popped out of the hatch at the bottom. Satisfied, Pear cracked the bottle open, took a quick swig, and continued on her way. Her progress was very suddenly interrupted by a person walking into her, a person that Pear observed appeared to be more interested in their phone than in where they were going. Both of them landed on the floor with a bump, and took a moment to recover, before standing back up.
"Erm, excuse me?" Pear asked the woman, now revealed to be Vignette. "Could ya please watch where yer goin' in future? There's nothin' so important on a phone that cain't be checked later, ya know."
Vignette waved her hands dismissively. "When you have no social media life, that's not a concern. When you have more than twenty thousand followers to communicate with and brands to influence, knowing what is going on at any time is absolutely crucial. It's important to stay in fashion." She then looked closely at Pear's clothes, her usual ensemble of a blue checquered shirt and jeans with brown boots. "Where did you get these? Falling in a ditch? These are SOOO last season, as is all hillbilly wear."
Pear shook her head. "Farm folks need ta dress practical. Maybe you'd know that if ya didn't spend all ya time on a phone?"
"Oh, smartphones are the future," Vignette snorted. "I doubt there are even telephones where you are from, not even landlines. Besides, do you know who I am?"
"A woman absorbed in her own vanity?" Pear suggested.
"When you set up and run a theme park succesfully, only then can you make comments such as that to me." Vignette looked closely at Pear. "Oh wait, I know you. You're Orange Crane's mother. It is rather obvious, after all, when you see her inability to use phones. BYBB. Be Yourself But Better, please TTKUWTL."
Pear was getting thoroughly ticked off by this woman. "Ah'm from California," she replied, trying not to blow up in her face. "And Ah've fixed internet connections before. And Ah strongly advise ya don't talk nonsense about me or mah family."
"Whatever," Vignette snorted, and turned around walking off. "Oh well. I've got far more followers than you will ever have. Goodbye!"
Pear walked over to the wall and leaned on it, annoyed beyond compare by this woman. To try and find out a bit more about her, she pulled up Vignette's social media page and looked through the results.
They stunned her, to say the least. "Welsh Corgis? Chillin' Sandy Style? U no how Ah do? Ah came Ah saw Ah vintaged?" She shook her head at the terrible English. "Vintaged ain't a word! Can ya 'vintage' somethin'?"
She pressed play on one of the videos on the channel. Vignette's voice echoed from the speakers as she moved part of her hair to one side. "Hashtag Bangs."
Scanning down, Pear saw the image count and her jaw dropped. "How can this clip that barely qualifies as a video have so many likes?"
"Hey ma!" called a voice from nearby. Pear looked up from her phone to see Apple Bloom standing there giving her puppy eyes.
"Hey there dear," Pear smiled, putting her phone away and crouching to her youngest child. "Wanna go on a ride together?"
"Sure thin'!" Apple Bloom replied, bouncing up and down. "How about the Wild Blue Wonder? Ah got a FastTrack fer 15 minutes from now. It'll cut the wait time in half!"
"Ya always think ahead, ya know that?" Pear grinned. "Let's go!"
The mother and daughter hopped into the second car in the train, as the front row seats were taken by Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. The latter had had to practically drag the former onto the ride. As the train began to climb, Pear checked her over the shoulder restraint, and turned to Apple Bloom. "So, what did ya say this was?"
"It's a Gerstlauer Infinity!" Apple Bloom replied. "There's only two others in the world; The Smiler at Alton Towers, and Karacho in Germany. These feature steep drops, sharp turns, and amazin' airtime."
"Let's hope it lives up ta the hype!" Pear grinned. "It's been so lon' since Ah last did a big thrill ride."
This seemed to set the pair in front of them off, as Rainbow Dash began speaking. "I'm proud of you. You know that? You're facing your fears head-on. Just like I always did as a kid. I mean, look, a four hundred foot vertical drop right into these loop de loops and a corkscrew?" Her voice suddenly began to sound nervous. "You're probably super-nervous about that, I bet. Heh. And that next part where it goes backwards? Uh, how are you feeling, Fluttershy?"
Apple Bloom sighed. "This ride doesn't even have a backwards section, Dash! The only coasters in America that do are Revenge of the Mummy an' Expedition Everest!"
This did little to calm Dash's nerves as she went on talking. They were almost at the top. "Is it even safe to be this high up? You're probably thinking, "Stop the ride! I want to get off!" That's what you want, right? Right now? You're about to yell it? Stop the ride! Seriously! Please, somebody stop the ride! STOP THE RIIIIIIIDE! "
They flew into the drop, and were instantly hurled into a very steep (but not vertical drop). At the bottom, they launched up into an inverse loop followed by a corkscrew and two heartline rolls, before hitting a brake run. The cars came to a stop, and the hum of magnets could be heard.
"Hold on tight!" a voice shouted over the speakers. "Cause here we GOOOOOOOOOO!"
At that moment, the Linear Induction Motors engaged, and the cars accelerated from zero to eighty in 2.2 seconds, before flying up a steep climb, into a loop, and then down another drop. Up again they went, flying through a top hat for some massive airtime, before flying downhill again and through five heartline rolls, another corkscrew, a cobra roll, and then two loops, before the train hit the final brake run and slowed into the station. The over the shoulder restraints released, and the riders got out, Pear clutching her ears.
"Mah ears are ringin' from Rainbow's screamin'!" she complained. "That girl's got a fine pair of lungs!"
"Ah know," Apple Bloom nodded. "What ya wanna do next?"
"How does 'Ember's Fury' sound?" Pear suggested.
Author's Note
The Wild Blue Wonder is an odd one as, although it features inversions, it only has a lap bar. Usually, they need over the shoulder restraints.
Potential Breakup Chapter
Moments after being zapped, Pear and Apple Bloom suddenly found themselves in a vast, white room. It seemed to stretch for all infinity with its vastness, thought it was clearly defined as a cube of sorts with the roof clearly visible. Also clearly visible were the ceiling and walls, as well as the floor which they had landed on with a bump.
Apple Bloom pulled herself up with a groan. "That was a rough landin'," she said, to nobody in particular, and extended her hand to pull Pear up. "What in the world just happened?"
"Ah have no clue," Pear replied. "But it confirms mah hunch. Vignette ain't good. She's nothin' but a pile of trouble!"
"I'm assuming you're not familiar with the whole 'Equestrian magic' thing," Rainbow Dash spoke up, and said to them. She glanced over to Fluttershy. "Are you ever going to eat that salad? It'll go off at this rate!"
"I don't think digital food can go off," Fluttershy countered. "Unless it can be programmed to go off..."
"We're digital?" Apple Bloom asked. "No. That's absurd. It's like somethin' out of a bad science fiction film!"
Pear had fully gotten up by this point, and looked at the two older girls who ever so happened to be friends with her middle child. "Can ya explain what's goin' on here? 'Cause Ah wanna know."
Rainbow Dash nodded. "I don't know if AJ told you, but we're having an ongoing issue with Equestrian magic around here, you know, the stuff leaking from the portal?"
Pear shook her head.
"The Fall Formal? The Battle of the Bands?"
Pear shook her head. "All Ah heard was that a gas line ruptured at the Fall Formal, and Ah sure as sugar don't remember no Battle of the Bands."
Rainbow Dash nodded and held her head in her hands. "Well, the gas line story was to cover for the fact that Sunset Shimmer used magic to turn into a demon and we changed her back. We've been 'contaminated' with Equestrian magic since, for lack of a better term, and all sorts of crazy stuff has happened since, such as the Dazzlings turning up and using their magic to control everybody except us, and some stuff that happened up at Camp Everfree (don't worry, the railroad Apple Bloom restored is perfectly safe). I can only assume that somehow Vignette's phone has been affected by the magic and now we are trapped in it, with no readily obvious way out."
Pear sighed. "This is givin' me a headache. Anyways, this weren't how Ah wanted a Saturday ta turn out, so if anybody has a solution to this problem, Ah'm all ears."
The blank looks on their faces told her all she needed to know, and she facepalmed.
"Ah know!" Apple Bloom said. "Let's play 'Ah Spy' ta pass the time! Ah spy with mah little eye, somethin' beginnin' with-"
"Wall!" Rainbow Dash interrupted.
"Yer good!"
"There isn't exactly much variety to this room, Apple Bloom!"
Apple Bloom facepalmed. "Dangit!"
Meanwhile, in the backstage area at Equestria Land, Rarity and the other girls had assembled for their sound check, which appeared to be going less than well as three members of the band were not there. Rarity was busy pacing up and down in annoyance. "I suppose Applejack has better things to do than final fittings and sound check!"
"Don't be mad at her ," Sunset told her. "She's still out trying to find Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who aren't here either, by the way."
"Do not tell me who to be annoyed with!" Rarity snapped. Pinkie looked over in concern.
"I know you're stressed, Rarity, but I'm sure you've got something totally amazing up your sleeve!" She paused to look up hers, before realising that she was wearing none herself. "You did remember to wear sleeves with amazing things up them, right?"
Just then, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo ran into the room, puffing and panting as if they had been running for a while. "You have to stop Vignette!" Sweetie Belle said to her sister.
"Whatever for?" Rarity asked. "Is this some sort of game? Because if it is, I really have no time for it."
"Vignette is using her phone to vacuum up anybody she doesn't approve of!" Scootaloo shouted. "She's done it to Rainbow Dash! I saw it on the cameras, and you can check them if you want!"
Then, as if to add to all the hubbub, another voice entered the crowd. "STOP!" called the voice of Applejack. Several members of staff looked over in confusion.
Applejack waved her hand. " Oh! Uh, not everybody stop. I just meant my friends. Y'all keep doin' what you're doin'. Sewin' up them, uh, clothes."
"Where have you been?" Rarity demanded.
"Nobody goes anywhere with Vignette, understand?" Applejack responded, engaging in the bad habit of answering a question with a question.
Everybody except the two freshmen shook their heads in confusion. "You can explain yourself after the parade," Rarity started. "I'm sure-"
"No, Rarity. Vignette is evil!"
Sweetie Belle stepped over to Applejack. "We've just explained that to the-"
Applejack ignored her and continued speaking. "She's done somethin' to Fluttershy. And Ah saw her from the security office when she made Rainbow Dash disappear with her phone! Ten eggs in a chicken coop says it's Equestrian magic."
"She also made Apple Bloom and Mrs Smith disappear!" Scootaloo added. "Something about them ruining her perfect park or something like that."
"Oh you three," Vignette laughed, emerging from a nearby office, "delusional isn't your colour. You're an autumn."
"I'D RATHER- SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"
Autumn Blaze, stop breaking the fourth wall!
Applejack swiped her phone from her.
"That's not the-" Scootaloo started, only for Applejack to interrupt, again.
"If yer so innocent, then how do ya explain this?! Say goodbye to yer mannequin thingy!" Applejack took the picture, and nothing happened. Looking in confusion, she tried again. "Uh, hang on. Watch it... disappear!" Still utterly perplexed at the fact that nothing at all had happened, she stared at the screen in confusion. "Uh, Ah think Ah hashgabbed my SnapTag or all in the- Ugh. Ah can't figure out these new, fandangled apps. Ugh. Ah sound just like Granny Smith!"
Sweetie Belle tapped Scootaloo on the shoulder. "Next, she'll be asking where you put the roll of film in."
"I just saw your friends. They're in wardrobe, and they're fine." Vignette smirked.
"That's not true!" Scootaloo shouted. "The CCTV shows you making them vanish!"
Vignette hit a button to playback the CCTV recordings on a monitor. There was nothing showing her doing such a thing, or even going anywhere near the security booth.
Sweetie Belle looked confused. "Huh? She must have deleted the footage!"
Rarity looked over at her younger sister. "Honestly, Sweetie Belle! Lying about somebody with no evidence! This is appalling, and mother and father shall hear about it."
"You're just choosing to ignore us because we're kids," Scootaloo protested. "You're making a big mistake, Rarity!" Both of the younger girls then ran off, frustrated.
Rarity turned to Applejack. "Applejack, the parade is less than an hour away, and-" The CMC couldn't hear any more as they headed off into the distance, but suddenly they heard Applejack shout loudly.
"Yer NOT SPECIAL! "
Moments later, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle reached a bench and sat down. "It's not fair," Scootaloo grumbled. "This place is in danger from a lunatic with magic, and they seem to think a dumb parade is more important than people's lives!"
"Rarity's always been like that," Sweetie Belle sighed. "This is just like that time Opal escaped again. Rarity was convinced I'd hidden her on purpose, and then they found her in the neighbour's garden. Talk about guilty until proven innocent."
"What happened next?" Scootaloo asked. She'd never heard this story before.
"I was given enough ice cream to last us both for the next fify years."
Rarity had disappeared for a work break and came back in to find her friends looking very odd indeed. "What? What is this? What am I looking at?"
Vignette smiled evily at her. "Your friends, but better! Now we can make the parade exactly how I want it!"
Rarity was baffled. "How you want it? You said you hired me for my vision!"
This was soon shown not to be the case, as Vignette snorted at her. "Well, I needed your vision to bring out my vision. But now there's an app for that."
Rarity was now very worried indeed. "Vignette, wh- what is going on here?" she asked. "Where are my friends?!"
"Like, trapped in the internet as zeroes and ones or erased from existence or something? Something like that." Vignette went on, committing the villain offense of monologueing. "See, like, my phone became magique or something, and now it has this power where whenever I take a picture of something and it disappears. And then I can customize them with a swipe of my finger and make them real again, or... real enough, but hey, blah blah blah, O.M.G., I'm boring myself to death just talking about this stuff."
Rarity was furious. "Bring back my friends this instant!"
Vignette smirked. "Fine. If you wanna be with them so bad, I'll do you one last favour. You're welcome." And she took a snap.
Author's Note
Can Vignette be stopped? Will the park be saved? Find out tomorrow, as our Day in Equestria Land comes to an end!
You give me Whiplash, Baby...
The previously not so full white space had become very full indeed, as Twilight, Pinkie, and Sunset appeared from nowhere and crashed onto the ground. Getting themselves out of the pile, Twilight looked around her, adjusted her glasses, and groaned. "I can't believe we're trapped in Vignette's phone," she complained.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. "We're no strangers to getting stuck in magical objects." She then looked at Pear and Apple Bloom, who were trying (and failing) to entertain themselves. "Well, maybe not those two, but us at least."
Sunset shrugged. "At least Rarity and Applejack are still free. Maybe they can get us out of here."
Twilight then had a brainwave, her eyes lighting up as the idea flashed through her cerebral cortex. "We can't just sit around hoping to get rescued. If we're in the internet, we can hack our way out! Well, I can. Maybe."
"If we're data an' all and we get corrupted by yer hackin' attempt," Apple Bloom started, her face drained of colour, "would that mean we would cease to exist? Ah really don't wanna explore that problem."
"Or other issues, like different hair, skin colour, or even-"
"Don't mention it!" Fluttershy cried. "I'd rather not be Flutterguy." She then glanced at one of the walls. "But first they have to stop arguing. A house divided against itself cannot stand."
"Lincoln?" Pear probed briefly. "Ah used ta have the entire Gettysburg address on memory."
"OK then," Twilight nodded, before suddenly, out of nowhere, her phone went.
Dee da dee dee; dee da dee dee; dee a dee dee dee! Dee da dee dee; dee da dee dee; dee a dee dee dee!
"Hello?"
"Twilight?" asked the muffled voice of Applejack on the other end.
"It worked!" Twilight cried, though what had worked was not entirely clear. "Applejack, we're stuck in Vignette's phone! I found a way to hack her apple popper app to route a VoIP connection to your IP address!"
"That means Voice Over IP," Sunset added. "Though why you need to use AJ's IP I have no idea."
Applejack's response was muffled by all the talking, so it went unheard. Twilight went on. "Listen. We've come up with a plan to set all this right. You'll need to remotely install a virus that creates a backdoor admin account, which you can use to reset all the permissions on her phone and make a proxy backup. That should get us out of here! How much coding do you know?"
There was a pause. "Uh, none. Uh, Ah can rub two sticks together. "
Pear facepalmed. "How can Ah have a daughter who's more tech illiterate than Ah am?"
"Ah'm usually the one to fix her computer problems," Apple Bloom sighed. "Ah remember that time she thought it broke. Turns out she had no clue what a screensaver was."
"Oh boy," Twilight sighed. "Okay. Get a pencil."
"Uh, hang on. Ah think Ah can hear you talkin'." Applejack's voice was progressively getting louder, which was confusing to say the least.
"Come again?"
Suddenly, a light shone into the room, and Applejack and Rarity stepped into a massive white room. "Really, y'all?"
"Oh!" Twilight said, somewhat surprised. "The phone just teleported us into some random white room in the park."
"We were just sitting in a white room the whole time?!" Sunset asked, her face red.
"A room we couldn't exit because there's no door handle on our side?" Apple Bloom pointed out. "Seriously, how does that even work? A room y'all can enter but not exit?"
Suddenly, Micro Chips appeared from nowhere, dressed in an apple themed outfit and looking very silly indeed. "What are you doing here?" Twilight asked. "Did Vignette take your picture just now?"
Micro Chips nodded, his glasses wobbling on his face. "I was just minding my own business making perfect caramel apples, when suddenly, Vignette saw me and said I wasn't as cool a nerd as she thought. Then she took my picture, and I ended up here, violating all known laws of space and time."
Sunset's angry face was replaced with one of panic. "Guys, this is bad! It means Vignette is on the parade route, and she's using her phone to change whatever she doesn't like!"
"What happens if she decides she doesn't like the crowd?"
"Everyone in the park is watching that parade!" Twilight exclaimed. "If her phone teleports that many people into this tiny room at the same time...!"
"SQUISH CITY!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Our friends are in that crowd! Sweetie Belle is in that crowd! We've got to stop her!" Rarity exclaimed, then suddenly got tapped on the shoulder. "Huh?"
"We're right here," said the voice of her little sister. "The parade is on the move, and Vignette is nearing the largest concentration of the crowd."
"We need ta get in there and stop her!" Applejack cried. "Our combined friendship should be enough ta stop her!"
Scootaloo facepalmed. "You do realise that if you try that, she'll just take pictures of you endlessly and warp you into this room in a never ending cycle? We need a distraction!"
"And Ah have an idea," Pear smiled, standing up. "Come on folks. It's time ta show them what we can do."
Meanwhile, the parade was a horrific mess, to say the least. Owing to Vignette's demanding personality and tastes, that seemed to change faster than the seasons, none of the parade floats looked consistent, and all of the actors on the floats were not wearing costumes at all, as the designers had not had a chance to create anything without it being scrapped by Vignette seconds later. The not-Rainbooms were on the central float, playing horrifically whilst dressed in outfits that were a crime against fashion, whilst Vignette stood out front singing. Singing, actually, is entirely the wrong word. You would have heard a much more pleasant sound dragging a knife down a storm drain whilst covered in cow poop accompianed by a cat being strangled. Not you, Opal!
"Be yourself, but better
It was horrible, and people in the crowd had jammed their fingers in their ears. Grand Pear tapped Bright Mac on the shoulder. "What on God's Green Earth is this rubbish?" he asked. "And why is it here, of all places?"
"If Ah knew the band Applejack was part of sounded so bad," Bright admitted, "Ah'd give them guitar lessons!"
Vignette saw the argument going on, and she frowned. "This crowd isn't cheering enough for my taste. Luckily, that can be tweaked with the flick of a finger." She raised her phone. "Say 'cheese', everyone!"
Before she could take the picture, the float crashed to a stop and broke, one of the wheels having come off.
Rarity smiled from down below. "Sorry to rain on your parade! But I have to say you must consider this plan, derailed."
The Real Rainbooms assembled before her to start to try and persuade her to hand over her phone. But Vignette wasn't buying it. She simply snapped a picture of them, and they vanished. "You should never monologue when you have the advantage!" she said.
Suddenly, her phone vanished from her hand, and she turned around to see Pear and the Crusaders standing behind her. "What? How did you get here?"
Pear swiped about on the device, and smirked. "This 'country bumpkin' just deleted yer almighty app from yer system. When monologing at some who is monologing, you should always look behind yerself."
The look on Vignette's face was priceless.
Apart from the magical shenanigans, the first day of Equestria Land could be considered a rip-roaring success. Not only did the park enjoy large scale attendance, the rides kept running and shoes didn't get lost in the tarmac. In short, it was a most succesful day, although they did get back very late indeed.
Apple Bloom was leaning on her sister's shoulder as the streetcar came to a stop at there stop. "Ya sleepy, youngin'?" Applejack asked.
"It's been a lon' day, and teleportin' endlessly does kinda wear ya out," Apple Bloom replied, before yawning and stretching her arms above her head. "But we're all safe now, and that's good."
As they got off the streetcar, Pear turned to Applejack. "So, when did ya get super strength?" she asked.
Applejack looked awkward. "Oh boy, this won't be fun to explain..."
Author's Note
Apple Bloom's story about the screensaver is based on a real incident when I was helping my grandmother with her computer.
Catch you all next week for the next adventure!
The Littlest Cowboy Rides Again
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy stood outside the entrance of the Wild Blue Wonder. Rainbow Dash's legs were shaking and her face was red, no doubt she had no voice left. Fluttershy, on the other hand, looked calmly at the sky with a smile on her face. "That was actually kind of... fun."
Rainbow Dash chuckled. Totally! That's why I didn't want to get off! I was just saying what you would've said." Her laugh did little to disguise either her nerves or the adrenaline flowing through her veins. "That's all."
Fluttershy flashed a sympathetic smile the athlete's way. "You were very brave."
"You two, by the way."
Just then, Vignette appeared and approached them. "Excuse me, can Butterfly and me speak for a bit? If that's totally cool with you."
"It's Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash told her. "And that ought to be OK."
Vignette looked confused. "I thought you were Rainbow Dash. I've seen that video of you being knocked over whilst-"
"FLUTTERSHY'S OVER THERE!" Rainbow Dash retorted, pointing to her timid friend, who indeed did not look so timid now, in an effort to stop Vignette from mentioning that moment at the Battle of the Bands. Not her finest hour.
"Thank you. See you later!" Vignette walked off and took Fluttershy with her over to a backstage building, whilst Rainbow Dash looked up at the Wild Blue Wonder again, pondering whether to go back on.
Elsewhere, over at the backstage building, out of sight of anybody else, Vignette began speaking to Fluttershy. "So, I have a totally new awesome idea for your band. Hashtag rebrand . It'll totally rejig your fanbase and get you a new user market." Seeing the look of confusion on Fluttershy's face, she paused and then went on with her spiel. "I know what you're thinking. 'But, Vignette, how can I ever thank you for coming up with such a brilliant idea for the parade'?"
Fluttershy still wasn't totally sure what was being asked. "I don't understand. You want me to pretend I'm someone else tonight?"
Vignette nodded so vigorously her head would have gone flying if she hadn't had a neck attached to it. "Everyone in the band has a new role. It's part of my BOLD, NEW VISION! All caps, Helvetica, sixty five. "Fluttershy: Bad Girl". Spiked hair, ripped tights. I've already commissioned an A list graffiti/sneaker artist to tag up a custom guitar. How do you feel about skulls? B. Y. B. B."
It was clear by now that Vignette had no interest in actually using the Rainbooms as a band and only wanted to use them as a marketing trick. "Uh, maybe I, um... shouldn't do it. At all."
Vignette looked utterly baffled at the idea of somebody saying no to her. But she sighed and her face softened. "You're right. If collabing isn't your thing, that's your life decision to make. But I just thought of a way for us both to get exactly what we want."
"I don't write fanfiction," Fluttershy replied. "And you did?"
Vignette laughed, a cruel smile on her face. "Of course! Getting what I want is what I do best, sweetie." She held her camera phone thing up. "Now say 'cheese'!"
Seconds later, she pressed the 'take' button, and Fluttershy was reduced to a digital stream of data, vanishing to nowhere in particular. "Sorry, Fluttershy. You'll thank me later."
About half an hour later on the other side of the park, Applejack had suddenly run into Cozy Glow, who looked confused and had a look of surprise on her face. "What's goin' on, sugarcube?"
"I think Equestrian magic's on the loose!" the younger girl cried. "I was over in the Wonderbolt Academy section of the park and heard a strange whooshing sound like a file being downloaded. Then I heard the park proprietor saying something about Fluttershy thanking her later. And now, I can't find Fluttershy anywhere in the park, and neither can Zephyr!"
Applejack nodded. Truth be told, she had not thought positively of Vignette, as Rarity seemed to have forgotten her friendship with her over pleasing her new boss. "Ah'll look inta it," she said. "Thanks fer the info, Cozy!"
"No problem!" Cozy replied, and headed off to join the Crusaders, who were currently trying to win at Wac a Mole and failing horribly. Applejack set off into the crowd.
At the same time, Pear was walking through the arcade section (and she had no clue why that was there, as it completely broke the immersion the park was trying to create) to try and get to the Yakyakistan section of the park (which was where the next ride she wanted to go on was, Prince Rutherford's Yakyakistan Stomp). Seeing all the clearly rigged arcade games, she suddenly heard Sunset shout loudly at Flim and Flam, the notorious pawnbrokers and con artists.
"IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PARAKEET!"
Seconds later, a giant stuffed parakeet flew past Pear, narrowly missing her, and landed in the hands of a young boy who had previously been seen in the mall. Why this is of note is a mystery to me, given that Juniper was firmly in LA at this point. Anyhoo, Pear continued on at this weird scene, and came across her daughter and her friends brandishing hammers and trying to wack moles (and failing, as the moles were vanishing faster than they could react).
"I could just smash this thing!" Scootaloo exclaimed loudly.
"These moles can't be hit! They're moving too fast!" Sweetie Belle added.
"This ain't the most productive use of yer time, is it?" Pear asked them.
The four girls looked sheepishly at her, and promptly put the hammers back. "Shall we go on some more rides?" Apple Bloom suggested, and looked to Pear. "Where are ya headin', Ma?"
"Yakyakistan," Pear replied. "Wanna join me?"
"Let's go!" Scootaloo called, and they headed off toward that area of the park.
Somewhere else entirely, Rainbow Dash had been co opted into talking with Vignette, who was trying the same trick on Rainbow Dash as she had on Fluttershy. Judging from the look of frustration on Vignette's face, it wasn't working. "Rarity told me you're the coolest, smartest friend who knows what's the opposite of down. What's up!"
"The sky?" Rainbow Dash suggested. "But yeah, I know what cool is."
Vignette went on, continuing to be annoying. "I have a bold new vision for the Rainbooms that you are going to love! The Throwbacks! Capital T, HashtagTBT, Throwback Today. Or for short, T. C. T. H. T. B. T. [T. B. T.], pronounced "ta-ca-ta-ca-ba-ta"! You are going to represent the touchstones of cool throughout the ages!"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Sounds cool to me. I like it so far, and I assume I'll like what you say next."
Vignette brought up an image showing her vision. Rainbow Dash's face instantly fell. 'Rainbow Dash: '50s Sockhop Sweetheart"! Poodle skirt, adorable blonde hair. How do you feel about shaving your head? I only ask 'cause you'll definitely have to do it for the wig."
Rainbow Dash looked horrified. "There is NO WAY I am wearing something that long! I used to wear sport skirts, I know, but that would make it almost impossible to move. Besides, there is no way anyone is shaving my head."
"B. Y. B. B?"
Rainbow Dash smirked. "B. I. A. A . T. B. But I already am the best?"
Vignette's face fell. "Well, if you insist on just, ugh, being yourself or whatever, then at least let me take a picture of the real you." Once again, she took a picture of Rainbow Dash, and she was also teleported out of the park, suffering the same fate as Fluttershy.
Pear suddenly saw Applejack darting out of a security booth and heading toward the back of the park. "What's she doin' in the security section?" she asked. "And why are there no guards?"
She, out of curiosity, walked into the security booth, Apple Bloom joining her. On the screen were banks of screens, monitors, and other information for keeping the park running. Suddenly, one screen caught her attention; Rainbow Dash being zapped by Vignette. "Ah knew that woman was no good!" she said.
There was a crash next to her, and she saw Apple Bloom smack into the console. "Are ya OK?" she asked.
Apple Bloom pulled herself back up. "Ah'm good!" she replied. She then pointed to the image. "It's stopped!"
Pear glanced closely at it, and then pressed the same button her daughter had bashed into. The video then began playing again. "We were watchin' a recordin' the entire time. This could have happened at any time!"
"Oh well," said the voice of Vignette, looking at them from the open door with a triumphant smirk on her face. "Care to join them? I can't have you ruining my perfect park, can I?"
She took the image. Both Pear and Apple Bloom vanished into nothingness. But Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had witnessed the entire scene, and ran off to the backstage area to try and find their siblings.
Author's Note
The bit with the playback being used as a trap is inspired by a scene in SAW II, where it emerges the game they are watching is in fact a tape recording made several days ago.
Felicia Day-Pear Butter
