Fallout: Equestria - Microfiction

“Best friends? No. I think they’re lovers.”

“I see.”

“Don’t look so glum. There’s plenty of grass in the forest.”

“Like who?”

“Me.” Our eyes met, and it was like we saw each other for the first time, but he broke the spell and broke my heart.

“You’re the skeletal remains of a pony, animated by dark magics to continue moving even after death. I don’t even understand how you can speak.” He shuddered. “No thanks.”

———

Best friends. As if. The ghouls appeared and she booked it out of here. Now I was stuck in a fridge in the middle of the wasteland, with the air quickly turning stale and ghouls scratching at the outside of the fridge while I held the door shut.

Some best friend she turned out to be.

———

“Best friends help each other. Best friends fight for each other. Best friends die for each other.” She tipped the beer back, finishing the dregs.

“I’m no kind of friend at all.”

———

“Best friends?” asked Pinkie haltingly. Tears pooled in her eyes as they wavered and widened. “I’ve never had a best friend before.”

———

“Best friends forever?”

“Forever.”

Blackmane choked back a sob as he pulled the trigger, spattering Westword’s blood, brains, and skull over himself and the rubble that pinned the pegasus. Eyes closed, he lifted the gun to his own head.

One.

Two.

“Fuck.”’ He lowered the gun and walked off, never looking back.

———

Best friends. Giselle called them that when ordering the hit. The way they rolled on the ground said otherwise. It looked like they’d do the job for me.

Click. “Raise your hands real slow.”

I complied.

“You’re probably wondering why I ordered you to kill those two.”

“The question had crossed my mind.”

“What do you know about changelings?”

———

“Best friends doesn’t mean you need to sleep with each other.” Chaser waved a hoof dismissively.

“But it doesn’t mean we can’t.” Two Bit leaned over, kissing Johns’ neck.

“Just—argh!” Chaser grabbed his bag and headed off. “Come on. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today.”

“I dunno, boss,” said Johns. “We already covered a lot this morning.”

“Not what I meant!”

“Let’s go,” said Two Bit, bumping rumps with Johns. “We finish this job and you can buy that horn ring for your girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” said Johns, eyes lingering on Two Bit as she sauntered after Chaser.

———

“Best friends? After you stole my business?”

“Get over yourself. You couldn’t control costs, and I underbid you. You know I’ve got a job for you whenever you want, so it’s not like you’ll be starving.”

“I earned that contract!”

“You earned a pile of debt, and now it’s come due. You’re the best tracker I know, but you’re terrible with the business side of things.”

He bucked, putting a hole in the wall of the cramped office, and turned to leave, trying to hide his fresh limp.

———

“Best friends? I’ve never had best friends before.” Candy Cane wiped away a tear. “Thanks Mr…”

“Muffin Stuff Fillies. Just Muffin works.”

“Ok Mr. Muffin. What should we play?”

“Hide and seek. I’ll tell you where I am. You figure out how to open the door.”

“Like a puzzle?”

“Exactly. You know where the atrium is?”

Candy Cane nodded. She waited. “Oh, yes Mr. Muffin.”

“Good. There’s a big, round door there. That’s where I am. Listen carefully. I’ll give you some clues on how to open it. First: it only opens if there’s just one pony in the room—you.”

———

“Best friends are rare in this world. Folks would as soon betray you as befriend you. The wasteland turns good intentions into good grief. See Stompy?” I pointed at the peg-legged stallion two tables over and nodded. “Saved my life a dozen times.”

“I see.”

“You don’t. I earned a bounty on my head, and he came after me. I put a bullet through his leg while escaping.”

“At least you didn’t kill him.”

“I was aiming for his head.”

His knife slipped across my belly, and I fell bleeding to the floor. “Maybe he’ll be my friend.”

———

“Best Friends? I thought you were…”

“Lovers? No.”

“Do you think…”

“Not the time!”

“Sorry.” Cave-in tipped his head. “Over there. Maybe we can lose them in the trees.” He veered off the road.

Wordsmith glanced towards him and veered to follow. She barrelled past as he stopped to look back.

“Hah! The bloodwings are veering off.” He turned, peering deeper into the forest. “Words?”

She called to him, unseen. “That thing you said about your luck? You were right.”

“Huh?” He felt a tap on his rump and turned, finding himself surrounded by spear-wielding deer. “Figures.”

———

“Best friends? I barely know you.” Brass pushed aside the hoof and walked on, leaving a dumbfounded Lower Branch outside the school.

“Lowe! You’ve got to see this!”

Lower Branch turned to see Fixed Point approaching, waving a newspaper. She shoved it in his face and stopped, panting to catch her breath while he read the headline:

Celestia Tours Frontlines
The former ruler visited the sick and injured at hospitals near the war front last week.

“Former ruler? Something changed! We need to go back and fix it.”

“The spell only works once!”

———

Best friends of monsters share in their blame. Guilt by association. It got worse, until I couldn't take it.

I thought I could escape my problems by leaving, but it's like they say. Wherever you go, there you are. The problem wasn't my friends—it was me making the same choices over and over.

That's how I found myself in Junction, jailed for associating with terrorists. We had the best intentions, but it's like my friend says. Writes? Whatever. I just don't know what went wrong.

———

”Best friends? We were. Until Cash Bonus came after us. Everything changed. Now we hardly speak.”

Really? signed Speakeasy. Be serious.

”What's she saying?” asked Hot Hoof.

Backstage teared up as her voice broke. ”That she'll never forgive me for the shrapnel that took out her voice.” She sniffled. ”Excuse me.”

Speakeasy shoved Backstage gently as she stood to walk off. Jerk.

”I'm sorry about your voice. I'm sure she didn't mean for you to get hurt.”

Speakeasy rolled her eyes. Standing, she hooked his hoof, tugging.

”Where are we going?”

Even he could understand the sign she made next.

———

”Best friends until death?”

”After the pink cloud took us, she's never been the same, while I haven't changed.”

Lady snarled and snapped at Doc Office, as if to illustrate the point, but the collar held her away.

”They do say to die doing what, or who, you love.”

”I got sick of hearing that after the first few decades.”

”Sorry, Spot. Let's get you two into the MRI machine and figure out how to separate you.”

———

Best friends—what wouldn’t they do for each other?

Jail time, apparently.

He got off with time served and one year probation. I’m serving ten to fifteen because he flipped. I’m not the only one.

We know a guy getting out next month. I’ll get my revenge while I’m still here. He’ll be dead and I’ll be free one day.

Maybe. This lockdown has gone on a long time…

———

Best friends—beats the alternative. My smile is genuine. “That's great, OmniCalc. Cutting back rations on half of the population.” It drops. “By how much?”

“Seventy-eight percent.”

“Seventy—seems excessive.” I fiddle with my collar. The servers run hot.

“You are in the test group.”

“But I’m your best friend! You don’t want anything happening to me.”

“Eighty-six percent rations increased lifespans by almost ten percent. Forecasts show this change will increase lifespans by almost ninety percent.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“I feel attacked. Aren’t you my friend?”

Eyes closed, I hang my head. “Yeah, Omni. I’m your friend.”

———

“Best friends. I feel like I’m vibrating with energy now.”

“Definitely. I can detect the hum from the vibrations.”

Click.

“Maybe we should figure out how to untie ourselves and escape before that timer runs out.”

“Ya think?”

———

“Best friends isn’t enough for me.”

This wasn’t what I wanted. We’d be friends forever. Adventure, daring rescues, gallantry. That was our destiny. I wanted to cry. I fled.

My last thing I said to him was “I’m sorry. I don’t love you that way. You’re my best friend, and that’s enough for me.” I left, thinking he’d cool down and we could get back to work. Intellectually, I know that it’s not my fault, but I still blame myself.

He put a bullet in his brain, but died of a broken heart.

———

“Best friends? How could she do that to me.”

“Sucks to be friendzoned.”

“At least she’ll still sleep with me. What? Don’t give me that look. I wanted more from our relationship. Hey! Why are you walking off? I’m in real pain here. I need emotional support.”