John Sampson's Story

The feathers seem especially sweet this morning but that little voice is still there and can’t be denied, “Zero four hundred, John.”

Slide off the pad, stagger to the toilet, bounce to the kitchen, find tea, begin awareness.

“Good morning, Spike. Are you ready to witness mortal combat political style?”

“You and Twilight are going to be there so I must but it seems kinda strange to me.”

“The Blueblood coalition was getting right wealthy off Celestia’s bits. They think that being born noble entitles them to put a hand in the Royal Treasury. Then I came along and cut them off. As long as I’m here they’ll have to work for a living. The only way they can understand this is that I want the money, 'their money', for myself so they are defending themselves by destroying me. Make sense now?”

“No, but I can see the logic in it.”

“Spike, when their attack on me fails, they will attack my band next. That includes you Spike. If you are asked questions, always tell the absolute truth. Do not worry about how it makes me or Twilight look. We will take care of untwisting their lies and half truths.”

“I trust you, John. You have always treated me like a pony.”

“Do you think it will really get that bad?” Swift asks as she walks in.

“I know it will because I’m not going to let them back out of anything. When they realize just what they’ve got themselves into, they will get desperate.”

Twilight joins the tea circle and we plot our course for the day. We’ll have our normal informal breakfast then back here to change and on to the Throne Room.

The cafeteria is packed. I mean standing room only packed and about half of them have on full dress. There is one large table with empty seats and Steel is there. I tell Swift to get me eggs and oatmeal while I talk to Steel.

“Steel, what the flying fuck are you up to here?”

Steel calmly replies, “I’ve been ordered to report for morning Court to possibly testify. You’re on your own with everypony else. I suspect some of them are friends of yours. There was excitement after the notice for today’s Court was posted. Others may be friends of Swift. I do know that none of them are on duty.”

“Dammit, Prince John wishes the Guard would keep their collective noses out of Royal affairs. John Sampson is tickled shitless and hopes certain noble houses take the hint.”

We eat and head back to dress. I consider for a bit then put on my small sword.

In the Throne Room there were nine chairs in a row, in colors and with marks. The entire Royal Herd is represented in the same order as on my big sword. Shining, AJ, Swift, and Spike are set back and flanking their relatives. But first there is a meeting in the conference room behind Celestia’s office.

Celestia is presiding, “Are there any questions?”

Cadance has one, “Why are we going to such extremes for a minor contract dispute?”

I take that one, “These are the ponies that were robbing Celestia blind until I uncovered their tricks. I cost them millions of bits. The very same ponies hired the assassins at the Spring Fling. They may turn this into a stallion challenge or just try to discredit me enough to get their graft back. My vote is for punishing them enough to keep them quiet for a couple of generations.”

Celestia adds, “They are degenerated Noble Herds that believe an accident of birth entitles them to a free ride on the Royal Treasury. I’ve been trying to get them off my back for decades.”

Cadance expands, “So the contractor is a pawn. We’re after his boss?”

“Bingo.” “Or his boss’s boss.” Celestia and I collide.

We kick ideas around until it is time then we all take our seats and the doors open. Ponies came in . . and in . . and in. The room is packed. About a quarter of the crowd to the right is ranks of Guard. And you can spot the Blueblood followers, they’re the ones looking at the Guard and moving left. It takes forty five minutes to get as many ponies packed in as possible and what I can see of the hall is just as packed.

There’s no sign of our contractor so we hear some other ponies that were originally scheduled before the complaint was filed. It’s routine and boring until my real estate case from yesterday shows up and they specifically want me to hear them.

“Your Majesty, when we left your Court yesterday, we were mad. You had treated us like children and ordered the destruction of valuable property. We were so mad at you, we forgot to be mad at each other for a little while. We ate dinner together and talked. And we realized how smart that idea of making rental camp out of it is. Not only that, we figured out why you treated us like you did. So now we want to drop our case and use that rental idea.”

I look over, “Does the Recorder have the number and details of their case from yesterday?” I get a nod.

“The Order is amended to reflect that nothing will be changed on or about the property. A professional agent will be employed to manage the property, maintain it, and collect rents. Every quarter the agent will divide the net profits among the two owners and the agent. Are there any questions or changes?”

They look at each other then back to me and nod.

“Let the record reflect that both parties indicated assent. Let it be recorded and done.

“And thank you two. I predicted this outcome to Princess Luna last night and you make me look good.”

That shocked them but the house loved it.

We still don’t have our contractor and we are out of other cases. Celestia looks ready to bail when a Guardpony rushes in and up to her. She listens for a minute then sends him down the row to me. A body has been found that fits the description of our contractor. Could I come and confirm the identity? I glance at Celestia and she nods. I tell Swift what is going on and to pass the info up the line quietly.

The Guardpony leads me out the main gate and several hundred yards down the road. In a small side alley behind some boxes is our contractor minus most of his blood. He was found because it is running down the alley from a gaping throat wound. My guess would be a guaranteed no noise kind of killing.

I tell the Guard officer in charge that it is him and how important this investigation is to me and Celestia. Then I sprint back to the Throne Room.

I nod to Celestia as I walk in the door.

Celestia stands and, “This Court is ended.” And she is out the back door with all of us close behind her.

I’m back in the familiar conference room reporting, “It is definitely him and definitely no accident. His throat and both arteries were severed with one clean slice. Nothing is missing and he’s just a few hundred yards from the main gate. My money is on somepony not liking what they see when they get here and deciding to cut their losses.”

There are lots of agreements with that.

Then I have a thought, “AJ, where’s the paperwork on that apple shipment? It takes a substantial facility to process that many apples and substantial money to run it. There has to be a name on all of that. And we may find more info about their ‘emergency’.”

AJ has the papers and the final delivery is by rail to Baltimare. Why are bells going off in my head? Oh,yeah!

“Mares and Stallions your attention please! I know that address. We can get copies of my analysis of the first grant request that I did to start this off but it’s going to show that address as one of the empty buildings that couldn’t be used by the crew building the new railroad. It’s a big shell next to the existing rail line and it’s listed as a ‘warehouse with light utilities’. Even if they move in the equipment, you can’t support a commercial kitchen on ‘light utilities’. It’s locally owned but Blueblood’s herd holds the lease.”

AJ is looking disturbed, “You mean they are just dumping my apples on the floor in an empty building?”

“Probably, yes. Have they paid for them yet?”

Now she’s really mad, “It hasn’t cleared the bank yet.”

Celestia orders, “John, you have the authority. Go to the bank and trace the money. AJ has earned it and we need to know who is paying it.”

Our little war council broke up then but I had more on my mind.

“Shining, we need to talk privately. I have some interesting ideas for you.”

We detour into an empty room on Ambassador’s Row. I close my eyes and shift into man-x.

When I open my eyes, “I have four bodies now. Two human and two equine. This is the second human. I’m making small changes in it to make it battle ready. That’s the fun part. I can edit now. How do you like the eyes?”

“John, there are days you are just plain scary. Do they work as well as you hoped?

“Better. I need to practice with them because the depth perception is different. But what I’m after today is for my pony body. My original equine self is really Fred light. It’s all horse, not pony. I want to edit it enough to make a usable pony. As a horse I have full access to my magic and can do all the normal pony things, except talk. I need to talk. I tried using my human vocal cords and they work but I still can’t talk. The sound comes out my nose unmodulated by my mouth. I need a pony face. I need all the throat and tongue parts that make speech sounds. Ideally, I need a pony head to copy parts off of until I can get a voice.

“How do I fit into this?”

“I need a Unicorn to get anything into my head. And I want a stallion model so I don’t sound silly. That leaves you or Steel as the only two I would trust in my head. You’ve already been there so the risks are known for you. What it comes down to is can I please use your head as a model and would you put the pattern where I can get to it? I thought of just copying a pony body like I did Fred’s but I don’t want to walk around as a counterfeit anypony. I want to build a unique me and I need help to do it.”

“This is a new idea to me. I don’t mind helping you and I trust you but I’m not sure I can do it.

“Well think on this, I don’t mind showing you anything I’m doing. If you learn how, it’s possible we could trade parts. You could take my horse body for a spin. I have no idea if you can use magic the way I do but I’m very sure it’s worth a try. We need to do it near here so help can be summoned if needed. We need some privacy and time. And I need to get this damned Blueblood problem from hanging over us.”

“We’re going to be here for a few days and staying with Twilight so we’ll have opportunities. And congratulations on the promotion. I hope it gets you what you want.”

“Thanks. It ‘disturbed’ Twilight but I think we’re back on course. You need to see my new sword. I may even wear it to talk to the bankers. It has a way of enforcing attention. Let’s go to the tower so I can show you.”

When we walk in the door, I unbuckle my small sword and put it on the rack. Then I put on the big one and model it for Shining.

“This is my Baby. I just like the way it feels.”

“Can you actually draw that?”

“Of course. In fact, one of the main reasons I want the eyes is so I can draw it without endangering friends.”

I step off and dial up my strength a little. A few passes later, “What do you think?”

“I think you are damned scary with that monster. Ten of you could clear a battlefield.”

“That is inherent in my little plot. You could be holy terror number two.”

“What are my silly stallions doing playing with weapons in the home?” Cadance has noticed that we are in.

“I’m just showing Shining my new favorite toy.”

We go up to the library to greet the band. There is a basic law of pony behavior, the time required to greet and welcome increases as the square of the number of ponies involved. It is one of the sweeter parts of being a pony.

We plan and consider and decide. Lunch at Smoky’s for everypony then Swift, Shining, and I will go to the bank. If we weren’t out of the bank in twenty minutes, Cadance, Twilight, AJ, and Spike will follow and we will create a Royal Scene in the bank.

We just get a whole pot of stew and bowls then go nuts on it sitting right in front of the window. A crowd gathers outside to watch the Royal Herd eating at Smoky’s.

Smoky comes by to say hello, “Your Majesty. You can’t know how good it makes me feel to say that, Prince John. Finally, we have Royal Earth ponies. There are so many of us that look at you and feel like we are finally full blooded ponies. And then you come here just like the rest of us. I want to thank you for just being you.”

“Smoky, I don’t know how to be anypony but me. You’d laugh yourself silly if you knew how often I screw up being a high level pony.”

“You save those stories for somepony that believes them, Your Majesty. I see the evidence all around you. I knew you were special the first day you came in here.”

Twilight is looking at me like I just grew three horns but we don’t have time right now. Swift and Spike confer and confirm the location of the bank. I have the invoice and draft info in my pocket. Shining, Swift, and I set off.

“Shining, if we get stuck long enough to need the mares, let me greet them first. I want to bitchslap the bankers with the whole alien Herd Stallion scenario. Don’t be surprised if I go for some arousing displays of affection. I want to bait them as much as we can. You and Swift look around and watch for emotional reactions. That was the first tip off with Blueblood.”

Swift enters the bank first and the greeter starts her way with a smile. Then I step in and the smile freezes as the greeter turns to a colleague. Shining walks in behind me and the greeter makes a beeline for him.

“Prince Shining Armor, I’m so glad to see you. What brings you here today.”

Shining looks at her completely deadpan, “I’m just having lunch with His Majesty today and came along for the walk.”

The greeter was bubbly now, “Oh? We have more Royalty coming?”

Shining is enjoying himself, “Yes, but He’s already here. He’s the tall stallion standing right over there.”

A very disturbed greeter comes over to me, “Could you please identify yourself, sir?”

Swift grabs this one, “You are addressing His Highness John Sampson, Herd Stallion and Co-ruler to Princess Celestia.”

The greeter swallows her shit sandwich and, “Forgive me Your Majesty. We were not notified.”

My turn, “You recognized Prince Shining Armor. Verify his identity.”

The greeter is back to bubbly, “There’s no need for that. We all know the Prince.”

I lean over her a bit, “That was not a suggestion.”

So they brought out a big binder and flipped through the pages until they find Shining’s Cutie mark and it matches.

I speak again, “Prince Shining, please state my full name and rank.”

Shining is grinning, “His Majesty Major John Sampson Royal Herd Stallion.”

I pull my pants down enough to expose my cutie mark and look directly at the greeter, “Record it.”

The greeter motions and a clerk comes rushing over with a pad and colored pencils. I stand there while she sketches.

I pull a note out of my pocket and hand to the greeter, “Get me all available information on this account including a history from the last year.”

The greeter rushes to a back office and disappears for a while. By the time she is back the sketch is done and I am officially identified with the bank.

“I’m sorry, sir, but there is no such account.”

That annoys me. I take another note out of my pocket and hand it to the greeter, “Very well. I need the same information on this account.”

And I get the same result. So, “I need to see the president of this bank immediately.”

“I’m sorry, sir. Prince Blueblood is out of town.”

“Bring me the vice president.”

“Stuffed Shirt is out of town too.”

“Send a notification to the Castle when they return. Shining, Swift, let’s quit wasting time.”

I want to be out before the mares arrive. The second account I inquired about is AJ’s farm account.

We met the mares about three blocks up. Doubling back, we locate a small bakery and push two tables together outside.

“Twilight, I want you to take AJ to Ponyville near the bank branch. Don’t let them see you from the bank and don’t go in. AJ, I want you to withdraw a hundred bits from my Guard account and deposit it in your farm account. Be sure it’s the same account the payment for the apples is going into. Fill everything out just right and get receipts. Then bring it all back here. If anypony says there is no such account or gives any reason for the transaction to fail, do not argue. Just smile and return here. Got it?”

They both nod, step out to the center of the patio, and disappear.

Cadance and Shining both turn on me. I explain, “They denied there was any such account as the one they paid for the apples with so I tried the other direction. The second account I asked about was the farm account AJ deposited their payment into. They said there was no such account as that either. If they lied to a direct question from a Royal on official business, we can raid the bank and seize all of their records. If they killed the accounts, including the account of a Royal Herd Member, they embezzled from a Royal and we can raid the bank and seize their records. I don’t want to tip them off if we can avoid it. I want a Company of Guard to descend on them like vengeance personified and keep the records from being ‘damaged’.

Spike had been taking all of this in, “Cool. I want to watch.”

In a few minutes Twilight and AJ reappeared. AJ walked somberly up to me and gave me one hundred bits.

“They said there was no such account as my farm account by number or by name.”

“How much was in it, AJ?”

“Counting the deposit for the apples, about three hundred and twenty thousand bits.”

“Twilight, take AJ and Spike. Cadance, take me, Shining, and Swift. Let’s all meet in Celestia’s conference room. ‘pop’ And we are there.

I open the door to very surprised Guardpony, “Get Celestia, Luna, Colonel Steel, and the Royal Treasurer here in three minutes.”

Celestia pops in while I am speaking, “What’s going on, John?”

“Blueblood’s bank just embezzled three hundred thousand bits from a Royal Herd Member as part of lying to a Royal Investigator to conceal evidence in a murder investigation. I think that entitles us to seize and examine his bank records.”

Luna pops in as I am taking a breath so I have to say it again.

Steel is there in a few minutes and the Treasurer right on his heels. I tell the whole story in gruesome detail this time.

Celestia asks Shining, “Anything to add?”

Shining replies, “John told me to watch for emotional reactions while he gave them cause. Everypony in that bank wants to kill him. Some of them reached in drawers when his back was turned. He said he wanted to go back in with a Company and I agree with him.”

Celestia looks at Swift, “How about you?”

Swift replies, “What he said, exactly.”

Steel’s turn, “When three experienced officers agree, I damned well better believe them. We’ll need some major magic help too. Expect trap spells everywhere.”

Celestia turns to the poor Treasurer, “Don’t worry about the military parts. The building will be safe before you get near it. Can you run the country if they destroy all records? How hard will it be to change to another depository?”

“We have duplicate records and so do they. There are enough other banks to cover operating expenses with no more than a few days delay. A full orderly changeover will take months.”

Celestia asks, “Pros and cons?”

I said, “If we can get their records and analyze them or turn a bookkeeper, we can get their entire organization and end corruption for a generation.”

Luna says, “If they be not dragging our resources down, our ponies be much happier but can we prevent the destruction of all they hold hostage?”

Cadance says, “The Crystal Empire is insulated from any damage they do. We can help with any recovery.”

Twilight says, “We can keep ponies safe from their traps but keeping records whole will be much tougher. They will be shielded and self destructing.”

Swift says, “They think they can rob and kill with impunity. I need to do something about that.”

AJ says, “I want my money and their hide.”

Celestia reassures AJ, “I will cover all of your losses and then some in return for letting us use your account to prosecute them.”

I have one last question, “When?”

When should we hit the bank? Late at night would mean fewer ponies but more magic. In the day would be sooner and less chance they had already hidden files but there would be major resistance. In the end it turned out to be decided for us. It would take until after midnight to get enough Guardponies without completely gutting the Castle and nearly that long to round up the right Unicorns. So we go in at zero three hundred.

The strategy is set. The tactics are in motion. So we are having a late dinner in the tower. AJ has been on a non-stop boil since leaving the Ponyville bank.

I try reason, “AJ, slow down or you will burn yourself out before you get to hit one of them.”

I doesn’t work. She’s mad.

I try again, “You know they have my money too?”

She is not going to slow down until she sees them squirm.

“AJ, as a Guard officer, as your stallion, and as your friend, if you don’t start acting like you have good sense I am going to lock you in the castle until this is over.

That gets her attention, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would much rather have a pissed AJ than a dead AJ.”

I grab Twilight, “Twilight, help me distract AJ. We’ve got seven hours to wait and at the rate she’s going, she’ll blow a gasket before then.”

We get AJ sat down in the main room but she is too fidgety for much grooming.

Time for plan B, “Twilight, is there anything that happened today that you have any questions about?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. I want to know what Smoky was talking about.”

Great choice Twilight, “Which part of it? He covered a broad range in a few words.”

“Start with you being an Earth pony.”

“Think carefully. Do I have a horn? Nope. So I’m not a Unicorn. Do I have wings? Nope. So I can’t be a Pegasus. What’s left?”

“But you have strong magic.”

“And AJ doesn’t?”

After three false starts I have sympathy on Twilight, “What you are experiencing is the unconscious Unicorn bias. You grew up as a Unicorn in a Unicorn band among Unicorns. Unicorns are the ponies that have magic because you can’t do magic without a horn.”

“Pegasi have magic in their wings. They couldn’t fly without it.”

“Twilight, I have flown in machines larger than most buildings in Equestria. It’s a very common thing on Terra. So I know better than anypony just how much Pegasi depend on magic. But you know what really amazes me? It’s the way they can hold and manipulate things with their feathers.”

“That’s just another aspect of the magic in their wings.”

“Yes it is. But have you ever wondered what might be possible if they worked as hard as a Unicorn to train that aspect of their magic? We know that the feathers are contributing no physical strength at all so there must be some projection of magic going on.”

“I’ve never seen anything about that in my studies.”

“That’s because wings are for flying and nothing else need be known. But back to me and AJ. We don’t have wings or horns so we can’t do magic. Now go ask your brother how he feels about that. He’s a high level Unicorn and he can’t beat my magic.”

“Yes but you’re different, John.”

“And so is AJ? Because you told me that the Elements are highest level magic. Regardless, I don’t have a horn or wings but I can change bodies at will. Can you do that?”

“You are still different.”

“Okay. A Unicorn can communicate with my mind if they touch me. Fred can do it long distance. Where’s Fred’s horn? I know, Fred is different too.”

“But what does all of this have to do with Smoky anyway?”

“You have to do Alicorn level magic to be Royal. You have to start as Unicorn to get to Alicorn. So only Unicorns can be Royal. I’m not minimizing how hard you studied to get there. I’m just wondering where a Pegasus or Earth Pony could go with that level of study.”

“Pegasi have flight schools and Earth ponies study engineering.”

“And there it stops. At least Pegasi can look at you and say ‘she’s half Pegasus’. How many engineers get invited to magic school?”

“Why would an engineer want to go to magic school?”

“Yeah, that’s as silly as a Unicorn going to engineering school.”

“You’re making fun of me!”

“No, just some of the ideas you’ve been taught. Think hard on this, my Oath is to be the best possible pony that I could be. Without a horn or wings I could only be one kind of pony. So I’m the best possible Earth pony. That’s how the magic of Equestria works and you know it. If I had asked for a horn, I could have got it but I didn’t know to ask so I’m a default Earth pony. Can you find a fault with that logic?”

Twilight had to think for a while, “I don’t see anything wrong as far as it goes but why can’t you be some new kind of pony?”

“Who was compelled to use Earth pony magic like the heartbond almost immediately? That’s what Smoky was saying. The other Earth ponies feel it. Even the Pegusi recognize it. I feel like an Earth pony to them but I have no trouble competing with a Unicorn. Then I start covering Alicorns. That gives every Earth pony and Pegasus in Equestria hope. If they try hard enough, maybe they can do it too.”

“But that’s always been true.”

“I’m not the one you have to convince.”

AJ is snoring lightly so we slip off to the kitchen for some tea. Both of us can draw on magic resources so while rest would be nice, it isn’t necessary. We talk about the Royal Herd and where the future might find us for quite a while. Then it is zero two hundred. We wake AJ and pour some tea into her. I get dressed in my work uniform and small sword. And we head out to Celestia’s office for the final assembly.

I line Twilight, Swift, AJ and Spike up, “You will stay together and watch out for each other unless called for a specific purpose. I will be with you and we will all be with Celestia. The combat teams are experienced working with their teammates and strangers will just endanger them. I may get called for a breaching and Twilight may get called for magic but most likely we will go in after the building is secure and safed. AJ and Spike, do what Swift says without argument. She knows the military drill and will keep you out of trouble. Twilight, you are in charge of transportation. Let’s go find Celestia.

Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Steel are waiting just inside the main gate. The first squad is flying out as we arrive. They are all Batponies from Luna’s Guard and will take positions in the shadows where they can watch doors and intersections all around the building. Their job is to keep civilians out and enemy in.

The second squad is an Engineers group of Earth ponies with Unicorn and Pegasus overwatch. Their job is to get the doors open as quickly as possible. When the Batponies are set Cadance and Luna will teleport them to the doors.

The third squad is Recon. When a door opens Celestia will teleport them to right in front of it and they will go through the building as fast as possible. As soon as they have cleared the building the Expert Unicorns will start checking and releasing evidence for transport to the Castle.

There are shields to prevent teleports in and out of the building and we don’t want to disable them. We will have to guard the building and contents until some resolution is reached.

Shining, Steel, and I have Princesses to protect and will stay with that unless something goes sideways.

Squad two just vanished. There is now an active assault in progress. In an amazingly short time Squad three follows them. Then we’re all in the street half a block from the building. The squads all report clear. It was too damned easy.

I caution, “Everypony watch themselves carefully. Stick to the buddy system. This is too easy.”

Steel calls me over to a door between the offices. It opens onto stairs leading down. The basement is possibly bigger than the building.

Steel says, “The horn says there’s something going on down here but I can’t find it.”

I look through every room and find nothing but old boxes of old paper and furniture that should have been thrown out. But I agree with Steel. Something is missing. Then I realize what it is, a whole quadrant of the basement isn't accessible.

I bring Twilight down, “There’s something behind this wall. I can’t find a door anywhere so there must magic hiding it or a magic method of entry. Find it.

After twenty minutes Twilight says, “I can’t see a hole anywhere. I agree with you not because I see anything but because I don’t. If there was rock or dirt there I’d know it. I see blank.”

Shining has joined us. I say, “Everypony out but Shining. I’m going to make a hole and we have no idea what’s in there. Shining get ready to catch it if it’s bad.”

I take a deep breath and concentrate. This time I go way down and bring up something big. I set myself and anchor with my hands against the wall. I push. I felt a little bit of give to the right so I move there and push again. Somepony pushed back.

“Steel!” And he comes sailing down the stairs. “I’m getting active resistance. Somepony is fighting back. That means they know we are here and don’t like it. Expect trouble.”

“Yes, sir:” And he is gone.

I wait a few seconds then move farther right which puts me near a wall. I push again but this time I add my speed. I change directions at random and my foe has to adapt. I realize there are several of them because they don’t all react at the same speed. Suddenly I twist and put my feet against the side wall and push sideways like I want to slide the wall. It works. Some blocks move and I've opened a gap. I get my hands in the gap and pull the blocks out. To the tune of much shaking and a bright flash the wall gives and opens up. I stop and stand back.

Shining is wide eyed, “I’m glad you told me to have a shield up.” He is staring at two very large stone blocks that have come out of the wall aimed right at his chest.

“Come over here and make a light.” He did and what I saw changed my view of Equestria and Blueblood.