Hunter the Hunter

Hunter walks into the big fucking crystal tree castle that blends into Ponyville like shit on white velvet, with Twilight in front of him. They make their way down the empty as EA's promises corridors, doors evenly spread along the hall like a prison. Hunter had enough, and made a very echoing exclamation. "Holy fucking shit, this place is emptier then Gherman's sex life!"

Twilight also had enough. "Can you cut it out with your swearing!?" The anger in her expression could paralyze a cockatrice.

Hunter nodded. "Is swearing illegal?"

"No, but impolite."

Hunter chuckled. "Thank the fucking moon. Anyways, where is the room you're going to interrogate me in?" Twilight was shocked, but grumbled and kept walking, Hunter following her. His words finally registered to her.

"Interrogation?"

Hunter responded sarcastically. "How else is a fucking princess going to talk to a stranger whom she's never heard the species' of? Motherfucking tea and cookies?" 'Although that does sound good...' He said to himself.

"Well...yeah. That was the plan." She replied, unsure of her "plan".

Hunter facepalmed. "You're a fucking PRINCESS! Come the fuck on, you had NO FUCKING PLAN for if something you didn't know SHOWED up within YOUR territory?!" Twilight cringed, and shook her head with a nervous smile. Hunter shook his own head sadly then waved her off. "Eh, fuck it, let's do this. Lead the way, your highness." After another ten minutes, they were sat down, Hunter's chair to small for him. "Ask away."

"What is the purpose of hunting specifically beasts?"

"Because they come out every night and without the hunters, they'd be fucking the total population of Yharnam in the ass."

"What is Yarnham?"

"It's pronounced 'Yarnam', and it's a city, the one I lived in."

"Where is Yharnam?"

"Another reality." Twilight looked at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Yharnam is in another reality along with the OTHER humans."

"Allllright...how did you get here in that case?"

"Oh, I made a deal with an eldritch god. Hugo, his/it's name was."

"And what was this deal?"

"I just have to fuck a different eldritch god named Ellie. She wants kids. And before you ask, I didn't know she didn't even exist by name or anything else."

Twilight was stunned. "...That...that is impossible."

Hunter shrugged. "Believe it or don't honey, either way I'm here."

Twilight's head impacted the desk as she groaned in half-anger, half pain. "Fine," She mumbled. "Fine, I'll believe you." Spike, a baby dragon Hunter met earlier, walked in. Twilight smiled and asked him to write a letter. It was about what Hunter said, and how he interacted with reeeeaaalllly bad shit. Spike sent it, and they waited in uncomfortable silence for a while before there was a knock of the main door. Twilight excused herself, and Spike walked off into a side door. 'Probably to beat off or something.' Hunter got up and walked to the door, attempting to listen to what Twilight was saying.

"Hello my student~" The tone made Hunter raise an eyebrow. "You've been naughty little girl~" He heard Twilight moan. "But your punishment will be later~ For now, we have to talk to your..."guest"~" Hunter was stupefied. 'what the fuck...?'

"I haven't done anything with him mistress!" Twilight said as if she was incredibly horny. "I swear!"

"Oh, but you WANT to~" The voice got quieter. "And I must punish you for that~" Twilight moans again. "But now, let's go talk to your "Guest"." Hunter ran back to his seat and sat down, keeping his eyes neutral, as his bandanna hid the rest of his face. Twilight and her teacher (As she said) walked in, Twilight obviously hiding what happened, and doing a worse job then any Bethesda bug patch. "Greetings. I suppose you are Hunter?" Hunter nodded. "Great! Can you tell me what you told Twilight? She didn't tell me everything in the letter."

So Hunter told her what he told Twilight. "-And that's it."

Celestia took a few seconds to process the information. "Alright, thank you. Can you tell me about the hunters?"

Hunter sighed in pain. "Oh, Moon. Alright. *Breaths in* About 50 or 70 years ago, an expedition was lead into the catacombs, caverns, ruins, whatever, below the city of Yharnam. This invariably fucked Yharnam and all cities deeper in the ass then a gangbang. They found what we call 'Blood', and well, it IS blood. Blood of fucking eldritch gods, referred to as 'Great Ones' by 99% of the population due to the fact that the books telling of other religions are in the royal library. FYI, I broke in to read them. Anyways, this blood can heal LITERALLY EVERY INJURY AND DISEASE EVER. However, there was a pretty big fucking drawback that fucked you harder then any disease ever could. Well, that's what were damn sure caused the plague of beats that surged across Old Yharnam and Yharnam. I don't know too much, as the royal library is infested with eldritch babies that will eat your ass. Either way, there's beasts everywhere, and they need to fucking die. So, the Church of Blood or whatever...Ah, yes! The HEALing Church sent out the first hunters to do what their name implies and hunt the beasts. After a while, the plague got too bad and the public found out. Hunters because heroes and a hunter trained under the first hunter, Gherman, named Ludwig started a group called the Holy Blades. They failed like my dad
's condom and citizens started becoming hunters. I became one and got 'good blood', called 'paleblood' or some shit. I died by another hunter named...Gascoigne. He was jacked to shit on regular blood and was a beast mentally. I told you the rest."

Celestia was horrified. "That's horrible!! You lived during that!!" She forced Hunter into a hug. "I'm so sorry!!"

"Nah, it's fine." Hunter waved her off, his voice muffled. "I've had it good compared to some others in that shithole." Celestia released him.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I just cannot believe that anything that bad could even happen! But this reality is better! You can be happy here!"

Hunter nodded. "Exactly! Now, how will residence work here? Will I get a house or what?"

Celestia pondered the matter. "For now, you can stay with Twilight until we arrange something for you." She laid a hoof on his leg. "It's the least I can do." She stood back up. "Anyways, goodbye Hunter. I look forward to talking with you again."

After she had left, Hunter sat up. "Well, that went far better then I thought." He looked at Twilight and smiled, though she couldn't see it. "I thought she was going to immediately smite my alien ass."