Random Thoughts of Pony

“Spiiike!!!”

“What!? Twi, I’m right here.”

“Spike, do you know what this is?!” Twilight holds up the latest issue of ‘P Entertainment Magazine’ to Spike.

“Uh, a magazine. And a very unusual one for you. I just don’t see you as the type to really care for celebrities’ lives.”

“I know. Which is why I’m going to the post office to send a letter to their publisher to STOP SENDING ME THESE!!!!!”

Spike is completely blown away at Twilight’s recent burst of anger.

Twilight takes a calm, deep breath. “Sorry but it’s just, they’ve been sending me issues after issues for five years now and, it’s time to stop.”

“Okay... well see you later then.” Spike just walks away from the conversation, walking to anywhere but here.

“Well, guess it’s just me...” Twilight brings up a small rock, on it being two googling eyes and a small paper hat on its top. “And you Senor Captain Road.”

“Sure thing Twilight.”

***

“So, you come here often?”

“Uh Rainbow. I work here.”

“I know. It’s just... oh never mind. I’m out!” And just like that, Rainbow Dash flies straight out of Sugarcube Corner.

“Huh, that’s weird. And usually I’m the weird one.” Pinkie just strugs at that before getting back to work.

***

Big Mac is hiding in the bushes, taking his head out to see his girlfriend, Sugar Belle, standing in line at the cherry stand.

“Uh Big Mac. What are you doing?” Spike asks the big red pony.

“Spike. What are you doing here?” Big Mac asks as he surprisingly sees his dragon friend hiding in the bushes as well.

“Me? Oh, this time everyday Rarity goes to meet Sunburst at...” Spike takes his head out, Big Mac following as Spike points his claw over to a table outside of a restaurant. “That exact table. Everyday.”

“Oh.”

“Well now you know why I’m here. Now, why are you here?”

“Because. Because... I’m bored.”

“Well that was anticlimactic.”

***

“Auntie Orange... will you marry me?”

“Hon, we’ve been married for almost fifty years. And why you calling me ‘auntie’? Only our nieces and nephews can call me that.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Uncle Orange happily tosses the wedding ring out the window, the ring landing in some poor pony’s potato salad.

***

“Hello, is this Super Duper Pizza? I would like to place an order.” Grogar says as he talks into his weird ball-eye-thingy orb that lets him see all of Equestria.

“Yes sir! Would you like to hear about our specials!” The southern accent female pizza employee says enthused through his orb.

“Thanks but pass. I would like one large cheese pizza, thick crust, and I mean extra thick. Oh and a two-liter of diet root beer.”

“Alright, got everything. Any toppings? ‘Cause we’re havin’ a buy two, get two free for all toppings!”

“Hmmmm. Alright I’ll bite. I’ll like anchovies, chicken, fried rice and pineapple.” Grogar especially saying the pineapple part all menacingly.

“Alright! That’ll be 21.99 bits. Oh and remember, if it isn’t delivered in under thirty minutes, it’s on us!”

“Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My fortress of evil has been hidden from ponykind for hundreds of years. No pony practically knows it even exist.”

Grogar puts on an evil smile, basking in his evilness as how he won’t have to pay for his pizza because his hideout is way out.

Until the sound of a doorbell ring interrupts his thoughts.

Grogar walks over to the entrance of his place to see a pony dressed in pizza delivery attire, holding a pizza box.

“Wha... why, no, how did you find my evil hideout!!”

“Look, mista, I ain’t here for small talk. Just give me the dough and I’ll leave.”

Grogar lets out an angry grunt, taking his hoof to his chest to make appear twenty-one point ninety nine bits, handing them over to the pony, him giving his pizza to Grogar.

“Thank you for your patronage.” The pony puts on a cheesy smile before Grogar uses his power to send him back to where he came from.

“Huh.... well, time to eat.”

***

“Up next, another episode of Frasier!” The pony on the TV says enthusiastically as the Frasier's theme starts to play.

Rainbow Dash is sitting on her couch in the dark, the only light coming from the TV.

Slouching down and looking bored, Rainbow uses her wing to retrieve the remote, taking it to channel flip to see if there’s anything else good on.

After five minutes of channel chasing, Rainbow finds the perfect show, a smile coming to her face.

“LADIES AND GENTERCOLTS, WELCOME TO THE PWF, THE PONY WRESTLING FEDERATION!!!!!!!!”

***

The doorbell rings, Fluttershy going over to find that on the other side is a smiling pony, wearing a black tie and holding up a black book with a golden cross on it.

“Hello! My name is Elder Price. And I would like to share with you this most amazing book.”

Fluttershy puts on a smile for him, then motioning her hoof for him to come in.

(One Hour Later)

“Well, I think you can say, I’m interested.”

***

Sunburst and Rarity, after their daily luncheon, both went over to the boutique.

Rarity had told Sunburst that she would like to fix up his cloak. (That’s it probably.)

As they both walk in, Sunburst takes off his cloak, levitating it over to where all the ‘stitching magic’ happens.

“My my, you didn’t tell me you were stripping down.. just for me.” Rarity says as she flutters her eyelashes at him, Sunburst blushing a deep red, also getting hard somewhere else in his ‘private area’.

The two ponies both run to each other, grabbing each other tightly as the two of them start making out.

As the two are busy making love, Spike and Big Mac are busy too, looking at the two of them through one of the shop’s front windows.

“So you do this everyday?” Big Mac asks the dragon.

“Yeah basically.”

Watching the two of them make love with one another causes something in Big Mac’s ‘private area’ to get more bigger, more harder.

“Uh Spike, I need to go find Sugar Belle... now.” And just like that Big Mac runs for the hills, looking for his girlfriend.

***

“Phew. That took longer than expected.” Twilight says while exiting the post office.

Twilight just sent in a long, twenty five thousand word letter that may or may not contain some profane/inappropriate words.

“Now that that’s over, what should I do next?”

Twilight looks around town to see many things going on.

Like Snips and Snails counting every last speck of dirt in Ponyville.

Or Lyra and Sweetie Drops having a friendly conversation about rocks and the values they bring to an ecosystem consisting entirely of marsh landscapes.

There’s also Trixie, who’s in line at the flour stand.

Seeing her brings a smile to Twilight’s face, Trixie noticing her as she walks closer to her.

“Well hello. What brings you here?”

“Oh nothing. Just had to do some personal things. How are you?”

“Fine fine. I just need some flour for the cake I’m making for Maud and Mudbriar’s party. Starlight agreed to help but I guess someponies have more “internal” affairs to take care of.” Trixie moves closer to Twilight, whispering in her ear: “I think she’s still mad after finding out about how her dad is gonna marry Sunburst’s mom.”

“Oh.”

“Next.” The clerkspony says.

“Well I’ll leave you be. See you later, maybe.”

“Okay.”

Twilight walks away from Trixie to the center of town, looking at how unusually busy it is this time of day.

Then Twilight notices a pony she’s never seen before.

The pony being a gray colored unicorn stallion, wearing a black hoodie sweatshirt with a FOX racing logo on it, having a snapback cap on backwards, the hat having a Monster Energy logo on it.

Mane and tail color orange and cutie mark of a dirt bike. (Oh and also just happening to levitate a can of Monster Energy.)

Twilight walks over by him, a welcoming smile on her face.

“Hello there! You must be new-“

“Sorry miss but um, you're not exactly my type. Ya feel me?”

“Type?”

“Riiiight. Listen, name’s Kyle, by the way, and I like girls who are more... athletic?”

Twilight and Kyle stare at each other a few minutes.

“So, um, back to my original question. Are you new here?”

“New here? Nah. Been born here my entire life. Well, at least for most of it. My mom moved here after the divorce. Just so happened to win custody of me as well so... that’s two good things.”

“And how are those two good things? Your parents must be miserable without each other.”

“Meh. Dad was an abusive alcoholic. Mom is as you say, a cinnamon roll. Only married him ‘caused he forced her to.

Twilight looks at him with a blank stare, still trying to process everything.

“You okay? I can make arrangements if you want. We could “do it” right now. Even though you aren’t my type doesn’t mean that I still can’t enjoy it.” Kyle takes a chug of his energy drink.

“Look, listen, you seem nice and all but I’ve got... super important plans I need to attend to. And they require me. To leave you.” Twilight gives a weak smile.

“Uh huh. And where should I go exactly?”

“Oh I don’t know. Why not storm Area 57?” Twilight says sarcastically before walking away.

As Twilight is out of earshot, Kyle thinks to himself deeply: “Storm Area 57 eh...? Challenge accepted.” Kyle takes one last chug of Monster Energy before heading off to the train station.