Anon World Order

With that Aria stands up.

"This isn't going anywhere, let's get you into some real clothes."

You stand as well.

"Adagio's pajamas not doing it for you, I take it."

Aria rolls her eyes and walks around the table.

"They are distracting. That she even lets you out of her room like that is more than a little shameless on her part."

You note Miss Blaze's eyes are fixed on your junk. You wait politely for a few moments. Then you clear your throat.

"My eyes are up here, Aria."

"Who cares?"

...

"You were saying I should wear real clothes?"

"Right. I did say that."

Her hand reaches out hesitantly, then she sighs and turns away.

"Too distracting. Come on."

She leads you through some dim passageways, and you hear the sounds of industrial strength washing machines. Indeed, you pass by a room full of dull-eyed workers, folding sheets and sorting clothes. You soon find yourself in a simple store room, with stacks of uniforms of varying sorts. She negligently directs you towards the slacks and button down shirts After a bit of rifling around, you end up with an outfit that should fit a bit better than your current one.

"And where should I go to change?"

Aria is leaning casually in the doorway, a smirk on her face.

"Here is fine. And don't forget the underwear."

You shrug, and turn your back on her. Gotta leave some things to the imagination. The pajamas come off with a little persuasion and rather more relief, though they take your boxers down with them. As you bend over to put on some new ones, you hear Aria say,

"Oh yeaaahh, that's what I'm talking about."

You roll your eyes and put on your new clothes. When you're done, Aria walks a circle around you.

"Not bad, you clean up nice, Anon."

Then she squeezes your ass. You can't help but grin a little.

"You're not worried about moving on Adagio's claim?"

You don't particularly mind, but you get the feeling you should get to know the politics here. She slaps your butt, then struts out of the room.

"Adagio is getting too used to calling the shots. I intend to remind her that I have my own ambitions, my own... desires."

Interesting, and suggestive. You get the feeling you are going to have a perpetual boner, living with these three. At any rate, you follow your molester through the maze of hallways to a room with wide windows and a number of recliners and a large couch. Aria picks up a remote and sits on the couch, the picture of boredom as she flips through the channels. After some hesitation, you sit on the other end. An hour passes.

"So... this is what you do, now that you've taken over the world? Watch TV?"

Pigtail Grape shrugs.

"We also have video games and arts and crafts time, but this is pretty much it. If I had known how boring ruling the world is, I'd have gone for destroying it instead."

"That's kinda disappointing."

"You're telling me. You bored too? I guess I can put on some porn. Guys like porn, right?"

You choke on air for a moment.

"Ah, yes, guys like... porn."

A couple of menus later, and the two of you are watching "Dirty, Dirty Hobos 3" It somehow turns into a competition, seeing who can keep their face deadpan for the longest. Adagio walks in right in the middle of the boxcar orgy. Her face goes completely blank for a moment. Sonata peeks around her.

"Oh! Did I miss the water tower scene? I hope I didn't miss the water tower scene, it's my favorite!"

Adagio growls.

"Turn. It. Off."

Aria calmly presses a button, and the screen goes dark.

"How was the hunt?"

"Average. Having fun with Anon?"

Purps grins.

"A little. Found out he's into hair pulling."

Adagio storms over, leaning in real close to her subordinate.

"What part of 'he's mine' do you not understand?"

Sonata crouches beside you and whispers,

"Hey."

You hold still, only moving your eyes to acknowledge your fellow spectator.

"... 'Sup."

Aria remains unintimidated.

"If you don't want him wandering, you should control him. Not my fault if he watches porn with other people."

Sonata sighs.

"I hate it when they fight. We're supposed to be in harmony, you know?"

You feel oddly like you are talking to a kid watching her parents fight.

"Kinda ironic, that."

"Yeah."

Adagio points to the TV.

"It is your fault! You always watch porn!"

Wait.

"Always?"

They both look at you. Aria winks. Orangey grinds out, "Always."

Lavender Offender faces her leader.

"Sometimes, I want to do my own thing."

"Anon is my thing to do!"

The room goes silent. Sonata wiggles her eyebrows.

"Bow chika wow wow~"

Adagio blushes furiously.

"Out! Everyone out!"

You start to get up.

"You stay, Anon."

Aria sashays out of the room, and Bluey soon follows, waving cheerfully before closing the door. Adagio collapses into Aria's seat, rubbing her eyes.

"Dirty Hobos, Anon? Really?"

"Her pick, not mine. When a girl offers to watch porn with you, you take what you are given."

She glares at you now.

"Not when you are claimed by another."

You are nonplussed.

"If I am claimed, then claim me. Sing me into obedience. If you want it to be real, I have to have a choice. I have to be able to choose."

She puts her face in her hands.

"I know, it's just... when the others are flirting with you, and you just accept it..."

"You know, you are awfully appealing for someone who abducted me."

She stares at you speechless, color rising once again to her cheeks. You shake your head ruefully.

"You only heard the 'awfully appealing' part, didn't you?"

"No! I heard the rest, but it's... it's the first time you complimented me."

"Ah."

Is that... Is that a tiny little smile?

"See this is what I'm talking about. You took over my world, kidnapped me, and yet here I am getting overwhelmed by how cute you are."

"C-cute?"

Adagio puts her hands over her mouth, her cheeks aflame. You have to turn away. You continue after a moment.

"Out of the three, I should be resenting you the most. So despite your own feelings, any time one of you flirts with me, it's the same. I didn't ask for this, though I certainly can't complain. I can only treat you like any three girls who have become intensely interested in me."

"That's not... unreasonable."

A beat.

"I'm still your master, though. At this point, only obey orders from me."

"Pffft. Pha hahaha! Of course, haha, I will obey only you. The others are crazy."

She looks at you with deep, soul-weary eyes.

"They are. They really, really are."

"Aria really watches all that porn? I thought girls don't really...get much from that."

Adagio raises her eyebrows at you.

"Erotic things are erotic. It may be an exaggeration to say she always watches porn. Sometimes she watches Mister Rogers reruns."

"Mister R-"

Your brain breaks.

"Is it a fetish, or..."

Adagio shrugs.

"I think we can agree we are better off not knowing."

"Yes, definitely."

A companionable silence falls, and you reflect that this is a really comfy couch. Miss Dazzle tilts her head.

"Do you know how to play chess?"

"Somewhat. I certainly wouldn't brag about my skill level."

She hops up off the couch.

"That doesn't matter. I just want an opponent."

She strides towards a door in the back, humming happily. As you step through to the other side, if feels like you are in Narnia. If Narnia was made out of books. Your nose fills with the scent of gently aging paper. Every flat surface is occupied, shabby boxes with faded titles, stacks of records, and reams of sheet music. Adagio motions you towards a seat at a table of minor prominence. Its surface is dominated by a sixteen by sixteen chessboard, two sets of chess pieces set off to the side at either end.

"Place your pieces how you like. Keep in mind, pawns perform many useful purposes. You will notice as well that you have two kings. One has a mark under its base, and is a fake, a decoy."

You check, and it is as she described.

"This looks complicated. And slow."

She wears a challenging smirk.

"Giving up already?"

"Hardly."

"Good. One final rule, you must move two pieces each turn. Note, you cannot move the same piece twice. All else follows the normal chess rules."

You try to take it seriously, right up until she tears through your front lines. It's obvious the rest of the game is going to be a lagging reactionary affair on your part. Might as well start talking.

"So you like antiques?"

Adagio pauses in mid-contemplation.

"These aren't antiques."

She sits back and smiles fondly at the room.

"I have personally read every one of these books, played every one of these games, and listened to and read every piece of music here."

It should have been ridiculous. Imagining a seemingly seventeen year-old girl in the most contemporary and undignified clothing, browsing among these tomes and cultural remnants of a bygone age. Somehow you are touched.

"You actually like it here."

Adagio's mouth twists.

"Spend long enough anywhere, and you'll find parts you like. Still, I was never content before recently. No longer having to hide, no longer keeping it all separate and secret. I like it here, now."

She moves one of her queens forward.

"With you."

And a knight, long left off to the side.

"A good combination."

She smirks.

"And the start of your downfall."

You make your moves, with little thought as to the consequences.

"May as well play it out, though. Half the fun is in the struggle."

You are down to twelve pieces, most of them being pawns out in the middle of nowhere. Decoy king did next to nothing. Then the door behind you slams open.

"Lunch time~!"

Adagio gets a calculating gleam in her eye.

"Why don't we put Anon into the rotation?"

Sonata's eyes go wide.

"For realsies?"

"For realsies."

The room reverberates with Bluey's squee. Your ears are still ringing as you get dragged off to some terrible fate. You find yourself in a kitchen. Sonata jams a chef's hat on your head and a recipe book in your hands.

"Your job is to make sure I don't kill anyone."

"Is this where I beat you unconscious with this book?"

Bluey rolls her eyes.

"Didn't work the first time. Just stop me making mistakes while learning how to cook."

"Right then. So, what should we make?"

"Biscuits and gravy!"

"Sounds kinda bland. Shall we add some meat to the dish?"

Sonata smirks from behind her hand.

"Mmmm, sausage. I just lo~ve sausage."

"Subtle. Sausage it is, then."

She skips over to a wall of fridges. Meanwhile you take a frying pan from its hook and set it on the stove. All the warning you get is the sound of a few footsteps. Then Bluey is inside your reach, prying your startled hands from the pan handle.

"I have to do it!"

You don't argue, partly because her butt is rather firmly pressed against your groin. She cranks the heat all the way to the highest setting and drops the frozen hunk of sausage meat on the pan, still in its wrapper. It occurs to you that Sonata is an idiot.

Back in her private library, Adagio gets a warm feeling in her heart. The traitor.

You quickly turn off the stove top.

"Okay, let's take it one step at a time."

Sonata looks at you with eyes terrifyingly devoid of common sense.

"What did I do wrong?"

You back up. You can tell you will need to concentrate, and a lap full of booty is not conducive to that.

"First of all, this meat needs to thaw before you cook it. So. Step one: put it on a plate."

Bluey retrieves a plate and sets it carefully on the counter. Your soul shrivels a little at the effort it must have taken to teach her not to shatter plates. Only now do you realize the depth of your duty. You are the last bastion between Sonata and the world.

This has been one of the longest hours in your life. But when you see the meal neatly served on the table, you are oddly proud of Bluey. With enough coaching and supervision, she overcame her natural air-headedness and prepared a fine meal. For their part, Aria and Adagio are pleasantly surprised. Orangey is the first to speak.

"This is... good! Anon, you are a miracle worker."

Sonata scowls.

"Hey, I was the one who cooked it all!"

Aria nods gravely.

"That's what makes this so amazing."

"Oh, in that case, thanks!"

Aria and Adagio share a look. You don't like the look in Cheesy Poof's eye.

"How about we get rid of the rotations, and Anon helps you with every lunch time?"

Oh no. Bluey's eyes get wide.

"For realsies? Cooking with Anon every day?"

"Um,"

Adagio smiles magnanimously.

"After seeing how well you two work together, it is the only reasonable decision."

"I must protest!"

Sonata turns her huge eyes on you, her lips forming a pout.

"Y-you didn't have fun with me?"

"Well,"

"Not when you showed me what to do with sausage?"

"That's an odd way of-"

"Or when you got white sauce all over me?"

"That was an accide-"

"Or when we put dough in my oven?"

The other two sirens are shaking silently with stifled laughter, clearly enjoying your discomfort. Sonata's sad puppy face is too powerful.

"I thought we had something special."

She stares at you sadly, tears glistening in her eyes. You crumple like wet cardboard.

"Fine. If it means so much to you, I will always help you cook."

"Yay!"

Sonata springs from her chair, across the table and slams into you. You yelp as you tip over,your head rebounding off the carpet. You find yourself on the floor, Bluey straddling your waist and hugging you tightly. You weakly pat her back as you try to catch your breath. Adagio leans over.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

You raise an eyebrow, more than a little done with these antics.

"Can we just eat lunch now?"

Sonata loosens her embrace. She looks at you hopefully.

"Feed me?"

You raise your eyebrows at Adagio. She rubs her chin.

"Alright. I suppose she has done well enough to be rewarded."

Bluey rolls off of you, and helps get you and your chair back upright. Then she promptly sits sideways on your lap.

"Ah~"

With a sigh, you stab a piece of biscuit lathered in gravy and sprinkled with sausage bits. You bring the fork to Sonata's mouth and suddenly become very aware of how lush and inviting her lips are. She leans forward, snapping up the morsel and humming happily at the taste. Alright, so you might not be completely done with these antics. She stops you at the second forkful.

"You should eat too!"

"With the same fork?"

Bluey blushes.

"Isn't it more interesting that way?"

Aria grumbles.

"Get a room."

"Oh! Can we?"

Adagio's fist hits the table.

"NO."

Ah yes, now things are normal. You take a bite. Not bad, you decide. The rest of the meal passes in a like manner, with Sonata being ever vocal in her appreciation. As you gather up the plates, Bluey chuckles evilly.

"It was so nice, seeing everyone stuff themselves with my sausage and gravy."

Stupid sexy Sonata.