John Sampson's Story

It’s been several quiet days since Prince Blueblood’s disappointment. AJ has gone back to the farm to get spring planting underway. Swift and I have settled back into our old routine. I do manage some time with Luna and Fred. Fred doesn’t sleep for much more than an hour at a time but dream time isn’t one to one with world time. He has taught me some things about moving on four feet and operating an equine body. Luna and I shared some sweet grooming and She fell asleep with Her head in my lap. I am concerned about the paradox of the Princess of dreams dreaming in my dream but she wakes with a smile and everything is alright.

An orderly appears in my office around mid morning. My presence is required in the Colonel’s office right away. When I walk in, there is a large gray Unicorn with him. “Major John Sampson, this is Captain Shining Armor.”

We hoofbump and exchange pleasantries.

“Major, we are coming up on the Spring Fling shortly. It’s had many names but it really is a tradition that goes back as far as the Tribes. It’s the last chance for any unattached ponies to find company before the spring season hits. That’s why the young studs call it ‘est fest’. The Princesses have to be there because they are hosting it. And somepony has to escort each Princess so they won’t be ‘unattached mares’. Cadance and Captain Shining are self evident. I will escort Celestia. Luna has the head of her Night Guard. And Twilight has you. Take Captain Swift with you to help manage the mare problems.

“Any hints or suggestions, sir?”

“Be as ‘on duty’ and military as possible. You’re still going to draw high tails in a swarm but if you don’t let go of Twilight they should keep their distance.”

The door quietly closes itself and, “John, this is orders. Given your recent history, it’s tempting fate but Princesses get what Princesses want.”

I looked at Captain Shining, “Captain, I’m going to need your help with this. And call me John.”

“Certainly, John, if you’ll call me Shining. But I want to know what ‘history’ is.”

“Oh, Shining. Once upon a time I cast a major spell on myself and it is still having some ‘different’ side effects. One of the first side effects was that I heartbonded with Swift but I was afraid to cover because I didn’t understand my magic. When we finally had our honeymoon we did some human things and I kinda forgot to close the balcony door while we were doing them. We accidentally started some pretty wild stories.”

Steel is grinning, “Shining, the door opened from ambassadors row on to the main public courtyard and humans have sex for days at a time. They entertained the Castle with two days of full throated passion.”

Shining looks at me with awe, “Now I understand what my sister has been so wild about. John, if you’ll teach me some of these ‘human things’, I’ll help you with anything.”

“Shining, you need to know the other half of the story. When was the last time you talked with your sister about me?”

“It was a letter a couple of weeks ago. I just got here and she wasn’t in when I checked her tower.”

“I’ve broken her heart since then. I’ve offered her everything I can including foals. She wants the band but we heartbond and heartbonding just isn’t for an Alicorn. That’s what I need your help with the most. I have to get her to some kind of stable relationship.”

Shining is looking worried now, “What has Celestia said?”

“Celestia has approved and thanked me for taking care of Twilight. I must assume that Celestia believes Twilight will get over it. My problem is that I have to work with Twilight until then. Things like this assignment. We haven’t spoken since she cried herself dry on my shoulder.”

Shining looks at Steel, “Which Princess assigned John to escort Twilight?”

Steel replies, “Celestia’s words were ‘Twilight needs John’ but no greater detail was given.”

Shining smiles, “It will work out. Either Twilight explicitly requested John and is over her upset or Celestia is taking action to get Twilight over it. What else do you need help with, John”

“I want to do some serious combat training. I am fair at human unarmed combat and expert with human weapons but I’m clueless about pony combat and I’ve never held a sword or shield in my life.”

Shining looks at me critically, “I’ll bet you could match a Unicorn with a sword. You’d have less range but more strength. You should start with basic training and exercise for a while. Combat with me is pretty high level. And I’m curious, what kind of weapons are you an expert with that you can’t use any more?”

Steel and I chorus, “Don’t ask!”

I add, “Shining, as a friend and a brother, don’t even think about human tech. And the reason that I’ve never sparred or wrestled with any ponies is that I’m scared to death of hurting them. I’m a lot stronger than I look. While honeymooning with AJ on her farm I pulled a plow meant for a team of four as light exercise. I want to learn before I get in a situation where it’s critical and I figure you have the best chance of surviving my mistakes.”

Shining laughs, “Now I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Steel jumps in, “And I want to referee. Shining, he juggles deadponies like apples.”

We decide that our first priority is Twilight, training can come later. Besides, I want Twilight to witness our training. So Shining and I are in route to Twilight’s tower. If she isn’t there, we are going to ask Cadance. Shining insists there are advantages to having an Alicorn on call.

Luck is with us, we find Twilight. She isn’t home, yet, but she is headed that way so after a brother sister moment we all head there.

Nothing ventured . . “Twilight, I’ve been chosen to escort you to the Spring Fling. Where and when should I pick you up?”

‘We’ll meet here in the morning. I have a lot of things to do organizing the Fling and won’t come back here. Bring your formal wear and we’ll change right before the party starts.” It was spoken flat as the floor.

“We also need you to be a witness, Twilight. Shining and I are going to fight.”

“Just tell me when.” Still no emotion.

“He was telling me about some of the things you did as a filly and I thought that it wasn’t proper to say things like that about a Princess. I said so and he laughed at me so now it’s a duel to the death.”

“Is that really necessary, John?” still flat but a start.

We arrive at her door and the Guardpony lets us in.

“The Jabberwocky said so with frillish uber spech.”

“Okay, John.”

Damned. I look at Shining, pleading.

“Sister, Celestia wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to see Celestia.” A spark?

“You have to see Celestia.” Shining presses.

“Celestia did this to me. I don’t want to see Celestia.” A key!

“What did Celestia do to you?” Shining sees it too.

“She took my love away.”

I collide with Shining right in front of Twilight. I mouth at him ‘let me’ and he backs up a step. I pick her up and cradle her in my arms. She is just limp, not seeming to notice. I nod at Shining and he picks back up with the questioning. It took more than an hour but something finally cracks.

“John, why are you holding me?”

“Why do you think, Twilight?”

“Would I ask you if I knew?” a little bit of irritation. Good.

“I’m holding you because I love you. Your brother is here because he loves you.”

“But you can’t love me, John. I’m an Alicorn.”

“And that applies to your brother too?”

“No.”

“So love is possible. In fact, it’s right here in the room with you. Look for it.”

“How?”

“I dunno. Maybe there’s a strange alien monster that has enough confidence in your love to charge into your private tower and grab you and squeeze you. I mean, as an Alicorn you could just teleport him hell or lots of other nasty things, couldn’t you?”

Eye contact! “John . . . .”

“Twilight, you offered me every stallion’s wet dream, life with an Alicorn to satisfy my every whim and unlimited worry free cover. I turned it down because it would have harmed somepony that I love. I walked away from heaven because I love you Twilight.”

“I don’t understand, John. You told me you couldn’t love me.”

“No, Twilight, I never said that. I said I shouldn’t love you. I said my love could harm you. I never said it didn’t exist.”

I see hope now.

“Shining, I have heard that Unicorns can do a spell and know for certain that somepony is or isn’t telling the truth. Can you?”

“It’s one of my personal talents, John. But I will need to touch you with my horn and I will have full access to everything in your mind. Are you sure you want this?”

“Shining, I’m far more worried about you than me. I keep some very nasty demons chained in the basement. You need to watch yourself around them. A lot of the other stuff will just be incomprehensible because you don’t have the foundation to interpret it.”

I fold my legs under me until I am sitting on the floor with Twilight in my lap. Being careful of her wings, I move her until I can look directly into her eyes without obstructing Shining. I look up and nod at him. When I feel the touch of his horn I speak.

“Twilight I love you enough to sacrifice my life for you. That is what that conversation with Steel was about. The only things I refuse you are things that I know will hurt you. The rest of the band feels the same way. You can live with us any time you want and have all of the rights of a bandmember, BUT, if AJ or Swift say you must take a break, then you must take time away from us. The only other way I can allow it is if you can figure out a way for us all to remain healthy for as long as you will. Then you can have the heart.”

Shining recoils and shakes his head. “Twilight, he believes absolutely in everything that he says. And he’s right about the demons.” Looking at me, “John, I asked ‘what don’t you want me to see’. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

Twilight is finally beginning to perk up. I kiss her lightly on top of her nose and say, “Twilight, none of us know what the future will bring, least of all me. I may grow up to be the first Alicorn stallion. Or drop dead of a stroke tonight because of all the stress this crazy world is putting me through. Be happy with what you can get and take small steps toward what you want every day. Can you do that for me?”

“John, will you sleep with me tonight?”

“Certainly, Twilight. I’ve already told you I would. Your place or mine?”

“Here.”

“We need to let Swift know. And Spike.”

“I want you John.”

“We both come as part of a package, Twilight. You can’t separate me from Swift and AJ and I can’t separate you from Spike.”

“Spike is too young.”

Ohhhhh. “Twilight, I don’t lock Swift out when I cover AJ or vice versa. I couldn’t hide it from them and I’m not going to cover you tonight anyway. You aren’t ready for it.”

“But I want it!”

“I’m sure you do. But you have some learning to do first. Trust me, I’m getting pretty good at this.”

“Alright, John. I trust you.”

“Good. Then the first thing we have to talk about is food. Lunch should have been a long time ago. How about you Shining?”

Shining thinks for a second then, “I really need to let Cadance know where I am and see what she has for me to do.”

“Makes sense. Can you line up our PT for in the morning? Big room, medical standby, the whole nine yards?”

“Of course. I might even sell tickets.”

“Make them expensive. I don’t want too big a crowd. Please tell Swift where I am and about the PT.”

“Will do. See you at breakfast, zero five hundred.”

“A pony after my own heart! Luck.”

Twilight’s solution to lunch is, “Spike!”

After I recover from the ear blast, “Twilight, I’m going to get comfortable.”

“Okay, John. Make yourself at home.”

So I go into the bathroom and remove all of my uniform and clothes, carefully folding them, and putting everything on a shelf.

When I walk back into the main room, Spike is there. He blinks once and, “Moving in, John?”

“Short term,” I reply

I stretch out on the big bean bag near where Twilight is standing.

“What’s available for lunch, Spike?”

“We have roasted mixed veggies and a fruit bowl for dinner.”

“Sounds good. Got tea? And I’m sorry for disrupting things.”

“”Where would you like it served, John?”

“Spike, your house, your rules. I’m learning. So do what you two usually do and add one plate.”

“See you at the kitchen table.”

So I get up and follow Spike and Twilight to the kitchen. A thin pad puts me at the right height and the food is ready and good.

I look at Spike, “This looks like a lot of work to just appear. When did you put this together?”

“While you three were having drama in the front room. I got to have something to keep my mind off all the mush or I’ll throw up.”

“Oh, Spike. Someday you will change and the ‘mush’ will suddenly become the most important thing there is.”

“I’m sure. But until then please warn me when you two are going lovey-dovey so I can take a long walk.”

“Spike, let’s work out something better. That walk could last as long as a week when I’m involved. I will not throw you out of your home for hours, much less days. Probably the best thing would be some good soundproofing spells and closed doors except for meals.”

“John, I usually go visiting for about two weeks when Twilight has her yearly. She’s too dangerous to be around.”

“That’s encouraging. Is there any kind of alarm clock around here? I have to be up and getting tea at zero four hundred. Breakfast will be at zero five hundred in the Guard cafeteria. I have an appointment with Shining Armor.”

“It’s set.”

“Okay. Where is it?”

“I’m the alarm clock. I don’t sleep as much as ponies do.”

“Thank you.”

Twilight is sitting there grinning like the cat that just caught the canary.

After dinner Spike refuses help with the dishes so Twilight and I move to her bedroom and close the door. I get comfortable on the pad and motion Twilight over. She blushes and sidles in my direction with her wings slowly rising.

“Twilight, what do you think we are doing here?”

“I think we’re getting closer, John.” and bats her eyes at me.

“Twilight, this is our first date. We are going to talk and get comfortable with each other, not excited.”

The waterworks are warming up and the wings are sinking.

“Twilight, the first rule of good loving is absolute truth. No lies. No bullshit. I don’t want your imagination or mine, I want you.

“I want you too, John.”

“The second rule of good loving is no secrets. I don’t mean that I want the details of every Royal Court nor do I intend reveal Guard secrets to you just to get under your tail. I mean I’m not going to hide my love for Swift and AJ and any other pony I touch. I expect the same from you.

“I can live with that.”

“Good. I had a few dozen lovers on Terra. A healthy young firefighter doesn’t lack for opportunities and I was often notorious as I worked my way up the ranks. You’ve witnessed most of my love life since I arrived in Equestria. How about you?”

“I’ve had some pretty wild heats with the girls. AJ can get really intense.”

“Twi, you got truth about AJ. How many stallions.”

“Counting you? One.”

“By all that’s holy, this is why we’re doing this Twilight. Everypony has been telling me how mature and experienced you are and I’ve been listening despite what my gut has been telling me.”

“I’ve never met a stallion that wanted more than the quickest possible mount. Even in the deepest heat that isn’t enough for me. That’s why I want you so much. I want you bound to me before you get away.”

“You have that, Darling. So relax and enjoy the rest of the ride. You have a whole new world to explore. How do you feel about watching or being watched? You seemed pretty okay with Swift and me in the doctor’s office.”

“That was research. Nothing personal. I couldn’t make a public spectacle out of the Royal mystique but I don’t mind friends like AJ at all.”

“Good. I am considering a ‘show and tell’. I want you to know what is happening to you when you experience your first real cover. It’s not going to be anything at all like you are expecting.”

“How did AJ take it?”

“AJ was something of a special case. She triggered Fred and I really liked what Fred was doing so her first experience was more with Fred than me. Right after that was all me and it was wild enough that Swift got off watching.”

“Wait a minute! AJ was covered by Fred!”

“Yes and no. Remember my ‘inner pony’? Well Luna put me in touch with him and he turned out to be Fred. Fred has had magic since the day we landed in Equestria. He links directly into my mind. He’s been using that link to learn things and understand ponies. When I took my Oath, he decided to help me become equine. He left an image of himself in my mind to use as a model for my equine self. When I was laying there semi-conscious in the afterglow of covering Swift, AJ called me and Fred showed us how a stallion should answer, right down to making my body fully equine.

“Wow. That’s just, Wow.”

“It’s been a great help for me actually experiencing an equine body as it should be. Fred has taught me a lot. It is possible at any time that Fred is in the background giving me advice that I perceive as my own ideas.”

“John, you’re turning out to be a lot more complicated than I expected.”

“Welcome to real life. Lay across my lap and I’ll show you what Swift and I did for most of that wild honeymoon.”

She does and we settle in for some heavy grooming.

I’m not awake but I am aware enough to be struggling with the idea of why I have feathers all over me when there is a knock on the door. That brings me out of it enough to remember Twilight has wings so I answer, “Urghh.”

Spikes voice answers back, “I’ll come back in five minutes if you aren’t out of there before then.”

I fold Twilight’s wing back against her side and slide off the pad. She mumbles and looks up at the disturbance.

“Rise and shine lover. We have a beating to attend.”

I hit the toilet and stumble to the kitchen. A mug of sweet smelling tea is waiting.

“Spike, you’re hired. This is precisely what I need.”

“Thank you, John. Though I still don’t understand why you torture yourself.”

“Spike, I am charged with protecting Princesses, particularly the nearest Princess. I need to be as able as possible at all times and under all circumstances. So I push the limits of my abilities and knowledge. We are going to do a lot of both today when I spar with Shining Armor. He is going to learn a lot about humans for the Guard just in case another human shows up on the other side. Steel and Twilight are going to record the details.”

Twilight walks in about then. “So you want me there to record the details of my brother beating you up?”

“No, I want you there to record the details of me beating the crap out of your brother.”

“How is that better?”

“Less pain for me? Actually, I don’t expect any clear victor. What I want to learn is ways to counter common pony attacks with a human body. Your brother wants to learn the same thing from the pony side. We may have to do this a lot more than once.”

“Twilight, you’re more traveled than most. Have you ever heard of ‘coffee’?”

“No, John. What is it?”

“Tea’s adult brother and the lack of it is Equestria’s one serious defect.”

Shining and Steel are in the food line when we walk in so we fall in behind them. I look around and spot Swift at table near the middle of the room. I get my usual and we all join Swift.

Steel has it organized, “We have a development lab in the armory reserved. A couple of armorers will be there to see what they can fit for you, John. A couple of Unicorn medics will stand by with nurses. Do you have a plan in mind, John?”

“I want to start as basic as we can. Just simple brawling. I’m looking for how ponies move and exert force. The Unicorn factor comes next. How can he hit me with magic and how can I resist it? We might recruit a Pegasus for aerial factors later. I’ve also got some human sword designs in mind. I might never be graceful with one but I can hack with great enthusiasm and a honking big sword on my belt has got to have a major intimidation factor.”

That gets Shining’s attention, “Are you thinking of something heavy in human proportion?”

“Shining, human history includes blades from rapier to broadswords that weigh more than you. My thoughts run to the Scot’s Claymore. They kept a small and isolated country free and independent for centuries with a weapon that personified brute force and a berserker style of battle. The larger more refined nations learned to fear them. It was usually used two handed but they didn’t have magic strength. I also think it’s my best chance for a weapon that I won’t break when I get excited. The downside is that I’m more likely to cut ponies in half than wound them. The part I’m unsure of is cross or basket on the grip.”

Twilight is getting a bit green by now.

But Shining isn’t. “So how long are you thinking?”

“The traditional design is often worn cross body and is near my height in length. But the Scots mostly fought open field battles. I have questions about swinging something like that indoors. I’d hit the ceiling in most rooms.”

Steel is grinning widely, “John, who told you that you could only have one. A sword is a tool. I have different tools for different jobs. But I have to admit that I like the image of you towering over the field of battle with a weapon larger than any of the enemy combatants. You’d be worth a company in sheer terror factor.”

Swift can’t stand it any more, “Can the stallions at this table please tone down the test fest just a little in honor of the Princess? I’ve learned to ignore it but she’s new to the military macho lifestyle.”

I hate it when a plan comes together.

The ‘lab’ is a very large room with every size and shape of stick, club, or wooden blade that you can imagine. We have pads for the floor and pads to wear. There are baskets too but none would hang on a human head. I start by sketching out my idea of a Claymore for the armorers and they promised to fake something out of wood while we work on the unarmed part.

I strip down to my skivvies and Swift puts the uniform in her bag.

Shining and I move to the middle of the floor pads and eyeball each other.

I invite, “Show me what’s natural. I know something of Terran equines. I want to see what translates.”

He smiles at me and charges. I sidestep and grab for his neck as he goes by. Neither of us gets any satisfaction.

“Interesting idea, John. What could you do if it worked?”

“Keep trying and you’ll find out.”

He charges me again but I see the balance shift and I’m ready when he spins around with a double barrel kick. I step back and catch his feet as he reaches full extension. We wheelbarrow for a few seconds then I let him go.

“John, I never dreamed of that one. Those hands change things. But what could you do with it?”

“Shining, this is my natural human strength. If I kick in my magic strength I could beat a hole in the wall with you.”

“Oh.”

We circle and feint for a bit. I fake a hard look to his left and he falls for it. I step in and bulldog him ending with me pinning him flat.

I grin at him, “That’s another thing you need hands for. If you can control the head, the rest of the equine must follow.”

“Does it work on humans?”

“Not nearly as well. Just not enough neck. But if you can get enough grip on the head it is a kill move.”

We level out after a while with neither of us able to score or looking like we might tire out. So I decide to up it a notch.

“Shining, I’m going to change disciplines. What’s coming is the human combat I’m best at and it’s what you’ll be most likely to see out of a random human.”

I raise my fists and begin stalking him. He knows better than let me get too close but doesn’t know what too close is. I lean a little and tickle his nose with a jab. I step in and tickle his jaw with a hook. I feint the other side and when he dodges, I do a little more than tickle him. He shakes his head so I back up and drop out.

“John, it’s my impression that if you had followed through with any of those I would be lying on the mat bleeding?”

“Yes. Though a concussion is also likely. If it’s any consolation, Fred respects that jab.”

“Fred is the real big guy?”

“Yep. Let’s make it fair again. Use your magic on me.”

Somepony slaps me in the back of the head so I start moving and ducking as random as I can. He lands a lot of glancing blows and few dead ons. The problem is that the closer I get to him, the more accurate his blows. I work my way over to a rack of short wooden swords without being too obvious and let him get in a hit that spins me. When I come back around I have several swords in my hands and throw them at him in as rapid a string as I can. He ducks and dodges but can’t launch any blows while he does. I charge yelling as loud as I can and manage to knock him over but he rolls and I miss pinning him. Then the elephant sits on me. I can see pink in the air around me and Shining is in serious concentration. I can wiggle but every gain I make is promptly counteracted.

I relax a moment, “Shining, how long can you maintain this?”

He answers, “For hours. It’s more tedious countering every small move you make that tiring from effort.”

“Brace yourself. Things are going to change.” And I reach for my magic. I anchor to the floor then push my body up. The pink darkens and sparkles. Shining grunts and his horn looks like a roman candle.

“HOLD!” It was Steel. “You colts know better than play with that level of magic inside the Castle and with a Princess present no less!”

We had both released at the first shout from Steel. I sat up and said, “I’m sorry. You are absolutely right and I was the one that escalated it.”

Steel is on top of it , “Time for a break. Let’s shower and analyze this over lunch.”

Shining is impressed, “John, you see my cutie mark? Shields are my talent. What I did was basically throw a shield over the top of you. And you were fighting it with your back. I’m not sure which of us would have won that contest. Yet you say that you can’t throw any kind of magic at all?”

“The only time magic has left my body is the heartbond and I’m not sure it’s my magic.”

“Heartbond is shared Earth pony magic. But you can do some things Earth ponies can’t do?”

“I’ve got speed to match my strength. I’m planning to try that out when we get to swords. It may be my best chance to overcome half a lifetime of ignoring swords. Unless maybe you have a spell for that?”

“No, John, no shortcuts. By the way, can you throw real blades like you threw those wooden ones? Because you could be damned deadly like that.”

“Sure, I’m pretty good with a Bowie or a Kabar. Those are Terran knives that I guess would pass for half scale swords among ponies.”

When we get back to the lab it is time to pick a sword. Here we go again. Unicorn blades don’t have a usable grip. They’re held with magic and magic doesn’t need a special grip so why not lighten them? Pegasus blades strap on. I could do that but then I couldn’t use my wrist. They’re all small and lightweight too. Earth pony blades come closest but they either strap on or are held in the pony’s mouth. Not a usable grip for me. But they had two versions of the Claymore ready for me to try. One is longer than I am tall. The other would hang from my belt to about a hands width from the floor. The grip needs a lot more work but it is possible. And it has a cross on it.

Then the fight starts. If there isn’t a basket for me, Shining won’t wear one. He won’t give a bit and I am not going to fight if he doesn’t wear it.

“Shining, I’m not in danger. You are. You have skills. I have wild and crazy.”

Steel settled it. The basket is orders.

He proves my point right off. I can give him something to do but he can score on me at will and I have to take wild chances to get close to him. Then I concentrate and dial my speed up a notch. Now I have time to see what he is doing and begin to make him work. The ratio is about five to one but I am scoring now. I’m confident that I could turn the speed up more and hurt him but hurting Shining isn’t my goal. My goal is a functional weapon and we are closing in on that. The armorers have agreed to forge me a sword to the size and pattern of the smaller wooden Claymore. And they’ll improve the grip and cross.

We’ve worked up a sweat now but I can’t leave without one last experiment. I want to swing the big one. I pick it up and wave it a bit.

“I so wish this was real steel so I could get an actual feel for it vs my full strength.”

Shining smiles big, “We can do that. It’ll only last an hour or so but you won’t be able to tell the difference for that hour.” And his horn glows bright for several seconds.

Suddenly the sword is heavy. I can hold it with normal strength but I'm not going to swing it too many times. So I dial up my muscles until it feels like balsa wood. I swing it over my head until it whistles and everypony gets way back. The dummies are there waiting for me. I cut the head off the first one like it was made of butter. I swing back and halve it diagonally.

“STOP!” Uh oh. Steel. “We get the point. Leave my equipment alone.”

I just grin, “I like this.”