Humans (who shouldn't be) In Equestria

Chapter 5: The one that took too damn long

The night was leaning into its later half at this time, but the moon blah blah blah crappy attempt at describing the scenery in a beautiful way blah blah let’s just get to the fucking point.

Jordan was back to how he started; going through the woods at night. Only this time instead of being in a different universe than the one he was in five seconds ago the big difference was that he was tied up, hopping because part of him that got tied up was his legs, and he was being escorted by the main characters of a show he’s a fan of.

“Could you at least have left my legs untied?”

“No, because we can’t risk you trying to run off,” Twilight answered, double-checking the knots to make sure they were still tight and weren’t damaged in any way.

She, along with Applejack, and Dash, were keeping close to make sure he  couldn’t try something funny. Pinkie lead the way because as we all know she’s hyper and fast and stuff, while Fluttershy stayed behind because she was nervous with Jordan around (him being taller and more menacing-looking than Brennan didn’t help), and Rarity stayed with her because she was going slower anyways with her constant complaining about the muddy ground.

“But this is humiliating! And not to mention unnecessarily difficult.”

“You like to complain a lot, don’t ‘cha?” AJ brought up. In her eyes, and most likely the others’, it was rivaling Rarity’s.

“I have the right to complain; there are plenty of things to complain about!”

“Well I’d save my breath if I were you,” Rainbow growled, floating in front of him at face-level. “You’re gonna have a lot of questions to answer when we get back.”

Jordan stopped hopping and chuckled. “All right, all right, I’ll answer your questions. But be warned, the answers probably won’t be pretty.”

“Whatever, I’m sure it’s nothing that bad.”

Later that evening...

“...and that’s how the human race is fucking itself over and why you should never go to the hellhole where I came from,” Jordan finished before finishing off the tea he was served earlier. He had to suppress and hide his laughter from his audience of seven. There were different mixes of shock, confusions, and horror among the ponies and dragon. He felt bad for thinking it was funny, what with the dark and horribly terrifying subject he had just finished talking about, but they looked ridiculous! ‘They would make great reaction images,’ he thought.

Twilight was the first to snap out of it and manage to speak. “Well, that was... interesting. But that still doesn’t answer a number of things. Like for instance, how did you manage to get here from where you originated?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow spoke up this time, “and what are you doing here?”

“Why do you seem to know so much?”

“What’s the deal with your friend? Why is he causing so much trouble for no reason?”

“How do you plan to leave?”

“How do you plan to knock some sense into your friend?”

“Why should we trust you?”

Jordan managed to break through and silence the questions with a loud and long yawn. “Well, it’s getting late. Time for bed, don’t you think?”

There was a short moment of silence, but everypony agreed it was late and one-by-one started heading out to their own homes for a good night’s sleep (as good as it could get after a day like this). Once all of the goodbyes were said and the door shut for one last time that night the house/library-keeper let out a sigh of relief and turned to her-

‘’Sup.”

...new guest.

. . . . .

That night the dreams of the ponies were filled with curious wonders and equally curious nightmares. There were dreams of many wondrous things; cotton candy clouds over a lands of candy, magically beautiful light shows on a midsummer’s night, caverns of gemstones and other rare minerals, peaceful fields on a sunny day, action-packed adventures in far-away places, romantic picnics with secret crushes, living the life of a fictional hero, and some incomprehensible bullshit. But, as numerous and amazing as these dreams were, the horrors were also plentiful in the sleeping minds; separation, failure, losing everything, mass panic, defeat, unknown horrors, capture, and more incomprehensible bullshit.

But right now a certain young dragon was dreaming that this thing would eventually wake up and get his butt out of bed.

“Come on, it’s been... what, five hours now? You should be awake!” Spike told the lump under the covers, annoyed with the fact that he had to deal with this thing until Twilight got back.

The reply was a muffled grunt, followed by Jordan flipping himself over so he was facing away from the pesky little gecko.

Spike grumbled to himself and left the room, looking for some other means of getting him out of the guest bed. Like a tank, maybe.

. . . . .

Brennan awoke to the sound of birds chirping, flies buzzing...and a deep, guttural snoring.

The creature was home.

Brennan sat up slowly, realizing that his bag of goodies was gone. He crept out from behind his rock and saw why. The bag was under a massive paw, a paw belonging to a leonine beast the size of a tank, with a scorpion-like tail that, surprisingly, didn’t end in hundreds of barbs like the mythos he remembered, a normal lion face instead of the human-esque face he was also expecting, again unlike the mythos, and for some reason bat wings. But, regardless of how accurate to the source material it was, he still knew the beast well. A manticore. And by the looks of it, he had eaten all of Brennan’s food. Well, except the apple he kept in his pocket. That he still had.

Brennan decided against fighting a blood thirsty, poisonous monster for a few chunks of Belgian nuget, and tried to sneak out of the cave. But the floor of the cave, as stated before, was covered with a carpet of bones, and just as Brennan was about to exit the cave a femur under his foot snapped. The manticore snorted in its sleep, but it did not awaken. Not that it mattered, as by the time Brennan realized that, he was at least a mile away, and, because he had forgotten his branch in the cave, unarmed. But it could be...’No. Never say that, because you always say it too soon.’ Brennan thought. Suddenly, Brennan’s throat felt dry. “Crap, I just realized I haven’t drunk anything since I got here,” He said aloud. “Well, better find water.”

A few minutes later, Brennan came across a quaint, picturesque, clean lake. And not relatively clean. Really clean. No garbage, no filth, nothing. Just pure water. “Luck be a bandit today,” Brennan said as he knelt down and began to scoop up water and pour it down his gob. He drank for a few seconds, but then he heard something. Faint rustling, and it was coming from behind him. The creature behind him was too small to be the manticore he escaped, but too large to be just one. It was coming from different directions, and Brennan could hear whispers; not well enough to decipher them, but just enough.

They found him.

As the horses approached him, he pretended not to hear them. ‘If I’m going to escape them, I’ll need the only element that matters; surprise. I’ll need to be quick as possible, and head for the trees. Dash won’t be able to fly at her full potential there, she’ll have to fly overhead or run the risk of getting smashed by a tree. Remember the plan- stay upland, be unpredictable, use every acrobatic skill I can think up.’

“Good morning!” one of them spoke up.

Brennan rose and whirled around to face his opponents, feigning surprise. And he was a bit surprised, as instead of six mares and a baby dragon, Brennan only saw four mares. Specifically, Twilight, Pinkie, Dash, and Fluttershy (which was surprising as well because she was of very little threat, for now at least.) Brennan suddenly wondered if Twilight could read minds, or even practice divination.

“Sorry to disturb you,” Twilight continued, “but you’ve stolen some of my friend’s food back at Ponyville. I assume you can speak English?”

“Who wants to know?” Brennan replied.

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but Dash cut her off. “We do!” she snapped, flying up so she and Brennan were face to face. “So you had better cough up those sweets, or you’ll regret it!”

“Oh, those chocolates and fruit?” Brennan sarcastically answered. “They’re in a cave a ways back, underneath a sleeping MONSTER. So... be my guest!” Brennan patted her on the shoulder and pointed in the direction they came from. “Off you go, now! Scoot!”

Dash growled at him, but Twilight put her hoof on her shoulder, and she dropped out of the air and sat.

“Good girl.”

“Alright,” Twilight interrupted, “here’s how we’re going to do this. We’re going to escort you back to town. You are going to answer a few questions. And then—“

“Oh, shut the hell up!” Brennan retorted. “I’m not doing a single goddamned thing for you pastel colored, ass-tattooed mutants!”

A collective gasp rose up from the group.

“Oh, did I touch a nerve?” Brennan said. “Because that was totally my intention. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave you in the dust.”

“Oh!? And how, if I may ask, are you going to do that?” Dash asked, lifting off again. “If you haven’t noticed, we outnumber and outmaneuver you.”

“Oh...well, I guess you’re right.” Brennan sank back down, accepting defeat. But just as his opponents started forward, he continued, “But it’ll be a freezing cold, soaking wet day in HELL before I lose out to a bunch of PONIES!” And with that, he threw a bunch of pebbles at his adversaries and took off towards the trees at the side of the clearing in their moment of distraction.

But they were fast to recover, as expected. Almost immediately, Dash was in front of him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Brennan did a baseball slide under and past her. “I think I’m going past you, Skittles!” Brennan sprinted hard into the trees and kept going, his pursuers in hot pursuit (okay, so it was just Dash in hot pursuit, but the others weren’t far behind either).

“You know,” Dash said, bobbing and weaving through the trees, “I can keep up with you just fine!”

Just to spite her, Brennan suddenly came to a full stop, causing dash to overshoot her target by miles. “See ya!” he yelled, and turned left into the foliage. He ran for a few more miles, finally coming to a clearing. Brennan turned to see if anyone had followed him. And lo and behold, someone did.

. . . . .

Jordan stretched, bending his back and pulling his arms behind him, and let out another long yawn. After letting his arms drop back into their regular place in his pockets and blinking a few times he began to move from his current place, at the doorway to his temporary sleeping quarters, to the stairs leading to the rest of the house/library. He almost fell down said stairs too, making me have to try to fit in a MS Paint Adventures reference, but he held onto the wall and managed to keep his balance as he descended.

When he finally reached his destination at the center-room of the library, he shambled past the two ponies, to whom his only word was “’Sup,” and...

“Wait a second,” Jordan stopped and looked back at the two sitting and staring at him. Now that he was actually paying attention he could see it was Rarity and Applejack, and only them. “Where are the others?”

“They left to go after your friend,” Rarity replied. “We needed as many of us to go after him as we could muster, without brining civilians into it of course.”

Jordan looked at her confused, and also still really tired. “Then why are you two here?”

This time Applejack answered. “Well, I chose to stay behind to watch you, ‘cause let’s be honest, Spike ain’t much of a threat. But ah have no idea why Rarity here decided to stay.”

“Well, I was just thinking you might need the extra help. We wouldn’t want a repeat of what happened yesterday, would we?"

“I can take care of myself! Besides, I don’t think this lazy-”

They had both turned to glance at Jordan, but there was only empty space where they had seen him before their mini-argument.

“Great, we lost track of ‘im already.” AJ was quick onto her hooves. “Now where they hay could he have gone?”

“Yo!” the aforementioned teen’s voice rang out from the kitchen.

“And just what do ya think you’re doin’ in there?”

He poked his head out from the door-frame to speak this time. “Making myself a freaking coffee, if you don’t mind.” He disappeared again behind the wall, mumbling something about mugs.

. . .

Brennan leaped out of the way of a lavender blur. ‘Great. Of all the enemy forces I could have faced, it had to be all *cavalry!*’ Brennan whirled around in a boxing stance, his eyes darting left and right, looking for other potential threats. When he saw none, he focused on Twilight.

“Why is it that you insist on doing things the hard way?” She asked calmly.

“Because the hard way is the fun way.” Brennan replied. “So smart....And yet Oh-So-Naive."

Twilight was mentally tough, Brennan would give her that. Clearly, she was at least irritated, but she didn’t let that get to her. Like Brennan, she could control her anger. Unlike him, however, she wasn’t pissed off from the start.

“Come on,” Brennan taunted, “too scared to go up against somebody in a straight-on fight!?”

For a moment, Twilight just stayed still. But after a moment she complied, breaking into a run, and Brennan decided to use the area to his advantage. Behind Brennan stood a massive oak. While this one was not going to fall over any time soon, Brennan had another idea. He braced himself and stood his ground, waiting for Twilight to get a lot of steam on him. Brennan had to time his jump exactly right...

A split second before Twilight was going to impale him on her horn, Brennan jumped upward, planting his feet on the trunk. On the moment of impact, Brennan used the momentum of the strike to propel him behind her. Twilight staggered, disoriented by the crash.

“Not feeling so well?” Brennan asked, raising both fists over his head. “You’re gonna feel a whole lot worse.” But just as Brennan was about to bring his fists down on her head and put her down hard, he heard something crash through the trees. He had two choices; knock Twilight out, or run. Brennan chose the latter. He turned and bolted deeper into the forest.

. . .

Rarity and Applejack silently watched him from just outside the kitchen, making sure not to make a sound. They just sat there, quietly observing him as he paced frantically around the room looking in the various shelves and drawers for something.

“What do you think he’s thinking of?” Rarity whispered to her partner.

“Ah’m not sure,” AJ whispered back. “He could be thinkin’ ‘bout anything. Escape, strategy, maybe somethin’ about a weapon.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t think it will be good. He gave that whole speech last night like it was just a part of an average conversation, and he seems less intimidated by us than the other one. He even looks more frightening.”

“..."

“...”

“Rarity, this one may prove to be much more of a problem than we thought.”

Meanwhile, Jordan was crouching in front of the open fridge, pondering the many, greatest, and most ancient questions of the universe, creation, and life itself.

‘Where the hell did they put the cream?'

. . .

Brennan should have bashed Twi’s head in while he had the chance.

He ran through the woods, but he used the term loosely, as he was actually leaping from tree branch to tree branch, but he was doing it so fast it seemed as if he was running over them like a path. And yet, someone was still behind him, as a pink blur tailed him at every twist and turn. Just as Brennan would expect from the logic breaker, she seemed to bounce around all over the place, as if she were orbiting him rather than chasing him. Brennan knew this trick. She would circle him at high speed until she saw an opening, attack and run away like a lightning strike, and continue until she got the desired result. ‘Well, I’m not falling for that. But let’s see if she’ll fall for this...’

“Hey!” Brennan called. “Look out for that tree!"

“You think I’ll fall for that!?” Pinkie called back, breaking her formation and running alongside him. Brennan took advantage of that to leap sideways and slide down a nearby slope.

“Not in the way you expected!” he replied. Brennan took off like a shot, keeping to the narrow path and forcing her to run beside or behind him. Luckily, nobody else was catching up just yet, but Brennan admitted to himself that if Dash showed up again, he was screwed. Brennan weaved through massive roots, jumped across creeks, and dove through brambles. Anything to get away from her.  But nothing worked.

‘Jeez, can’t a dimension travelling monster thief get a break?’ Brennan thought. Apparently, they did, as Brennan was heading towards a field of boulders and rocks. The good news was that there was plenty of room and cover. The bad news was that Pinkie was right up on his ass, Twilight and Dash were joining her as well, and the whole trail was a dead end, leading up to what looked like the side of a mountain.

Brennan jumped over and cleared a boulder and darted amongst the rocks, quickly confusing Pinkie to the point that she lost him. Brennan hid, grabbing a nearby stone. And as the three... sorry.... four ponies spread out to search the area, Brennan taunted them, using the echo from his voice bouncing off the rocks to taunt them.

“So Dash!” Brennan yelled, “do you ever get tired of being left in the dust?”

“No!” Dash cried ferociously.

“Don’t listen to him!” Twilight yelled in response from across the clearing. “He wants you to get angry!”

“It’s working.” Dash muttered, low enough for nobody to hear.

Brennan looked around. They were closing in fast, and Brennan saw no exit. But just as hope seemed lost, Brennan noticed a wall of rubble blocking a Cliffside path, with only a small hole as an opening. Brennan ran up and climbed over, using the hole as a handhold, not caring he was spotted. Brennan let them get to the wall and stop.

“You know,” Twilight said through the wall, “Every time one of us chases you, you seem to end up behind something that blocks us.”

“There is always a way out, freak,” Brennan replied. “I wouldn’t mistake my tactics for cowardice if I were you.” And with that, Brennan left, ignoring the jeering and insults of the others. Eventually, Brennan came to another clearing and sat down to rest. Soon, however, he heard footsteps. ‘What? Did Dash follow me alone?’ he thought. Brenan gripped the stone he had tightly and waited. Just as she rounded the corner, Brennan brought the stone down with all his might, knocking her out cold.

But it turned out it was not the cyan Pegasus as he thought it was. It was a greenish coloured uni, her butt tattooed with a golden lyre...

“Oops.”

. . .

They were back in the main lobby, the four of them sitting in a square. At the corners sat, clockwise, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, and Jordan. They were all sitting in complete silence, which seems to be becoming all the more common now, with the exception of the occasional slurp of Jordan sipping his now fully prepared coffee.

Pan to Applejack, giving Jordan the stink-eye.

She glances at Rarity.

Turn to Rarity, shifting her view from Applejack straight across at Jordan, and then sipping a cup of her own beverage, tea.

A yawn from the right catches her attention.

Turn to Spike, who looks bored, or maybe tired, but still keeps his glare fixed on the center of attention in the room.

Slow turn to the final member, Jordan.

He takes a generous drink from his mug, easily downing half of it.

Shot of the four of them, on one side the three natives to this world staring at the invader, on the other Jordan staring back in their general direction with half-closed, tired eyes.

Silence.

...

.....

.......

“So, you guys have Wi-Fi here?”

. . .

Brennan examined the creature, kneeling down to get a closer look. She was obviously a female, or else a very feminine male, as Brennan recalled that other guy. ‘What was his name? Caramel, that’s it.’ She had a short, white and mint striped mane, and her coat was a minty colour too. Brennan checked her pulse; she was alive, just not conscious right now. Brennan examined her head. There was a nasty, purple bruise where Brennan bludgeoned her, but no blood. Brennan regarded her; he did not exactly recognize her, but he did remember her ass-mark. ‘Boy, I never thought I’d say THAT...'

Brennan suddenly heard an ear-splitting blast and looked to the way he came. A violet flash was dying down. “I didn’t think that would hold them for long,” Brennan remarked. He turned to continue running, but paused. After a brief moment, he turned toward the unconscious horse. If they were to find her, Brennan would clearly be blamed (even though it was his fault in the first place). He did a really unnatural thing for him; he lifted the pony, which was surprisingly heavy, over his shoulder and carried her off... to a dead end.

A cliff blocked his path, extending about twenty feet upward. No caves or hiding spots, but there were a lot of handholds.

“There is no way I’m going up that with My Little Heavy Butt draped over my shoulder,” Brennan stated.

“Hey!” Brennan heard Pinkie call. “I think I hear him!”

Brennan frantically scaled the cliff, pausing only a brief moment- “AGH!” –when a protruding rock sliced his hand open. But Brenan managed to climb to the top and hide behind another boulder. Brennan gently set his passenger down as the voices reached the area he was just at.

“He’s gone!” Dash cried out in dismay.

“Look!” Twilight responded. “He must have cut himself on the rocks. That means he had to have climbed up the slope.”

‘No shit,’ Brennan thought.

Fluttershy said something that was hard to hear, but it sounded like “What happens now?”

“We search the cliffs,” Twilight replied. “He couldn’t have gotten far.”

Brennan watched as the four horses turned and left, then continued to climb his way up the mountain.

. . .

“And that’s currently the full plotline of the No More Heroes series.” Jordan finished, and then proceeded to also finish his remaining drops of coffee.

“Well, that was certainly an...” Rarity cleared her throat and tried not to sound nervous, “interesting story.”

There was a grumble of an empty and impatient stomach coming from Applejack. She was glad that she finally had an excuse to get away from Jordan, but didn’t let a hint of it show. “If ya’ll excuse me I need to get myself a snack,” Then, without hesitation, she stood up and made for the kitchen, again making sure as to not seem too enthusiastic about leaving.

Rarity could only watch as her friend left her alone with the increasingly more disturbing alien and the now sleeping baby dragon, concealing her own feelings regarding the situation. She looked away from the abandoning orange farmer just in time to see Jordan watching her as well, his eyes focused on a specific area of her body.

“...Were you just staring at her-“

“No.” She was quickly cut off and he went to sip his coffee, but put it back down with a disgruntled sigh when he realized he already finished it.

“It looked like you were staring at-“

“I wasn’t. I was just watching her. I may be some freaky alien dude from another world to you, but in my situation I’m on another world and I’m practically imprisoned by the locals. It would be safe for me to keep an eye on you, to make sure you’re not up to anything.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“You were staring at it, weren’t you?”

“Okay, moving on!”

. . .

Brennan had climbed for twenty minutes, and could see a ledge just a few minutes of climbing away. The sun was setting, and Brennan was struggling just trying to bear the weight of his new friend.

“Great,” Brennan thought aloud. “I fall ass-backwards into the place I hate most, I get hounded by a mutant rooster, a farmhand, and four of the most powerful creatures here, and now there’s you,” Brennan said coldly.

“Sorry I’m so much of a burden.”

“NYEH!” Brennan almost lost his grip and sent them both falling to their death. He looked back at the pony. “How long have you been awake!?”

“About twenty minutes,” She replied. “Maybe half an hour.”

Brennan tossed her up onto the ledge, then climbed up himself. “Well...from now on, you’re carrying yourself.”

“Yeah, no problem,” She replied reluctantly, and then tried to do just that. The cliffs had given way to hills for the time being, and the slope looked like they could walk up it easily. But as she made progress up, she wobbled as if she was dizzy and staggered a bit, and then she finally fell. Brennan caught her and slid down the slope back to the ledge. For a horrifying moment, Brennan thought he had given her a concussion. ‘This thing is wounded and probably going to die if I can’t help her. And I care! What is the deal!?’

“You know what? Let’s just rest here,” Brennan suggested.

“Okay,” She replied, sitting down next to Brennan. He thought the way they sat was weird, kind of like a cat or something.

“You know,” Brennan asked, “I haven’t asked your name yet. I’m Brennan.”

“Lyra,” she responded. “Lyra Heartstrings.”

“Interesting,” Brennan replied.

“Wait a second...” Lyra said, narrowing her huge, golden eyes.

Brennan gripped the stone he had carried with him and prepared to knock her lights out again. ‘I...’

Lyra leaned back, as if her speculation had been confirmed. “Yep, I knew it.”

Brennan tossed the stone over the edge. ‘I can’t do it.’

“You’re the one who we heard yelling yesterday!”

“No. You’re mistaken.”

“Yes! Yes you were! And I also saw you running from Sugarcube Corner yesterday! You were stealing!”

“Uh-huh. And do you have proof?”

“Well, no, but—“

“The defence rests.”

“I know what I saw, and you we’re stealing! You stole from Pinkie Pie! Do you know how much of a breach of trust that is!? Not only that, but it’s a really bad first impression! Well, I hope you know what’s coming to you, and that you get just what you deserve! You can’t keep me here! Someone will come! MY LAWYER WILL HEAR FROM-!”

THWACK!

‘On second thought, I could totally do it.’

. . .

“Alright, if we’re gonna be stuck together for a while, you should at least make yourself useful,” Applejack told her volunteer new worker as they made their way into Sweet Apple acres.

“Well, at least this’ll give me something to do,” Jordan replied, sounding less tired but still just as bored as earlier. They made their way to the fields of delicious red fruit as the sun was very slowly making its way over the horizon.

When they reached the first of the thousands of trees, Applejack began to lecture Jordan about his temporary job. “Now, first things first we’re gonna need to place each basket in the right spot so all of ‘em fall in. You just need to-”

Instead of paying attention and getting to work or even giving a fuck Jordan was instead laying against another tree, his back bent an uncomfortable looking way, and staring at the scenery whilst listening to his music.

“What they hay do you think you’re doing just layin’ around?”

“Come on,” he whined, “It was a long walk over here. Can’t I just have a little rest?”

“No, I’m already behind on my apple-bucking as it is."

“They’re not doing anything.” He gestured to Rarity lying on a fancy couch (how did that even get there?), sipping from a glass of most likely apple juice, and Spike, who was basking in her very existence.

“Well they ain’t creatures from another universe.”

“That’s racist,” Jordan retorted in the form of a mumble, half-sarcastically and half out of an uncontrollable urge that he blames the half-crazy-social-justice-activist half-sarcastic-asshole people of Tumblr for.

After setting up baskets underneath the first tree, which involved some arguing over the placement, AJ began to talk about some tips for "bucking” the tree.

“Now, the first thing ya need to know about is posture. You need to be...” it was around there when Jordan started to tune out. After watching her move her mouth and making noises he couldn’t understand, he decided to get started on his new job kicking trees in order to make them fall down. ‘This is going to look great on my resume.’ After sizing up the tree, which didn’t really help but it made him look like he was actually doing something, he lifted his foot off the ground, brought it back, and struck the wooden pillar with a good deal of force he could get from his not-really-exercised leg.

After a few seconds the pain finally caught up to him and he was jumping around, clinging his foot and making so many swears it would jack up the rating of the show to “Mature audiences only” in a heartbeat.

Applejack only viewed the spectacle for a moment, before she transfixed her gaze to the tree he just wounded his foot on. All of the apples were in the baskets, which was good because usually it took beginners a few tries to get them all down in one buck. When he kicked the tree though, it made a loud cracking sound, and now she could see the spot was splintered, the tree could probably be snapped in two if somepony else kicked it.

Eventually he stopped his bouncing around in a typical cartoony manor and placed his foot back on the ground, right next to the farmer pony. “So how did I do?” When he noticed his handiwork in front of him he was just as surprised as his mentor. “Uh... I guess..... I did a good job?”

. . .

“Ooooooh,” Lyra groaned, and Brennan looked over from the sunset to see her waking up. “Wha-what the….did you just knock me out again!?”

“No. I dropped you while climbing. There’s a difference.”

“No way! You hit me!” She accused.

“Concussion. You were hallucinating.” Brennan replied.

Lyra was about to reply, but decided to give up knowing this was only going to scenic Nowhere, Pointlessville. Lyra strode up to the cliff and peered down. No way she was leaving that way...

Brennan regarded her coldly. ‘She seems harmless, but I’ll have to keep my guard up. These creatures, especially Unies, are very powerful. At a moment’s notice, I’ll have to either ditch her here if the threat is too much, or smash her head to a pulp if she poses a threat at all.’

“...So,” Lyra asked, “why did you steal from Pinkie Pie, anyway?”

“Like I’ll tell you.”

“I don’t think you’d steal for the sake of stealing. No, you had to do it for a reason. It was too well planned, or you would have been caught.”

“I’m not going to tell you,” Brennan repeated.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, I think you’re just a scared old bully who was just stealing from Pinkie out of hunger.”

“Then it’s settled...” Brennan replied. “...You’re mistaken.”

Lyra suddenly noticed something. Brennan had wrapped a rather large blade of wheatgrass around his hand, the green stained with splotches of red.

“You’re hurt,” Lyra said. “Let me help you.”

“No,” Brennan replied. “You fuck off!”

“Why are you so...so...MEAN!?” Lyra exclaimed.

“Because it’ll heal on its own!”

“But It’ll heal faster with my help! Trust me!”

“I won’t trust you! I can’t trust you! You or anyone else of....Your Kind! It is an unnecessary risk for me! Besides, how do I know that letting you go won’t end up with you tipping the others off?”

“All this over a cut?” Lyra retorted. “I won’t hurt you! You can trust me!”

“I don’t think s—" Brennan suddenly paused, listening in on the world. There was wind...the rustling of trees...and voices. “Quiet.”

Lyra opened her mouth, but shut up when Brennan raised the new, jagged stone he had obtained. This time, the pointed end was aimed at her; It sent a clear message. Brennan took his concentration off of Lyra for a moment and listened so hard he could have heard the wingbeat of a fly.

“It’s no use!” Brennan listened to her voice pattern and deduced that it was Dash talking. “He must be halfway to Manehattan by now!”

“Not likely,” Another replied. Twilight, judging by her voice. “I can sense him. He’s close.”

Brennan felt the lingering pain in his hand melt away, which brought him back to reality long enough to realize that Lyra had healed his hand anyway. Brennan decided to crawl towards her, and she backed away skittishly. Brennan realized his other arm was still cocked in the air, stone in hand, and he lowered it and leaned in so he could whisper to her.

“Look,” He whispered. “I’m sssss....” Brennan hissed to a stop. “I apol—HHNGH! I’m ssssooor—ERGH! I...um...”

“Yes,” She replied.

“I’m giving you a choice,” Brennan replied, much to Lyra’s frustration. “Either you go up there and provide a distraction, or you keep quiet and go with me.”

Lyra thought for a moment. Then she replied. “I choose distraction.”

“...Thanks,” Brennan replied. It almost sounded truthful...Almost.

Lyra made her way towards the group while Brennan scanned the face of the mountain. There was a single goat path, but nothing else. ‘I guess I’ll have to take my chances.’ And with that, Brennan scaled the cliffs just as the sun was finally setting. ‘Another day, another escape from certain death.’