Star Slingin’ Sheriffs

“Okay, this is the perfect amount of stupid.”

The statement slipped out of my mouth upon seeing the big hat wearing pony folk. Though it was hard to say when one was laughing as much as I was. My laughing drew the attention of the closest pony, a mare with a pink bonnet on her head.

She quite literally jumped in the air and let out a scream. She galloped towards the center of town screaming sheriff. I didn’t know what to do, so I went up to my scaly companion and sat on his back.

“Welp my lizard friend, we might have to deal with the whole mob thing, after all, I hope you’re a fan of pitchforks.”

We weren’t even in the town, we were ten feet from the train station and I could still hear the panic from the settlement. Several voices could be heard from the mess that became of the town, I was getting pretty nervous.

“Get the youngins inside!”

“Somepony get the sheriff!”

“Where’s my pitchfork?”

I started rethinking my decision not to move. The commotion eventually subsided with the appearance of two ponies. One of the ponies, obviously the superior because of his mustache and red bandanna, pointed at me from a distance while he talked with a colleague. His colleague was an older yellow stallion.

Ponies come in an array of colors apparently.

Their appearance made them out to be sheriffs, the yellow pony, in particular, had a large golden star on his black stetson. The two of them seemed to be bickering about something, each one pointing at me than their partner.

Deciding now was a good time to act I raised my arm and started a nonintentional exaggerated wave.

“Hey fellas, how's the weather?”

“Real smooth dipshit,” I whispered right after my question.

Their expressions of confusion only amplified my embarrassment. Waving from a huge alligator while asking about the weather in a populated town, not exactly my smartest moment. I hopped off the intimidating lizard and started walking towards the sheriffs.

“Now ya wait for a darn second ya varmint,” stated the mustached stallion once I got within five feet of them.

“You can’t just make a racket and expect nopony ta care.”

“W-well Mr. Sheriff all I did was mosey my way into town, but before I could even introduce myself and my...er...companion they started screaming,” I replied.

“Look here I’m takin’ ya in for questionin’, I suggest you comply.”

“What about my gator friend?”

“I’ll have my partner do somethin’ ‘bout it,” I responded to his reply with a curt nod.

The sheriff waved me over with his hoof, I assumed he meant for me to follow him. We passed over the railroad and continued along the central dirt road of the town. Now with a better view of the town, I could make out the buildings. Most of them were straight out of an old western movie.

We passed a saloon, a millinery, and a store entirely dedicated to apples, there was also a disco place, weird. We eventually arrived at a building that I assumed was the sheriff’s office. The sheriff pushed open the purple door and pointed inside. Once we entered he closed the door and let out a sigh.

“Sorry ‘bout the treatment, Just had to get ya off the streets to get ponies ta calm down.”

“Jesus Christ, I thought I was about to receive capital punishment or something!”

“I can have that arranged if you don’t keep it down sonny,”

“O-oh, ok.”

“I’m just kiddin’, now where ya from, better yet, what are ya?” The sheriff went to sit behind his desk.

“I’m from a place that’s...er….far away.”

“How far we talkin’?”

“Very far, and I’m a human.”

“A human, well ain’t that just dandy.”

“Why were the ponies in town so scared, I mean, I get I was on a giant alligator but still.”

“Well If ya must know, we’ve been strugglin’ with bandits fer weeks now ‘an the buffalo have too many problems to help.” The sheriff kicked his hind legs back onto his desk and sighed.

“Jesus, I thought you were gonna say something like chupacabra attacks.” In all honesty, I wasn’t expect something so realistic.

“Pffft...those little buggers know better by now.”

“What do we do from here Sheriff, I don’t have any supplies and I have no idea where to go.”

“Well looky here, since I'm generous and friendship is magic I'll buy ya a train ticket, but only if you help out three of the townfolk, deal?"

"Oh god, at least it's not a fetch quest, Deal."

The sheriff looked smug, or maybe I wanted him to look smug so I could have a reason to dislike him. He's not asking too much though just that I help people around town. What's with the friendship is magic bullhonky?

Speaking of friendship if I got a train ticket for the friendship express where would I even go? South, North, East or West my choices are pretty expansive. I don't feel good leaving the diregator behind either. I'll think about it later.

"So how do I introduce myself?"

"Don't worry, I'll be doin' the introducin'."

"Wait, who am I being introduced too?"

"A few trustworthy ponies that ain't gonna holler at the sight of ya."

"Are you calling me ugly?"

"Like the hindquarters of bad luck."

Ouch, my pride.

"What are the names of these ponies, that I'll be meeting?"

"You'll be meetin' ol' Alice who runs Alice's Apples next to the saloon."

The sheriff was about to continue but was interrupted by the creaky cringe-inducing sound of the door opening. I looked to the door only to see a very small blue pony.

"Daddy, you in her-" Her pupils shrunk to pinpoints, and her jaw dropped.

"Howdy, partner." Wow, I'm nailing these introductions.

An ear-piercing scream penetrated the air after my brief introduction. I looked at the sheriff then at the screaming pony, what are the small ponies called again, foals?

The sheriff briskly walked around his desk and dropped his stetson the screaming small pony thing, he smirked and shook his head. Funny thing is she never ran she just stood there and screamed. Little foal-whatchamacallit seemed to calm down.

"Ah, this is my filly." he took his stetson off her head. Kind of funny how big the hat was compared to her body.

"Now introduce yourself to Mr.....wait, what's your name?"

"Oh, sorry forgot about that, My name's Peter."

"Now introduce yourself, missy, trust me his brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary."

I'm probably offended, I think. Did he just call me stupid? If someone can call me stupid in and make it sound funny, then they are free to call me stupid. The small filly giggled at her father's insult.

"Howdy peter monkey, I'm Star Slinger."

Peter monkey, well isn't that just dandy.

I have a sudden desire for potassium.

Author's Note

Howdy!

Thanks for readin'!

If ya see any errors, point 'em out.

I hope you have a wonderful day partner!

🤠