Hyrulequestria

Ch.81

[The Hero]

“That was an unnecessarily vague and difficult puzzle.” Shining huffed as the horned lion/tiger/bull centauress trotted across the ice bridge to the partially risen Temple of Gojira. Shining was thankfully a genius when it came to solving unusual puzzles, which was a part of his training.

He looked at various conspicuously placed target-like icons on various rocks, a circle of stones more-or-less the same distance from all of them, and the ice floes on the water before figuring he’d just shoot them all from the circle of stones.

“I can’t believe you even noticed that,” Tirek commented in awe as they trotted across the bridge of assembled ice floes. “Also our fan club is masturbating now.” Tirek looked up to the group of monsters on the ‘cliffs’ above. “We don’t even have our huge tits and muscles right now, and we’ve still got it, babe. Should we get swole and-?”

“Hello!” A voice yelled and they jolted in their turn to see a golden rabbit man with glowing red eyes waving at them. “Are you my current incarnation? I’m from a timeline where I got stuck here. There’s a weird room in the temple that is parallel to the temple of time in the Overworld!”

“Um...that’s nice, but that’s the last place we need to be right now. We need to get back to Tartarus to rescue Zelda, Navi, and the rest.” Shining/Tirek replied to the disturbing person.

“OH! I’m a great guide! I’ve been here Forever~.” The Bunnyman explained as his eyes grew bigger and a black, his gold fur turning purple.

“Um, that’s great. So long as you-.”

“YAY~! Onward sexy steed!” The bunnyman hopped onto their tauric back, hand on a shoulder, and pointing onward with enthusiasm. “We’ll make evil rue the day it dared stand before Loafus and-who are you?”

“Tirek-Shining Armor.” The fused duo bemusedly introduced themselves.

“Tirek’s Shining Armor! Let’s go!” He giddily cheered, bouncing on their padded back and gripping their shoulders excitedly.

“Should we trust this guy?” They both asked in their head.

---]===>

Hours later, after traversing the upper levels of the temple, which was not flooded like the lower levels, Loafus had proven to be both an irritation, and a boon. He spotted some traps that Shining had missed before they could catch them, and he also had a disturbing skill with spotting rupees. Why was this place full of these tiny perfectly cut gems?

Then there was the pot smashing. Gratuitous pot smashing. Shining couldn’t resist and neither could Tirek in joining in when they came upon a storage room full of nothing but pots.

“Oh~! Big chest! Big Chest! Gojira may have blessed it!” Loafus cheered, hopping off of the lion/cow and rushing over the chest which started glowing a deep sickly green.

“I don’t trust that…” Shining winced, backing away as Loafus opened the chest, then began screaming in unknowable terror as he rapidly turned into a dynalfos. His golden fur turning into white scales with swirls of purple, eyes going pure red, markings of rupees on his back. He looked slightly like Shining’s original body, why is he sexy now?

Tirek stop staring at my ancestor’s butt! No! He’s as sexy as you now! Even if he’s a dino! I want his dick! You’re wearing me right now! His cock is as big as yours and he’s so sexy shining! NO MEANS NO TIREK! HMPH!

“Yay! New form! I was getting so bored of the last one! Oh! And it had this big shiny thing in there too!” Loafus turned around, holding up an unreasonably huge blue pearl. It was big enough to be a crystal ball. “But it’s not rupees, so I don’t need it! Here!” Loafus tossed it at the hero, who gasped upon catching it, but nothing else seemed to happen.

“I...guess this is the Moon Pearl? Great, I guess. How does this help us get back?” Shining/Tirek asked, trying to cram it into the satchel, but it was too big to fit, so in a huff, Tirek began absorbing the ambient magic of Dark World by breathing it in and swallowing, and their bosom began swelling out. Once the size of basketballs, they pulled the top of the armor open enough to shove the Moon Pearl into storage. “There, that’s better. So, Loafus, do you know of any portals to Hyrule?”

“If I knew that, do you think I’d have been staying in this hellhole?” Loafus huffed, some of his manic persona seeming to calm down now that he wasn’t a bunny.

“Hahahah~!” A voice chuckled as bells jiggled about.

“Oh, a Poe! Let’s kill it!” Loafus said while drooling as his eyes widened again and turned black.

“Wait! That sounds like a smaller, quieter Jalhalla! Maybe if we can catch it, we can convince it to help us get back!” Tirek declared excitedly, galloping out of the treasure room.

“Or we could follow it to Mr. Poe-Poe.” Loafus cheerfully suggested.

“Who is Poe-Poe?” Tirek/Shining asked as they rounded the corner out of the door, and screamed in unimaginable horror at the sight of soulless eyes on a black featureless ghost.

“Hi~! Mr. Poe-Poe heard someone talkin’ ‘bout him.” The ghost declared in an ominous tone, causing Tirek and Shining to raise their hands in surrender as said ghost held up a lantern towards them threateningly.

“Nope! Not a thing! Just need help getting back to Hyrule after Jalhalla dumped us off here!” Tirek/Shining squeaked uneasily as those soulless eyes move closer.

“Oh! That bitch! She owes me 20 rupees. Tell you what. Mr. Poe-Poe will help you, but you need to scratch Poe-Poe’s back too.” The ghost leaned in even closer, causing Tirek/Shining to bend their humanoid torso backwards onto their bovine half in fear. “Poe-Poe cannot get to Hyrule without something from there. Since you’re from there and even have the Moon Pearl, Poe-Poe can do it, but you must bring Poe-Poe with you.”

“Oo~! Devil Deal~!” Loafus cheered, Mr. Poe-Poe unflinchingly staring directly into the Hero’s eyes at close range.

“O-okay? It’s not like you’ll be any real danger to Hyrule, right?” Tirek/Shining reasoned, and suddenly instead of freezing cold temple halls, they were plummeting towards a lake of lava! “AH~! Oh, wait! I’m immune to intense heat! So we should be okay!”

“WEE~! Certain death~!” Loafus crowed from his place in the freefall next to the fused Hero while Mr. Poe-Poe floated in the sky.

“...Ha, ha, ha. Hu, ha, ha, ha! Ah, ha, ha, ha! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HAH~!” Mr. Poe-Poe’s haunting laughter echoed on the wind as he vanished.

“Okay, so we should be lava-proof! I don’t think it’ll be comfortable, not by a long shot, but we shouldn’t die!” Tirek fretted, trying to bank on her heat immunity to extend to the intensities of lava. However, any concerns there were erased by a transparent magic barrier catching the two on contact with the surface of the lava, and bouncing them back into the air. “THE HECK?!”

“WEE~!” Loafus cheered again.

---]===>

“Whatever that barrier is, thank gosh. I don’t know for sure if I’m lava-proof.” Tirek huffed as she made it to shore next to the entrance of the Tartarus Bastille, having had to bounce the whole way on the trampoline-like barrier. Loafus had completely ignored them and kept bouncing on the barrier, so they just left the crazy dynalfos be. “Now then, let’s get back inside.”

Tirek/Shining opened the massive black iron doors again, and instead of going left up the stairs right away, went right to the armory and security office. “Y’know Tirek, this would’ve been a smart first stop the first time around.”

“Bite me Shiny. No, really, I want you to bite me for forgetting this.” Tirek muttered to herself in frustration as she rifled through the armory and office until she held up a keyring. “Nice! Let’s free some folks!” Tirek crowed and hurried out of the office, back up the stairs, and almost barreled into a couple of patrolling Iron Waifus. “Oh! Sorry ladies! Keep up the good work!”

“Acknowledged!” They chirped back. They seemed more emotive than before.

“Sorry, it took so long, guys! I got the keys!” Shining/Tirek proclaimed upon reaching the cell holding Daphnes and his crew, trying key after key on the ring.

“Huh? Who are you?” Daphnes wearily asked of them, and they blinked in bemusement before remembering Tirek isn’t purely a bovine anymore, and she ran a hand through her black mane.

“Yeah, things went south pretty quick upstairs. It’s us, Tirek and Shining Armor. We got beaten and thrown into the Dark World. For some reason, Tirek turned into something called a Lynel.” They explained shortly, finally finding the right key, and opening up the cell. “There you go! Hey ladies! Can a couple of you cuties escort these innocent men back out to Hyrule?”

“Affirmative!” A few Iron Waifus happily hurried to comply. “This way! We’ll protect you!”

“If I knew what species you girls were, I’d consider you the prettiest things right now.” Daphnes weakly muttered, leading his men out of the cell and to freedom.

This was pretty much how the rest of the dignitaries who came with the world leaders reacted to being freed. However, thankfully, before Tirek/Shining could go too far and free actual felons, a bokoblin had been passing by, talking to an Iron Waifu, and informed them that the cell they were trying to open at the time was full of child molesters, getting a furious fire-flecked snarl from the centauress, who then left them to rot.

“Oh, even I want to kill those guys.” Loafus chuckled, having appeared suddenly. “Also found this mask.” He chuckled while holding up Majora who somehow looked confused.

“How?!” Shining/Tirek asked in shock and fear.

“He floated near me with this girlish mask and I bashed him with a stick,” Loafus told them before throwing Majora away like trash, the demon mask vanishing quickly. “I was also happy to see Gojira!”

“Whatever. Look, can you at least not get in the way? We’re going to be dealing with a scary dangerous enemy up ahead, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Shining Armor insisted.

“Can I open my shop?” Loafus asked them with a smile. “Or I can train you later~!”

“Sure, just do it in the Everfree where it’s-and he’s gone.” Tirek/Shining sighed and rubbed the base of her horns at seeing the scary guy just vanish like a ghost. “We need to get Navi back.” The hero and his lover said as they continued on, and sighed at the sight of the still ongoing orgy Ember and Spike were in, if now in open cells instead of in the hall.

---]===>

“Please open the bottle! I gotta go!” I whined as I squirmed, hands over my crotch. I haven’t had to pee in over a year now, and I didn’t miss the urge to go! I’d take off Volvagia, but it’s still way too hot for me! I’m a slime, not a flesh-and-bone creature~! “Volvagia what did you drink?!”

“Lava, water, fourteen gallons of blood wine, and martini before you had Mitzi take me off.” Volvagia sheepishly admitted, as she too was suffering this incredible need to urinate.

“We’re gonna have a talk about your drinking problem later~! Ah! It hurts~!” I wailed and whimpered.

“We’re trying,love!” Luna despaired as she pulled and pulled on the cork, trying to dislodge it. They’ve tried smashing the bottle, uncorking it, even using one of the two sister’s horns to try and pierce the cork stopper, but nothing was working!

“Why can’t we open this?!” Celestia growled.

“Hi~.” A creepy voice lilted as everyone stood on edge. “I’m looking for my bitches.”

“Oh no. Not you! We banished you to the Dark World!” Zelda bemoaned as in the cell with them was a featureless ghost, with the only parts of him not solid pitch black were his soulless eyes and red lips as well as his hands, one holding up a lantern.

“~Aw~ Hylia, why so sad.” He said in a sarcastic tone. “Oh, I know. It must be that mortal flesh you have stretched over your bones. I could relieve some of that pressure if you’d like.”

“I’m just fine, no thank you.” Zelda suddenly paled, her white fur somehow getting whiter.

“Mother, who is this?” Luna asked as I felt Farore take over.

“Hello, Mr. Poe-Poe. If you would be so kind as to open this bottle, I’ll procure some pot for you.” Farore spoke through mine and Volvagia’s lips, only some of our body’s straining bladder leaking into her tone.

“Pots of what?” The spooky black ghost asked his tone just as menacingly jovial.

“Pot.” Farore declared, and suddenly the bottle was floating in the air.

“Pleasure doing business.” The bottle was suddenly held in a black mass before popping open and We were dropped onto the floor. “There, now, I’ll look for new Bitches, but I’ll keep in touch. Bye~!” Mr. Poe-Poe said as he vanished leaving a map with an X on it with the words ‘deliver here.’

“Did you seriously bargain with him using cannabis you haven’t even grown yet?” Zelda demanded of Farore in astonishment, only for me to take over, and fly to the corner, creating a cloud of fairy dust, and sighing in relief as I used the privacy to relieve myself, the dust glowing from the bright glowing blue pee. “Ah, right.”

[The Hero]

“Okay, this time. This time we’re ready!” Shining/Tirek declared, Biggoron sword in their right hand, Hylian Shield on their left. Tirek had taken the time to milk herself back down and was spooked by the black liquid her breasts created from Dark World magic, but after it was out she was left with normal white milk. Anyway, they were lithe and nimble, and ready to fight!

They charged through the door into the floor where they had found the Resplendent Knuckle before and found the floor completely empty. Relieved, yet wary, Tirek/Shining continued to the doors at the end of this floor, using the master key ring to unlock the door. “Okay, up ahead is where things get tricky Shining.”

“Huh?” Shining asked as they suddenly had to account for much bigger stairs. It was as if they were getting smaller and smaller. “What the hell is going on?”

“Remember I said before that my size-changing powers will be useful here? I wasn’t kidding. The Tartarus Bastille has size-altering magic practically threaded into the Veil for the whole place. Prisoners of average size get the first two floors, of petite size, get the third and fourth floors, the fifth and sixth floors are for giants.” Tirek declared as they reached the top of the nearly-as-tall-as-them steps, having had to jump at this point, to doors as big as the front gates of Tartarus.

“Uh, fuck, how would you escape this place?” Shining asked. “In fact, how could the giants get in here?”

“You don’t. The whole place, from the entrance gates, is one giant complex size-adjusting dimensional mess. Giants are normal-sized upon entering the front gates, small folk are average size. They remain that way until they reach the floor where their natural size is acceptable and can be contained. That said, this place is only like this on the inside.” Tirek declared as they approached the monstrous gates.

“This is just weird.” Shining groaned and sighed with resignation. “Okay then...let’s get big.”

“Sorry if you’re uncomfortable with hyper-size breasts Shiny.” Tirek apologized, then began breathing in, the air concentrating in various colors of magic as she ate, her body rapidly growing. It took a while, Tirek having to pause to catch her breath, before finishing at a size they couldn’t make comparisons with since the place was genuinely made for giants. That said, it looked ‘normal’ to them by the point Tirek stopped with tits the size of yoga balls. “Oof…”

“They’re so...full~...” Shining moaned, groping the sides of her breasts, but Tirek made her stop. “R-right. No enjoying this Shiny, you’re male anyway.”

“It’s okay Shining, we’re almost to the top of the prison.” Tirek chuckled as she fiddled with the keys that changed size on approach with the keyhole and unlocked the doors, readying their weapons again which had magically matched their scale. It was rather daunting to see various elemental monstrosities. There were clearly violent and unintelligent fire, ice, and storm giants in the cells, pounding against their impervious containers in mindless rage at their mere presence. “That said, the higher we go, the more dangerous inmates we’ll find.”

“These things are giants?” Shining asked, feeling a bit baffled since they were nearly the same height as the hulking beasts. “Why are they imprisoned instead of executed? They don’t seem smart enough to add two and two together.”

“Because if you destroy an elemental giant, it’ll just be reborn from the lands it arose. It’s best to keep them locked up forever where they can’t hurt anybody.” Tirek snorted, then wrinkled her nose. “Ugh, I’m not used to having a cat face. Snorting feels weird now, and my nose ring isn’t exactly fitting right with these triangle-shaped nostrils.”

“Well, if anything Tirek, being a Lynel suits you,” Shining commented, pausing next to a raging ice giant to appreciate Tirek’s beautiful face in its mirror-like broad chest. “You were pretty before, but now you’ve got such a regal appearance on top of it.”

“Aw, shut it you dork.” Tirek affectionately snarked before continuing down the hall. There were no monsters besides the ones behind bars here. There’s no way any average Dark World minion would be big enough to even get through here, so that begged the question of how they got past these two floors to reach the VIP isolation cells on the top floor and roof of the prison.

The sixth floor was much the same as the fifth, but there were enormous dragons sleeping their sentences away instead. “Okay, Shining. We’re about to head up to the VIP floor. That was where I was held. Each cell is its own unique biome unto itself to accommodate its occupant. Both in size, and the simulated environment that would torment the prisoner the most.”

“What was your cell like?” Shining asked in concern as they unlocked the doors leading into the Seventh Floor.

“It was a barren unending landscape of stone. Nothing. Nobody. No magic. No life. I wanted to die.” Tirek replied with a haunted tone to her voice. “I only escaped because a massive magic surge gave me the strength to find the seals of my cell, devour their energy, and then I managed to crawl to the roof, jumping into that lava barrier in desperation. Back then I wasn’t sure how I survived, figuring death was an okay alternative to being caught.”

The moment they entered the VIP floor, the difference from the other floors could be felt. It was like there was a monumental weight pressing down on their shoulders and tauric back. They grunted and muscled through it, but constantly had to resist falling to their bovine knees. Each cell was seemingly empty save an emissive light that wafted through the bars like smoke, each light a different color.

“Welcome to Hyrule’s Hell Shiny…”