John Sampson's Story

The afternoon was a success. AJ’s pies drew comments both for their quality and her generosity. Everypony at least stopped in to say hello. And I got some important business done. So why do I feel like stepped on shit?

We have made it to the bedroom and are piled on the pad but I’m not resting. AJ and Swift both know something is wrong and are holding me close.

I am looking for some comfort, “AJ, Twilight is going to talk to you about our trust and foals. I have decided that she can have a foal whenever she wants one if she will set up something legal to give the foal our name and heritage. She has accepted this after I explained why she can never be a member of our band. That’s what we were doing this afternoon. She cried a lot.”

Swift squeezes me, “We noticed that she looked somber after talking to you. I told several mares that you had been on Celestia’s business earlier and that this was probably related.

“Oh, Swift, my intuitive wonder, you are exactly right. But it makes it no less painful.”

“Can you tell us, John?” Swift asked.

“Sure. There’s nothing secret about it and you need to know. Just don’t blame me if you cry. We heartbond. It’s the strength of our band. Have you thought about what is going to be like when one of us dies? When we have a part of our own heart ripped out by the roots?”

AJ speaks up, “But we know the bond will still be there when we get to the other side of death. We will be reunited in time.”

“AJ. Swift. Twilight is an Alicorn. How long do Alicorns live? Right. Joining our band would be condemning Twilight to an eternity of pain after we ripped out part of her heart and moved on.”

We all cried ourselves to sleep that night.

I decide to speak with Luna instead of PT in the morning. Two days in a row isn’t ideal but we are on a deadline. My timing is, again, perfect and I join the sisters on their balcony again. When it is done, Celestia asks, “Do you have news for me, John?”

I reply, “I’m here primarily for Luna’s expertise but you should know that the issue with Twilight is fully resolved. I have told her how to have foals without invoking Royal Privilege and why she can never be a part of our band. She is not happy but she is in agreement. She could probably use some consoling.”

Luna looks directly at me, “Thou art a wonder to me, John Sampson. A stallion dictating the affairs of a Princess is unheard of.”

“Show me a private place and I will explain.”

So we go down the stairs and two halls to a sitting room that I suspect is part of Luna’s private quarters.

When are seated Luna leans toward me and dials up the Royal focus, “Tell me, John, how dost thou come to refuse a Princess Her due.”

“Luna, I came here to ask you to examine my soul. Please look as deeply as you dare. I refused Twilight’s request to join our band and I would refuse you or Celestia just the same. Neither my desire nor yours has any relevance in this. We are heartbonded. I could not condemn anypony, much less one I loved, to an eternity of loss when we all died and She didn’t.”

I do believe I see a tear forming.

“Luna, you have my friendship, my loyalty, and my love. I will give you foals for no more than an agreement to give them their heritage. You are welcome among us at will or we will come here just to be social with you. All is yours for a simple asking, except our heart. We would deny you that not for any reason but your own sanity.”

The focus is gone but the tear is definitely there. So I move to sit next to her and offer my shoulder. She grabs me with an unexpected strength and I feel a small sob pass. All I can do is hold her and wait.

“John, it has been many generations of ponies since I have felt the embrace of a stallion as anything but a living dildo. Thank you. I may send for thou some day but it must be done with the utmost discretion. All of my other ponies worship me and I cannot break that mystique. But thy came here with a problem of thine own. What be it?”

“I have an alter ego. I call him my inner pony. He’s been there since my Oath and I feel his influence in my daily life. I feel and act more pony than human in many respects. Sometimes I have to consciously invoke my human nature. None of these are bad things. But while we were camping on AJ’s farm, he got out and took control. My intellect was an observer while he chased down and covered AJ in an instinctive manner. The strange part is that I was physically a full pony. I had all the physical attributes of a pony stallion right down to four hooves. AJ verified every one of them. I need to know just what he is and if I can control him. My hope is that you could put me in touch with him in a dream. And Luna, my band knows I came here to explore my dreams. We have time for some grooming afterward.”

“Lay back and make thyself comfortable, John.”

I do and She touches Her horn lightly to my forehead. Then She steps back, “Where should we look for thy other self?”

We are in the same room but there is a difference. Then I realize that there are no shadows. I am dreaming. “Perhaps the last place that I saw him, the hidden pasture on Aj’s farm.”

“Picture it for me.”

The world ripples and flows and we are there.

Call thy inner pony.”

I whinny and look around. I whinny again and get an answer. He steps out of the woods right behind where our tent had been. I have never looked at him before and AJ had only seen him on a dark night. In the daylight I recognize him instantly. “Fred?”

“What in the hell are you doing here, Fred?”

“You are helping me? How?”

A long and complicated conversation follows. Getting complex ideas into one word sentences isn’t easy. The short of it is that when I took my Oath and declared my desire to be a pony Fred was already linked to me and decided to help. My ‘inner pony’ is an image of Fred given to me as a pattern for my pony self. Fred is helping me by demonstrating equine ways using the Fred pattern. At the same time he is tapping my knowledge of verbal thinking and memories to help him understand ponies and communicate with me. It is a damned clever use of a limited resource and beneficial to both of us. But our direct conversation had to end.

“Okay, Fred. Thank you and please do this again.”

“He’s awake now. That was a very interesting discussion, John.”

“Yes it was. Luna, while we are here I would like to try something. Would you mind a bit of grooming?”

“Not at all, John.”

Her mane is like liquid magic. I don’t know what I could do with it but when I feel for the neck, it’s solid. Starting at the base of Her ears, I scratch and massage with my fingers along the base of Her mane. About a third of the way down Her neck She suddenly leans into me and starts chewing. I put both hands on that spot and She leans harder and begins to moan.

I massaged my way down both sides of Her neck. When I get to Her withers, I feel Her breath on the back of my neck. She begins grooming me one hair at a time. I start on Her back but I run into Her wings.

“Luna?”

“Uhmmm”

“I’ve never had to deal with wings before. You’ll have to tell me how.”

“Just be sure each feather is clean and in line with the others. Thou can’t do any harm to me so try what ye will.”

I don’t how long we spent in that place because dreams are timeless but my body eventually made a tea related demand on me.

When I return She is smiling. “That is a great gift, John Sampson. May I call on thou in thy dreams from time to time?”

“Of course. That is the intent behind this little experiment. This makes discretion much simpler. Remember that I cannot lie to my mares but I am sure they would never begrudge either of us a sweet dream.”

I take the binder apart and begin to break the proposal into manageable chunks. When I have the whole of a piece, I give questions from it to Swift for research. We exercise some Pegusi couriers for several days then the picture begins to come together. There is a clear pattern of waste. I can’t prove that anypony is anything but careless or ignorant but I can prove that millions of wasted bits would invariably fall into the same small group of pockets. I make a list. I double check everything on it. Then I tell Swift to get me an appointment with Celestia.

She sends word that She will see me when I can get there. Shortly, we are in her private office.

“How bad is it, John?”

“It’s mildly brilliant. It will generate a boom in the region and many millions of bits will be made. And almost all of them will end up in the same few pockets.”

“Are you saying there is something wrong with the proposal?”

“There is nothing illegal about it at all. It’s just bad management practices that waste bits by the bushel. The clever part is that all of the wasted bits wind up in the same pockets over and over again. Herd A will build housing for workers in Baltimare because all of the buildings close enough are under contract to herd B and not available. The buildings are empty but nopony can force the lessee to let somepony else use them. Herd B is building housing in Fillydelphia because the herd A is leasing in Fillydelphia.

“Hundreds of wagons are being purchased to haul material parallel to the existing railroad. As a part of the project is completed all of the wagons are auctioned off in the manner normal for surplus property, except the auction is being held on the construction site in the middle of nowhere. Expect to get about two bits per wagon. Then more wagons will be purchased for the next phase of construction at a bid price of twelve hundred bits each, purchased from one of those same herds, who has no stock of new wagons nor source to obtain them in time for the contract.

“This pattern repeats itself throughout the project. And when the project is over those same herds will be able to exercise dirt cheap options on most of the suddenly prime real estate along the new rail line, probably with the money that ‘fell’ out of the project. I can’t tell you which individuals are behind it nor can I prove that they are anything worse than stupid. I can guarantee you that you can see them from your balcony.

“Here is a list of the things that can be fixed with ‘best management practices’. It should save you several million bits.”

A day goes by then I get a message to appear before the Royal Court in the morning. I go at my now usual zero six hundred. The Throne Room is empty except for a Guardpony who tells me that the Princess is waiting for me on the balcony. I know the route so up I go.

Celestia is waiting. “Hello John Sampson. You told me that I could see the source of my problem from my balcony. I want to share that view with you. That cluster of large houses over there surrounded by the high black wall is it. The herds behind that proposal and a number of similar projects are all headquartered right there. They have a lot of names but their common face is Prince Blueblood. He’ll be in Court today to hear my refusal of their proposal. He is irritating and obnoxious but don’t underestimate him. He doesn’t get his own hooves dirty but he will direct those that do.

“Publicly these herds are the great philanthropists of Equestria. They ‘selflessly’ sponsor great works like bridges and railroads for the good of all. I have long known that after each great project their wealth and influence increase without obvious means. You have shown me the means. They are not going to love you for this. Expect dirty tricks and malicious rumors. They will do anything to discredit you because they will know that as long as you are my adviser, their income will be sharply reduced. Your biggest advantage will be your lack of a history. We know exactly when you began your life in Equestria. That will make it hard to dig up ‘witnesses’ to your previous ‘malfeasance’.

“You will stand next to my throne. I will ask you to speak if it is required. Do not reply to anything, even if directly addressed to you, by anypony other than me. I doubt this will take more than a few minutes. The reaction will come later, after he has received instructions from his superiors.

“Now, John, we have a few minutes. Tell me more about Twilight.”

“Celestia, I tried to simply discourage her but she is one very determined pony. I talked to Steel for a stallion’s point of view and he told me what an idiot I was for even thinking of turning her down. All she has to do is agree to give the foal my name as sire and my heritage and she can have the cover. But regarding her desire to join our band, I finally explained to her in blunt terms what life would be like for a heartbonded Alicorn and refused to allow her to be treated that way. We had a long hard cry afterwards.”

Celestia looked hard at me. “’We’, John?”

“We. I tried to be strong for her while she was there but the entire band cried ourselves to sleep that night in sympathy for her. She is and will always be a friend. She can sleep over, socialize, enjoy wild and crazy cover, go on adventures, whatever. She just has to leave before it becomes dangerous for her. I have misgivings about the risks but AJ and Swift are confident they can manage them. So I will leave mare matters to the mares.”

“I am very pleased, John. I want to thank you for taking care of my Twilight. The time for Court is approaching. Shall we go down and meet our ponies?”

It is interesting to see Court from the other side. We go across before we go down this time. That brings us into some offices on the same floor as the Throne Room. Celestia picks up her regalia and I am inspected. A Guardpony brings a list of everypony waiting for Audience. Celestia checks them off and issues instructions for a few of them.

Celestia turns my way, “You’re in luck, John. No ambassadors have shown up so Blueblood is first. You can leave as soon as he is dismissed. Or you can move to the spectators seats and watch the show. It’s a normal mixed lot today.”

We walk into the Throne Room and Celestia takes Her Throne. I take my place on Her left and the doors open. A white impeccably groomed Unicorn prances in with a mildly drab entourage in tow.

He bows in front of Celestia, “Good Morning Your Majesty. I believe you are ready to approve our grant proposal.”

This boy may have cornered the market on arrogance.

Celestia smiles sweetly at him, “Why of course, my dear Prince, just as soon as we have corrected some minor errors in the transcript that I received.”

“There were errors? I’ll have a clerk’s hide for this!” Blueblood looks annoyed.

Celestia is helpful, “Here’s a list of the errors,” floating an ornate copy of my list to him.

He catches it and holds it in front of his eyes. And flips a page. And flips another page, and another, scowling a little deeper with each page. Then he goes all the way to the back page and looks at the number.

“That’s quite a list, Your Majesty. And I have to have my engineers sign off on some of these changes.”

Celestia is smiling even bigger now, “That’s not a problem, Prince. Take your time. In fact, my staff will be glad to proofread your amended proposal for you.”

He spins and charges for the door scattering his entourage.

Celestia drips sweetness, “Have a nice day, Prince.”

I didn’t roll on the floor but I did make a note to stay on Celestia’s good side.

I stay for a few of the following Audiences. Mostly they are regular merchant ponies getting approval for contracts to supply various goods and services to Royal agencies. After a while I leave and go to the Colonel’s office to catch him up on recent developments.

Steel is in and waiting. After the door is closed, “Hello there John. How did this morning’s Audience go?”

“Did you know that Celestia has a dark side? She positively enjoys tormenting Blueblood.”

Steel laughs, “Blueblood is directly related to Celestia, to about the same degree as a few thousand other ponies. The difference is that he thinks it makes him Her equal and superior to everypony else. She despises him but needs to tolerate him as a handle on the Noble Herds.”

“Well, I just chopped down their money tree. They’ve been getting millions of bits in graft from each of their ‘philanthropies’ up until now. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last week, documenting how they steal. Celestia just handed him a list of ‘errors’ to be corrected. It won’t take them too long to connect all the inquiries into their properties and contracts to me. Life may get interesting after that.”

“You know I’ve got your back, John, but I can’t see them getting too rude with a Guard staffer. They can trash your public image but it won’t change a thing inside the Castle. Celestia will stand against it anyway. Any kind of physical attack would bring the entire Service herd down on them with a vengeance.”

“You’re warned and I’m alert. There’s not much else to do. I do have good news, though. The Twilight issue is fully resolved complete with Celestia’s blessing. She may visit and do anything but stay. The details are being handled by the mares.”

“That’s good, John. Shining will be here in three days anyway. Do you still need to see him?”

“Yes, I do. It’s just not quite as urgent now. And Steel, there’s something I have been wondering about. I know you are busy but you always seem to be waiting for me to show up. How do you do it?”

“It’s horn, John. Why do you think so many administrators are Unicorns? Many of us have a talent for knowing when and where to be. It takes some training and development but you can see how it would be useful.”