Fanfic Collab. What Have We Done Now?by DarkyellowzChaptersEntering Equestria ARCExploring Equestria ARCEverfree Forest ARCEntering Equestria ARCBen, a young 13 year old boy, yelled out through the house of the Queensland Bronies. “Yo, Tom! Do you have any idea where my pudding is?!” Tom turned around, “Nahhhhh, bro. I don’t know where the puddings at. You checked the fridge?” Quickly, Tom runs to the bathroom, greedily scooping as much into his maw as possible before locking the door behind him. “Alrighty den...” Ben went back to his room, which was filled to the brim with junk and other things. He sat on his bed as he opened up his laptop. “What’s goin’ on in the world today~” He sung as he flipped through the scrollings of Facebook. He stumbles upo- Tom runs into Ben’s room with pudding smeared on his face and starts diving within the trashpile in the room looking for something. He then pulls his head out of the pile and says, “Nope I forgot, damn it.” Tom turns to Ben and says, “Don’t you hate when that happens?” “I hate it when someone interrupts my writing space. Like you just did with you diving in here.” Ben picks up one of the many plastic bottles in his room and throws it at Tom. “Now, let me finish my sentence next time.” He scolded him. Tom expertly catches the bottle and throws it at the least expensive item in the room he can afford to replace. Which happens to be another bottle. unfortunately, this bottle is holding up a stack of ipods and laptops which of course crumble into the trash heap as contact is made with the small vial of acid within the trash. Tom stares blankly at the mess he just made, and noticing Ben has not seen the irreparable damage done to his room yet, he quickly grabs his coat and bolts for the door. “Oh you bastard, Tom.” Ben snarls and he shuts down his laptop. “To be fair, what the fuck was a vial of acid doing in your trash heap? You’ve got at least three years worth of Red Bull cans and porn in here? Which is strange cause you’re 13.” “I do what I must for science. Now don’t question me before I have to take this outside and sort this out like Rage Roid.” Ben gets up and gracefully jumps around to get out of his messy room. “Also, I still want to beat you in Soul Cal V.” “Dude, Capcom vs Marvel erryday, hands down. FOR SCIENCE!” Tom then proceeds to start rolling on the floor to gather as much static electricity as possible. “I’m going to recharge my phone!” “Why is everything Pinkie Pie on cocaine with you?” Ben facepalms.OM NOM NOM NOM!! RANDOM TEXT CUS I CAN!! BLARGH!! “Nah, I prefer Berry Punch on speed. With a side of Twilight smoking weed. Haha I’m a poet and I didn’t know it LOL.” (Yes he did actually say L O L) “You amaze me, you truly do. Now if you’ll excuse me-” Ben is interrupted mid-sentence as the energy around Tom becomes visible to the naked eye and slowly intensifies, eventually covering Tom and Ben in swirling pink and purple sparks. And just like that, the trash, and the dudes were, GONE. “Whoa. Colours man. It’s like the rainbow... Wait, Tom. Why is everything dark and all I feel is a butt on my face? A pink butt.” Ben asks. “That would be your Pinkie Pie plush my friend.” Tom helpfully reaches over and un-obscures Ben’s sight from what would be the greatest sunrise the two have ever seen. Even though the full rise to the top of its path only took a literal minute. “Holy shitballs.” Tom gasps. “Dude, I don’t have a Pinkie Pie plushie.” Ben thinks for a moment. “Hey, why are we outside? Did we teleport or something?” “It seems like we have moved dimensions,” Tom muses as he swats away the pink plot device. “*snicker* Plot.” “Hey, maybe we’re in Equestria. But if so, what part?” Ben wonders. “Well judging by our proximity to what you and I know as the Everfree Forest, and how close the sun is to us, I can conclude I have absolutely no idea.” And with that, a map floats by on the wind and settles in a fully opened position between the two dudes. When Tom goes to pick it up however, it attaches to his face not unlike an Predator. “It likes you.” Ben gets up and searches through the trash, getting out a Compass. Just as Tom removes the map to show multiple small gashes across his face, he crumpled it up into a ball and punts it about fifty metres well across the field. “Well that certainly won’t come back to haunt me later.” “Oh and I saw the whole map and memorised it now, so you won’t need that just yet. Geez what else do you have in this pile of trash transported here with us?” “Well, I have a sword somewhere here. And probably a stun gun. I collect things for a post-apocalyptic war.” Ben pulls out a katana. “Wait, its a katana, not a sword.” He then looks at the compass, analyzing it. “Well, I know the magnetic field is unstable here.” “I shotty the shotty.” Tom pulls a shotgun out of nowhere and straps it to the front of his chest. Unfortunately, he has not been able to find any shells for it so far, so it only looks cool for the moment. “So if the magnets are haywire, then we definitely are in Equestria. Cause only Miracles happen on Earth. Damn those clowns.” “What the hell can we do Ben? Apart from this stack of weaponry, we have no food, water, or sleeping gear, apart from your Rarity bedsheets, which are slightly embarrassing to say the least.” “Fuck you, Rarity is best pony. Anyway, we’re in Equestria. So the grass is what’s for dinner.” Ben walks out of the pile of trash. “Eew grass. Wait, candy grass?” Tom takes an experimental bite out of the ground. “Holy crap it tastes just like Cadbury’s! Dude you have to try this!” (“Also Applejack is best pone”, Tom whispers.) “I’d rather raid Sweet Apple.” Ben looks off into the distance. “How do we get there from here?” “You have the map, correct?” “Well I memorised it, yes. Ok I suppose we can head off if one of us can figure out where the fuck we are now.” “One way of doing that. We must shake our plots for Molestia, but since we are humans that is quite hard. So let’s just walk over to that town that looks like Ponyville.” Ben begins walking. “Well we can only hope. In the meantime, let’s avoid getting raped by a pony (or should it be horse?) on our first hour here.” Tom walks forward cautiously, carefully avoiding any attempts at what he would call “ass action”. It takes three hours to get to this little village. “So. How do we enter? I mean like, we’re humans, they’re ponies.” Ben wonders. “As long as we don’t run into Lyra straight away, we should be ok. Luckily I packed this Crackle the Dragon costume into my backpack before we left. Jesus, if we ever get back, we’re going to have to make sure your rooms clean. I just don’t know how you got all this stuff!” “I... Uhh... Have my ways...” Ben shifts his eyes. “Anyway. We have to continue on. I’ll just enter normally. You can do what you want.” Ben walks off into the village. “Dude wait up, I’ve gotta have at least one mate in this world that I know. Can you imagine if we actually got split up? I don’t know what I’d do. *sniff* Anyway, it’s probably a good idea to ditch our pony merch here so we don’t go in with pictures of the ponies on our shirts and other assorted goods.” “Hey, I wear normal clothing. And you.” Ben pops a rolled up piece of paper into his mouth and lights the end. “You might need to come in naked.” Tom sighs, “Born naked in one world and born naked into the next, such is the circle of life.” Tom starts stripping removing his pants first. And then immediately puts them back on, thinking this was getting a little rapey. “Mind sharing that piece of paper with nothing in it with me? I could use a drag to calm my nerves.” “Just pick up some grass and roll it into this piece of paper.” Ben gives Tom a piece of paper. “Wait a minute, you’re telling me that grass is literally grass in Equestria? Erh mer gerd.” “Yes, so you should smoke it.” With an obligatory “420 blaze it faggot!” Tom lights up his first ever joint and blissfully takes an experienced drag. “I’ll go in, stay out here in that Crackle suit and don’t get cold. I’ll just go and find Twilight or some pony. I mean like, it’s night time. So breaking in should be EASY.” Ben walks off. As Ben walks off, Tom yells, “If it’s so easy, why am I left here?” But of course Ben can’t hear him, and Tom is left with a smoking joint, a Crackle costume and a shotgun with no ammo. “Well,” he thinks to himself, “better than what I woke up with this morning.” Ben brakes into the library once he gets close enough. Smashing entrance it was. “Hey, is there a book nerd here?!” Ben calls out as a lavender pony walks down from the stairs. “Spiiiiiiiike, my ears are burning, can you grab me some lotion...” As Twilight spots Ben, she slowly gets a look of comprehension on her face. She then proceeds to pass out and fall down the stairs face first. Luckily, this is a cartoon, so her snout is not smashed to pieces forever, rather bruised only slightly that it cannot be picked up by a small child. “Huh...” Ben yawns and climbs back out the way he came in and goes back to Tom. “I think I killed Twilight.” He says to Tom “Dude it’s a cartoon for little girls, she’s not gonna be dead.” “Says you.” Ben crosses his arms. “Right well let’s go check then, so we don’t get charged with accessory to murder ON OUR FIRST DAY!” Tom walks off in the direction Ben returned from, muttering under his breath. As they get there, Ben shows Tom the way in. As they are inside Ben says “Hey Tom, take off all your clothing and get on all fours. And pretend you’re a pony” “Nice try mate, a hypnotist tried to suggest to me once it didn’t work. Let’s get back to the issue at hand shall we?” As Tom and Ben look around again, they both see a small jet of green flame come towards their faces at an increasingly alarming rate. Both duck down in time, avoiding the cowardly attack. “S-stay back!” Spike Stutters. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I...I will! W-who are you?” “We are humans. We mean no harm to you, well maybe to Trixie in the future but not you or Twilight. Please don’t be alarmed.” “Tom, you hurt Trixie and I will make sure that you will have to have plastic surgery.” Ben threatens Tom. “Trixie? Now there’s a name we haven’t heard in Ponyville for a while” Spike perks up. “Do you ‘humans’ know her?” “See, now you got him suspicious. And now we have to go through a whole fucking explanation. So fuck this, time skip.” Tom and Ben press a button on their conveniently existing time machines, and Tom hits the floor at the speed of light, instantaneously gathering enough speed to time travel REWIND NOISE (At this point, since we can’t be bothered writing an explanation again, let’s just assume that Twilight has woken up while we were talking to Spike, and has attempted to kill us before being assured we are peaceful) “So you guys REALLY aren’t here for any ulterior motives, not planning on taking over Ponyville or Equestria at all?” Twilight poses to the two thoroughly confused and tired gentlemen. “First, I shall hit on Celestia. Then, I shall have sexual intercourse with her. THEN, I shall free Discord and have his daughter’s hand in marriage!” Ben was off in his own little world of tiredness, his ears moving up and down. “Woah! Steady on! There are some things this dragon doesn't need to hear.” Spike interrupts. Covering Spike’s ears, Tom states in a very sick and tired tone, “To answer your first question Twilight, yes we are peaceful. To answer your next question, Ben is just tired and utterly confused. At least I do quite hope that.” “Or I can seduce Rarity! Yeah, that’ll work...” Ben sounds pleased with himself. “HEY!” Spike yells. “My ears may be covered but i can still make out your muffled words! Keep your dirty muffin hands off her, you hear!?” “Hey, you can just hit on her sister. You already did hit on her during the wedding.” Ben crosses his arms. Spike blushes. “Ok that’s enough spoilers for one night. Twi, if I may call you that.” “No not really but please do go on...” Twilight says sarcastically. “Miss Sparkle, could we avail of your premises for the evening, if I give you an assurance that no rutting of any kind will be taking place for the foreseeable future.” Twilight looks at the two guys rather strangely while Spike attempts to stare down Ben, a mean feat considering Ben is at least four feet taller than him. “I suppose that will be fine for tonight, with that promise. Of course, I hope you expect questions in the morning.” “Nothing less than a million of them. Thank you my fair lady.” Tom kneels down to kiss Twi on the hoof as a way of saying thanks. She blushes, and turns away. “Don’t make me change my mind. Good night.” And with that teleports away to her chambers. Spike scoffs as he walks up the stairs “I don’t trust those two,” he mutters under his breath. “Tom, you suck up. You were supposed to go with the farmer one.” Ben scolds Tom. “Haha, I will have all the mares. But not tonight my friend, for tonight, we sleep like kings! On a wooden floor! Shotgun the couch.” Tom then touches his shotgun for good measure. “I’ll sleep outside like a man. I need fresh air anyway. Since you seem to be making me angry at this time.” Ben walks outside to sleep on the grass. Tom then proceeds to do a very brief happy dance and make a tick in the air, before collapsing on the couch, on top of a quite cross drake. He is then rewarded with a claw in the ass. It takes all of his resolve to stop from screaming out and waking the village. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m really tired. Spike, can we be friends, I would never dream of taking your Rarity away from you, and my life here would be easier without enemies.” Tom whispers. “You sat on my face you ass hat!” Spike calls out holding his nose. “To be fair, the more ironic insult would have been you ass face. But still, I didn’t know you guys actually used those words, this place seems way too sickly sweet for that.” “Well, the ponies don’t. They frown upon words like that. But when they’re not around what rules of theirs must I follow? Anyway, I’m tired myself, we’ll continue this talk in the morning.” Spike says as he death stares the front door holding back Ben before walking off into another room. “Also, my ass is throbbing. Anyway, good night mate. Hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.” Tom yawns and passes out from exhaustion on the couch, while gradually slipping to the floor and smacking his head, thus giving him the best rest he’s had in years. Morning came, and Ben had returned in, after doing nothing all night. Except get a cold. All because of Tom. Tom is a bastard. “I do hope Twilight does not mind that I shan't speak normally at this moment.” Ben sniffed a little because of his cold. “GOOD MORNING PONYVILLE!” Tom leans out of the window and yells. “Always wanted to say that,” as he turned to Ben. “Morning Ben, how was your night?” “Go fornicate yourself Tom.” Ben pulls out his iPod that he always carries with him. The only thing he has left that has cute things. “Oh cats... You are so fluffy...” Tom looks over Ben’s shoulder, “I agree, but Ben, need I remind you that in the world of ponies, there is no electricity. You may blow a few minds with this new technology. Minds that are not meant to be blown. Minds, if blown, could spell our doom.” “Hmm...” Ben wonders. “I can maybe court Princess Luna with something such as this...” Ben gets up and yells, “Twilight! Get your sexy plot down here, you sexy mare!” “Oh for god’s sake, we can’t do this again... And apparently I’m the asshole...” Tom thinks to himself as he facepalms. Hard. “Really?” Spike says opening a window. “You could at least try to not act like such a pervert.” “I’m working on him... but not like that. Is Twi up?” “I don’t know” Spike shrugs, “I’ll check.” Spike walk half way up the stairs before calling out, “Hey Twilight! You up yet!?” The slightly aggravated clopping began and stopped quickly, as the solar hot water began to make its way into a specially designed coffee pot in the downstairs kitchen. Then a slight *POOF* sound and Twi was right next to me, uncomfortably next to me I might add. The wrong way around I might also add, not her face pointing at me I might... well. Both of us blush quite an amount for being awake for only a few minutes, before Twilight regains her composure and mutters something about caffeine, while slowly trotting away. “You know what. Screw you Tom. Just. Screw you.” Ben drew out his Katana. “I really feel like killing someone right now.” “WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!” Tom yells! Spike walks towards the door slowly after hearing the statement, before running when he gets to the door. “Twilight.” Ben looks straight at her with katana in hand, “Tell me a way to have a meeting with the princesses. NOW.” Ben had a demanding alpha male tone in his voice. Midsip of her morning brew, Twi has a shocked look on her face and drops the coffee mug while simultaneously restraining Ben with his hands behind his back and legs almost touching his spine. “Why should I take you to the princesses when you have that thing in your hand threatening us?” she said tightening her grip after every syllable. Spike peeks his head around the door and sees Twilight. “Wow I didn't know she could do that” he whispers. “Good thing... I’m flexible...” Ben groans through the pain of his legs reaching his spine. “I’ll give you a reason... If you let me go... Bitch...” Twi loosens her grip, but just enough to avoid breaking the human in two. “For a human trussed up like a gryphon at Hearths Warming Eve, you’re pretty confident. Apoligize. NOW. And I might even give you a cup of my special brew.” Twi says with a mostly straight face. “Why should I apologize to you? I’d rather die.” It was clear that Ben was angry. “Because I don’t enjoy killing creatures... this early in the morning. Please just calm down so we can talk about this.” Twi had a gleam in her eye that said she was not bullshitting. “It was better, back on earth. Back where creatures couldn’t talk. It was better. I see now, why I became one of them. Why I thrown from modern society...” Tears are visible from Ben’s eyes. “I only have one wish, if you do wish to kill me. I wish to see the shy pegasus.” Twi breaks her concentration of the spell once Ben starts to tear up. He collapses to the floor and Tom quickly darts over and grabs the katana out of his hands before he can regain control of the deadly sharp weapon. Twi then looks suspiciously at Ben. “Why do you want to see Fluttershy, in fact why do you want to meet so many mares without even knowing who they are? In fact, how did you know who I was last night, how did you know my name, we’ve never met!” Twi picks up Spike and puts him behind her quickly and goes into a defensive stance, snorting quietly. “Tom’s a changling!” Ben rolls away. Tom immediately has a small inner fanboy squeal and then says, “No I’m not. Are you going to believe the guy that just threatened your and my life, or the guy that has tried to patch up everyone together and try to control the chaos?” Twi ponders this for a short moment, then levitates Ben up and away from his cowardly hiding spot behind the drapes of the library, which is fine in retrospect as the whole of Ponyville is looking at the front of said library now, with a sudden urge to get reading. “It’s Ben right?” Twi says apprehensively. “I prefer Master Whitehead. Since I’m still under the adult age.” Ben takes advantage of being in the air to do all sorts of silly things. Watching a teenager attempt to master his own quite bad situation got a low giggle out of Tom and Spike, not enough to slip by Twi who gave the two a quickly withering look. Twi then said, “Ben. I don’t know what’s going on, but can you promise that I won’t have to kill you before I’ve even met you? I really don’t like killing things but I’m more than capable.” “I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of you before Twi, what is it about humans that have you so riled up?” said Spike. “Humans are creatures. So I request to be taken into proper care! I want cuddle fluffy kittens and play Rabbit Fight.” Ben says, so innocently too. Twi then looks at Tom, who shrugs in response, as Ben has managed to confuse the whole building. “Ok then. That... makes... some sense. I guess. But honestly, after that, why should I trust you?” “I’d try and sweet talk my way out. But I’m too angry over Tom trying to show me off...” Ben crosses his arms. “Show me off, what do you mean?” Tom said. “You act all olden style around Twilight. And it makes me jelly.” Ben huffed. “Well, I’m sure you could act respectful to the mares about town if you wanted to... I’m sure if you gave it a try without threatening to kill anyone it wouldn’t go bad for you. Just sayin’.” “Screw you. Now let me down and give me my katana. I want to go adventuring around town.” He has clearly calmed down somewhat “Twilight, could you let him down? I do know the guy, and I know he’s not going to kill anypony now... or me hopefully.” “Ok then, but if something happens when I do, you’re just as responsible.” Twi apprehensively broke the spell and Ben dropped to the floor unceremoniously. Tom then threw his sheathed katana at him, and as he was a crack shot throw, slotted it perfectly around Ben’s shoulder. A light gray coated mare breaks in through the window. “I BROUGHT YOU A LETTER~!” She yelled. “Oh hey, a letter.” Ben gets up and takes the bag that derpy was carrying, because I didn’t add that in. So screw you. But anywhore, Ben opened up the bag and was greeted by a foal. “Ohey. It’s a foal.” Ben pulls out a brown coated foal, with brown for its colour in mane and tail. “I’ll call it... Doctor Whooves. What do you think, Tom?” Tom begins to scream silently in his head and calmly while gritting his teeth replies, “That sounds great Ben, hey Derpy, any idea how this foal got in your mailbag? Do you have a super special delivery to make?” “Wait, it’s a foal? Doctor said it was mail!” Derpy was more confused than usual. “But he’s in the mailbag!” Tom said pleadingly. This woke the good Doctor up with a start. The Doctor had a look around the unfamiliar surroundings, saw the two gentlemen, squeed, and then dove back into the mailbag with a start. Or a stop, more appropriately. “Well I have absolutely no bucking idea what’s going on in here. Derpy, how did you meet the Doctor?” “Guys this is a very strange yet pleasantly flowing conversation, but I insist you leave my library so I can prepare for the day ahead.” Twilight pipes up. “Ah ok then. Thanks for your hospitality Twilight, and if I can help out with anything as a way of my gratitude, then don’t hesitate to ask.” “Have fun sexy mare of the books.” Ben climbs onto Derpy’s back. “Away!” He then proceeds to ride Derpy out of the Library. Twilight, Spike and Tom manage to synchronise their rolling of their eyes perfectly. “Thanks again.” Tom waves back to the now throughly confused two as the others all walk out. Exploring Equestria ARCExploring Equstria ARC “And then I was like; screw you! I’m 13!” Ben was telling Derpy about the time he fought off three guys at school. It was obvious bullshit, but it entertained Derpy. “So Derpy, where are we? Do you have any idea?” Tom poses. “You’re both in Equstria! Ponyville to be exact. Up there is Cloudsdale!” Derpy pointed at the ground. Tom could have swore he heard an audible DERP as Derpy finished her sentence, as silly as it was. “Yes, but do you have any idea where in Ponyville we are?” “Oh silly Tom. Ponyville is just one place. It EASY to get around Ponyville.” Ben waved down his hand at Tom. “I’m going with Muffin on this one!” Derpy adds in. “Cool story bros.” Ben hops off Derpy and gets out his wallet. “Hmm...” He analyzes the money he has. “$100... What do you think we could get with that, Tom?” Ben asks. “Nothing, because the currency is bits in Ponyville...” Tom shrugs. “Luckily, I’m even poorer than you.” “Well, lets go see. I’m hungry really.” Ben hops back onto Derpy and goes to the main marketing area. “We may find Epple Jecks!” Tom fistbumps Ben for that excellent pun and continues to walk towards the market. “Oh, hey. There’s the apple stand.” Ben directs Derpy to walk over to the Apple Stand. Tom spots his favourite pony, squees out loud and then wonders how he can actually do that in this dimension. “Let’s do this brother, Derpy will you be our wingmare?” Derpy giggles, “What’s a wingmare?” Ben then signs something in-front of Derpy that makes her blush. “That’s a wing mare.” “Wait you understand Australian sign language? Geezuz, this dimension is all over the place...” Tom, utterly confused, walks over to the apple stand and spots Applejack taking a break from her busy day. He motions the two over to follow him and approaches the glistening, glowing mare. “Hi there AJ! How’s business going?” Whilst this is all going on, Derpy is shaking her plot in the air whilst Ben is wearing sunglasses. “Dat plot.” “Well hello there, I ain’t never seen a thing like y’all before. What are you, and how d’ya know mah name?” Applejack looks confused. “Why you’re Applejack, the most dependable pony in all of Ponyville, if not Equestria! And the best damn applefarmer worldwide from what I hear.” Tom says ending with a wink. Although it’s hard to see, AJ suddenly blushes just enough so you could notice, quite a feat considering her coat is orange. “Well, that’s mighty kind of ya. So what can I, ah, help you with today?” “Well we would love some breakfast, what would you recommend?” Ben has his shirt off by now, holding the foal. “Hey, how do I feed a foal? Derpy doesn’t know.” Applejack’s eyes go a little wide as she notices this, while the good Doctor attempts to maneuver his face away from Ben’s pitiful man nipples. “Scratch that, four apple muffins please. If you could.” Derpy perks up at the mention of muffins and fishes just enough bits out of her bag to cover the cost. “Well. That’s one perk of having a sexually attractive mare on your side.” Ben puts the Doctor onto Derpy’s back and puts his shirt back on. Tom leans over and whispers to Ben, “You find a mildly retarded mare attractive? Don’t get me wrong, she’s an awesome pony, but sexually attractive?” “Hey. Fuck you. I’m retarded mentally.” Ben says as he slaps Tom. Tom does not know why he received a slap to the face, but takes it in stride as AJ drops the muffins down on the bench and scoops the bits up. Tom grabs the tray, says thank you and walks over to a table where he hungrily digs into the tastiest treat he’s had for breakfast in a long time. Ben takes one of the muffins and eats it. “I still wanna eat a normal apple...” Derpy started to cut up, well smush a muffin for the Doctor, and feed it to him, while aggressively devouring her own. It wasn’t pretty. But it worked, as soon we were all reasonably broke from our fast. “I want to go back home... Then beat up someone... Tom, can I punch you?” Ben asks. “You couldn’t afford it. Dude what happened to you? You were twice as sane as me back home and now you’re borderline psychotic!” “Dunno. I have ADHD.” Ben gets out a container that holds some pills in it. He then withdraws one. “Hey, Tom. Can you force this down my throat?” “Anything for you buddy.” Tom then, in a cartoony fashion and with a quick fist, throws the pill up and through Ben’s naval cavity, thus disarming his gag reflex. Mission accomplished. “Tank you.” Ben coughs and deposits the container into his underwear. “Hopefully, that does the trick. So Derpy, what are your plans for this fine day?” Tom muses while attempting to give eye contact to the mare. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. “Well, Doctor said that I had to stay with the creatures I deliver the little muffin mail to.” Derpy says calmly. “And how much mail do you have left?” “None. Its like the whole of Equestria stopped using mail to contact others.” “Well, I wonder what could have caused that.” Derpy then did something that made Tom and Ben audibly voice their pleasure: she did the LOL I DUNNO shrug with full derp. HOLY CRAP BEST THING EVER. Recovering from the best thing that has ever happened to him in this universe, Tom then said, “So would you like to hang around with us for the day?” “Well, she was told by the doctor to accompany us. So duh Tom.” Ben then slaps Tom on the back of the head and hops onto Derpy’s back as she fully stands on her four legs. “Lets go back to the trash pile to get what we need.” “Wait, but the Doctor hasn’t said a word? Ah what the buck.” The four begin walking back towards the trash pile of goodies with the Doctor on Derpy’s back. Suddenly out of fucking nowhere, Pinkie Pie could be heard giggling like a fuggin crackhead or something. “And I said Oatmeal, are you crazy?” Followed by that was the laughter of what sounded like a young human girl. “Ya’know. I think that this trashpile might be like a portal or something...” Ben hopped off Derpy and began to look through the trash pile. “My laptop should be here somewhere...” “What’s a laaaaaap taaaap?” Derpy says so derpy and innocently. “It’s a thing to store porn on.” Ben replies blankly. “Porn? Lovely....” The strange girl said in a disgusted tone. Meanwhile Pinkie began to nom on Tom’s head as if it were made of candy. “AAAAAH FUCK MY HAIR!” Tom yelled. “Actually, that feels pretty good. Don’t stop you silly pony.” Ben’s ears perked up, despite him being a human. He can move his ear muscles. “Rachel!?” Upon hearing her name she looked at the boy more closely, suddenly jumping in surprise “Ben?! The fuck are you doing here?” “Oh boy, it’s good seeing you here Rachel. But really, I don’t know.” Ben is suddenly hugging Rachel. “Tom just started rolling on the ground and we appeared here.” “Huh.....I see. I dunno how I got here. I was just derping on le computer when suddenly Pinkie here just came outta nowhere and pulled me in or something. I dunno. I was distracted by shounen-ai,” Rachel said as she was hugged by her friend. WHEW. “Group HUGS!” Tom immediately broke contact from Pinkie, and didn’t scream as half a dozen hair follicles separated from his scalp, and ran over to the two, glomping them aggressively. Quickly acting, Ben jumps away to avoid Tom then goes back to getting his Laptop out of the trash. “Well, here’s the laptop... Now I just need the charger and I can get a unicorn to create electricity!” “I’m not sure if Twilight will help us Ben... you did threaten to kill her.” “Where would we even find an outlet in here?” Rachel said as Pinkie quickly sat upon her head. “DA MAGICKS. No seriously Rachel, there are none, these are ponies, everything is magic run.” Tom said matter of factly, and patted himself on the back for having a correct headcannon. “Gee, I had no idea,” Rachel said as suddenly Pinkie’s tail started twitching. “Twitcha twitch, twitcha twitch!” “I already know an outlet.” Ben walks over to Derpy, then puts the plug for the charger into her plot. “See, an outlet.” Derpy didn’t seem to notice. “..........Idiot.” Rachel said, rolling her eyes. “Oh fine...” Ben takes the plug out and throws it away. Then he picks up his School bag and puts the laptop in it. “Lets just go see Celestia. Or should we send her a letter?” Ben patted Derpy on the back. The mare seemed to be having a massive DERP moment. “Ooooooooooo, you should send a letter!” Pinkie suddenly shouted. “I like mail too.” Tom stated. Both shared a smile, which turned quickly into a smile off, until Tom’s face hurt from having to accept physics as its lord and master. “Sooo.....what exactly should we say in the letter?” Rachel said as she was watching Tom and Pinkie goof around. Ben was sitting on Derpy’s back. “Lets go and talk to Twilight!” Derpy spread her wings. “Let’s all go!” *MUSICAL NUMBER START* *MUSICAL NUMBER END* Thanks to that musical number for depositing us at the library, and making the ponies a little less scared of us. Pinkie quickly knocked on the door, in a secret code for some reason. Note: No baby dragons were harmed during the making of this musical. Except for the bucket. He will be missed dearly. “Twilight! Your plot is sexy and I want to bone you!” Ben yells out. Rachel slapped her forehead and proceeded to kick Ben in the ass. “Idiot, you don’t yell that kinda stuff out!” she said in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’ve been dealing with that shit for ages now, I thought he was better after his pill, but obviously not... At least I’m a little more subtle about it...” Tom nodded his head as Twilight came out. And because Ben was on Derpy’s back, Rachel kicked him in the back. “Screw you all...” Ben slumped. Twilight came out, and with an already tired of this situation look on her face, said, “What the buck do you idiots want? Oh hai Pinkie!” “Hi Twilight!” Pinkie said excitedly. “These are my new friends!” “Ohoho, this is certainly the most interesting thing I have seen in centuries.” , Discord said as he watched from a far away place. “I certainly wonder how things will turn out.” He said with a devilish grin on his face as he continued watching. “Applejack likes bucking trees.” Ben says. “Imma let you finish Ben, but my sentence is the most important of AHL THYME. So Twilight, we were wondering if you could produce some electricity for us, we have technologies from Earth we could use to assist modern ponykind in their advancements!” Of course, Twilight perked up at this, “Ooooooh, what is it? What is it?” Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were having a nice talk about Pie. “I won’t show you the laptop... Not unless you satisfy a deal of mine.” Ben smirked. “Heheh, make me proud son.” Discord said as Ben was smirking. Twilight sighs for what seems like the thousandth time today, “What’s your terms?” “I wish for a nuzzle! Not a plain old one. One that’s all fluffy and stuff. like how Derpy nuzzles.” Sigh #1001, “Fine.” Twilight musters up all her adorableness for the next two months and nuzzles Ben COMPLETELY APPROPRIATELY IN A WAY THAT COULD NOT MAKE HIM SEXUALLY AROUSED OR OTHERWISE AT ALL. Makes Ben aroused anyway. “Heheheheheh~” Ben deposits the laptop and gives it to Twilight. “So what does this thing do?” Twi says once her BLEH face has dissipated. “Well essentially, it can connect to all the other laptops and computers around the world and get information about pretty much anything from pretty much anywhere.” Tom explains rather badly. Twilight’s eyes then sparkle madly, before she makes a mad grab for the device. “WOAH there nelly! This thing is not made for hooves. I can use it, but the problem is since we’re in another world, it’ll be hard to connect to anything else other than what’s already on here. And as this is Ben’s laptop, I’d say you don’t want to see what’s on here.” “Nothing much is on there. Just some games and what not. Oh and some of my pairings. Well, from Sonic the Hedgehog and what not...” Ben says in a matter-of-fact voice. “So we got the clean one then? Excellent news. All right let’s open this thing up then.” Tom turns on the laptop which has about a three quarter battery left. As the rest of them fiddled with the laptop Pinkie and Rachel started to make silly faces at each other while suddenly wearing old west attire. Ben walks over to Pinkie and Rachel. “Come on baby, shake that plot!” Thinking Ben was talking about a story, Pinkie suddenly grabbed one of Twilight’s books and began to shake it around. “Oh. Okay.” Ben sits on the ground. “Can we time skip?” “Yeah this is gonna take a while otherwise...” REWIND NOISE (So Tom [interjected occasionally by Rachel and Ben] has just explained the internet to Twilight, of course not mentioning the 80% of porn that makes it up, and blocking Ben everytime he tries to do so, but Ben was too busy telling the story of Cupcakes to Pinkie Pie while Rachel calmed Pinkie down and told her it was just a story and then cake happened. It was delicious and moist.] “Far out I’m tired after that.” “Well. I don’t want to sleep outside. So I’m sleeping under Derpy. With Whoovies.” Ben says. “Well this seems acceptable. Rachel, I’m sure if Twilight is willing she could supply us with a bed for the night before we head off on our next more eventful adventure?” At that moment, Derpy’s wings can be heard as Ben flies off on Derpy’s back. “To Cloudsdale! I will wreak chaos and havoc!” “What in the world is that idiot doing?” Rachel said as Pinkie hopped on top of her head again. “I honestly have no idea, but I’m getting a bit sad that everyone seems to have a pony compatriot but me...” Ben comes back “It’s Twilight. And remember, wear a condom or you get aids.” Then Ben flies back off, towards Rainbow Dash’s house. “........ wat.” Twilight firmly blushes until I am sure she has been broken. “I’ll kill you finally, Rainbow Dash!” Ben yells, laughing while disappearing into the skies, and Derpy laughing but not knowing why she’s laughing. “Anyway, yes you’d all be welcome to stay the night. Thank god Ben’s finally gone.” Twilight says relieved beyond comparation. “Yeah, but I have a feeling we’ll have a whole mess of trouble to deal with tomorrow.” Rachel said as she sat down on the floor. “Pinkie are you staying with us tonight, or are you heading home?” Tom asked politely. “Hmmmmmmm......I’ll stay here. Ooooooo, it’ll be like a sleepover!” Pinkie said excitedly. Later that night. Ben pushes Tom lightly, trying to wake him. “Tom... Tom... Hey, Tom...” “What the actual fuck is happening to my life.” Tom then raises his head from the pillow on the couch, “what the fuck could you want this late at night Ben? And where’s Derpy gone?” “Derpy is outside. But anyway. I need something to give to Rarity.” Ben whispers. “Alright, what’s going on?” Rachel as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. Pinkie Pie was still attached to her head for some reason, and quietly snoring, and occasionally giggling. “Ben wants to bang Rarity. God knows why at this hour.” “No, no, no. Let me explain.” Ben whispers. “So yeah... It’s why I want to go and talk with her...” Ben was laying on Derpy, watching the sunset. “Well, it might work. You never know. If it was me, you only have to give me a muffin!” Derpy tried her best to cheer Ben up. “Well, let’s just go meet her then.” Ben gets up and picks up Doctor Whooves, then climbs onto Derpy as she stands up. Then off she flew to the Carousel Boutique. Three knocks at the door Rarity opens it. “I’m sorry darling, we are closed.” Rarity says, her eyes closed. When she opens them she is greeted to a creature, the thing that Twilight was talking about. “Oh, hello darling.” “Dear madame Rarity, I have come to court you.” Ben put on his best english voice. (Tom interrupts the flashback) “I told you he was trying to bang her.” “Shut up Tom. Listen, don’t interrupt.” (Back to the flashback) During the time Derpy was crying, she felt Ben was one of her foals. She cried not out of sadness, but out of happiness. “My, my. What a gentleman... Well, you must bring me a gift by tomorrow. Then I shall think of it.” Rarity was blushing slightly. Ben got up from his stance “I shall return to you with a gift from my heart, dear Rarity.” Ben then ran and hopped onto Derpy’s back “Please, await for me!” Derpy then flew away. (Flashback over) “And yeah... That’s why I need help.” Ben says. “So out of fucking nowhere, you just wanted to be with Rarity. I’ve never heard about this before.” “I’m just more civilised than you. When I wish to be.” Ben grunts in his whisper. “Well as hard as that is to believe, I believe you. So what do you think a gift from your heart could involve?” “Well... I don’t know. I need you to come with me to the Everfree Forest so I can get something to make something out of.” “So we’ve been here for a day and you want to go into the Everfree? Far out man, that is a big task. Do you have any idea whatsoever as to what you want?” While Ben and Tom were talking, Pinkie and Rachel had already left Twilight’s library and were wandering about and walked into the Everfree Forest. “I’ve already had an idea. If we are stuck inside of some mind thing, then we should be able to find my OC’s Scroll Cave. Then I can grab one of his scrolls and give it to Rarity!” Ben was proud of his idea. “You think your OC exists in this world? I hope mine doesn’t, he’s pretty much me from what I remember...” “So ummm.....what are we doing in here Pinkie?” Rachel said as they wandered about. “Hmmmm....I dunno. Just to explore I guess” Pinkie said in a cheery, almost sing song voice. “Just get up. I’ll meet you over at the edge of the Everfree Forest near Fluttershy’s cottage.” Ben runs out loudly. Cursing under his breath, Tom decided he’d leave Twilight a note so she didn’t think anything terrible had happened, and thanked her once again for her hospitality and understanding in this matter. He also left a small XO next to his signature... then got pretty damn embarrassed. “Man, fuck that guy.” Tom grabbed his coat and started walking. Later, at the edge of the Everfree Forest. “Where the hell is that guy..?” Ben tapped his foot in frustration. “Right here bro, so tell me the plan. Where are we going? What the fuck are we doing?” “I need to get in there and find something to give to Rarity. Nothing back at the trash pile will satisfy her. No, I haven’t tried. But I’m sure it won’t please her. I mean like, I would give her my Rarity bedsheets. Buuuut... I kinda soiled them...” Ben rubs the back of his neck. “You know what? Let’s not get bogged down in the details as it were, let’s just push on and try to find something then get the fuck away from here, because the Everfree is creeping me out...” “Lets get the fuck in there then. Derpy, you stay out here. I don’t want your sexy plot to be violated.” Ben patted Derpy’s mane. “I like your mane... It’s yellow...” “Okai than.” Derpy agreed. Tom tries to ignore the one way sexual tension between the two, and starts walking towards the entrance. “Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.” Ben teleports in-front of Tom bending over With a very loud, “DO NOT WANT!” Tom kicks Ben in the presented arse and continues, a little more satisfied with life, walking down the path. “A/S/L?” Ben follows Tom in suit. “Shoulda put a ring on it~ Oh, oh, oh~ Whoa, ho, ho~ Uh oh~” “NO.” “I’m walkin’~ I’m clickin’~ I’m breathin’~ Like humans do~” Ben is now singing. Suddenly, a wild cave appears and Tom loses all his homicidal tendencies. “Tom. I wanna fart but...” “Let me just stop you right there, we’re here.” Tom and Ben stop to peer inside the cave, the dark dank cave. “Do you even lift?!” Ben yells out, with an audible echo. As the lifts subside, a small grumbling comes from the very back of the cave. “Dah fuck was that. I need to eat.” Ben is quite derpy. Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were still walking around Everfree Forest pretty much lost as all hell. “I’ll be back.” Ben walks into the dark cave. Random screams are to be had, and barks. “Arf, arf, arf!” “Whoa there boy! Calm down!” “Who are you?!” “Whoa the fuck are you?!” Boom, boom, slice, bang, bang. … … … Silence. “Bennnnn? You okayyyyyyyyyy?” Tom is yelling into the cave, but isn’t too enamoured with going in there... “UPUPDOWNDOWNLEFTRIGHTLEFTRIGHTBASTART!” Ben runs straight past Tom holding a bag of scrolls. After who the fuck knows how long, Pinkie and Rachel eventually find a cave. “Hey Ben wait, SHIT.” Tom spots a pony with what looks to be a very sharp horn coming towards him and decides the best course of action is to not turn around and be strongly violated but to move in the opposite direction quickly. “USE THE KONAMI CODE, TOM!” Ben yells. “It didn’t FUCKING WORK FOR YOU!” Tom screams out. “How am I already in Ponyville then?!” Ben yells. “I’m a pegasus!” Derpy joins in the yelling. Pinkie and Rachel just stand there in complete confusion. “Hey Tom! Heads up! Treebark boss!” Ben throws out a pokeball. “Tom get Pokeball!” Tom exclaims unnecessarily while catching the ball. Rachel suddenly pulls out a Digivice and uses it, causing Pinkie Pie to digivolve or something into Pinkiemon. Or Pinkie in an agumon suit. “I want to hug Rarity!” Ben flies down on Derpy next to Tom. All three humans then take a defensive stance against the treebark and Blin the OC. But Ben is just sitting on Derpy, watching. “NONONONONONONO! FUCK THE SCRIPT!” Ben jumps off Derpy and withdraw his katana. “FUCK THE POH-LICE!” His katana shone in the middest of the dark as he pointed it straight at the Treebark giant wolf thing. “When’s the first attack commander Tom?” “Awww yea. Go Rachel, destroy it!” “Alright. Pinkie, use your Pinkie Breath!” Already in an offensive position, Pinkie opened her mouth wide and sent a ball of pink fire at Treebark. As the fireball hits, a wild health bar appears over each of our heroes and villain. The health bar appeared to be reducing under the villain as the treebark caught fire. “Woo, go Pokeball!” Tom threw the Pokeball at the treebark as it opened and emitted a red pulsing light enveloping the treebark and enclosing it in the ball. As it slowly rocked back and forth, Tom pulled out a gameboy and mashed the shit out of the A button to further increase his chances. With a slight poof, the treebark was caught! Ben kicks the Pokeball away. “Screw you!” He yells at the Pokeball as it flies away. “... well fuck.” Tom starts walking away disappointed. Ben hops onto Derpy’s back. “Get on this fucking mare. She is sexy, you are not.” Tom then proceeds to recite the full version of Amazing Pony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cakkDjbBKmg “When we get back. I’m having sex with Applejack.” Ben jokes as the two fly away on the awesome mail mare Derpy’s back. Tom resigns himself to staying as silent as possible and not giving the retard he called a friend anymore ammo. ARRIVING IN PONYVILLE... “Ya’know. You go back to Twilights. I’ve got something really interesting to do.” Ben basically tells Tom to fuck off and sleep. “Cool story bro, see ya later!” Tom was glad to fuck off from that psycho. He began to walk to the library as Ben flew off with Derpy. LATER IN THE MORNING FUCKER... “Tom, the fuck up. I’m hungry.” Ben yells at the sleeping Tom. “Come on man, it’s fucking 5am.” “You might wanna act all sweetly around Applejack though. I kinda did something last night...” “Let me guess... flashback?” “Yes.” FUCK. FLASHBACK BEEEEEEEEEEEEOTCH... “Hey, orange mare!” Ben yells as he sits on Derpy, close to Applejack’s window. “Wake the fuck up!” “What in tarnation?!” Applejack opens the window. “Here, take this.” Ben gives Applejack the most romantic scroll in the bag. “It’s from my friend, Tom. We’ll come by the apple stand tomorrow.” Ben flys off on the mystical Derpy, then falls asleep in a bear’s armpits. In Fluttershy’s shed. FLASHBACK OVER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH... “Wow dude, you did that for me?” “Now come on. Buy me breakfast.” Ben pokes Tom’s right man nipple. “Okay then. Luckily, that bag has a couple of thousand bits in it, so we can afford to eat like kings!” Tom says with an air of control and smugness. “Oh... Okay...” Ben walks outside. “Get dressed!” “Dude, we’ve been wearing the same clothes for days... we don’t have any spares. I think my body has developed new subspecies of moulds.” “I had Rarity make us some new clothes. So we’re going there after breakfast.” “How did you convince her to do that for us? She barely knows you.” “I did things I didn’t mention in the flashback that I’m not proud of...” “Soooooooooo...... Foodbats time now?” Rachel said as Pinkie sat on her head once again. “FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM RACHEL!” as Tom jumped out of his skin. Then put it back on. “I’ve been here. Duuuuuuurr.” she said as Pinkie nibbled on her hair. “Come on now, we need to get Tom to his first date. And my breakfast!” Ben laughs as he sits on Derpy. As Derpy makes a slightly too delighted squeal, everyone starts walking towards the Apple family’s stand. “Hey Applejack! Your lovercolt is here!” Ben waves towards Applejack. Tom looks down at the ground really awkwardly. He waves towards where he thinks AJ is, “Hi Applejack.” AJ can barely even look up at him herself, she’s blushing so hard. In a small voice, she says, “That... that was you?” Tom then looks up a little more confidently, and says, “Eeeyup.” While Tom and AJ look at each other, Ben pipes up, “Hey AJ, do we still have to pay or can we get a free meal? Ya’know, just for today.” Applejack suddenly snaps out of her trance. “Ah, nope. Hey, uh, Tom, that’s yer name right?” Tom nods and AJ continues, “Can we talk in private over there?” She points over to the fields. “Woo! You go Tom!” Ben yells Tom on. “Yeah I think that’s going to be necessary.” They both walk over to the tree for the peace and quiet. Both of them both look at each other some more, and blush quite furiously, before Tom speaks. “So... what did you think of it?” “Weeeeeell... I’m not really sure what I thought. What did you think I would think?” “Um... I dunno.” “I’M SMOKING A BONG!” Ben was stealing from Applejack’s stand. “I don’t know either... But if you felt this way, y’ shoulda told me. I am after all the element of Honesty.” “Well yes AJ I’ve known this for a long time, and I’ve known you for what seems like a long time too. This is really weird.” as Tom rubbed the back of his neck. And the sun up in space, Celestia yells. “YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Both of them then proceeded to get even more embarassed, when AJ spoke up and said almost in a whisper, “yeah, maybe we should...” At the mention of this, Tom got down on his knees to AJs eye level and kissed her passionately for the first time. “WHERE’S MY FUCKING CAMERA?!” Tom then thought while he was engaged, well he did do this for me, so I can settle for this, then raising his middle finger to Ben. “FINE, NO MORE HELPING FOR YOU! ASSHOLE!” Tom broke the kiss and looked into AJs eyes, losing his grip on reality just that little bit, before feeling something touch his forehead. He looked up to see AJ bringing him into a hug. He and AJ then hugged for a few moments before the moment was well and truly destroyed by Ben. “No, fuck you OP. I’m eating apples. So I don’t give a shit.” Ben goes back to eating the stolen apples with Derpy and Doctor Whooves. No food was left for Tom. The two walked back over to the stand and AJ then put her hoof out. Tom fished out some bits and paid her up for the “stolen” goods. After all it’s only fair. “Dude you’re an asshole.” Tom looks defeated but luckily his sustenance was taken care of by the romance. So ha. “Have fun with that Faggot OP.” Ben put Doctor Whooves in his foal holder and sat on Derpy. “I’m gonna go to Twilight. I want to go to Canterlot.” “Yeah you do that mate. I’m gonna stay here for a little while and help AJ with the stand, if that’s ok with you AJ?” “Well I’d sure appreciate that. Thanks pardner.” AJ tips her hat, which has managed not to be rustled during all the drama and badly written romance. LATER, IN A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK... “Twilight, open the door.” Ben yells. “Good morning to you too human. What on Celestia’s green earth could you want now?” “I want to go see the princesses. I’ve been thinking about how we came here. It doesn’t seem right. And since I’m away from Tom I can start to think logically.” “Well that last part’s illogical in itself, but anyway, you’re right. It is strange how you just turned up here. I’ll write a letter and schedule an appointment right away. SPIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Geez I feel dumb for not thinking of this earlier...” Twilight then starts to pace around the library. “Hah. I defeated Twilight.” Ben is now proud. “Yeah?” Spike said as he walked down the stairs. “Could you take a letter for me please?” “Sure” Spike said as he grabbed a quill and a scroll. “Dear Princess Celestia, For some reason I can’t even fathom, a human has arrived in Equestria, Ponyville no less. When can he and I make a visit to Canterlot to discuss their current situation? Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.” Spike quickly wrote the letter, rolling it up and using his magic fire to send it to Celestia. A FEW MINUTES LATER... Spike burped out a response, and began to read: “Dear my faithful student. Hearing about this has intrigued me further. I have noticed some weird energies emitting from the forest. I do require you to bring the humans here to Canterlot. I have sent the royal guards to pick you up. Your teacher, Princess Molestia Celestia.” “Huh. Well that’s odd. If my teacher has sent the royal guards, then they are only a few minutes away.” “Well. I wonder how Tom is doing. He seems to be Applejack’s new lovercolt.” Twilight looked at Ben for a moment confused, it almost seemed like she was... jealous? “Art thou upset?” “Ummm...” Twi then got her composure back, “No not at all, what makes you say that?” while she flashed one of the most fake ass smiles Ben and Spike had ever seen. “Hey, I was available. But you chose Tom.” Ben then coughs ‘Slut’ “ANYWAY. The royal chariot will be here quite soon so go and get...” she makes a slightly sickened face, “lovercolt.” “Hey, I wanted to be YOUR lovercolt. But then you went and loved up Tom.” Ben scoffed. Twi facehooved. “Let’s just go and wait for the chariot.” “Ya’know. I still like machine powered things.” “Well, you can tell me all about them outside while we wait.” Twilight begins to walk out of the library. “How about I tell you about how Tom and AJ’s date went?” Ben follows in tow. “I’m... not really interested in other ponies personal lives.” Twi said with that embarrassed look she’d perfected over the past couple of days. “Hey, I watched it. I was stealing apples.” Ben laughs. “Like I said, I don’t really want to know.” “Y’know. Its not really fair... Since I’m so young I’m not allowed to have sexual relations...” “Uh huh.” Twilight is feigning interest so she doesn’t actually absorb this info... “And then I was like, “You have caused many crimes upon this day... But in Lady Rarity’s name I shall end your life...” and I shot an arrow in his throat.” “Yeah.” “And then I boned Luna and Celestia in a dark dungeon.” “woooooow.” Twi is super unimpressed. “So, tell no one I told you this. I don’t want to die this soon...” Ben is finally finished with his story. “Oh look the royal chariot!” (“Thank Celestia that’s over” Twi thought in her internal monologue). “Now I can rape a stallion!” “Ok then... we should see if Tom has arrived yet.” “He’s a faggot. So nah.” Ben walks over to the chariot and gets in. “HEY YOU GUYS WAIT!” Tom comes running up to the chariot at full pelt with Applejack behind him. “We got the letter you sent. Thanks for the advance notice.” Tom says sarchastically. “I hope everythin’s gonna be alright with all y’all.” AJ says, more to comfort herself. “Ooohh... It was not a wise idea to bring your lovermare Tom.” Ben giggles. Everyone ignores Ben as Tom and AJ share a mutually comforting peck on the lips, “I’m sure Celestia and Luna just want to know what’s going on, there’s nothing to be worried about.” “This is what I get for being a loner...” Ben sulked. “So.......we going now?” Rachel said as she popped up behind Tom with Pinkie Pie. “Forever alone city...” Ben continued to sulk. “Sorry man... brohoof?” Tom walks over and offers his fist to the sadfeel Ben. “How about a punch-hoof?” Ben stands up. “You know what? Forget it. See you later AJ.” Tom waves as he climbs aboard the chariot. “Wait for us!” Rachel exclaimed as Pinkie jumped on her head again. “Hey Rachel, what have you guys been up to?” Tom asked inquisitively. “You two will stay outside of the royal throne room. Me and Twilight will take care of business...” Ben plans. “Oh just wandering around and baking cupcakes.” Rachel said as they climbed aboard as well. “Hyah!” Ben grabbed the rope and whipped the stallions to make them fly. The stallions then looked back at Ben with angry looks and self-reminders that they aren’t paid enough for this job. “Ok everypony, let’s go!” Twilight said over the top of everyone. The chariot set off, and Tom could have sworn he saw a look of genuine sorrow on AJs face... but whatever, he was going to meet the princesses! “Bye AJ! I’ll be sure he grows some balls to give you baby foals when we get baaack!” Ben waved at Applejack. Luckily AJ only heard a small part of that enough to comprehend it, but it was enough to make her almost lose control of her body to embarrassment. Everyone had a happy singalong to Smile Smile Smile on the way there, with Pinkie leading of course. That’s how the time was passed, not with fights and accusations. *liarjack face* Except for that one time were Ben touched Twilight on the ass with Tom’s hand. Alot of brusies. I can assure the readers that was pure accident. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it though. ANYWAY IN THE FUCKING CASTLE... “Tom, Rachel, Pinkie, Derpy, Whoovies. Stay the fuck outside.” Ben demands. “Oh okai.” Derpy agrees. “All right then, whatever. Good luck, and don’t be too much of an OP in there mate. I hear the moon is shitty this time of year.” Tom said surprisingly reassuringly. “Fuck you OP.” Ben walks into the Throne Room. “Twilight, your plot, here, now.” *sigh* “Look, I’m the student of the princess, please let me do most of the talking. And keep the plot worship to a minimum you pervert.” “Fuck you filly. I’ll do what I want.” Ben coughs. “Now let us continue, darling.” Ben puts on his best British accent. The two walk into the room of which the two sisters sit. “Hello, Twilight, human.” Celestia blushed slightly when she addressed the human, but straightened out herself and remained dominant. “Hello, princesses.” Ben bows. “Good morning Princesses.” Twilight joins Ben in an even deeper bow to try and outclass the gentleman. “It seems as if Twilight may be having a battle with the human, sister.” Luna giggles. “I assure you, it’s not a childish game my princess. Not as childish as last night I hope.” Ben got only a blush from the two princesses. A deeper one from Luna. Meanwhile outside of the throne room....”So....what should we do while we wait for them?” Rachel asked everyone/everypony else. “Well we can play I Spy, but I think Pinkie would know best. What do you think Pinkie?” “That sounds great! You go first!” Pinkie excitedly pointed at Tom. “Um I spy with my little eye something beginning with P.” “Pinkie?!” Pinkie Pie shot up out of a pie. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmmm.....is it Princesses?” Rachel asked. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmm......pails?” “No. Look a little closer to home.” Rachel sighed. “Let me guess......Penis?” “No. Come on guys, that’s a bit crude. I’m not Ben.” “Er right. Sorry. Ummmmm......Pie?” “No, do you give up?” “Hrmmmmmm......Yeah.” Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. “P is for the prettiest fillies in all of Equestria!” Tom says with the cheesiest and most retarded smile of all time. OF ALL TIME. Both Pinkie and Rachel stared at Tom for a few minutes before bursting out laughing. “And you too Derpy.” Tom gives her a genuine smile which perks her up. MEANWHILE, IN THE THRONE ROOM... Twilight, Ben, Celestia, Luna, sat around the round table of plannings. “So... From what I gather... There’s a force coming from the Everfree Forest? Explains the feeling I got when I went in there... But right over here.” Ben circles an area in red. “This is where the portal opened up for me and Tom...” “Princesses can you also feel the strange magical anomaly in the humans? It’s been making me uneasy for a while now. Also, this one has a mental problem akin to a manticore’s mindless rage.” “Twilight... Really... I do wish for you to pipe down...” Ben lightly flicks Twilight on the snout. All the ponies look at Ben as if he’d just vomited on their table for just a second, and then continue their discussions. “Anyway... It would be good if you humans could inspect this area for us.” Celestia said. “It would be my pleasure princess. After all, I have to thank you for the pleasure of last night.” And there it is again, another blush from the princesses. “Wait, you guys have already met? Last night? What happened that you would be bought to Canterlot Ben?” “It’s best we do not speak of it Twilight Sparkle... It is rather embarrassing...” Luna turns her face away. “But I’m taking care of this annoying human, I deserve to know why he had a discussion with you before your most faithful student and trusted confidant.” “Twilight. You know what happens when no one is watching over me. It’s better not to ask.” Ben puts his right hand on Twilight’s mane. Twilight shifts very uncomfortably under Ben’s touch, “Fine, I’ll drop it. But that is disgusting, and as your student, you should be setting a better example for me.” “They told you they didn’t want to talk about it. Anyway, lets get back to the others. We need to get to the Everfree Forest as fast as we can.” Ben walks out of the throne room yelling “I hope for another great night my princesses!” Causing the Princesses to be flabbergasted. Twilight sure didn’t want to know after all, gagging slightly at the thought of the pasty white, hairless human with the princesses. Everfree Forest ARCEverfree Forest ARC “Tom, Rachel, Pinkie, Derpy. It’s time to go.” Ben hops onto Derpy’s back. “We have a kingdom to save.” “Its just like a movie!” Derpy adds. “Whoo! So where to next?” Rachel asked as Pinkie climbed on top of her head yet again. “Well, we have to go and investigate the Everfree for clues as to why we all arrived here.” “Ah okay. To Everfree, away!” Rachel then began to run around in circles imitating a plane while Pinkie made plane noises. Ben was already flying off on Derpy. Rachel decided to stop horsing around and got on Pinkie’s back instead, following suit. Tom then looked at Twilight, and got an extremely firm shake of the head. Disappointed, he started to trudge down the same path but then felt a small twinge of sparkly goodness in his feet. Tom felt lighter than air for a moment, then the strength of the feeling went away and he was left with a light headedness and fleet feet. “Thanks Twi, I really appreciate that.” He then gave her a quick hug and stroke of her mane. “You’ve helped us out a lot for nothing in return and I really appreciate that.” As per the usual it seemed, Twilight then got so embarrassed she could barely even speak. She said barely above a whisper, “It’s ok. You humans have shown me so much over the past few days, I’ve learnt a lot. And I already have a lot of friendship research taken care of too. So think nothing of it.” She smiled and continued to walk down the path with Tom. Ben is flying around in the air towards the Everfree Forest. If everyone wanted to catch up, they’d have to use the Konami Code or an Action Replay. So a random human girl comes running out from the bushing screaming and then assumes the foetal position on the ground near the group. “What the actual fuck is this? FUS RO STOP everyone!” Another of Tom’s powers of stupidity comes to the fore as everyone gathers around the slightly traumatised girl. She looks up at them with small eyes, mumbling, “Slender...gonna get me...” “Why the fuck am I here suddenly?” Ben looks around for Derpy. “And where the fuck is Derpy? Tom, what the fuck did you do this time?” “I used my power of stupidity FUS RO STOP to regroup and gather everyone around this traumatised girl. :3” Tom then looks over to the girl, “Are you ok, what happened?” She seems to just mutter incoherently. A name tag on her shirt suggests her name is Chell. “Lets just put her through a Slenderman movie. She’ll talk then.” Ben crossed his arms. “Pretty sure she’s already been dropped into that one. Twi, can you calm the girl down so we can help her out?” “Well, I don’t really know if this’ll work on a human, but here goes.” Twilight concentrated for a second and touched her horntip to Chell’s head giving off a quick burst of sparks. “And all I get is a nuzzle...” Ben scoffs. “Well you are mentally disabled so next step is a horn touch. Although I’d imagine it wouldn’t give you the result you desire.” Tom then turns to Chell, “How are you feeling now? Can you talk?” She shakes her head slightly then blinks, “I feel fine now, thanks whatever that was!” “What was it Twilight?” “Well, you humans would call it tranquilizer.” “Where did you come from Chell? What just happened?” “I-I dunno. I was running around looking for notes and I swear Slender was after me... What’s with the gathering of weird ponies here?” she said with a headtilt. “Uh, so you don’t know how you just arrived in Equestria?” “I’m in Equestria? Where exactly is that?” “Are you serious? Wow this might be the first non-brony in Equestria...” “Can I poke it?” Ben asks. Chell stares blankly at Ben like ‘wat’. “If “it” (air quotes) has no objection, of course.” “I do object; I am a girl, not an it.” she pouts. “Hence the air quotes.” “Well I don’t like your air quotes.” “See, it doesn’t like your air piss.” “Just someone tell me where and what you guys are doing.” “Well, first I’d like to know why you’re so cool with your surroundings and its occupants. How could you not know about Equestria and still not freak out from cartoon ponies?” “I- really don’t know?” She must have a minor case of major brain damage to be acting like this. “Ben do we need to put our adventuring on hold for this?” “Just bring it with us. If she gets raped, not my fault.” Ben shrugs. “Now where the fuck is Derpy? “No idea mate, my stupidity should have called her back, but this is Derpy we’re talking about here. Hang on, I’ve got this.” Tom then pulls a bag out labelled EMERGENCY MUFFIN and opens it, with the scent of apple and cinnamon wafting out across the forest. “MUFFINS!” Derpy flies so fast she creates a TRIPLE RAINBOOM. “FUCK MY EYESOCKETS.” All the humans start writhing on the ground after having a cuteness seizure. After recovering, the humans continue their adventure, with Chell in tow. “So... How old are you Chell?” Ben asks. “I’m...15 I think. My memory seems fuzzy.” “I’m still the youngest...” Ben sighs. “How old are you?” she looks at him, trying to judge his age. “I’m 13... I appear 16, do I not?” “Still a teenager. LOL” Yes, Tom has confirmed douchebag status for saying L O L. “Alrighty then...” Ben coughs. “So where are we going?” Chell asked. “Well Ben has been given direct orders to move to a specific location in the forest where there is some abnormal energies seeping out right?” “Ok... Then what?” “Well we just have to investigate it and report back.” “Sounds simple enough.” “You guys can report back. I’m going to destroy the core.” It seems as if this is the only thing Ben will be serious about. Twilight rolled her eyes, “Oh-kaaaay then. Well let’s just keep moving. And try not to draw too much attention, the beasts here are not the most docile of creatures. We’re also going to have to set up camp soon, it’s getting dark.” “Twilight. This isn’t even my final form...” Ben wanted just ONE joke. Setting up camp for the night... “Well Twi... This is your chance to sleep with Tom I guess.” Ben advises the poor mare. Twi is embarrassed of course, but no less eager to attempt it, “But what can I do, I’m just an egghead, why would he like me? And AJ is his marefriend...” “Twilight.” Ben gets down to Twilight’s eye level, “Listen to me. Those books you read in the past were just preparing you for this day. I’m a psychopath, but I still have friends. You’re an egghead, but you’ll still sleep with Tom. You must not give up and trust your heart.” “I... suppose I can. No, I must. At least, for research purposes. Yes, this is all in the name of research, right? AJ would understand wouldn’t she?” “Hey. I just need to explain it. Out of me and Tom, I’m the most romantic. So don’t worry about it hun. You’ll learn alot about a human when he or she is naked.” Ben smiles, reassuring the mare. “Okay then, so Ben as you obviously know more about this than I do, what can I do, what can I say?” Chell has decided to already curl up and fall asleep on some soft grass with a rock as a pillow. “Walk up to Tom, blushing madly. Say to him “Tom... I wish to sleep with you... If that is okay with you...” There is no way he will resist! Oh I’d love it if my sweet Rarity did that to me.” Ben was now off in his fantasies. “Well that’s better than my plan, thanks Ben.” She patted him on the forehead as he got a look at the plot he’d been checkin’ out for a long while now. Twi sidled right up next to Tom and word for word said, “Tom I wish to sleep with you, if that’s okay I guess...” ‘That’s my girl, Twilight!’ Ben thought as he watched Tom looked at her in recognition for a second, eyes wide, and then nodded his head and said, “Yeah that sounds great.” Twilight had a look of absolute shock and satisfaction on her face, “Really?” “Sure, it’s cold out at the moment, we should snuggle for body warmth.” ‘Dang it... Tom why are you so stupid...’ Ben was utterly disappointed. Twi was half disappointed that Tom had missed the point, but hey, a snuggles a snuggle. “Of course... that... makes... sense.” “Cool, I mean hot.” Tom winks and Twilight laughs out of pure awkwardness, not because there was any chance at all that was a funny joke. The two then cuddled up close to the fire and spooned until the chilly night ended. “OH COME ON!” Ben yelled. “I want a fucking recount on this... SCRIPT, GET OVER HERE! “Sorry boss, that’s what it says. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.” “Fuck you Tom... Fuck. You. Better yet, why doesn’t Twilight fuck you? She might as well after she finds AJ dead~” Ben was in a threatening mood. Caught in a field of magic, Ben was suddenly cut off and put into a deep sleep on top of his favourite mail mare. “We’re all trying to bucking sleep here. Geez.” Twi then went back to sleep as Tom softly caressed her mane and passed out slowly as well. (“I’m not going to deny I have feelings for Twi, but I’m with AJ. I can’t possibly have both. What the hell can I do......” and then BLACK.) THE NEXT MORNING... “Rarity~... Rarity~...” Ben muttered in his sleep as Derpy was cuddling both him and Doctor Whooves like their mother. Ben then slowly began to increase the volume of saying Rarity’s name until he was screaming, Then, a pink hoof bought down to his face bought him out of his magic slumber. “Candy apples, how can one creature like you make all that noise? You’d be best to not cross me buddy...” Pinkie (or should I say Pinkamina) stared into what seemed to be the absolute depths of Ben’s now near empty soul. Ben takes Pinkie’s hoof off his mouth. “My, didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff Pinkie.” Ben sits up and yawns. “Anyway, go wake up the others. I’m too lazy to do so myself...” “Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie starts bouncing around, slowly whispering in the ears of her compatriots to wake them in the happiest way possible. “Pinkie can go suck a chode...” Ben grumbles to himself as he lays back down to sleep. Chell now wakes, yawning like a lion, “What’s all the noise? Jeeze.” Ben dreams of punching Pinkie Pie out in his short sleep. “Wake the fuck up dude. We have to get moving.” Tom goes and pokes Ben with a stick, as he knows anything within a two metre radius of him can be swiped at with what Ben calls, an ‘iron fist’. “Fuck off Pinkie... You fucking slut...” Ben waves his hand around the area of the stick. Tom then pokes him in the balls. HARD. LIKE HARD ENOUGH TO CAUSE A BRUISE. “OH FUCK!” Ben bolts up and draws his katana, slicing near enough to cause a huge cut on the arm that is connected to the stick. “FUCK ME STUPID. Yeah I know what that was for but jeezuz what the fuck man? OW.” “Next time. I’m making cupcakes out of YOU.” Ben deposits his sword into its holder and pokes Tom hard on the chest. “So watch the fuck out.” Ben then walks away in disgust. “Holy sweet Luna, what the heck happened here?” Twilight and Pinkie run over, while Derpy and Whooves start walking back on the path again, the two ponies quickly glancing back towards the reasonably sized wound. Derpy was near with the other mares. “What happened? I was asleep.” “All I know is that those two guys had a hissy fit...” Chell is staring wide eyed herself. “Well, the only thing I can do is patch you up, but we have to keep moving. If we turn back now, we have to come back later, and there’s no telling what could happen if we don’t investigate the energy.” “That’s okay Twily... oh god I just called you that didn’t I?” Twilight nods her head with more than a hint of disapproval. He sighs, “Well, I can push through the pain for you.” Twi blushes as she tears off a piece of bandage and binds the wound tight. “Let’s just get moving before I can’t move anymore.” Tom led the pack towards Ben and the other two ponies. “I did sort of deserve that, well not that much but still.” “Tom. Come here. Walk with me, talk with me.” Ben was speaking in a german voice. “Yers?” Tom replied in a Swedish accent, badly done of course. “Tom tell me... How do you get all of the ladies..?” Ben whispered. “Well, I just act really nice to them, really sickeningly sweet. And being an older guy helps too I suppose. Not a jibe at you mate, it’s just how girls usually go.” Chell grumbled to herself as she felt that her pimpness was under threat of competition. This would not do, this would not do at all. “Well... I guess I have no competition... I just really wanted to be with Twi in a way, y’know..? For her, I could pour my heart out to no end...” Ben had a touch of heartfelt sorrow in his voice. “I know that feel bro. But also, didn’t you want to sleep with Derpy and Rarity and the other mares? What brought you to Twi?” “I just try to get with them to fill the void... It’s pathetic, I know... But I just can’t fill it...” Ben gives himself a slight facepalm. “Well man, sometimes mares aren’t the answer. Maybe it’s something else. Also, I don’t get all the mares, I’m just super damn lucky I got even two.” “I’m gonna have to teach you some of my sex skills.” Ben throws an arm around Tom and pokes his chest lightly. “My body is not ready master,” Tom says as he sarcastically bows. Ben chuckles. “Hey Twi! Tom has some tricks to show you during the night!” Ben laughs out. Twilight looks as though she may die from all the blood rushing to her face, “R-really?” Tom sighs, “Yeah, tricks to go to sleep faster. Let’s just keep moving all right?” “Don’t worry Twi. If he doesn’t show you, I’ll show you.” “Yeah guys I thought we were supposed to be doing something important...” Chell piped up. “Oh right! Yeah, back to the adventuring. Where are we heading again Ben?” “We need to head to the centre of the interference. We should get there soon. Anyway, Chell. Are you into the sexual things?” “...what kind of sexual things?” “Sex in general.” Ben chuckled. She shrugs awkwardly. “I guess I have a new sex buddy, eh?” Ben looks over his shoulder at Chell. “Can we PLEASE get on with our adventuring instead of these sex shenanigans?” “Well... Fuck you too...” Ben looks back in-front of him. “It feels like we’re near the source.. Twilight, your horn. What does it feel?” “Well, I can feel something but it just feels.... wrong, sort of. I’ll concentrate on it a little more.” Twilight’s horn glowed and she then got a glazed over look in her eye. She then fell over, still as a statue. Ben stood there. “I’ll just be busy for a moment...” Ben picks up Twilight’s body and walks away. Tom gets the story back on the rails as Ben reailses ponies don’t have genetalia until they are aroused or expose said genitals voluntarily. “Oh fuck you then.” Ben still holds Twilight. “I’m still going to hold her. To protect her from any dangers. I don’t want her egghead to be hurt...” Ben cuddles up to the still faint Twilight. “That’s really sweet of you mate! Anyway, she was pointing this way before she passed out, so let’s head over there.” “Derpy, come here for a second. I need to fight.” As Derpy approached Ben, he put Twilight onto her. He then pulled out his sword. “I’m right behind you Tom.” “Excellent news my good chum,” Tom said as he affectionately petted Derpy’s mane. “Let us away into battle.” “I find it weird... We haven’t been attacked on our way in here... Something must really be going on. Tom, go on ahead. You’re less important to the team.” “Dude I don’t have any weaponry, and I’m injured. Either you give me your sword or I’m not going ahead.” Ben sighs. “Tom get here, protect Derpy, Twilight, and Whoovies. I’m going on ahead. If I don’t return, tell Twilight about the talk we had. I don’t want her to think I always hated her...” Ben walks off in front. “Of course I will, just don’t turn into a pussy now mate!” Tom calls out as Ben walks off in front. LATER ON... A giant explosion is heard, along with the sounds of huge pieces of metal falling. It was clear whatever it was, it was gone. “What on Jesus’s last nail was that?!” Tom yelled out as the gang ran forward “Step back!” Doctor Whooves jumps out of Derpy’s mail bag and runs faster than anyone else, growing taller and taller into a full grown colt as he ran, his cutie mark slowly materialising. “They grow up so fast.” Derpy sniffed. BEFORE THE EXPLOSION... Ben was running at this point, his mind racing as the sound of whatever this thing was beamed into his ears. Louder, and louder. He could almost make it out as a noise. “Come here little boars... Come here, come here...” He knew of this annoying voice somehow. “I’ll gut ya, and I’ll cut ya...” Brandon... “Brandon!” Ben yelled as he jumped from the bushes. But he was surprised to find a robotic version of the little fat fucker. “Shit, it’s a robot...” BOSS: BRANDON-BOT. “Oh, well if it isn’t mister idiot himself?” The Brandon-bot spoke. His voice more cold then his metal. “Tell me your creator! Or I shall end your pitty life!” Ben thrusted his sword into the air, aiming at the robot. “I am made by Discord. Ruler of all things chaos.” The robot spoke. “Then I shall end you and go after your creator, fiend!” Ben pulled his sword back and ran at the robot, slicing him. It only seemed to be able to cut off the first layer of armor it posses. “Alot of fat for a little fat fucker...” Ben spat on the ground as he twisted his feet in order to get ready to attack again. “You fool. You never were the smartest in the school. It’s why you dated that run down bitch, isn’t it?! To seem more smart!” The robot quickly turned around, aiming its guns at Ben. “Fuck you, you fat fucker!” Ben ran, but was shot down by two laser shots, shooting his feet. “FUCK!” Ben screamed in pain. “I was the king! I was at the top of my game! Then you showed up! You had to reveal my past self! I was kicked off!” The robot stomped as it walked closer. “No, it was not I who destroyed you... You destroyed yourself... It was by your doing!” Ben slowly got back up. “I did nothing! I was only trying to be myself! You stepped up the game!” Ben stabs the robot, straight through the armour of every layer. “And I only dated her because she needed help. From a true love- GAHH!” Ben was stabbed by the robot’s built in knife. “Now, you’ll die! And I’ll live on to shit on your corpse!” The robot laughed. “Not quite... I stabbed right through your core... Now die!” Ben pulls his sword out with the last of his strength. “... Bitch...” After the sword was pulled out, the robot exploded, sending Ben flying backwards into a tree with a large piece of the metal from the robot hitting him hard on the stomach. AFTER THE EXPLOSION... “Hello?! Hello?! Ben are you there?!” Doctor Whooves was searching through the rubble of the metal explosion. “Whoovies..?” A faint call. “Ben?!” Doctor Whooves followed the sound of the voice, moving the metal rubble from where Ben laid injured. “Come on, Let’s get you back to the others!” “Is Twilight okay..?” Ben coughed as Doctor Whooves got him onto his back. “Yes, yes. She is alright! But we can’t worry about her, we have to get you ba-” Doctor Whooves was interrupted by Ben as he put Ben on his back. “Twilight is okay then... Make sure it stays that way... My blood is running out faster then one would think...” All that was on Ben’s mind was Twilight’s safety. “Please... Tell her of my love if I die...” “You’re not going to die! Not yet anyway!” Doctor Whooves starts running back, faster and faster he ran. “Holy shit, what in the name of sweet baby Luna was that? WHOOVES?!” “No time to think about who I am! Someone is close to dying!” Doctor Whooves said running back. “Twilight, wake up! Oh god, what do I do, Doctor she’s been locked out of using her own body! I can’t help Ben without some magic!” “True lover...” Ben whispered over his groaning. “Only a true lover...” “No time for fairy tales! Quickly, to the library!” Doctor Whooves ran back to Ponyville. “Whooves, stop! If you bounce him around anymore, he’s going to die from internal injury!” But of course, the Doc was well far away by then. Tom reluctantly scooped up the party and by some miracle, Pinkie was able to rocket back to town with the two Rachels and Tom jumped on Derpy and promised her all the muffins she could eat if we beat Pinkie. Grabbing onto Twi, he prepared for the pony ride of his lifetime, spontaneously vomiting halfway back as time seemed to bend around the three. ‘We’re here! Now, where’s my MUFFINZ?!” Derpy started sniffing around for the scent of freshly baked goods, while Tom attempted to regain his vision and hearing. Crawling back into the library, Tom sees a horror sight. Ben’s blood is all over the floor, and the Doctor has somehow materialised his sonic screwdriver out of nowhere to attempt to locate the major damage. “Not now Derpy,” Tom said as he shut up the mare. “Ben, what did you say about true love?” “Fairy tales... All made up... Before I die, can you lay Twi next to me..? I wish to be near her one last time...” Ben found it hard to breathe for awhile. “Sure mate.” Tom lifted up the surprisingly light unicorn and placed her on the table to the left of Ben. “Twilight...” Ben lifted his left arm to feel Twilight’s mane, as he moved himself closer to the body to give it a light peck on the muzzle. “Please come back...” Tom then broke into Huey Lewis and the News’ smash hit, The Power of Love. The power of love is a curious thing Make a one man weep, make another man sing Change a hawk to a little white dove More than a feeling that’s the power of love Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream Stronger and harder than a bad girls’ dream Make a bad one good make a wrong one right Power of love that keeps you home at night You don’t need money, don’t take fame Don't need no credit card to ride this train Its strong and its sudden and its cruel sometimes But it might just save your life That’s the power of love That’s the power of love Suddenly, Twilight’s eyes flew open, although it was never acknowledged that Tom’s attempt to sing anything was responsible, he’d like to think so. “Stay beautiful, Twi...” Ben’s hand fell down as he was nearing death. “NO.” Twilight’s eyes took on that pure white form of pure energy. “NONE OF MY FRIENDS WILL DIE TODAY. FRIENDSHIP!” With the stating of that magical word, a beam of purple with a streak of pink bore down into Ben’s body, causing all manner of noises and reactions from it. He seemed to contort back into shape where the Doctor’s movements had taken him out of it. The blood from the floor turned from back from its oxygen deprived state as if it had poured out of him one millisecond ago, and rose up and back into his slowly closing wounds. The metal piece finally popped out of Ben as easily as it popped in, clanging as it hit the hardwood floor. After a few more moments of the body being enveloped by the energy, Twilight finally relaxed her body and hit the floor, landing in the outstretched arms of Tom. “Well, that was nice...” Ben sat up. “Finally got to tell my love, kissed Twilight, and now she will still friend-zone me.” Ben sighs. Ben was of course wrong again, as Twilight slowly regained her balance and trotted over to Ben, then beckoning him down to her level. Ben got down to Twilight’s level. “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” “I think at the very least, you deserve this for your troubles.” Twilight dropped all her anxieties and went in to kiss Ben full on the lips. Ben suddenly forgot the intense amount of pain his body was feeling after being magick’d and settled into the kiss. He had no strength left in his body, so as soon as Twilight had broken away, he passed out cold on the floor. “I knew he’d pussy out.” Tom then picked him up and placed him on the couch gingerly while Twi got a blanket and tucked him in for the now longest sleep he’d had in a long time. “Hey Twi, are you feeling okay? That was amazing! What happened?” “Well, I mean, I just felt this amazing surge of power running through me when I woke up. Maybe when I was asleep I stored power? Or maybe...” she stopped talking and looked at Ben snoring quietly on the couch, “maybe it was Ben. I don’t know.” Twilight then looked away with what looked like a tear in her eye. Tom knew this was going to hurt him less than Twi, but for his friend he knew he had to do it. “Twilight, I have to say something. I know you’re really tired but listen close to what I have to say.” Twi sniffled away her lonely tear and looked up at Tom, who sat down on the floor so he could communicate properly. “Before we got... here,” he gestured around the room, “Ben, for some god forsaken reason, told me that... he had a void he couldn’t fill inside him... and he told me that... you’ve filled that void.” Twilight then looked a little shocked out of her tears. “But I thought that guy was a psycho and a pervert!” “Well something in him has changed since yesterday, he’s got a touch of mental illness which he’s bought under control. He just forgot his pills the day we met. He’s a nice guy, and he’s always been a good friend of mine. In fact, back home, I was much crazier than him, and he was a ton more sane than I was then. It’s strange, that our roles have almost reversed... Anyway, the point is you should know he loves you, and...” Tom is expertly trying not to let a tear out at this point, “he deserves you more than me. I’ve got AJ, and he feels like he’s got no-one. It’s not fair on him at least so... please, at least consider the guy, he’s a good kid.” Twilight looks at Tom and says, “Well this is a lot to think about. I need to sleep too. I really appreciate your honesty, fitting that AJ and you are an item. *sniff* Thanks so much for all you’ve done for me. I don’t know how to repay you.” “What’s happened here is all our fault, my fault for not going in there myself when Ben asked. I... I don’t even know if we’re friends anymore after this. I hope he can find it in him to forgive what I did.” Twilight lifts a hoof to Tom and hugs him tightly, “You didn’t cause any of this. It just happened, as some things do sometimes...” Tom can then feel a deadweight around his neck as Twi finally gave out and sunk down to the floor. “I forgive thee.” Ben is sitting up on the couch. *sigh* “Fuck you dude. You sliced my arm open and Twi used all her magicks on you. I have to live with this shit for weeks. But thanks for nearly sacrificing yourself. And if you didn’t notice, Twi is yours. She deserves you.” “Now I’m going to fucking bed, because I am batshit tired. Good evening sir and best of luck for your future.” Tom then exits the room, as Ben sidles up to Twi on the floor and falls asleep. And Doctor Whooves and Derpy are somewhere sleeping off their day, both cuddling in each other’s forearms. So ends the arc.
Entering Equestria ARCBen, a young 13 year old boy, yelled out through the house of the Queensland Bronies. “Yo, Tom! Do you have any idea where my pudding is?!” Tom turned around, “Nahhhhh, bro. I don’t know where the puddings at. You checked the fridge?” Quickly, Tom runs to the bathroom, greedily scooping as much into his maw as possible before locking the door behind him. “Alrighty den...” Ben went back to his room, which was filled to the brim with junk and other things. He sat on his bed as he opened up his laptop. “What’s goin’ on in the world today~” He sung as he flipped through the scrollings of Facebook. He stumbles upo- Tom runs into Ben’s room with pudding smeared on his face and starts diving within the trashpile in the room looking for something. He then pulls his head out of the pile and says, “Nope I forgot, damn it.” Tom turns to Ben and says, “Don’t you hate when that happens?” “I hate it when someone interrupts my writing space. Like you just did with you diving in here.” Ben picks up one of the many plastic bottles in his room and throws it at Tom. “Now, let me finish my sentence next time.” He scolded him. Tom expertly catches the bottle and throws it at the least expensive item in the room he can afford to replace. Which happens to be another bottle. unfortunately, this bottle is holding up a stack of ipods and laptops which of course crumble into the trash heap as contact is made with the small vial of acid within the trash. Tom stares blankly at the mess he just made, and noticing Ben has not seen the irreparable damage done to his room yet, he quickly grabs his coat and bolts for the door. “Oh you bastard, Tom.” Ben snarls and he shuts down his laptop. “To be fair, what the fuck was a vial of acid doing in your trash heap? You’ve got at least three years worth of Red Bull cans and porn in here? Which is strange cause you’re 13.” “I do what I must for science. Now don’t question me before I have to take this outside and sort this out like Rage Roid.” Ben gets up and gracefully jumps around to get out of his messy room. “Also, I still want to beat you in Soul Cal V.” “Dude, Capcom vs Marvel erryday, hands down. FOR SCIENCE!” Tom then proceeds to start rolling on the floor to gather as much static electricity as possible. “I’m going to recharge my phone!” “Why is everything Pinkie Pie on cocaine with you?” Ben facepalms.OM NOM NOM NOM!! RANDOM TEXT CUS I CAN!! BLARGH!! “Nah, I prefer Berry Punch on speed. With a side of Twilight smoking weed. Haha I’m a poet and I didn’t know it LOL.” (Yes he did actually say L O L) “You amaze me, you truly do. Now if you’ll excuse me-” Ben is interrupted mid-sentence as the energy around Tom becomes visible to the naked eye and slowly intensifies, eventually covering Tom and Ben in swirling pink and purple sparks. And just like that, the trash, and the dudes were, GONE. “Whoa. Colours man. It’s like the rainbow... Wait, Tom. Why is everything dark and all I feel is a butt on my face? A pink butt.” Ben asks. “That would be your Pinkie Pie plush my friend.” Tom helpfully reaches over and un-obscures Ben’s sight from what would be the greatest sunrise the two have ever seen. Even though the full rise to the top of its path only took a literal minute. “Holy shitballs.” Tom gasps. “Dude, I don’t have a Pinkie Pie plushie.” Ben thinks for a moment. “Hey, why are we outside? Did we teleport or something?” “It seems like we have moved dimensions,” Tom muses as he swats away the pink plot device. “*snicker* Plot.” “Hey, maybe we’re in Equestria. But if so, what part?” Ben wonders. “Well judging by our proximity to what you and I know as the Everfree Forest, and how close the sun is to us, I can conclude I have absolutely no idea.” And with that, a map floats by on the wind and settles in a fully opened position between the two dudes. When Tom goes to pick it up however, it attaches to his face not unlike an Predator. “It likes you.” Ben gets up and searches through the trash, getting out a Compass. Just as Tom removes the map to show multiple small gashes across his face, he crumpled it up into a ball and punts it about fifty metres well across the field. “Well that certainly won’t come back to haunt me later.” “Oh and I saw the whole map and memorised it now, so you won’t need that just yet. Geez what else do you have in this pile of trash transported here with us?” “Well, I have a sword somewhere here. And probably a stun gun. I collect things for a post-apocalyptic war.” Ben pulls out a katana. “Wait, its a katana, not a sword.” He then looks at the compass, analyzing it. “Well, I know the magnetic field is unstable here.” “I shotty the shotty.” Tom pulls a shotgun out of nowhere and straps it to the front of his chest. Unfortunately, he has not been able to find any shells for it so far, so it only looks cool for the moment. “So if the magnets are haywire, then we definitely are in Equestria. Cause only Miracles happen on Earth. Damn those clowns.” “What the hell can we do Ben? Apart from this stack of weaponry, we have no food, water, or sleeping gear, apart from your Rarity bedsheets, which are slightly embarrassing to say the least.” “Fuck you, Rarity is best pony. Anyway, we’re in Equestria. So the grass is what’s for dinner.” Ben walks out of the pile of trash. “Eew grass. Wait, candy grass?” Tom takes an experimental bite out of the ground. “Holy crap it tastes just like Cadbury’s! Dude you have to try this!” (“Also Applejack is best pone”, Tom whispers.) “I’d rather raid Sweet Apple.” Ben looks off into the distance. “How do we get there from here?” “You have the map, correct?” “Well I memorised it, yes. Ok I suppose we can head off if one of us can figure out where the fuck we are now.” “One way of doing that. We must shake our plots for Molestia, but since we are humans that is quite hard. So let’s just walk over to that town that looks like Ponyville.” Ben begins walking. “Well we can only hope. In the meantime, let’s avoid getting raped by a pony (or should it be horse?) on our first hour here.” Tom walks forward cautiously, carefully avoiding any attempts at what he would call “ass action”. It takes three hours to get to this little village. “So. How do we enter? I mean like, we’re humans, they’re ponies.” Ben wonders. “As long as we don’t run into Lyra straight away, we should be ok. Luckily I packed this Crackle the Dragon costume into my backpack before we left. Jesus, if we ever get back, we’re going to have to make sure your rooms clean. I just don’t know how you got all this stuff!” “I... Uhh... Have my ways...” Ben shifts his eyes. “Anyway. We have to continue on. I’ll just enter normally. You can do what you want.” Ben walks off into the village. “Dude wait up, I’ve gotta have at least one mate in this world that I know. Can you imagine if we actually got split up? I don’t know what I’d do. *sniff* Anyway, it’s probably a good idea to ditch our pony merch here so we don’t go in with pictures of the ponies on our shirts and other assorted goods.” “Hey, I wear normal clothing. And you.” Ben pops a rolled up piece of paper into his mouth and lights the end. “You might need to come in naked.” Tom sighs, “Born naked in one world and born naked into the next, such is the circle of life.” Tom starts stripping removing his pants first. And then immediately puts them back on, thinking this was getting a little rapey. “Mind sharing that piece of paper with nothing in it with me? I could use a drag to calm my nerves.” “Just pick up some grass and roll it into this piece of paper.” Ben gives Tom a piece of paper. “Wait a minute, you’re telling me that grass is literally grass in Equestria? Erh mer gerd.” “Yes, so you should smoke it.” With an obligatory “420 blaze it faggot!” Tom lights up his first ever joint and blissfully takes an experienced drag. “I’ll go in, stay out here in that Crackle suit and don’t get cold. I’ll just go and find Twilight or some pony. I mean like, it’s night time. So breaking in should be EASY.” Ben walks off. As Ben walks off, Tom yells, “If it’s so easy, why am I left here?” But of course Ben can’t hear him, and Tom is left with a smoking joint, a Crackle costume and a shotgun with no ammo. “Well,” he thinks to himself, “better than what I woke up with this morning.” Ben brakes into the library once he gets close enough. Smashing entrance it was. “Hey, is there a book nerd here?!” Ben calls out as a lavender pony walks down from the stairs. “Spiiiiiiiike, my ears are burning, can you grab me some lotion...” As Twilight spots Ben, she slowly gets a look of comprehension on her face. She then proceeds to pass out and fall down the stairs face first. Luckily, this is a cartoon, so her snout is not smashed to pieces forever, rather bruised only slightly that it cannot be picked up by a small child. “Huh...” Ben yawns and climbs back out the way he came in and goes back to Tom. “I think I killed Twilight.” He says to Tom “Dude it’s a cartoon for little girls, she’s not gonna be dead.” “Says you.” Ben crosses his arms. “Right well let’s go check then, so we don’t get charged with accessory to murder ON OUR FIRST DAY!” Tom walks off in the direction Ben returned from, muttering under his breath. As they get there, Ben shows Tom the way in. As they are inside Ben says “Hey Tom, take off all your clothing and get on all fours. And pretend you’re a pony” “Nice try mate, a hypnotist tried to suggest to me once it didn’t work. Let’s get back to the issue at hand shall we?” As Tom and Ben look around again, they both see a small jet of green flame come towards their faces at an increasingly alarming rate. Both duck down in time, avoiding the cowardly attack. “S-stay back!” Spike Stutters. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I...I will! W-who are you?” “We are humans. We mean no harm to you, well maybe to Trixie in the future but not you or Twilight. Please don’t be alarmed.” “Tom, you hurt Trixie and I will make sure that you will have to have plastic surgery.” Ben threatens Tom. “Trixie? Now there’s a name we haven’t heard in Ponyville for a while” Spike perks up. “Do you ‘humans’ know her?” “See, now you got him suspicious. And now we have to go through a whole fucking explanation. So fuck this, time skip.” Tom and Ben press a button on their conveniently existing time machines, and Tom hits the floor at the speed of light, instantaneously gathering enough speed to time travel REWIND NOISE (At this point, since we can’t be bothered writing an explanation again, let’s just assume that Twilight has woken up while we were talking to Spike, and has attempted to kill us before being assured we are peaceful) “So you guys REALLY aren’t here for any ulterior motives, not planning on taking over Ponyville or Equestria at all?” Twilight poses to the two thoroughly confused and tired gentlemen. “First, I shall hit on Celestia. Then, I shall have sexual intercourse with her. THEN, I shall free Discord and have his daughter’s hand in marriage!” Ben was off in his own little world of tiredness, his ears moving up and down. “Woah! Steady on! There are some things this dragon doesn't need to hear.” Spike interrupts. Covering Spike’s ears, Tom states in a very sick and tired tone, “To answer your first question Twilight, yes we are peaceful. To answer your next question, Ben is just tired and utterly confused. At least I do quite hope that.” “Or I can seduce Rarity! Yeah, that’ll work...” Ben sounds pleased with himself. “HEY!” Spike yells. “My ears may be covered but i can still make out your muffled words! Keep your dirty muffin hands off her, you hear!?” “Hey, you can just hit on her sister. You already did hit on her during the wedding.” Ben crosses his arms. Spike blushes. “Ok that’s enough spoilers for one night. Twi, if I may call you that.” “No not really but please do go on...” Twilight says sarcastically. “Miss Sparkle, could we avail of your premises for the evening, if I give you an assurance that no rutting of any kind will be taking place for the foreseeable future.” Twilight looks at the two guys rather strangely while Spike attempts to stare down Ben, a mean feat considering Ben is at least four feet taller than him. “I suppose that will be fine for tonight, with that promise. Of course, I hope you expect questions in the morning.” “Nothing less than a million of them. Thank you my fair lady.” Tom kneels down to kiss Twi on the hoof as a way of saying thanks. She blushes, and turns away. “Don’t make me change my mind. Good night.” And with that teleports away to her chambers. Spike scoffs as he walks up the stairs “I don’t trust those two,” he mutters under his breath. “Tom, you suck up. You were supposed to go with the farmer one.” Ben scolds Tom. “Haha, I will have all the mares. But not tonight my friend, for tonight, we sleep like kings! On a wooden floor! Shotgun the couch.” Tom then touches his shotgun for good measure. “I’ll sleep outside like a man. I need fresh air anyway. Since you seem to be making me angry at this time.” Ben walks outside to sleep on the grass. Tom then proceeds to do a very brief happy dance and make a tick in the air, before collapsing on the couch, on top of a quite cross drake. He is then rewarded with a claw in the ass. It takes all of his resolve to stop from screaming out and waking the village. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m really tired. Spike, can we be friends, I would never dream of taking your Rarity away from you, and my life here would be easier without enemies.” Tom whispers. “You sat on my face you ass hat!” Spike calls out holding his nose. “To be fair, the more ironic insult would have been you ass face. But still, I didn’t know you guys actually used those words, this place seems way too sickly sweet for that.” “Well, the ponies don’t. They frown upon words like that. But when they’re not around what rules of theirs must I follow? Anyway, I’m tired myself, we’ll continue this talk in the morning.” Spike says as he death stares the front door holding back Ben before walking off into another room. “Also, my ass is throbbing. Anyway, good night mate. Hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.” Tom yawns and passes out from exhaustion on the couch, while gradually slipping to the floor and smacking his head, thus giving him the best rest he’s had in years. Morning came, and Ben had returned in, after doing nothing all night. Except get a cold. All because of Tom. Tom is a bastard. “I do hope Twilight does not mind that I shan't speak normally at this moment.” Ben sniffed a little because of his cold. “GOOD MORNING PONYVILLE!” Tom leans out of the window and yells. “Always wanted to say that,” as he turned to Ben. “Morning Ben, how was your night?” “Go fornicate yourself Tom.” Ben pulls out his iPod that he always carries with him. The only thing he has left that has cute things. “Oh cats... You are so fluffy...” Tom looks over Ben’s shoulder, “I agree, but Ben, need I remind you that in the world of ponies, there is no electricity. You may blow a few minds with this new technology. Minds that are not meant to be blown. Minds, if blown, could spell our doom.” “Hmm...” Ben wonders. “I can maybe court Princess Luna with something such as this...” Ben gets up and yells, “Twilight! Get your sexy plot down here, you sexy mare!” “Oh for god’s sake, we can’t do this again... And apparently I’m the asshole...” Tom thinks to himself as he facepalms. Hard. “Really?” Spike says opening a window. “You could at least try to not act like such a pervert.” “I’m working on him... but not like that. Is Twi up?” “I don’t know” Spike shrugs, “I’ll check.” Spike walk half way up the stairs before calling out, “Hey Twilight! You up yet!?” The slightly aggravated clopping began and stopped quickly, as the solar hot water began to make its way into a specially designed coffee pot in the downstairs kitchen. Then a slight *POOF* sound and Twi was right next to me, uncomfortably next to me I might add. The wrong way around I might also add, not her face pointing at me I might... well. Both of us blush quite an amount for being awake for only a few minutes, before Twilight regains her composure and mutters something about caffeine, while slowly trotting away. “You know what. Screw you Tom. Just. Screw you.” Ben drew out his Katana. “I really feel like killing someone right now.” “WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!” Tom yells! Spike walks towards the door slowly after hearing the statement, before running when he gets to the door. “Twilight.” Ben looks straight at her with katana in hand, “Tell me a way to have a meeting with the princesses. NOW.” Ben had a demanding alpha male tone in his voice. Midsip of her morning brew, Twi has a shocked look on her face and drops the coffee mug while simultaneously restraining Ben with his hands behind his back and legs almost touching his spine. “Why should I take you to the princesses when you have that thing in your hand threatening us?” she said tightening her grip after every syllable. Spike peeks his head around the door and sees Twilight. “Wow I didn't know she could do that” he whispers. “Good thing... I’m flexible...” Ben groans through the pain of his legs reaching his spine. “I’ll give you a reason... If you let me go... Bitch...” Twi loosens her grip, but just enough to avoid breaking the human in two. “For a human trussed up like a gryphon at Hearths Warming Eve, you’re pretty confident. Apoligize. NOW. And I might even give you a cup of my special brew.” Twi says with a mostly straight face. “Why should I apologize to you? I’d rather die.” It was clear that Ben was angry. “Because I don’t enjoy killing creatures... this early in the morning. Please just calm down so we can talk about this.” Twi had a gleam in her eye that said she was not bullshitting. “It was better, back on earth. Back where creatures couldn’t talk. It was better. I see now, why I became one of them. Why I thrown from modern society...” Tears are visible from Ben’s eyes. “I only have one wish, if you do wish to kill me. I wish to see the shy pegasus.” Twi breaks her concentration of the spell once Ben starts to tear up. He collapses to the floor and Tom quickly darts over and grabs the katana out of his hands before he can regain control of the deadly sharp weapon. Twi then looks suspiciously at Ben. “Why do you want to see Fluttershy, in fact why do you want to meet so many mares without even knowing who they are? In fact, how did you know who I was last night, how did you know my name, we’ve never met!” Twi picks up Spike and puts him behind her quickly and goes into a defensive stance, snorting quietly. “Tom’s a changling!” Ben rolls away. Tom immediately has a small inner fanboy squeal and then says, “No I’m not. Are you going to believe the guy that just threatened your and my life, or the guy that has tried to patch up everyone together and try to control the chaos?” Twi ponders this for a short moment, then levitates Ben up and away from his cowardly hiding spot behind the drapes of the library, which is fine in retrospect as the whole of Ponyville is looking at the front of said library now, with a sudden urge to get reading. “It’s Ben right?” Twi says apprehensively. “I prefer Master Whitehead. Since I’m still under the adult age.” Ben takes advantage of being in the air to do all sorts of silly things. Watching a teenager attempt to master his own quite bad situation got a low giggle out of Tom and Spike, not enough to slip by Twi who gave the two a quickly withering look. Twi then said, “Ben. I don’t know what’s going on, but can you promise that I won’t have to kill you before I’ve even met you? I really don’t like killing things but I’m more than capable.” “I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of you before Twi, what is it about humans that have you so riled up?” said Spike. “Humans are creatures. So I request to be taken into proper care! I want cuddle fluffy kittens and play Rabbit Fight.” Ben says, so innocently too. Twi then looks at Tom, who shrugs in response, as Ben has managed to confuse the whole building. “Ok then. That... makes... some sense. I guess. But honestly, after that, why should I trust you?” “I’d try and sweet talk my way out. But I’m too angry over Tom trying to show me off...” Ben crosses his arms. “Show me off, what do you mean?” Tom said. “You act all olden style around Twilight. And it makes me jelly.” Ben huffed. “Well, I’m sure you could act respectful to the mares about town if you wanted to... I’m sure if you gave it a try without threatening to kill anyone it wouldn’t go bad for you. Just sayin’.” “Screw you. Now let me down and give me my katana. I want to go adventuring around town.” He has clearly calmed down somewhat “Twilight, could you let him down? I do know the guy, and I know he’s not going to kill anypony now... or me hopefully.” “Ok then, but if something happens when I do, you’re just as responsible.” Twi apprehensively broke the spell and Ben dropped to the floor unceremoniously. Tom then threw his sheathed katana at him, and as he was a crack shot throw, slotted it perfectly around Ben’s shoulder. A light gray coated mare breaks in through the window. “I BROUGHT YOU A LETTER~!” She yelled. “Oh hey, a letter.” Ben gets up and takes the bag that derpy was carrying, because I didn’t add that in. So screw you. But anywhore, Ben opened up the bag and was greeted by a foal. “Ohey. It’s a foal.” Ben pulls out a brown coated foal, with brown for its colour in mane and tail. “I’ll call it... Doctor Whooves. What do you think, Tom?” Tom begins to scream silently in his head and calmly while gritting his teeth replies, “That sounds great Ben, hey Derpy, any idea how this foal got in your mailbag? Do you have a super special delivery to make?” “Wait, it’s a foal? Doctor said it was mail!” Derpy was more confused than usual. “But he’s in the mailbag!” Tom said pleadingly. This woke the good Doctor up with a start. The Doctor had a look around the unfamiliar surroundings, saw the two gentlemen, squeed, and then dove back into the mailbag with a start. Or a stop, more appropriately. “Well I have absolutely no bucking idea what’s going on in here. Derpy, how did you meet the Doctor?” “Guys this is a very strange yet pleasantly flowing conversation, but I insist you leave my library so I can prepare for the day ahead.” Twilight pipes up. “Ah ok then. Thanks for your hospitality Twilight, and if I can help out with anything as a way of my gratitude, then don’t hesitate to ask.” “Have fun sexy mare of the books.” Ben climbs onto Derpy’s back. “Away!” He then proceeds to ride Derpy out of the Library. Twilight, Spike and Tom manage to synchronise their rolling of their eyes perfectly. “Thanks again.” Tom waves back to the now throughly confused two as the others all walk out.
Exploring Equestria ARCExploring Equstria ARC “And then I was like; screw you! I’m 13!” Ben was telling Derpy about the time he fought off three guys at school. It was obvious bullshit, but it entertained Derpy. “So Derpy, where are we? Do you have any idea?” Tom poses. “You’re both in Equstria! Ponyville to be exact. Up there is Cloudsdale!” Derpy pointed at the ground. Tom could have swore he heard an audible DERP as Derpy finished her sentence, as silly as it was. “Yes, but do you have any idea where in Ponyville we are?” “Oh silly Tom. Ponyville is just one place. It EASY to get around Ponyville.” Ben waved down his hand at Tom. “I’m going with Muffin on this one!” Derpy adds in. “Cool story bros.” Ben hops off Derpy and gets out his wallet. “Hmm...” He analyzes the money he has. “$100... What do you think we could get with that, Tom?” Ben asks. “Nothing, because the currency is bits in Ponyville...” Tom shrugs. “Luckily, I’m even poorer than you.” “Well, lets go see. I’m hungry really.” Ben hops back onto Derpy and goes to the main marketing area. “We may find Epple Jecks!” Tom fistbumps Ben for that excellent pun and continues to walk towards the market. “Oh, hey. There’s the apple stand.” Ben directs Derpy to walk over to the Apple Stand. Tom spots his favourite pony, squees out loud and then wonders how he can actually do that in this dimension. “Let’s do this brother, Derpy will you be our wingmare?” Derpy giggles, “What’s a wingmare?” Ben then signs something in-front of Derpy that makes her blush. “That’s a wing mare.” “Wait you understand Australian sign language? Geezuz, this dimension is all over the place...” Tom, utterly confused, walks over to the apple stand and spots Applejack taking a break from her busy day. He motions the two over to follow him and approaches the glistening, glowing mare. “Hi there AJ! How’s business going?” Whilst this is all going on, Derpy is shaking her plot in the air whilst Ben is wearing sunglasses. “Dat plot.” “Well hello there, I ain’t never seen a thing like y’all before. What are you, and how d’ya know mah name?” Applejack looks confused. “Why you’re Applejack, the most dependable pony in all of Ponyville, if not Equestria! And the best damn applefarmer worldwide from what I hear.” Tom says ending with a wink. Although it’s hard to see, AJ suddenly blushes just enough so you could notice, quite a feat considering her coat is orange. “Well, that’s mighty kind of ya. So what can I, ah, help you with today?” “Well we would love some breakfast, what would you recommend?” Ben has his shirt off by now, holding the foal. “Hey, how do I feed a foal? Derpy doesn’t know.” Applejack’s eyes go a little wide as she notices this, while the good Doctor attempts to maneuver his face away from Ben’s pitiful man nipples. “Scratch that, four apple muffins please. If you could.” Derpy perks up at the mention of muffins and fishes just enough bits out of her bag to cover the cost. “Well. That’s one perk of having a sexually attractive mare on your side.” Ben puts the Doctor onto Derpy’s back and puts his shirt back on. Tom leans over and whispers to Ben, “You find a mildly retarded mare attractive? Don’t get me wrong, she’s an awesome pony, but sexually attractive?” “Hey. Fuck you. I’m retarded mentally.” Ben says as he slaps Tom. Tom does not know why he received a slap to the face, but takes it in stride as AJ drops the muffins down on the bench and scoops the bits up. Tom grabs the tray, says thank you and walks over to a table where he hungrily digs into the tastiest treat he’s had for breakfast in a long time. Ben takes one of the muffins and eats it. “I still wanna eat a normal apple...” Derpy started to cut up, well smush a muffin for the Doctor, and feed it to him, while aggressively devouring her own. It wasn’t pretty. But it worked, as soon we were all reasonably broke from our fast. “I want to go back home... Then beat up someone... Tom, can I punch you?” Ben asks. “You couldn’t afford it. Dude what happened to you? You were twice as sane as me back home and now you’re borderline psychotic!” “Dunno. I have ADHD.” Ben gets out a container that holds some pills in it. He then withdraws one. “Hey, Tom. Can you force this down my throat?” “Anything for you buddy.” Tom then, in a cartoony fashion and with a quick fist, throws the pill up and through Ben’s naval cavity, thus disarming his gag reflex. Mission accomplished. “Tank you.” Ben coughs and deposits the container into his underwear. “Hopefully, that does the trick. So Derpy, what are your plans for this fine day?” Tom muses while attempting to give eye contact to the mare. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. “Well, Doctor said that I had to stay with the creatures I deliver the little muffin mail to.” Derpy says calmly. “And how much mail do you have left?” “None. Its like the whole of Equestria stopped using mail to contact others.” “Well, I wonder what could have caused that.” Derpy then did something that made Tom and Ben audibly voice their pleasure: she did the LOL I DUNNO shrug with full derp. HOLY CRAP BEST THING EVER. Recovering from the best thing that has ever happened to him in this universe, Tom then said, “So would you like to hang around with us for the day?” “Well, she was told by the doctor to accompany us. So duh Tom.” Ben then slaps Tom on the back of the head and hops onto Derpy’s back as she fully stands on her four legs. “Lets go back to the trash pile to get what we need.” “Wait, but the Doctor hasn’t said a word? Ah what the buck.” The four begin walking back towards the trash pile of goodies with the Doctor on Derpy’s back. Suddenly out of fucking nowhere, Pinkie Pie could be heard giggling like a fuggin crackhead or something. “And I said Oatmeal, are you crazy?” Followed by that was the laughter of what sounded like a young human girl. “Ya’know. I think that this trashpile might be like a portal or something...” Ben hopped off Derpy and began to look through the trash pile. “My laptop should be here somewhere...” “What’s a laaaaaap taaaap?” Derpy says so derpy and innocently. “It’s a thing to store porn on.” Ben replies blankly. “Porn? Lovely....” The strange girl said in a disgusted tone. Meanwhile Pinkie began to nom on Tom’s head as if it were made of candy. “AAAAAH FUCK MY HAIR!” Tom yelled. “Actually, that feels pretty good. Don’t stop you silly pony.” Ben’s ears perked up, despite him being a human. He can move his ear muscles. “Rachel!?” Upon hearing her name she looked at the boy more closely, suddenly jumping in surprise “Ben?! The fuck are you doing here?” “Oh boy, it’s good seeing you here Rachel. But really, I don’t know.” Ben is suddenly hugging Rachel. “Tom just started rolling on the ground and we appeared here.” “Huh.....I see. I dunno how I got here. I was just derping on le computer when suddenly Pinkie here just came outta nowhere and pulled me in or something. I dunno. I was distracted by shounen-ai,” Rachel said as she was hugged by her friend. WHEW. “Group HUGS!” Tom immediately broke contact from Pinkie, and didn’t scream as half a dozen hair follicles separated from his scalp, and ran over to the two, glomping them aggressively. Quickly acting, Ben jumps away to avoid Tom then goes back to getting his Laptop out of the trash. “Well, here’s the laptop... Now I just need the charger and I can get a unicorn to create electricity!” “I’m not sure if Twilight will help us Ben... you did threaten to kill her.” “Where would we even find an outlet in here?” Rachel said as Pinkie quickly sat upon her head. “DA MAGICKS. No seriously Rachel, there are none, these are ponies, everything is magic run.” Tom said matter of factly, and patted himself on the back for having a correct headcannon. “Gee, I had no idea,” Rachel said as suddenly Pinkie’s tail started twitching. “Twitcha twitch, twitcha twitch!” “I already know an outlet.” Ben walks over to Derpy, then puts the plug for the charger into her plot. “See, an outlet.” Derpy didn’t seem to notice. “..........Idiot.” Rachel said, rolling her eyes. “Oh fine...” Ben takes the plug out and throws it away. Then he picks up his School bag and puts the laptop in it. “Lets just go see Celestia. Or should we send her a letter?” Ben patted Derpy on the back. The mare seemed to be having a massive DERP moment. “Ooooooooooo, you should send a letter!” Pinkie suddenly shouted. “I like mail too.” Tom stated. Both shared a smile, which turned quickly into a smile off, until Tom’s face hurt from having to accept physics as its lord and master. “Sooo.....what exactly should we say in the letter?” Rachel said as she was watching Tom and Pinkie goof around. Ben was sitting on Derpy’s back. “Lets go and talk to Twilight!” Derpy spread her wings. “Let’s all go!” *MUSICAL NUMBER START* *MUSICAL NUMBER END* Thanks to that musical number for depositing us at the library, and making the ponies a little less scared of us. Pinkie quickly knocked on the door, in a secret code for some reason. Note: No baby dragons were harmed during the making of this musical. Except for the bucket. He will be missed dearly. “Twilight! Your plot is sexy and I want to bone you!” Ben yells out. Rachel slapped her forehead and proceeded to kick Ben in the ass. “Idiot, you don’t yell that kinda stuff out!” she said in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’ve been dealing with that shit for ages now, I thought he was better after his pill, but obviously not... At least I’m a little more subtle about it...” Tom nodded his head as Twilight came out. And because Ben was on Derpy’s back, Rachel kicked him in the back. “Screw you all...” Ben slumped. Twilight came out, and with an already tired of this situation look on her face, said, “What the buck do you idiots want? Oh hai Pinkie!” “Hi Twilight!” Pinkie said excitedly. “These are my new friends!” “Ohoho, this is certainly the most interesting thing I have seen in centuries.” , Discord said as he watched from a far away place. “I certainly wonder how things will turn out.” He said with a devilish grin on his face as he continued watching. “Applejack likes bucking trees.” Ben says. “Imma let you finish Ben, but my sentence is the most important of AHL THYME. So Twilight, we were wondering if you could produce some electricity for us, we have technologies from Earth we could use to assist modern ponykind in their advancements!” Of course, Twilight perked up at this, “Ooooooh, what is it? What is it?” Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were having a nice talk about Pie. “I won’t show you the laptop... Not unless you satisfy a deal of mine.” Ben smirked. “Heheh, make me proud son.” Discord said as Ben was smirking. Twilight sighs for what seems like the thousandth time today, “What’s your terms?” “I wish for a nuzzle! Not a plain old one. One that’s all fluffy and stuff. like how Derpy nuzzles.” Sigh #1001, “Fine.” Twilight musters up all her adorableness for the next two months and nuzzles Ben COMPLETELY APPROPRIATELY IN A WAY THAT COULD NOT MAKE HIM SEXUALLY AROUSED OR OTHERWISE AT ALL. Makes Ben aroused anyway. “Heheheheheh~” Ben deposits the laptop and gives it to Twilight. “So what does this thing do?” Twi says once her BLEH face has dissipated. “Well essentially, it can connect to all the other laptops and computers around the world and get information about pretty much anything from pretty much anywhere.” Tom explains rather badly. Twilight’s eyes then sparkle madly, before she makes a mad grab for the device. “WOAH there nelly! This thing is not made for hooves. I can use it, but the problem is since we’re in another world, it’ll be hard to connect to anything else other than what’s already on here. And as this is Ben’s laptop, I’d say you don’t want to see what’s on here.” “Nothing much is on there. Just some games and what not. Oh and some of my pairings. Well, from Sonic the Hedgehog and what not...” Ben says in a matter-of-fact voice. “So we got the clean one then? Excellent news. All right let’s open this thing up then.” Tom turns on the laptop which has about a three quarter battery left. As the rest of them fiddled with the laptop Pinkie and Rachel started to make silly faces at each other while suddenly wearing old west attire. Ben walks over to Pinkie and Rachel. “Come on baby, shake that plot!” Thinking Ben was talking about a story, Pinkie suddenly grabbed one of Twilight’s books and began to shake it around. “Oh. Okay.” Ben sits on the ground. “Can we time skip?” “Yeah this is gonna take a while otherwise...” REWIND NOISE (So Tom [interjected occasionally by Rachel and Ben] has just explained the internet to Twilight, of course not mentioning the 80% of porn that makes it up, and blocking Ben everytime he tries to do so, but Ben was too busy telling the story of Cupcakes to Pinkie Pie while Rachel calmed Pinkie down and told her it was just a story and then cake happened. It was delicious and moist.] “Far out I’m tired after that.” “Well. I don’t want to sleep outside. So I’m sleeping under Derpy. With Whoovies.” Ben says. “Well this seems acceptable. Rachel, I’m sure if Twilight is willing she could supply us with a bed for the night before we head off on our next more eventful adventure?” At that moment, Derpy’s wings can be heard as Ben flies off on Derpy’s back. “To Cloudsdale! I will wreak chaos and havoc!” “What in the world is that idiot doing?” Rachel said as Pinkie hopped on top of her head again. “I honestly have no idea, but I’m getting a bit sad that everyone seems to have a pony compatriot but me...” Ben comes back “It’s Twilight. And remember, wear a condom or you get aids.” Then Ben flies back off, towards Rainbow Dash’s house. “........ wat.” Twilight firmly blushes until I am sure she has been broken. “I’ll kill you finally, Rainbow Dash!” Ben yells, laughing while disappearing into the skies, and Derpy laughing but not knowing why she’s laughing. “Anyway, yes you’d all be welcome to stay the night. Thank god Ben’s finally gone.” Twilight says relieved beyond comparation. “Yeah, but I have a feeling we’ll have a whole mess of trouble to deal with tomorrow.” Rachel said as she sat down on the floor. “Pinkie are you staying with us tonight, or are you heading home?” Tom asked politely. “Hmmmmmmm......I’ll stay here. Ooooooo, it’ll be like a sleepover!” Pinkie said excitedly. Later that night. Ben pushes Tom lightly, trying to wake him. “Tom... Tom... Hey, Tom...” “What the actual fuck is happening to my life.” Tom then raises his head from the pillow on the couch, “what the fuck could you want this late at night Ben? And where’s Derpy gone?” “Derpy is outside. But anyway. I need something to give to Rarity.” Ben whispers. “Alright, what’s going on?” Rachel as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. Pinkie Pie was still attached to her head for some reason, and quietly snoring, and occasionally giggling. “Ben wants to bang Rarity. God knows why at this hour.” “No, no, no. Let me explain.” Ben whispers. “So yeah... It’s why I want to go and talk with her...” Ben was laying on Derpy, watching the sunset. “Well, it might work. You never know. If it was me, you only have to give me a muffin!” Derpy tried her best to cheer Ben up. “Well, let’s just go meet her then.” Ben gets up and picks up Doctor Whooves, then climbs onto Derpy as she stands up. Then off she flew to the Carousel Boutique. Three knocks at the door Rarity opens it. “I’m sorry darling, we are closed.” Rarity says, her eyes closed. When she opens them she is greeted to a creature, the thing that Twilight was talking about. “Oh, hello darling.” “Dear madame Rarity, I have come to court you.” Ben put on his best english voice. (Tom interrupts the flashback) “I told you he was trying to bang her.” “Shut up Tom. Listen, don’t interrupt.” (Back to the flashback) During the time Derpy was crying, she felt Ben was one of her foals. She cried not out of sadness, but out of happiness. “My, my. What a gentleman... Well, you must bring me a gift by tomorrow. Then I shall think of it.” Rarity was blushing slightly. Ben got up from his stance “I shall return to you with a gift from my heart, dear Rarity.” Ben then ran and hopped onto Derpy’s back “Please, await for me!” Derpy then flew away. (Flashback over) “And yeah... That’s why I need help.” Ben says. “So out of fucking nowhere, you just wanted to be with Rarity. I’ve never heard about this before.” “I’m just more civilised than you. When I wish to be.” Ben grunts in his whisper. “Well as hard as that is to believe, I believe you. So what do you think a gift from your heart could involve?” “Well... I don’t know. I need you to come with me to the Everfree Forest so I can get something to make something out of.” “So we’ve been here for a day and you want to go into the Everfree? Far out man, that is a big task. Do you have any idea whatsoever as to what you want?” While Ben and Tom were talking, Pinkie and Rachel had already left Twilight’s library and were wandering about and walked into the Everfree Forest. “I’ve already had an idea. If we are stuck inside of some mind thing, then we should be able to find my OC’s Scroll Cave. Then I can grab one of his scrolls and give it to Rarity!” Ben was proud of his idea. “You think your OC exists in this world? I hope mine doesn’t, he’s pretty much me from what I remember...” “So ummm.....what are we doing in here Pinkie?” Rachel said as they wandered about. “Hmmmm....I dunno. Just to explore I guess” Pinkie said in a cheery, almost sing song voice. “Just get up. I’ll meet you over at the edge of the Everfree Forest near Fluttershy’s cottage.” Ben runs out loudly. Cursing under his breath, Tom decided he’d leave Twilight a note so she didn’t think anything terrible had happened, and thanked her once again for her hospitality and understanding in this matter. He also left a small XO next to his signature... then got pretty damn embarrassed. “Man, fuck that guy.” Tom grabbed his coat and started walking. Later, at the edge of the Everfree Forest. “Where the hell is that guy..?” Ben tapped his foot in frustration. “Right here bro, so tell me the plan. Where are we going? What the fuck are we doing?” “I need to get in there and find something to give to Rarity. Nothing back at the trash pile will satisfy her. No, I haven’t tried. But I’m sure it won’t please her. I mean like, I would give her my Rarity bedsheets. Buuuut... I kinda soiled them...” Ben rubs the back of his neck. “You know what? Let’s not get bogged down in the details as it were, let’s just push on and try to find something then get the fuck away from here, because the Everfree is creeping me out...” “Lets get the fuck in there then. Derpy, you stay out here. I don’t want your sexy plot to be violated.” Ben patted Derpy’s mane. “I like your mane... It’s yellow...” “Okai than.” Derpy agreed. Tom tries to ignore the one way sexual tension between the two, and starts walking towards the entrance. “Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.” Ben teleports in-front of Tom bending over With a very loud, “DO NOT WANT!” Tom kicks Ben in the presented arse and continues, a little more satisfied with life, walking down the path. “A/S/L?” Ben follows Tom in suit. “Shoulda put a ring on it~ Oh, oh, oh~ Whoa, ho, ho~ Uh oh~” “NO.” “I’m walkin’~ I’m clickin’~ I’m breathin’~ Like humans do~” Ben is now singing. Suddenly, a wild cave appears and Tom loses all his homicidal tendencies. “Tom. I wanna fart but...” “Let me just stop you right there, we’re here.” Tom and Ben stop to peer inside the cave, the dark dank cave. “Do you even lift?!” Ben yells out, with an audible echo. As the lifts subside, a small grumbling comes from the very back of the cave. “Dah fuck was that. I need to eat.” Ben is quite derpy. Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were still walking around Everfree Forest pretty much lost as all hell. “I’ll be back.” Ben walks into the dark cave. Random screams are to be had, and barks. “Arf, arf, arf!” “Whoa there boy! Calm down!” “Who are you?!” “Whoa the fuck are you?!” Boom, boom, slice, bang, bang. … … … Silence. “Bennnnn? You okayyyyyyyyyy?” Tom is yelling into the cave, but isn’t too enamoured with going in there... “UPUPDOWNDOWNLEFTRIGHTLEFTRIGHTBASTART!” Ben runs straight past Tom holding a bag of scrolls. After who the fuck knows how long, Pinkie and Rachel eventually find a cave. “Hey Ben wait, SHIT.” Tom spots a pony with what looks to be a very sharp horn coming towards him and decides the best course of action is to not turn around and be strongly violated but to move in the opposite direction quickly. “USE THE KONAMI CODE, TOM!” Ben yells. “It didn’t FUCKING WORK FOR YOU!” Tom screams out. “How am I already in Ponyville then?!” Ben yells. “I’m a pegasus!” Derpy joins in the yelling. Pinkie and Rachel just stand there in complete confusion. “Hey Tom! Heads up! Treebark boss!” Ben throws out a pokeball. “Tom get Pokeball!” Tom exclaims unnecessarily while catching the ball. Rachel suddenly pulls out a Digivice and uses it, causing Pinkie Pie to digivolve or something into Pinkiemon. Or Pinkie in an agumon suit. “I want to hug Rarity!” Ben flies down on Derpy next to Tom. All three humans then take a defensive stance against the treebark and Blin the OC. But Ben is just sitting on Derpy, watching. “NONONONONONONO! FUCK THE SCRIPT!” Ben jumps off Derpy and withdraw his katana. “FUCK THE POH-LICE!” His katana shone in the middest of the dark as he pointed it straight at the Treebark giant wolf thing. “When’s the first attack commander Tom?” “Awww yea. Go Rachel, destroy it!” “Alright. Pinkie, use your Pinkie Breath!” Already in an offensive position, Pinkie opened her mouth wide and sent a ball of pink fire at Treebark. As the fireball hits, a wild health bar appears over each of our heroes and villain. The health bar appeared to be reducing under the villain as the treebark caught fire. “Woo, go Pokeball!” Tom threw the Pokeball at the treebark as it opened and emitted a red pulsing light enveloping the treebark and enclosing it in the ball. As it slowly rocked back and forth, Tom pulled out a gameboy and mashed the shit out of the A button to further increase his chances. With a slight poof, the treebark was caught! Ben kicks the Pokeball away. “Screw you!” He yells at the Pokeball as it flies away. “... well fuck.” Tom starts walking away disappointed. Ben hops onto Derpy’s back. “Get on this fucking mare. She is sexy, you are not.” Tom then proceeds to recite the full version of Amazing Pony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cakkDjbBKmg “When we get back. I’m having sex with Applejack.” Ben jokes as the two fly away on the awesome mail mare Derpy’s back. Tom resigns himself to staying as silent as possible and not giving the retard he called a friend anymore ammo. ARRIVING IN PONYVILLE... “Ya’know. You go back to Twilights. I’ve got something really interesting to do.” Ben basically tells Tom to fuck off and sleep. “Cool story bro, see ya later!” Tom was glad to fuck off from that psycho. He began to walk to the library as Ben flew off with Derpy. LATER IN THE MORNING FUCKER... “Tom, the fuck up. I’m hungry.” Ben yells at the sleeping Tom. “Come on man, it’s fucking 5am.” “You might wanna act all sweetly around Applejack though. I kinda did something last night...” “Let me guess... flashback?” “Yes.” FUCK. FLASHBACK BEEEEEEEEEEEEOTCH... “Hey, orange mare!” Ben yells as he sits on Derpy, close to Applejack’s window. “Wake the fuck up!” “What in tarnation?!” Applejack opens the window. “Here, take this.” Ben gives Applejack the most romantic scroll in the bag. “It’s from my friend, Tom. We’ll come by the apple stand tomorrow.” Ben flys off on the mystical Derpy, then falls asleep in a bear’s armpits. In Fluttershy’s shed. FLASHBACK OVER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH... “Wow dude, you did that for me?” “Now come on. Buy me breakfast.” Ben pokes Tom’s right man nipple. “Okay then. Luckily, that bag has a couple of thousand bits in it, so we can afford to eat like kings!” Tom says with an air of control and smugness. “Oh... Okay...” Ben walks outside. “Get dressed!” “Dude, we’ve been wearing the same clothes for days... we don’t have any spares. I think my body has developed new subspecies of moulds.” “I had Rarity make us some new clothes. So we’re going there after breakfast.” “How did you convince her to do that for us? She barely knows you.” “I did things I didn’t mention in the flashback that I’m not proud of...” “Soooooooooo...... Foodbats time now?” Rachel said as Pinkie sat on her head once again. “FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM RACHEL!” as Tom jumped out of his skin. Then put it back on. “I’ve been here. Duuuuuuurr.” she said as Pinkie nibbled on her hair. “Come on now, we need to get Tom to his first date. And my breakfast!” Ben laughs as he sits on Derpy. As Derpy makes a slightly too delighted squeal, everyone starts walking towards the Apple family’s stand. “Hey Applejack! Your lovercolt is here!” Ben waves towards Applejack. Tom looks down at the ground really awkwardly. He waves towards where he thinks AJ is, “Hi Applejack.” AJ can barely even look up at him herself, she’s blushing so hard. In a small voice, she says, “That... that was you?” Tom then looks up a little more confidently, and says, “Eeeyup.” While Tom and AJ look at each other, Ben pipes up, “Hey AJ, do we still have to pay or can we get a free meal? Ya’know, just for today.” Applejack suddenly snaps out of her trance. “Ah, nope. Hey, uh, Tom, that’s yer name right?” Tom nods and AJ continues, “Can we talk in private over there?” She points over to the fields. “Woo! You go Tom!” Ben yells Tom on. “Yeah I think that’s going to be necessary.” They both walk over to the tree for the peace and quiet. Both of them both look at each other some more, and blush quite furiously, before Tom speaks. “So... what did you think of it?” “Weeeeeell... I’m not really sure what I thought. What did you think I would think?” “Um... I dunno.” “I’M SMOKING A BONG!” Ben was stealing from Applejack’s stand. “I don’t know either... But if you felt this way, y’ shoulda told me. I am after all the element of Honesty.” “Well yes AJ I’ve known this for a long time, and I’ve known you for what seems like a long time too. This is really weird.” as Tom rubbed the back of his neck. And the sun up in space, Celestia yells. “YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Both of them then proceeded to get even more embarassed, when AJ spoke up and said almost in a whisper, “yeah, maybe we should...” At the mention of this, Tom got down on his knees to AJs eye level and kissed her passionately for the first time. “WHERE’S MY FUCKING CAMERA?!” Tom then thought while he was engaged, well he did do this for me, so I can settle for this, then raising his middle finger to Ben. “FINE, NO MORE HELPING FOR YOU! ASSHOLE!” Tom broke the kiss and looked into AJs eyes, losing his grip on reality just that little bit, before feeling something touch his forehead. He looked up to see AJ bringing him into a hug. He and AJ then hugged for a few moments before the moment was well and truly destroyed by Ben. “No, fuck you OP. I’m eating apples. So I don’t give a shit.” Ben goes back to eating the stolen apples with Derpy and Doctor Whooves. No food was left for Tom. The two walked back over to the stand and AJ then put her hoof out. Tom fished out some bits and paid her up for the “stolen” goods. After all it’s only fair. “Dude you’re an asshole.” Tom looks defeated but luckily his sustenance was taken care of by the romance. So ha. “Have fun with that Faggot OP.” Ben put Doctor Whooves in his foal holder and sat on Derpy. “I’m gonna go to Twilight. I want to go to Canterlot.” “Yeah you do that mate. I’m gonna stay here for a little while and help AJ with the stand, if that’s ok with you AJ?” “Well I’d sure appreciate that. Thanks pardner.” AJ tips her hat, which has managed not to be rustled during all the drama and badly written romance. LATER, IN A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK... “Twilight, open the door.” Ben yells. “Good morning to you too human. What on Celestia’s green earth could you want now?” “I want to go see the princesses. I’ve been thinking about how we came here. It doesn’t seem right. And since I’m away from Tom I can start to think logically.” “Well that last part’s illogical in itself, but anyway, you’re right. It is strange how you just turned up here. I’ll write a letter and schedule an appointment right away. SPIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Geez I feel dumb for not thinking of this earlier...” Twilight then starts to pace around the library. “Hah. I defeated Twilight.” Ben is now proud. “Yeah?” Spike said as he walked down the stairs. “Could you take a letter for me please?” “Sure” Spike said as he grabbed a quill and a scroll. “Dear Princess Celestia, For some reason I can’t even fathom, a human has arrived in Equestria, Ponyville no less. When can he and I make a visit to Canterlot to discuss their current situation? Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.” Spike quickly wrote the letter, rolling it up and using his magic fire to send it to Celestia. A FEW MINUTES LATER... Spike burped out a response, and began to read: “Dear my faithful student. Hearing about this has intrigued me further. I have noticed some weird energies emitting from the forest. I do require you to bring the humans here to Canterlot. I have sent the royal guards to pick you up. Your teacher, Princess Molestia Celestia.” “Huh. Well that’s odd. If my teacher has sent the royal guards, then they are only a few minutes away.” “Well. I wonder how Tom is doing. He seems to be Applejack’s new lovercolt.” Twilight looked at Ben for a moment confused, it almost seemed like she was... jealous? “Art thou upset?” “Ummm...” Twi then got her composure back, “No not at all, what makes you say that?” while she flashed one of the most fake ass smiles Ben and Spike had ever seen. “Hey, I was available. But you chose Tom.” Ben then coughs ‘Slut’ “ANYWAY. The royal chariot will be here quite soon so go and get...” she makes a slightly sickened face, “lovercolt.” “Hey, I wanted to be YOUR lovercolt. But then you went and loved up Tom.” Ben scoffed. Twi facehooved. “Let’s just go and wait for the chariot.” “Ya’know. I still like machine powered things.” “Well, you can tell me all about them outside while we wait.” Twilight begins to walk out of the library. “How about I tell you about how Tom and AJ’s date went?” Ben follows in tow. “I’m... not really interested in other ponies personal lives.” Twi said with that embarrassed look she’d perfected over the past couple of days. “Hey, I watched it. I was stealing apples.” Ben laughs. “Like I said, I don’t really want to know.” “Y’know. Its not really fair... Since I’m so young I’m not allowed to have sexual relations...” “Uh huh.” Twilight is feigning interest so she doesn’t actually absorb this info... “And then I was like, “You have caused many crimes upon this day... But in Lady Rarity’s name I shall end your life...” and I shot an arrow in his throat.” “Yeah.” “And then I boned Luna and Celestia in a dark dungeon.” “woooooow.” Twi is super unimpressed. “So, tell no one I told you this. I don’t want to die this soon...” Ben is finally finished with his story. “Oh look the royal chariot!” (“Thank Celestia that’s over” Twi thought in her internal monologue). “Now I can rape a stallion!” “Ok then... we should see if Tom has arrived yet.” “He’s a faggot. So nah.” Ben walks over to the chariot and gets in. “HEY YOU GUYS WAIT!” Tom comes running up to the chariot at full pelt with Applejack behind him. “We got the letter you sent. Thanks for the advance notice.” Tom says sarchastically. “I hope everythin’s gonna be alright with all y’all.” AJ says, more to comfort herself. “Ooohh... It was not a wise idea to bring your lovermare Tom.” Ben giggles. Everyone ignores Ben as Tom and AJ share a mutually comforting peck on the lips, “I’m sure Celestia and Luna just want to know what’s going on, there’s nothing to be worried about.” “This is what I get for being a loner...” Ben sulked. “So.......we going now?” Rachel said as she popped up behind Tom with Pinkie Pie. “Forever alone city...” Ben continued to sulk. “Sorry man... brohoof?” Tom walks over and offers his fist to the sadfeel Ben. “How about a punch-hoof?” Ben stands up. “You know what? Forget it. See you later AJ.” Tom waves as he climbs aboard the chariot. “Wait for us!” Rachel exclaimed as Pinkie jumped on her head again. “Hey Rachel, what have you guys been up to?” Tom asked inquisitively. “You two will stay outside of the royal throne room. Me and Twilight will take care of business...” Ben plans. “Oh just wandering around and baking cupcakes.” Rachel said as they climbed aboard as well. “Hyah!” Ben grabbed the rope and whipped the stallions to make them fly. The stallions then looked back at Ben with angry looks and self-reminders that they aren’t paid enough for this job. “Ok everypony, let’s go!” Twilight said over the top of everyone. The chariot set off, and Tom could have sworn he saw a look of genuine sorrow on AJs face... but whatever, he was going to meet the princesses! “Bye AJ! I’ll be sure he grows some balls to give you baby foals when we get baaack!” Ben waved at Applejack. Luckily AJ only heard a small part of that enough to comprehend it, but it was enough to make her almost lose control of her body to embarrassment. Everyone had a happy singalong to Smile Smile Smile on the way there, with Pinkie leading of course. That’s how the time was passed, not with fights and accusations. *liarjack face* Except for that one time were Ben touched Twilight on the ass with Tom’s hand. Alot of brusies. I can assure the readers that was pure accident. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it though. ANYWAY IN THE FUCKING CASTLE... “Tom, Rachel, Pinkie, Derpy, Whoovies. Stay the fuck outside.” Ben demands. “Oh okai.” Derpy agrees. “All right then, whatever. Good luck, and don’t be too much of an OP in there mate. I hear the moon is shitty this time of year.” Tom said surprisingly reassuringly. “Fuck you OP.” Ben walks into the Throne Room. “Twilight, your plot, here, now.” *sigh* “Look, I’m the student of the princess, please let me do most of the talking. And keep the plot worship to a minimum you pervert.” “Fuck you filly. I’ll do what I want.” Ben coughs. “Now let us continue, darling.” Ben puts on his best British accent. The two walk into the room of which the two sisters sit. “Hello, Twilight, human.” Celestia blushed slightly when she addressed the human, but straightened out herself and remained dominant. “Hello, princesses.” Ben bows. “Good morning Princesses.” Twilight joins Ben in an even deeper bow to try and outclass the gentleman. “It seems as if Twilight may be having a battle with the human, sister.” Luna giggles. “I assure you, it’s not a childish game my princess. Not as childish as last night I hope.” Ben got only a blush from the two princesses. A deeper one from Luna. Meanwhile outside of the throne room....”So....what should we do while we wait for them?” Rachel asked everyone/everypony else. “Well we can play I Spy, but I think Pinkie would know best. What do you think Pinkie?” “That sounds great! You go first!” Pinkie excitedly pointed at Tom. “Um I spy with my little eye something beginning with P.” “Pinkie?!” Pinkie Pie shot up out of a pie. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmmm.....is it Princesses?” Rachel asked. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmm......pails?” “No. Look a little closer to home.” Rachel sighed. “Let me guess......Penis?” “No. Come on guys, that’s a bit crude. I’m not Ben.” “Er right. Sorry. Ummmmm......Pie?” “No, do you give up?” “Hrmmmmmm......Yeah.” Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. “P is for the prettiest fillies in all of Equestria!” Tom says with the cheesiest and most retarded smile of all time. OF ALL TIME. Both Pinkie and Rachel stared at Tom for a few minutes before bursting out laughing. “And you too Derpy.” Tom gives her a genuine smile which perks her up. MEANWHILE, IN THE THRONE ROOM... Twilight, Ben, Celestia, Luna, sat around the round table of plannings. “So... From what I gather... There’s a force coming from the Everfree Forest? Explains the feeling I got when I went in there... But right over here.” Ben circles an area in red. “This is where the portal opened up for me and Tom...” “Princesses can you also feel the strange magical anomaly in the humans? It’s been making me uneasy for a while now. Also, this one has a mental problem akin to a manticore’s mindless rage.” “Twilight... Really... I do wish for you to pipe down...” Ben lightly flicks Twilight on the snout. All the ponies look at Ben as if he’d just vomited on their table for just a second, and then continue their discussions. “Anyway... It would be good if you humans could inspect this area for us.” Celestia said. “It would be my pleasure princess. After all, I have to thank you for the pleasure of last night.” And there it is again, another blush from the princesses. “Wait, you guys have already met? Last night? What happened that you would be bought to Canterlot Ben?” “It’s best we do not speak of it Twilight Sparkle... It is rather embarrassing...” Luna turns her face away. “But I’m taking care of this annoying human, I deserve to know why he had a discussion with you before your most faithful student and trusted confidant.” “Twilight. You know what happens when no one is watching over me. It’s better not to ask.” Ben puts his right hand on Twilight’s mane. Twilight shifts very uncomfortably under Ben’s touch, “Fine, I’ll drop it. But that is disgusting, and as your student, you should be setting a better example for me.” “They told you they didn’t want to talk about it. Anyway, lets get back to the others. We need to get to the Everfree Forest as fast as we can.” Ben walks out of the throne room yelling “I hope for another great night my princesses!” Causing the Princesses to be flabbergasted. Twilight sure didn’t want to know after all, gagging slightly at the thought of the pasty white, hairless human with the princesses.
Everfree Forest ARCEverfree Forest ARC “Tom, Rachel, Pinkie, Derpy. It’s time to go.” Ben hops onto Derpy’s back. “We have a kingdom to save.” “Its just like a movie!” Derpy adds. “Whoo! So where to next?” Rachel asked as Pinkie climbed on top of her head yet again. “Well, we have to go and investigate the Everfree for clues as to why we all arrived here.” “Ah okay. To Everfree, away!” Rachel then began to run around in circles imitating a plane while Pinkie made plane noises. Ben was already flying off on Derpy. Rachel decided to stop horsing around and got on Pinkie’s back instead, following suit. Tom then looked at Twilight, and got an extremely firm shake of the head. Disappointed, he started to trudge down the same path but then felt a small twinge of sparkly goodness in his feet. Tom felt lighter than air for a moment, then the strength of the feeling went away and he was left with a light headedness and fleet feet. “Thanks Twi, I really appreciate that.” He then gave her a quick hug and stroke of her mane. “You’ve helped us out a lot for nothing in return and I really appreciate that.” As per the usual it seemed, Twilight then got so embarrassed she could barely even speak. She said barely above a whisper, “It’s ok. You humans have shown me so much over the past few days, I’ve learnt a lot. And I already have a lot of friendship research taken care of too. So think nothing of it.” She smiled and continued to walk down the path with Tom. Ben is flying around in the air towards the Everfree Forest. If everyone wanted to catch up, they’d have to use the Konami Code or an Action Replay. So a random human girl comes running out from the bushing screaming and then assumes the foetal position on the ground near the group. “What the actual fuck is this? FUS RO STOP everyone!” Another of Tom’s powers of stupidity comes to the fore as everyone gathers around the slightly traumatised girl. She looks up at them with small eyes, mumbling, “Slender...gonna get me...” “Why the fuck am I here suddenly?” Ben looks around for Derpy. “And where the fuck is Derpy? Tom, what the fuck did you do this time?” “I used my power of stupidity FUS RO STOP to regroup and gather everyone around this traumatised girl. :3” Tom then looks over to the girl, “Are you ok, what happened?” She seems to just mutter incoherently. A name tag on her shirt suggests her name is Chell. “Lets just put her through a Slenderman movie. She’ll talk then.” Ben crossed his arms. “Pretty sure she’s already been dropped into that one. Twi, can you calm the girl down so we can help her out?” “Well, I don’t really know if this’ll work on a human, but here goes.” Twilight concentrated for a second and touched her horntip to Chell’s head giving off a quick burst of sparks. “And all I get is a nuzzle...” Ben scoffs. “Well you are mentally disabled so next step is a horn touch. Although I’d imagine it wouldn’t give you the result you desire.” Tom then turns to Chell, “How are you feeling now? Can you talk?” She shakes her head slightly then blinks, “I feel fine now, thanks whatever that was!” “What was it Twilight?” “Well, you humans would call it tranquilizer.” “Where did you come from Chell? What just happened?” “I-I dunno. I was running around looking for notes and I swear Slender was after me... What’s with the gathering of weird ponies here?” she said with a headtilt. “Uh, so you don’t know how you just arrived in Equestria?” “I’m in Equestria? Where exactly is that?” “Are you serious? Wow this might be the first non-brony in Equestria...” “Can I poke it?” Ben asks. Chell stares blankly at Ben like ‘wat’. “If “it” (air quotes) has no objection, of course.” “I do object; I am a girl, not an it.” she pouts. “Hence the air quotes.” “Well I don’t like your air quotes.” “See, it doesn’t like your air piss.” “Just someone tell me where and what you guys are doing.” “Well, first I’d like to know why you’re so cool with your surroundings and its occupants. How could you not know about Equestria and still not freak out from cartoon ponies?” “I- really don’t know?” She must have a minor case of major brain damage to be acting like this. “Ben do we need to put our adventuring on hold for this?” “Just bring it with us. If she gets raped, not my fault.” Ben shrugs. “Now where the fuck is Derpy? “No idea mate, my stupidity should have called her back, but this is Derpy we’re talking about here. Hang on, I’ve got this.” Tom then pulls a bag out labelled EMERGENCY MUFFIN and opens it, with the scent of apple and cinnamon wafting out across the forest. “MUFFINS!” Derpy flies so fast she creates a TRIPLE RAINBOOM. “FUCK MY EYESOCKETS.” All the humans start writhing on the ground after having a cuteness seizure. After recovering, the humans continue their adventure, with Chell in tow. “So... How old are you Chell?” Ben asks. “I’m...15 I think. My memory seems fuzzy.” “I’m still the youngest...” Ben sighs. “How old are you?” she looks at him, trying to judge his age. “I’m 13... I appear 16, do I not?” “Still a teenager. LOL” Yes, Tom has confirmed douchebag status for saying L O L. “Alrighty then...” Ben coughs. “So where are we going?” Chell asked. “Well Ben has been given direct orders to move to a specific location in the forest where there is some abnormal energies seeping out right?” “Ok... Then what?” “Well we just have to investigate it and report back.” “Sounds simple enough.” “You guys can report back. I’m going to destroy the core.” It seems as if this is the only thing Ben will be serious about. Twilight rolled her eyes, “Oh-kaaaay then. Well let’s just keep moving. And try not to draw too much attention, the beasts here are not the most docile of creatures. We’re also going to have to set up camp soon, it’s getting dark.” “Twilight. This isn’t even my final form...” Ben wanted just ONE joke. Setting up camp for the night... “Well Twi... This is your chance to sleep with Tom I guess.” Ben advises the poor mare. Twi is embarrassed of course, but no less eager to attempt it, “But what can I do, I’m just an egghead, why would he like me? And AJ is his marefriend...” “Twilight.” Ben gets down to Twilight’s eye level, “Listen to me. Those books you read in the past were just preparing you for this day. I’m a psychopath, but I still have friends. You’re an egghead, but you’ll still sleep with Tom. You must not give up and trust your heart.” “I... suppose I can. No, I must. At least, for research purposes. Yes, this is all in the name of research, right? AJ would understand wouldn’t she?” “Hey. I just need to explain it. Out of me and Tom, I’m the most romantic. So don’t worry about it hun. You’ll learn alot about a human when he or she is naked.” Ben smiles, reassuring the mare. “Okay then, so Ben as you obviously know more about this than I do, what can I do, what can I say?” Chell has decided to already curl up and fall asleep on some soft grass with a rock as a pillow. “Walk up to Tom, blushing madly. Say to him “Tom... I wish to sleep with you... If that is okay with you...” There is no way he will resist! Oh I’d love it if my sweet Rarity did that to me.” Ben was now off in his fantasies. “Well that’s better than my plan, thanks Ben.” She patted him on the forehead as he got a look at the plot he’d been checkin’ out for a long while now. Twi sidled right up next to Tom and word for word said, “Tom I wish to sleep with you, if that’s okay I guess...” ‘That’s my girl, Twilight!’ Ben thought as he watched Tom looked at her in recognition for a second, eyes wide, and then nodded his head and said, “Yeah that sounds great.” Twilight had a look of absolute shock and satisfaction on her face, “Really?” “Sure, it’s cold out at the moment, we should snuggle for body warmth.” ‘Dang it... Tom why are you so stupid...’ Ben was utterly disappointed. Twi was half disappointed that Tom had missed the point, but hey, a snuggles a snuggle. “Of course... that... makes... sense.” “Cool, I mean hot.” Tom winks and Twilight laughs out of pure awkwardness, not because there was any chance at all that was a funny joke. The two then cuddled up close to the fire and spooned until the chilly night ended. “OH COME ON!” Ben yelled. “I want a fucking recount on this... SCRIPT, GET OVER HERE! “Sorry boss, that’s what it says. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.” “Fuck you Tom... Fuck. You. Better yet, why doesn’t Twilight fuck you? She might as well after she finds AJ dead~” Ben was in a threatening mood. Caught in a field of magic, Ben was suddenly cut off and put into a deep sleep on top of his favourite mail mare. “We’re all trying to bucking sleep here. Geez.” Twi then went back to sleep as Tom softly caressed her mane and passed out slowly as well. (“I’m not going to deny I have feelings for Twi, but I’m with AJ. I can’t possibly have both. What the hell can I do......” and then BLACK.) THE NEXT MORNING... “Rarity~... Rarity~...” Ben muttered in his sleep as Derpy was cuddling both him and Doctor Whooves like their mother. Ben then slowly began to increase the volume of saying Rarity’s name until he was screaming, Then, a pink hoof bought down to his face bought him out of his magic slumber. “Candy apples, how can one creature like you make all that noise? You’d be best to not cross me buddy...” Pinkie (or should I say Pinkamina) stared into what seemed to be the absolute depths of Ben’s now near empty soul. Ben takes Pinkie’s hoof off his mouth. “My, didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff Pinkie.” Ben sits up and yawns. “Anyway, go wake up the others. I’m too lazy to do so myself...” “Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie starts bouncing around, slowly whispering in the ears of her compatriots to wake them in the happiest way possible. “Pinkie can go suck a chode...” Ben grumbles to himself as he lays back down to sleep. Chell now wakes, yawning like a lion, “What’s all the noise? Jeeze.” Ben dreams of punching Pinkie Pie out in his short sleep. “Wake the fuck up dude. We have to get moving.” Tom goes and pokes Ben with a stick, as he knows anything within a two metre radius of him can be swiped at with what Ben calls, an ‘iron fist’. “Fuck off Pinkie... You fucking slut...” Ben waves his hand around the area of the stick. Tom then pokes him in the balls. HARD. LIKE HARD ENOUGH TO CAUSE A BRUISE. “OH FUCK!” Ben bolts up and draws his katana, slicing near enough to cause a huge cut on the arm that is connected to the stick. “FUCK ME STUPID. Yeah I know what that was for but jeezuz what the fuck man? OW.” “Next time. I’m making cupcakes out of YOU.” Ben deposits his sword into its holder and pokes Tom hard on the chest. “So watch the fuck out.” Ben then walks away in disgust. “Holy sweet Luna, what the heck happened here?” Twilight and Pinkie run over, while Derpy and Whooves start walking back on the path again, the two ponies quickly glancing back towards the reasonably sized wound. Derpy was near with the other mares. “What happened? I was asleep.” “All I know is that those two guys had a hissy fit...” Chell is staring wide eyed herself. “Well, the only thing I can do is patch you up, but we have to keep moving. If we turn back now, we have to come back later, and there’s no telling what could happen if we don’t investigate the energy.” “That’s okay Twily... oh god I just called you that didn’t I?” Twilight nods her head with more than a hint of disapproval. He sighs, “Well, I can push through the pain for you.” Twi blushes as she tears off a piece of bandage and binds the wound tight. “Let’s just get moving before I can’t move anymore.” Tom led the pack towards Ben and the other two ponies. “I did sort of deserve that, well not that much but still.” “Tom. Come here. Walk with me, talk with me.” Ben was speaking in a german voice. “Yers?” Tom replied in a Swedish accent, badly done of course. “Tom tell me... How do you get all of the ladies..?” Ben whispered. “Well, I just act really nice to them, really sickeningly sweet. And being an older guy helps too I suppose. Not a jibe at you mate, it’s just how girls usually go.” Chell grumbled to herself as she felt that her pimpness was under threat of competition. This would not do, this would not do at all. “Well... I guess I have no competition... I just really wanted to be with Twi in a way, y’know..? For her, I could pour my heart out to no end...” Ben had a touch of heartfelt sorrow in his voice. “I know that feel bro. But also, didn’t you want to sleep with Derpy and Rarity and the other mares? What brought you to Twi?” “I just try to get with them to fill the void... It’s pathetic, I know... But I just can’t fill it...” Ben gives himself a slight facepalm. “Well man, sometimes mares aren’t the answer. Maybe it’s something else. Also, I don’t get all the mares, I’m just super damn lucky I got even two.” “I’m gonna have to teach you some of my sex skills.” Ben throws an arm around Tom and pokes his chest lightly. “My body is not ready master,” Tom says as he sarcastically bows. Ben chuckles. “Hey Twi! Tom has some tricks to show you during the night!” Ben laughs out. Twilight looks as though she may die from all the blood rushing to her face, “R-really?” Tom sighs, “Yeah, tricks to go to sleep faster. Let’s just keep moving all right?” “Don’t worry Twi. If he doesn’t show you, I’ll show you.” “Yeah guys I thought we were supposed to be doing something important...” Chell piped up. “Oh right! Yeah, back to the adventuring. Where are we heading again Ben?” “We need to head to the centre of the interference. We should get there soon. Anyway, Chell. Are you into the sexual things?” “...what kind of sexual things?” “Sex in general.” Ben chuckled. She shrugs awkwardly. “I guess I have a new sex buddy, eh?” Ben looks over his shoulder at Chell. “Can we PLEASE get on with our adventuring instead of these sex shenanigans?” “Well... Fuck you too...” Ben looks back in-front of him. “It feels like we’re near the source.. Twilight, your horn. What does it feel?” “Well, I can feel something but it just feels.... wrong, sort of. I’ll concentrate on it a little more.” Twilight’s horn glowed and she then got a glazed over look in her eye. She then fell over, still as a statue. Ben stood there. “I’ll just be busy for a moment...” Ben picks up Twilight’s body and walks away. Tom gets the story back on the rails as Ben reailses ponies don’t have genetalia until they are aroused or expose said genitals voluntarily. “Oh fuck you then.” Ben still holds Twilight. “I’m still going to hold her. To protect her from any dangers. I don’t want her egghead to be hurt...” Ben cuddles up to the still faint Twilight. “That’s really sweet of you mate! Anyway, she was pointing this way before she passed out, so let’s head over there.” “Derpy, come here for a second. I need to fight.” As Derpy approached Ben, he put Twilight onto her. He then pulled out his sword. “I’m right behind you Tom.” “Excellent news my good chum,” Tom said as he affectionately petted Derpy’s mane. “Let us away into battle.” “I find it weird... We haven’t been attacked on our way in here... Something must really be going on. Tom, go on ahead. You’re less important to the team.” “Dude I don’t have any weaponry, and I’m injured. Either you give me your sword or I’m not going ahead.” Ben sighs. “Tom get here, protect Derpy, Twilight, and Whoovies. I’m going on ahead. If I don’t return, tell Twilight about the talk we had. I don’t want her to think I always hated her...” Ben walks off in front. “Of course I will, just don’t turn into a pussy now mate!” Tom calls out as Ben walks off in front. LATER ON... A giant explosion is heard, along with the sounds of huge pieces of metal falling. It was clear whatever it was, it was gone. “What on Jesus’s last nail was that?!” Tom yelled out as the gang ran forward “Step back!” Doctor Whooves jumps out of Derpy’s mail bag and runs faster than anyone else, growing taller and taller into a full grown colt as he ran, his cutie mark slowly materialising. “They grow up so fast.” Derpy sniffed. BEFORE THE EXPLOSION... Ben was running at this point, his mind racing as the sound of whatever this thing was beamed into his ears. Louder, and louder. He could almost make it out as a noise. “Come here little boars... Come here, come here...” He knew of this annoying voice somehow. “I’ll gut ya, and I’ll cut ya...” Brandon... “Brandon!” Ben yelled as he jumped from the bushes. But he was surprised to find a robotic version of the little fat fucker. “Shit, it’s a robot...” BOSS: BRANDON-BOT. “Oh, well if it isn’t mister idiot himself?” The Brandon-bot spoke. His voice more cold then his metal. “Tell me your creator! Or I shall end your pitty life!” Ben thrusted his sword into the air, aiming at the robot. “I am made by Discord. Ruler of all things chaos.” The robot spoke. “Then I shall end you and go after your creator, fiend!” Ben pulled his sword back and ran at the robot, slicing him. It only seemed to be able to cut off the first layer of armor it posses. “Alot of fat for a little fat fucker...” Ben spat on the ground as he twisted his feet in order to get ready to attack again. “You fool. You never were the smartest in the school. It’s why you dated that run down bitch, isn’t it?! To seem more smart!” The robot quickly turned around, aiming its guns at Ben. “Fuck you, you fat fucker!” Ben ran, but was shot down by two laser shots, shooting his feet. “FUCK!” Ben screamed in pain. “I was the king! I was at the top of my game! Then you showed up! You had to reveal my past self! I was kicked off!” The robot stomped as it walked closer. “No, it was not I who destroyed you... You destroyed yourself... It was by your doing!” Ben slowly got back up. “I did nothing! I was only trying to be myself! You stepped up the game!” Ben stabs the robot, straight through the armour of every layer. “And I only dated her because she needed help. From a true love- GAHH!” Ben was stabbed by the robot’s built in knife. “Now, you’ll die! And I’ll live on to shit on your corpse!” The robot laughed. “Not quite... I stabbed right through your core... Now die!” Ben pulls his sword out with the last of his strength. “... Bitch...” After the sword was pulled out, the robot exploded, sending Ben flying backwards into a tree with a large piece of the metal from the robot hitting him hard on the stomach. AFTER THE EXPLOSION... “Hello?! Hello?! Ben are you there?!” Doctor Whooves was searching through the rubble of the metal explosion. “Whoovies..?” A faint call. “Ben?!” Doctor Whooves followed the sound of the voice, moving the metal rubble from where Ben laid injured. “Come on, Let’s get you back to the others!” “Is Twilight okay..?” Ben coughed as Doctor Whooves got him onto his back. “Yes, yes. She is alright! But we can’t worry about her, we have to get you ba-” Doctor Whooves was interrupted by Ben as he put Ben on his back. “Twilight is okay then... Make sure it stays that way... My blood is running out faster then one would think...” All that was on Ben’s mind was Twilight’s safety. “Please... Tell her of my love if I die...” “You’re not going to die! Not yet anyway!” Doctor Whooves starts running back, faster and faster he ran. “Holy shit, what in the name of sweet baby Luna was that? WHOOVES?!” “No time to think about who I am! Someone is close to dying!” Doctor Whooves said running back. “Twilight, wake up! Oh god, what do I do, Doctor she’s been locked out of using her own body! I can’t help Ben without some magic!” “True lover...” Ben whispered over his groaning. “Only a true lover...” “No time for fairy tales! Quickly, to the library!” Doctor Whooves ran back to Ponyville. “Whooves, stop! If you bounce him around anymore, he’s going to die from internal injury!” But of course, the Doc was well far away by then. Tom reluctantly scooped up the party and by some miracle, Pinkie was able to rocket back to town with the two Rachels and Tom jumped on Derpy and promised her all the muffins she could eat if we beat Pinkie. Grabbing onto Twi, he prepared for the pony ride of his lifetime, spontaneously vomiting halfway back as time seemed to bend around the three. ‘We’re here! Now, where’s my MUFFINZ?!” Derpy started sniffing around for the scent of freshly baked goods, while Tom attempted to regain his vision and hearing. Crawling back into the library, Tom sees a horror sight. Ben’s blood is all over the floor, and the Doctor has somehow materialised his sonic screwdriver out of nowhere to attempt to locate the major damage. “Not now Derpy,” Tom said as he shut up the mare. “Ben, what did you say about true love?” “Fairy tales... All made up... Before I die, can you lay Twi next to me..? I wish to be near her one last time...” Ben found it hard to breathe for awhile. “Sure mate.” Tom lifted up the surprisingly light unicorn and placed her on the table to the left of Ben. “Twilight...” Ben lifted his left arm to feel Twilight’s mane, as he moved himself closer to the body to give it a light peck on the muzzle. “Please come back...” Tom then broke into Huey Lewis and the News’ smash hit, The Power of Love. The power of love is a curious thing Make a one man weep, make another man sing Change a hawk to a little white dove More than a feeling that’s the power of love Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream Stronger and harder than a bad girls’ dream Make a bad one good make a wrong one right Power of love that keeps you home at night You don’t need money, don’t take fame Don't need no credit card to ride this train Its strong and its sudden and its cruel sometimes But it might just save your life That’s the power of love That’s the power of love Suddenly, Twilight’s eyes flew open, although it was never acknowledged that Tom’s attempt to sing anything was responsible, he’d like to think so. “Stay beautiful, Twi...” Ben’s hand fell down as he was nearing death. “NO.” Twilight’s eyes took on that pure white form of pure energy. “NONE OF MY FRIENDS WILL DIE TODAY. FRIENDSHIP!” With the stating of that magical word, a beam of purple with a streak of pink bore down into Ben’s body, causing all manner of noises and reactions from it. He seemed to contort back into shape where the Doctor’s movements had taken him out of it. The blood from the floor turned from back from its oxygen deprived state as if it had poured out of him one millisecond ago, and rose up and back into his slowly closing wounds. The metal piece finally popped out of Ben as easily as it popped in, clanging as it hit the hardwood floor. After a few more moments of the body being enveloped by the energy, Twilight finally relaxed her body and hit the floor, landing in the outstretched arms of Tom. “Well, that was nice...” Ben sat up. “Finally got to tell my love, kissed Twilight, and now she will still friend-zone me.” Ben sighs. Ben was of course wrong again, as Twilight slowly regained her balance and trotted over to Ben, then beckoning him down to her level. Ben got down to Twilight’s level. “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” “I think at the very least, you deserve this for your troubles.” Twilight dropped all her anxieties and went in to kiss Ben full on the lips. Ben suddenly forgot the intense amount of pain his body was feeling after being magick’d and settled into the kiss. He had no strength left in his body, so as soon as Twilight had broken away, he passed out cold on the floor. “I knew he’d pussy out.” Tom then picked him up and placed him on the couch gingerly while Twi got a blanket and tucked him in for the now longest sleep he’d had in a long time. “Hey Twi, are you feeling okay? That was amazing! What happened?” “Well, I mean, I just felt this amazing surge of power running through me when I woke up. Maybe when I was asleep I stored power? Or maybe...” she stopped talking and looked at Ben snoring quietly on the couch, “maybe it was Ben. I don’t know.” Twilight then looked away with what looked like a tear in her eye. Tom knew this was going to hurt him less than Twi, but for his friend he knew he had to do it. “Twilight, I have to say something. I know you’re really tired but listen close to what I have to say.” Twi sniffled away her lonely tear and looked up at Tom, who sat down on the floor so he could communicate properly. “Before we got... here,” he gestured around the room, “Ben, for some god forsaken reason, told me that... he had a void he couldn’t fill inside him... and he told me that... you’ve filled that void.” Twilight then looked a little shocked out of her tears. “But I thought that guy was a psycho and a pervert!” “Well something in him has changed since yesterday, he’s got a touch of mental illness which he’s bought under control. He just forgot his pills the day we met. He’s a nice guy, and he’s always been a good friend of mine. In fact, back home, I was much crazier than him, and he was a ton more sane than I was then. It’s strange, that our roles have almost reversed... Anyway, the point is you should know he loves you, and...” Tom is expertly trying not to let a tear out at this point, “he deserves you more than me. I’ve got AJ, and he feels like he’s got no-one. It’s not fair on him at least so... please, at least consider the guy, he’s a good kid.” Twilight looks at Tom and says, “Well this is a lot to think about. I need to sleep too. I really appreciate your honesty, fitting that AJ and you are an item. *sniff* Thanks so much for all you’ve done for me. I don’t know how to repay you.” “What’s happened here is all our fault, my fault for not going in there myself when Ben asked. I... I don’t even know if we’re friends anymore after this. I hope he can find it in him to forgive what I did.” Twilight lifts a hoof to Tom and hugs him tightly, “You didn’t cause any of this. It just happened, as some things do sometimes...” Tom can then feel a deadweight around his neck as Twi finally gave out and sunk down to the floor. “I forgive thee.” Ben is sitting up on the couch. *sigh* “Fuck you dude. You sliced my arm open and Twi used all her magicks on you. I have to live with this shit for weeks. But thanks for nearly sacrificing yourself. And if you didn’t notice, Twi is yours. She deserves you.” “Now I’m going to fucking bed, because I am batshit tired. Good evening sir and best of luck for your future.” Tom then exits the room, as Ben sidles up to Twi on the floor and falls asleep. And Doctor Whooves and Derpy are somewhere sleeping off their day, both cuddling in each other’s forearms. So ends the arc.
