YOU PONIES ARE LUCKY IDIOTS!

"At last," King Sombra bellowed over his balcony. "After a millennium in that wretched prison, I shall now take my rightful place as Crystal Emperor. And soon, Emperor of all Equestria."

The Crystal Ponies, assembled before their monarch and in chains, looked dejected at that.

"Cheer for me!" Sombra commanded. "You should all be honored to be my subjects." The Crystal Ponies let out half-hearted cheers, sounding more like victims of strep throat. In frustration, Sombra angrily stormed from his balcony and into his bedroom.

"I killed their ruler, enslaved them, destroyed all their hopes and dreams, and planned to rob them of their free will," Sombra muttered to himself. "Why are they so ungrateful toward me?!"

"Your majesty," a timid voice said. Sombra turned around and saw a feeble, pink Crystal Pony approach him. "There is-,"

"What are you supposed to call me slave?" Sombra said warningly, his sclera turning green as he lit up his horn with dark magic.

"But-," the servant continued, before being roughly seized by her neck in Sombra's magical grip and dragged to face Sombra eye to eye. The trace of panic went through the otherwise jaded pony.

"Your royal highness, Ruler of the Crystal Empire, Greatest Conqueror of All, Greatest and Most Powerfulest Pony in all of Ponykind-,"

"Aaaaaand," Sombra drawled.

"-and the stallion blessed with the biggest stallionhood of all," the servant finished.

"Good," Sombra said, releasing the servant from his magical grasp. She roughly fell to the ground.

"Now what drivel must you spout," Sombra said to the servant in an arrogant manner.

"This Pegasus gave me this letter demanding that you surrender or face destruction," the servant said, presenting Sombra with the letter.

Sombra opened the letter and read it. After skimming through it, he threw it away while laughing.

"They claim they'll destroy the Crystal Empire," Sombra said with a chuckle. "Not even Sunbutt and Moonbutt together could destroy the Empire, let alone keep me chained in their frozen prison." He doubled over in laughter. "Tell this Pegasus I'd like to see them try." Sombra trotted away, talking about how he earned himself some licorice cake.

The servant pony stumbled to the window, opening it in. A white Pegasus colt flew in.

"He said 'he'd like to see you try'," the servant said.

Rumble nodded, before flying away. On the cloud above, Rumble looked at the box with trepidation. The weapon was called "Conflict Resolution." With a solemn sigh, Rumble began pushing the payload toward the edge of the cloud.

Sombra prepared for another speech, only accidentally scratch his metal horseshoe against the crystal walls.

"Damn it," Sombra said. "How could this day get any worse?" Above his head, he heard a whistling sound. When he saw what was overhead, he felt his blood run cold.

"Oh. My. Celestia," Sombra said with quiet terror. A monkey crashed on top of him.

"Ahh," Sombra screamed, as the monkey bit him and scratched away at his skin.

"Get it off," get it off," Sombra wailed in pain as the monkey continued to maul him. "Subjects," Sombra said pathetically, "I command you to assist me!" His subjects, instead of looking at him with fear or horrified apathy, just trotted away with disgust, seeing their Emperor reduced to sniveling child.

"He's crying over one little monkey," one pony said with disgust.

"I bet Sombra still uses a nightlight," another pony said.

"I bet he still has warm milk before he goes to sleep."

"Slaves," King Sombra said, trying and falling to throw the monkey off," I plead with you to help your beloved king." The downed king looked desperately at his servant for help. She also trotted away in disgust, but not before lightly bucking the king and farting in his face.

"Buck you, Sombra," the servant said tiredly, before leaving the balcony.

The sounds of the Crystal Empire were filled with shrieks of joy from the freed ponies, the wail of a heroic monkey, and pitiful cries of a defeated king.