NONE OF IT MATTERS

Adam Wingard burst into the compound while Applejack was busy mining ores with a wooden pickaxe.

“I’m here to kick ass and produce good but generally misunderstood reimaginings of beloved properties! And I’m all outta money from Netflix!” he said while cocking his shotgun.

He then blew the fuck out of a unicorn supremacist.

“Wait!” screamed one of the unicorn supremacists “What about freedom of speech?”

Adam laughed.

“You can still criticise someone under freedom of speech. It isn’t freedom from criticism. You’re free to speak to my shotgun, BITCH!” he screamed.

The unicorn supremacist’s head was reduced to a red mist. Adam was then immediately subdued. While Minecraft Steve was looking away, Applejack bucked him into a chasm and ran off.

Rian Johnson then ran up and passionately kissed Applejack. They then had consensual intercourse. Adam Wingard (who was now a pony) shot Applejack’s legs off.

“I... always loved you, Adam.” she said “I just never thought you would accept me,”

“So wait, hold on, I’m just second place? You chose me not because you loved me but simply to validate yourself and boost your flimsy self-worth?” asked a shocked Rian.

“Pretty much, yeah,” said Applejack.

Adam and Rian then applied pressure to her gaping wounds.

“Help! Help!” cried Rian into a burner phone “Applejack is mortally wounded!”

Luna then bombarded the CoUS settlement with white phosphorous. Everyone died horribly and their insides inverted.

“Brilliant job, Luna!” cried Celestia.

Luna chewed on a Mars Bar and stared blankly at the destruction unfolding on her Nintendo Switch. It was far away and in black and white so it was hard to really care. Celestia then put her arm around Luna.

Luna emitted a weak “No,”

THE END