Anon World Order

The dining room is about what I would expect, highly ornate and pointlessly large. And there's Aria, eating some sort of chocolate rice crispies cereal. I always knew she was the most evil one. Adagio settles in the seat at the head of the table.

"Cheerios for me, Anon."

Oh right, servant time. The breakfast paraphernalia is laid out in stacks on a nearby table. Next to it is a fridge, which you find is filled with milk...and nothing else. I hear Aria dryly observe,

"Interesting choice, Adagio. I can see why you picked him, but is he useful?"

I set the bowl before Orange Creamsicle and pour her cereal. She raises her chin slightly.

"At the very least, he is another person to buffer you from Sonata. I'm sure his other qualities will become apparent in due time."

I pour the milk, then begin to retreat. Adagio stops me with a hand gesture.

"Some sugar, Anon."

"As you wish."

I give her a peck on the cheek. Aria chuckles as Adagio blushes. Purple Hatsune leans forward with a leer.

"In due time indeed."

Adagio glares at her, then turns a softer look on me.

"Crystalline sugar. For my cereal."

I nod in acquiescence and set about my duties. Not much later, Sonata enters the room, clad in a fluffy pink bathrobe and her hair left down, still glistening from the shower. I take the initiative and pour her a bowl of lucky charms. She beams at me.

"Thanks, hot guy! Here, let me show you,"

Her hands go to the neck of her bathrobe, but then stop. I think I see Aria finishing some pantomime in my peripheral. Sonata pouts.

"Maybe later, 'kay?"

"As you say. Anything else I can do for you?"

Sonata ponders this, then holds out her spoon.

"Feed me!"

Adagio has had enough.

"Anon, I believe you have done enough for Sonata. In the future, don't do anything for her unless Aria or I tell you to."

"Underst-"

"That's not fair! Why can't I play with the boy toy too?"

This is the moment Aria has been waiting for. Whatever she says, I am sure it will help Sonata learn and grow to be a more competent, mature person.

"Because, Sonata. You are the worst."

Adagio just sighs, and I decide then and there to stay with the sane one as much as possible. As I stand behind her chair, Adagio addresses the problem.

"Tell me, Sonata, what is his name?"

Bluey pauses, her arm cocked back to throw her spoon. As she looks at me, her brow furrows in concentration.

"Donald?"

"Try again."

"Theron?"

Aria smirks.

"Can't even remember his name? You really are-"

"Enough, Aria."

Professor Plum sulks.

"Anyways, Sonata, you will get to have fun with Anon when you are responsible enough, or as part of the group. Understand?"

Moments pass.

"So, what you're saying is, we are going to have an orgy?"

Facepalms all around.

"No, just- no. Show me you are responsible and then you might get some -platonic- time with Anon."

Aria rolls her eyes.

"Like that'll work."

Adagio shushes her, then returns to eating her breakfast. The other two grudgingly do the same. In the meantime, I’m not really sure to what extent Adagio wants me to play the servant, and my stomach is pretty insistent.

"Ah, may I have some cereal as well?"

Adagio looks up at me in surprise.

"Oh, right. Yes, of course."

Aria has an evil glint in her eye.

"But which cereal will you eat?"

Great, now breakfast is political. I ignore the stares of the three sirens as I ponder my choices. I have an idea. I turn slightly, keeping Aria in the corner of my vision. Then I pour some cocoa rice krispies into mybowl.

Is she- Is she blushing? I set the box down, then pick up one of each other type and add them to the mix. I return to the table and sit next to Adagio. She gives me an approving nod. Aria scowls at me.

"Does that even taste good?"

I take a bite.

"Sweet, bitter, and wholesome. It certainly is interesting."

Sonata cups her cheeks.

"He said I was sweet~."

Adagio raises an eyebrow.

"Wholesome?"

"'The only sane one' isn't exactly a quality of cereal."

She smiles at that, and I am left to enjoy my food. At the end of breakfast, Bluey stands, then pauses. She glances at Adagio, then picks up her bowl and spoon and rinses them off in the sink.

"Very good, Sonata. Anon, please pat her head."

...

"Alright."

Sonata is grinning, her hands clasped behind her back somewhat bashfully. I pat her head a few times, and she smiles even wider, her eyes closed in contentment. I wonder if she was recruited into the group for her weapons-grade cuteness. I return to my place, and set about collecting my and Adagio’s bowls. Orange Creamsicle reaches up and pats my head.

"You do know I'm not Sonata, right?"

She smiles at me.

"That was for my own amusement."

I roll my eyes and return to my work.

After breakfast comes the daily broadcast. Adagio hands me a pair of earplugs.

"Wouldn't want you to become boring."

Fair enough. The studio has quite a bit more equipment than I expect. Then I see several monitors displaying maps, and I understand. There are entire stretches of Russia and China still resisting. Between the lack of infrastructure and the rugged terrain, the sirens' usual tactics fall short. I lose track of time as I browse the computer displays. Then someone plucks the foam from my ears.

"Go with Aria, Sonata and I have some tactical singing to do."

"Understood."

As I follow miss tight jeans out of the room, I see Sonata fiddling around with a joystick. Thanks, Obama. Aria leads me to a fairly generic office, one wall dominated by a large whiteboard. She sits in a heavily cushioned office chair, and I do the same.

"While we wait, do you have any ideas on how to make things better?"

She taps a pen on a pad of paper. I am little off-put by her serious tone.

"I understand that I am a slave here, but I am loyal to my fellow humans. Why would I go out of my way to help you oppress humanity?"

Aria sets the pen down and frowns.

"Look, maybe what little resistance there is will get lucky with a missile, maybe not. But until that day, we have the vast majority of your species under our control. We don't actually need or want massive conflict; most sporting events have enough contention for our needs."

What is she getting at?

"What I want from you, is how can we make our rule more comfortable for all of you. Crime is nearly nonexistent, war abolished, and yet there are those who resist us."

"You take away people's ability to think for themselves. Of course people will resist."

"You are a bunch of stubborn idiots, you know that?"

I shrug.

"Independence must have some value, if I'm not being sung into obedience."

Aria rolls her eyes.

"That's because Adagio is oddly romantic and wants to jump your bones without coercion."

...

"Can't complain about that. You don't approve?"

She huffs.

"If you have the power, take what you want. If you don't, wait until you can. Let me tell you, Adagio is far too comfortable with the latter. If I was the leader, we would have ruled the world ages ago."

"So why aren't you the leader, if you don't mind me asking?"

The siren gives you a dry look.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. But to answer your question: Sonata."

"Sonata?"

"When we were young, and Adagio and I were putting together a chorus, she was the best fit. She sang the higher registers we needed, she was cute and soft, and she could pretend to be clueless when we needed something said without the appearance of guile."

"I'm sensing a but."

Aria nods.

"The cluelessness wasn't all an act. By the time we figured it out, we had already been banished to this mudball."

"What does this have to do with you not being the leader?"

She sighs.

"You have to understand, there are resonances and harmonics you need three for. Adagio can handle Sonata, get her to obey. As for me, I ended up spending a decade coming up with an insult that she really dislikes. Riling her up is one of the few good things about being stuck with her."

"And that insult is ' you're the worst'?"

Aria grunts.

"Should have known it was something simple. Would have saved me ten years."