Your Family and You

Cadance and Twilight’s mouths were still moving, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. There was a loud ringing in my ears that drowned out all other noise. The only thing I could focus on was Cadance’s words which kept bouncing around in my head over and over again.

Twilight! You’re pregnant!

Twilight! You’re pregnant!

Twilight! You’re pregnant!

Mind reeling, I stared wide-eyed at Twilight. She was babbling wordlessly, shaking her head at Cadance even as the pink alicorn nodded back with the biggest grin on her face. The two were arguing back and forth, their words lost to me. Instead, I found my gaze drifting down to Twilight’s barrel. Was it just my imagination, or did her stomach actually look plumper than I remembered? Could… could Cadance’s words be true? Had she been having more mood swings these past few weeks, or was I just seeing the past through biased eyes now?

No, no… that wasn’t it. Suddenly, everything Luna had been hinting at made much more sense. Her insisting that I’d have to learn to love one more pony before too long, noting Twilight being more hormonal than usual, and her annoyance over the fact that Twilight apparently was not telling me something important.

And this would definitely count as something important.

But if both her and Cadance were right, and Twilight really was pregnant, then that would mean…

Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt too tight and my heart was thundering away painfully behind my ribs. The world was spinning, and I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. I struggled to catch my breath, but the walls were closing in around me. The library was becoming too cramped. I needed to get outside. I needed fresh air.

I needed to get away!

Trying to fight back the growing panic that was threatening to consume me, I struggled to my feet. I had hoped to slip out unnoticed while the two mares continued their arguing, but my sudden movement drew both their attention almost instantly.

Cadance eyed me curiously, her head tilting to the side. Twilight on the other hand was wide-eyed and frizzy-maned with a look of panic on her face. As I stood up, she let out a high-pitched whimper, her wings twitching sporadically.

I dismissed both of them and lurched towards the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” I faintly heard Cadance ask.

“N-no, wait! I can explain!” In a flash of light, Twilight was beside me.

Before I could stop myself, I flinched away from her. There came a gasp, I wasn’t sure from whom. I could barely hear; my heart felt like it was about to explode. I had to get out. I had to escape, to get away. I needed… I needed…

I wasn’t actually sure what I needed, I just knew I had to get outside right now!

Trying to ignore the hurt look on Twilight’s face, I made a dash for the door and burst out into the pouring rain.

~ ~ ~ ~ > > < < ~ ~ ~ ~

It was an unknown amount of time later that I finally came back to my senses.

The first thing I noticed was that I was soaked to the bone, my drenched clothing clinging to my body and offering no protection from the howling wind. The rain was coming down so hard that I could barely see anything more than a few feet in front of me. Unable to see clearly, I stumbled along until eventually, a tree loomed out of the darkness in front of me. I threw myself down at its base, nestling myself in a small alcove amongst the roots. The branches above provided almost no shelter; the intensity of the rain crashing through the leaves with little resistance.

Hunkering down as best I could, I huddled there, alone with my thoughts as the storm raged all around me. Lightning danced across the sky above and thunder shook the world below. Rivulets of water cascaded down the twisted wood of the tree trunk, seeping into the ground around the roots where it pooled in small puddles in divots in the earth.

I stared absently out at the wall of rain, rubbing at my stiff leg even as my mind whirled with dozens of thoughts and fears. The events that had transpired in the library kept playing over and over again. As Cadance’s words reverberated within my skull, I found my heart rate starting to creep up again. Closing my eyes, I took several deep, shuddering breaths before resting the back of my head against the wet wood of the tree.

The sound of rain washed over me. I let it envelop my senses and before long I could feel my tense muscles slowly relax. Not all the way, mind you, but just enough that it didn’t feel like my body was about to fall apart.

Flexing my fingers, I mused back on the single thought that had started all of this.

Twilight’s pregnant.

Eyes still closed, I exhaled slowly, trying to calm my thoughts. I was still on edge, a second panic attack lurking in the background, waiting for something new to set it off. This whole situation just came in out of left field and I didn’t know how to handle it.

Luckily, as it turned out, I didn’t have to.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there before I realized the rain wasn’t falling on me anymore. It was still pouring down around me, but I was in a small bubble of stillness. Glancing up revealed a magical barrier hovering just above me. As rainwater struck said barrier, it hissed and sizzled, the water evaporating as it came in contact with the humming energy.

Where I had expected the magic to be a rosy color though, it was instead a light blue.

Giving the barrier one last bemused look, I turned my attention towards the pony currently standing in front of me.

Positioned under a magical shelter of her own, Cadance observed me silently. She looked immaculate despite the storm’s best efforts. No rainwater could touch her, no matter how hard it tried, leaving her coat and mane in pristine condition. Even her hooves were spotless, a thin layer of magic protecting them from the muddy ground she stood on.

Sometimes I forget that Twilight isn’t the only one who can be creative with her magic.

Upon seeing me finally look up at her, Cadance cocked her head to the side. “You ran away.” It wasn’t a question, nor an accusation. It was like she was simply stating a fact. Which, when I thought about it, was actually what she was doing.

“Yes,” was the only answer I could give. No point in trying to deny it.

“Twilight’s back at the library having her own panic attack,” she added. Despite the words, there was no anger or disappointment in her voice. Just that ever-present curiosity, like one has when they’re examining a puzzle they had just started and they are trying to find the first few pieces that went together.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly, the words catching in my throat. My gaze lowered back down to the trembling hands in my lap. “I… I didn’t mean to.”

“She blames herself.”

A forced chuckle. “When doesn’t she?”

She didn’t reply for a few minutes, letting the storm rage around us with renewed vigor. The tree I was propped against groaned in protest as the wind forced it to bed further than it would have liked. Thankfully, the wood held firm. Lightning flashed across the sky, followed shortly by several loud crashes of ear-splitting thunder.

Eventually, everything began to calm down again, and that’s when Cadance spoke again.

“I can make an educated guess as to what you might be thinking. She was never unfaithful to you. You know that, right?” Her voice was soft, so soft that I could barely hear her over the sound of the roaring storm. For the first time since she arrived, the look of curiosity turned into one of worry. “She’s been with no other creature besides you. Even before you arrived in Equestria, she was alone. Until you. She’s only had you, and she’ll probably only ever have you. She loves you. She was never unfaithful.” Her eyes pleaded with me, begging me to understand.

She needn’t have worried.

I gave her a confused look. “I… I never thought that.”

Cadance’s face went blank. “What?”

“I never thought that Twilight had been unfaithful,” I repeated. “The idea never crossed my mind, even once. I-I mean, I might not understand how exactly this came to be, but I… I trust Twilight. I trust her with my life. I know she’d never do something like that. At least, not willingly.” There was a gust of wind and one of the branches above me cracked off. It fell, glancing off the magical barrier before landing off to the side with a wet splat.

With a frown, Cadance picked up the branch in her magic and tossed it further away. “But then… why did you run away?” she asked. “Twilight’s back in the library, making herself sick with worry that she’s about to lose you. Why?” She trailed off while giving me that damnable curious look again: there was another piece to her puzzle.

Lifting a hand, I waved it about. “She’s pregnant, Cadance!”

“Yes, and?” she huffed.

“And look at me!” I roared, suddenly on my feet. I had to crouch to not hit my head on the barrier above me, and I could feel the energy crackling through my hair.

At my shout, Cadance jumped back, her eyes wide and wings flared wide. Stomping out from beneath the barrier, I threw my arms open wide even as the storm drenched me again. “Fucking look at me, Cadance! Look at me! I’m a fucking mess! Physically, mentally, emotionally! I’m a fucking wreck! Falling apart at the seams!”

“That’s not a…” she began, but I shouted over her.

“I’m barely functioning as a person right now, and now Twilight’s pregnant!”

“This isn’t her fault!” Cadance yelled back, finally raising her voice. She fluttered forwards and craned her neck back to glare up into my face. “None of this is her fault!”

“I’m not blaming her!”

“Then, what? What’s the problem? You won’t explain it!”

“Isn’t it fucking obvious!? I’m a wreck, Cadance! A wreck! What more do I have to say to make you understand? How am I supposed to handle this?”

“So what?” Cadance countered. “You’ll be handling this with Twilight, together, as parents. A mare’s pregnancy is a test for both the father and the mother. Do you think she’s going to expect you to wait on her wing and hoof? If anything, she’ll be the one planning out everything down to the smallest details! Double-checking and triple-checking everything!”

“I’m sure she will,” I growled. “I’m not worried about that! I’m sure Twilight will make a damn good mother when the time comes.”

“Then…” Cadance trailed off, her annoyance and anger fading. “Then… I don’t understand. What’s the problem?”

I opened my mouth, only to close it again. The rain lashed against my face, hiding the tears I could feel leaking from my eyes. My legs trembled as I struggled to remain standing. I wasn’t aware of Cadance stepping closer until I felt her gently place a hoof against my hip. Upon glancing down, I found her watching me with a worried-yet-caring look on her face.

“Max,” she said softly, “I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

I stared at her for a moment, and then my strength gave out.

The mud squelched beneath my knees as I sunk to the ground. It soaked into my pants and sapped what little warmth there was left in my body. Exhausted, cold, and sore, I wanted nothing more than to fade from the world. To go where there was no more trouble, no more pain, no more nightmares. I wanted to escape from this reality I now found myself in, but I couldn’t.

There was nowhere to escape to.

“Max, please.” I heard Cadance say from somewhere in front of me, but I couldn’t see her. My eye was blinded by both rain and tears. Reaching up, I tried to rub it clean.

“Cadance, I’m a wreck,” I muttered weakly, lowering my hand. On my knees, my head was at the same height as hers now, and I stared into her eyes. “How the hell am I supposed to care for something as small, as precious, and as innocent as a newborn infant… when I can’t even take care of myself?”

It took a second, but I saw it click. I saw when she mentally put the last few puzzle pieces in place. As the look of dawning understanding crossed her face, I continued. “A child… a foal… requires love and support. They need their parents to teach them and care for them and help them grow. They need their parents to help them.” It was my turn to give her a pleading look. “If I can’t even help and support myself, how can I help them?”

My heart rate was picking up again and I could feel my hands starting to tremble. “I’m going to ruin them, I know it. It doesn’t matter how well Twilight does, I’m going to ruin their lives because I’m not going to be able to give them what they need. They’re going to grow up hating me because I failed them. I… I can’t do it. I’m not ready to do this. I’m not… I’m just not…”

A warm weight settled against my chest as Cadance pulled me into a hug. Wrapping her wings around me, she settled her head on my shoulder and held me close. Her barrier extended over the both of us, staving off the torrential downspout.

“What…?” I began only to be silenced when she shushed me, stroking the back of my head with a wingtip.

“Nopony is ever really ready to be a parent the first time around,” she murmured in my ear. “Do you want to know what Shiny and I were doing the night before we found out I was pregnant? We were staying up late, watching cheesy horror movies while eating days-old pizza and drinking flat soda. Shiny was getting annoyed with me because I kept throwing stale popcorn at him whenever something suspenseful was happening. He got me back by hiding under the bed and grabbing my hooves as I walked by. We both woke up later only to realize we stained the sheets because we had chocolate sauce on us and we didn’t know it.”

This earned a weak laugh from me, and I could feel myself start to relax a little in her grip.

“Talk to Twilight,” she continued. “Express your worries, your fears, your insecurities. Let her help you, and in turn, you can help her. She can’t do anything if she doesn’t know what’s going on, and if she doesn’t know what’s going on, she will begin to speculate. And we all know what happens when Twilight Sparkle starts to speculate on what’s actually going on.”

“Banishment. Moon. Magic kindergarten,” we both said together.

We stayed like that for a few minutes as I slowly calmed down. Cadance was very understanding, providing support while also letting me go at my own pace. She didn’t release the hug until I relaxed my own grip.

As she stepped back, she extended the barrier so that it was still able to cover both of us.

“Shall we head back to the library now?” she asked as I got shakily to my feet.

“That’d… that’d probably be for the best,” I said, and it was only then that I realized just how cold and wet I was. Wrapping my arms around myself, I tried my best to stop my teeth from chattering too loudly. “Probably sooner would be better than later.”

Cadance gave me a critical look before tsking. “Come on, then,” she said with a playful roll of her eyes. “Let’s get going before we have something else to try and explain to Twilight. No telling what she’d do if you got sick.”

Allowing me to use her for support, Cadance led me back towards the library. Above us, the storm let out one last resounding crash of thunder before the beginning to die out.