Pony Tries To Be Human... And Fails
Twilight looked back at her friends as they gave her encouraging words before taking a deep breath and diving through the portal. The next thing she saw was nothing but white and a swirl of rainbow, then suddenly black.
“Eh, what happened,” she mumbled as she shakily opened her eyes and was greeted to a ladybug walking on concrete. She continued to look around her environment, noticing that something felt off before looking down at herself and seeing that her front hooves now had several smaller appendages attached to them.
“AHHHHHHHHH!” she screamed as she began shaking the bizarre limbs away from her in hopes that they’d somehow go away. It was only then that she saw the rest of her new body as her mind began racing and she mumbled panicky, “Why the- why are my back hooves so long and have boots on them and…” she trailed off as she couldn’t fathom words for all the changes she had now undergone. Now starting to think that these things on her front hooves weren’t so bad comparatively she used them to feel around at the near hairless skin of her back legs, the odd fabric that now covered most of her, the weird squishy lumps on her barrel, and finally to her face at the now tiny muzzle and most horribly of all THE LACK OF A HORN!
Once again she screamed to the sky and looked around for one of her friends to help, but knowing none would be there as Celestia had told them that something bad would happen if she didn’t go alone and she knew that her friends wouldn’t want to make whatever she had to go through even harder. As she panicked even more she darted around trying to find something, ANYTHING, that could calm her down… and soon she did.
“Oh thank Celestia,” said Twilight as she saw just in front of what appeared to be a large castle were daffodil and daisy plants…. her favorite comfort food.
As she giddily trotted, struggling with the awkwardness of her “hooves”, she still wanted to call them even though she knew they were probably something else, now being different lengths before finally reaching her goal and stress eating the flowers away, not noticing the creatures now staring at her and giving her funny looks as they walked past.
Once the final flower was chomped down Twilight finally felt a bit of calm as she glanced around and noticed that the other creatures like her were all walking entirely on their back hooves, as she sighed saying, “Good thing I saw that before anyone noticed I didn’t look right,” still oblivious to the people snickering at her.
As Twilight shakily stood she began making her way to the door everyone else seemed to be going in, gripping the bar on the stairs to help support her. Thankfully a person with orange skin and blue hair was nice enough to hold it open for her so she didn’t have to try and use her front hooves to get it. She turned to him, at least she thought it was a him, to say thanks, only to then be pushed forward as more of these creatures came through the door.
Twilight once again panicked as the large crowd pushed her every which way and she began hyperventilating and sweating, both from being nervous and from the extreme heat that came from so many bodies being packed tightly together. As her vision darted around trying to figure out what to do she saw a nearby door swing open as someone exited and she quickly dove through before it could shut. She walked over to a counter as she placed her front hooves on it to catch her breath and she looked down at her sweaty form and how with no fur to separate her from the clothes they stuck to her in a way that felt plain awful. She tried to move them a bit to see if maybe adjusting them would make it feel better as she said, “Where the hay did these clothes come from anyway,” and as the adjustments made them simply feel worse she continued saying, “I should probably just take them off.”
It was at that point she looked up and noticed the mirror in front of her as the scientific part of her mind took hold and a smile crossed her face as she said, “Perfect! Now not only will I be more comfortable, but I can get a full look at this body and start to produce theories about what exactly these creatures are.”
She sat on the floor and gripped the boots as she said, “First things first, I want to be able to feel my hooves on the ground again.” After a bit of struggling she managed to get one boot off before turning to the other one and getting it off. She had a slight smile form as she glanced at her hooves only for any happiness at this accomplishment to melt away as she was greeted by the sight of fuchsia socks. “SERIOUSLY!” groaned Twilight as she struggled even more to get these off as the sweat had made them stick somewhat.
Finally she managed to get them off though and was greeted by nothing but skin as she smiled and analyzed what was before her. “Alright, so my back hooves seem to end in similar growths to my front hooves, only much shorter,” she then focused and flexed them slightly, “and with less dexterity, likely only used for balancing on non level terrain.”
She then stood back up, happy to have the familiar feeling of ground beneath her once again, before glancing in the mirror saying, “OK, what next…. I suppose the blouse since I can see the buttons and it looks fairly straight forward.”
She then got to work undoing the buttons and what appeared to be a thin bow tie at the top before taking it off and glancing at herself in the mirror… only to once again be annoyed as she said, “Seriously! First the socks, now whatever this thing is!” She looked in aggravation at what appeared to be two large pieces of fabric connected by thinner strips of fabric that seemed to serve no purpose other than covering up those squishy lumps on her barrel. As she began feeling around it in aggravation, trying to figure out how exactly to get it off for several moments, she became more and more frustrated at feeling no sort of button or zipper or anything! Finally in a fit of rage she gave up and pulled with all her might, causing a pair of unseen hooks to bend in the back and the garment to come off.
Twilight jerked for a moment at how sudden it was before smiling at what remained of the garment and tossed it to side as she returned the mirror. “Hmmm, honestly less impressive than I expected. The lumps look like the rest of my skin excluding these dark purple protrusions,” she said as she felt them and got a weird sense of deja-vu as she said, “Nipples! That’s what these are! Hmm, only two though? Then these lumps underneath must be the mammary glands and, assuming the portal didn’t also somehow impregnate me, given their size and my relative body type I’m likely some kind of primate.” She looked further down her barrel saying, “Beyond that all that’s really present is a naval, confirming that I’m a mammal at least… though I already could have guessed that.”
She then glanced down at her skirt noticing a zipper on the side of it, but didn’t get excited as she pulled it down saying sarcastically, “What’s this and BIG SURPRISE ANOTHER TINY PIECE OF CLOTHING BENEATH THE BIGGER PIECE OF CLOTHING! I mean what the heck portal, it’s hot as Celestia’s sun in this castle and you dress me like it’s Winter Wrap Up!” Thankfully the fabric had a bit of give so she was able to simply pull them down to the end of her back hooves and step out of it before returning to the mirror.
Upon looking she was instantly greeted too a small tuft of navy blue hair with dark purple and magenta highlights between her legs. “Oh good, I still have my tail… albeit in a slightly different place and WAY shorter!” she said as she felt it and briefly brushed against a part of herself that caused her to blush as she took her front hoof away saying, “On the plus side at least THAT is still behind my tail.”
She glanced at herself up in down in the mirror before deciding she had gotten all the details she could from the front as she turned around and craned her neck to get a look at the back as she said, “Alright, it looks like my Cutie Mark is gone too, though it did appear on that skirt so perhaps these creatures simply can’t earn them naturally and create symbols they believe fit them.” Any analytical thoughts where squashed though as she looked at and then felt her flank jiggle as she said, “And it looks like the diet I was on back home was a waste of time!”
As she removed her front hooves from the apparent fat on her flank she did a slight twirl looking for any more abnormalities, besides the ones she already knew about, as she said, “Looks like that’s about it… so right now it looks like I’m some sort of hairless primate. If there's time I’ll be sure to extract a blood sample before returning to Equestria to confirm all this… hopefully it doesn’t turn into pony blood as soon as I get there.”
Before she could comment on this further though she heard a loud bell ring before a nearby masculine voice began saying, “Yeah dude, I’ll be in class in a second, just gotta drain the lizard.”
The door then swung open as Twilight looked to see a man with purple skin, blue hair, glasses, a white and yellow jacket and gray pants stand in the doorway and stopped dead upon seeing her. The two simply stared at each other for a moment before Twilight tried to break the ice by smiling and waving at the man as she said, “Um hi, my name’s Twilight Sparkle.”
The man said nothing as he simply reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box which he then aimed at Twilight, causing a light to briefly emit from it, before he put it back in his pocket and calmly walked away before screaming, “DUDE YOU’RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE THIS!”
Twilight blinked at this in confusion before saying, “Hm, and I thought Pinkie Pie overreacted to meeting new creatures.” Twilight then glanced down at the pile of clothes she left on the floor saying, “Getting them back on would be too much of a hassle and I can’t afford to waste anymore time.” She then exited the room and went out into the empty hall as she said, “Besides, it’s too hot out here for clothes.”
Now that her impromptu biology lesson was over Twilight began walking down the hall… only to then remember she had no idea where she was going as she looked around for some sort of clue, before noticing a woman with pinkish purple skin and somewhat darker hair, a sunflower skirt, a brown vest, and white shirt looking at a clipboard.
“Um excuse me I think I’m a little lost? Can you help me?” said Twilight as she ran up to the woman.
The woman smiled as she said, “Of course, now where do you need to gooooo-” before trailing off as soon as she caught sight of Twilight.
The woman blushed as she thought, “Oh, this poor dear. She must of gotten locked in a gym room while changing and had to go out the window and is trying to get back to her clothes unseen.” She motioned to Twilight as she said, “OK quick, I’ll help you get back to the shower room unseen.”
“Huh,” said Twilight in confusion as she looked at her body and didn’t notice any dirt or anything on it, before looking back towards the woman.
The blush and embarrassment ended as she looked at the girls total obliviosness, and lack of any shame or embarrassment, as she said, “Um young lady… WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES!?”
“Oh, they were kind of dirty so I took them off, besides it’s ridiculously hot here so I figured I’d be more comfortable without them,” said Twilight.
“Uhhh, tell me about it,” said the woman as she seemed to forget what was going on for a moment. “The AC has been broken for weeks and we STILL haven’t gotten word about when it will be fixed. I have to carry antiperspirant in my purse and apply more in between classes to keep from staining my shirt.”
“Wow, maybe you should just take it off?” said Twilight trying to be helpful.
The woman chuckled before saying, “Yeah, maybe I should.” After a moment she remembered the situation though as she said, “WAIT A MINUTE NO! Don’t try to confuse me with your weird delinquent logic?”
“What?” said Twilight in confusion.
“JUST! Get in Principal Celestia’s office so she can deal with this,” said the now exasperated woman as she pointed to a nearby door.
Twilight didn’t notice her shift in mood though as she smiled with glee at hearing the name Celestia and ran to the door before calming herself as she knocked on it and, upon being greeted with a, “come in,” opened it and made a bow for the royal figure as she walked in.
Celestia didn’t look up from the file she held as she simply said, “How can I help you?”
“Oh you see I…” began Twilight before trailing off as she wasn’t sure what to say as she was sure this other Celestia was just as wise and kind as her own, it was still an odd situation to describe.
Celestia, not wanting to have her time wasted, finally looked up at the girl in frustration… only to have it turn into confusion and embarrassment at seeing the bare girl before her. She had a thought to the last time something like this happened, but decided to ignore it as she said, “OK, I see the problem, don’t worry sweetie these things happen in real life too not just anime, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” She then pulled out a small box similar to the one the man had earlier as she said, “Just wait right here while I call my sister to get you some spare clothes.”
“Oh, no thanks I’m fine,” said Twilight.
“I’m sorry what?” replied Celestia.
“I said no thanks, it’s a little hot in this place… speaking of which why is everyone I’ve seen here wearing clothes?” asked Twilight as she suddenly felt confused at the fact that others felt the heat but weren’t doing anything about it.
“Well um… you kind of need to wear them here at Canterlot High,” said Celestia as her confusion mounted.
“Ohhhh, this is a school… OF COURSE IT’S A SCHOOL,” said Twilight catching herself before she said something that made her seem out of place. “And you have a dress code,” she said as she remembered a hoof full of academies that required stallions to wear jackets and mares to wear dresses. “Sorry, where I’m from that’s not the case.”
“I see,” said Celestia as she mentally groaned thinking, “Did this girl walk out of a cheesy teen movie or something? I’ve heard of liberal schools in other parts of the world but nothing like THIS!”
“So where are you from, exactly?” asked Celestia.
Twilight thought of a number of things she could say but after looking this woman in the eyes, she remembered how her own Celestia had told her she could always tell her the truth no matter what and decided she should do the same with this Celestia. She sighed before saying, “I’m also from Canterlot, just not this Canterlot.”
“I’m sorry what?” said Celestia flatly as she slowly reached for the rectangle again, now realizing this was just like the previous incident.
“You see… my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m from another world called Equestria.”
Celestia paused before flatly saying, “I see… one moment please,” before bringing the rectangle to her face and whispering, “It’s Celestia, we got another one in my office…. OK.” She then put the rectangle away and turned back to Twilight with an odd smile as she said, “So tell me about this Equestria.”
“Well it seems similar to this world but instead of hairless primates like you and everyone else I’ve seen, the society is made up, mostly, of ponies,” said Twilight as she smiled as it appeared that this Celestia was going to help her.
“Ponies… hm,” said Celestia.
“Yes, and I was a pony but when I came into your world I was turned into whatever you all are,” said Twilight.
“Humans,” added Celestia.
“Right thanks, I was turned into a human,” said Twilight grinning at finally having the knowledge of what she was.
Celestia awkwardly smiled back at the girl, careful to only look her in the eyes, as she said, “So why have you come to our world?”
“Well that’s why I need your help, you see back in my world I have a magic crown and a pony named Sunset Shimmer stole it and brought it here,” said Twilight.
“Oh… Sunset’s a pony too?” asked Celestia.
“Yes, in fact she was your student… well not YOUR student since she’s your student now. She was a student of the other you back in my world,” said Twilight.
“So then…. how do you know the other me?” said Celestia.
“Oh, I became your student after Sunset left and well… this next part is sort of embarrassing,” said Twilight as she scratched her head blushing.
“Something about this should be,” mumbled Celestia as she tried to ignore parts of Twilight that moved with her arm.
“The other you sort of made me a princess recently,” said Twilight, still not used to her new title.
“So that’s why you were given a magic crown,” said Celestia.
“Yes EXACTLY!” said Twilight as she stood up placing her front hooves on Celestia’s desk in excitement. “Well ... sort of, I technically got it a while back but because of the destiny the other you had saw-”
Celestia didn’t hear much else as she was avoiding looking at what was now hanging in front of her face and finally saw what she had been waiting for as she smiled and two men in white coats entered the room.
She stood up and grabbed Twilight’s shoulders, as she gestured the girl to the men saying, “Thank you for telling me all this princess, but I’m sure these men will be able to help you better than I can.”
Twilight looked at the men wearing white coats that reminded her of the white fur of the stallions she saw patrolling the castle back home as she said, “Oh are these your royal guards?”
“Royal what?” said the younger man confused.
Celestia simply gave a look that said, “Play along so I can get this naked weirdo out of here!” before smiling at Twilight saying, “Yes they are princess, and I’m sure they can lead a search party to find your crown.”
The older man, having more experience with this kind of thing, approached her as he reached into his pocket saying, “Yes princess we’d be more than happy to help you look for this crown, but first would you like some candy?” He then pulled a small red object out of his pocket gesturing it to Twilight.
Slightly weirded out by this, Twilight shrugged before taking it saying, “Sure, I ran out of flowers to stress eat so I can use whatever,” before popping it in her mouth and suddenly collapsing on the floor.
The older man took off his coat and wrapped it around Twilight as he picked her up and looked at his younger coworker saying, “Lesson one rookie, if a patient tries to give you a role, play along.”
“R-right,” said the younger man who was still getting used to all this.
“Thanks for coming so quickly guys,” said Celestia relieved that this was about to be over.
The older man made sure his grip on Twilight was secure before turning to Celestia saying, “You mean thanks for coming AGAIN! As this isn’t the first time something like this has happened at this school.”
“Yes but that was almost three years ago, and I can assure you that Sunset hasn’t had any sort of relapse since you fine men helped her,” said Celestia.
“Well… just cut back on the homework or something so these students aren’t so stressed,” said the man as he started walking away.
“Mmm, crown. Gotta get crown,” mumbled Twilight in his arms.
“OH!” said Celestia before reaching into her desk and pulling out Twilight’s crown, “You can give her this when she wakes up, it’s a cheap plastic crown I got from the dollar store for the Fall Formal, I can just pick up another one later.”
“Thanks,” said the younger man as he followed his partner out the door.
The next night.
“And that’s how I ended up here,” said Twilight as she sat in the mess hall talking to her new friends.
“So.. you where a pony princess?” said Raven, a girl who thought her father was a demon, blushing.
“Jeez kid, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, but I want some,” said Harley, a girl who had developed stockholm syndrome for a clown who had kidnapped her.
“Haha, very funny,” said Twilight sarcastically as she was used to these kinds of comments at this point.
“So what are you gonna do now?” asked Raven.
Twilight sighed as she touched the metal object on her head saying, “Well I got my crown back… but it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to go home anytime soon. I guess I’ll have to wait the thirty moons then.”
“You should be able to qualify for day passes to get supervised trips out of here by then,” said Raven.
“Just be careful not to bite your supervisor even if they say annoying things like, ‘Harley you can’t bring a mallet into Subway,’ because then they take your day passes away,” said Harley pouting.
Twilight giggled at the girls antics as she said, “Well I guess I’ll head back to my room for now.” She stood up and started walking away saying, “Sweet Celestia! It’s hot in here,” before reaching for the bottom of the white t shirt they gave her.
“HEY PATIENT 81! Keep it on until you get back to your room,” said a nearby guard.
“FINE! But you guys seriously need to fix the AC soon,” said Twilight as she continued walking and mumbled, “Atleast with all these guards around Sunset can’t get her hooves on the crown.”
Meanwhile at the Fall Formal.
“AND THE WINNER OF THE FALL FORMAL PRINCESS CROWN IS….. SUNSET SHIMMER!” said Celestia as she clapped for her.
Sunset began approaching the stage, glaring at the students to make them clap too. She approached the crown thinking, “YES YES! AT SWEET LAST I CAN TURN THESE FOOLS INTO MY PUPPETS AND BEAT CELESTIA!”
As Sunset reached her, Principal Celestia put the crown above her head saying, “You’ve earned this.”
“If only my Celestia had said that she wouldn’t have to face what’s coming,” thought Sunset as the crown slowly lowered onto her head and she smiled smugly.
Once the crown finally touched her head she let out an evil laugh, confusing everyone around her, before thinking, “Wait…. I don’t feel different… maybe it’s like a subtle feeling.”
She then turned to the audience before her saying, “NOW BOW TO YOUR NEW QUEEN!”
This resulted in everyone looking confused as Celestia said, “Um… Sunset you’re the princess… not a queen.”
“Silence you fool, you and your entire pathetic species will bow to my infinite wisdom and power and help me subjugate not only this world, but ALL WORLDS!” said Sunset as she let out another laugh and started waving her hands at the crowd as if she expected some kind of magical beam to come out.
“I see,” said Celestia as she slowly backed away and pulled out her phone saying, “Yeah it’s me again…. I guess I spoke too soon about Sunset not having a relapse.”
Author's Note
Partially inspired by this picture 
Thank you too Zeninji for making it, check them out on derpribooru.org
Anyway... I decided to write this story because well... whenever I rewatched the movie I thought "Twilight would have been screwed without Spike" and I haven't seen anyone else write about that. I realize it's different from what I usually write but I wanted to try it and see how it went (I hope well)
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you liked it, any constructive criticism is welcome, have a great day
