what

“Ungh!”

The last of those four-legged things smashed against the wall with a sickening crack, leaving behind a stain as it slid to the firm granite floor. Twilight winced, shrugging her shoulders to get rid of the soreness in her spine.

“Ohhhh, good lord…”

She panted from exhaustion, squinting into the darkness to see if there were any more of those things coming for her.

She didn’t see any.

But that didn’t mean much.

Gagging on the smell of burnt flesh and rot, she forced herself to move past the prone forms on the ground.

Oh god… they’re zombies, but… what if they’re real people that I-

Trying not to vomit, she trudged deeper into the tower. Sunset hadn’t been very specific about where she had hidden- sure, she’d mentioned a vent at some point, but the library itself remained elusive.

Damn.

After another half an hour of stumbling around in the darkness, she happened upon a large double-door. When she attempted to open it, it gave way but then stopped immediately. Apparently, there was something behind the doors… blocking them from opening.

Something like a heavy bookcase, perhaps.

“Yeah!” she exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.

She’d found it.

A scream echoed from down the hall, followed by the quick pattering of feet and hands on a slightly damp floor.

In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have yelled.

Levitating the bookshelf Sunset had placed in front of the door out of the way, she pushed the door open and darted inside, closing it and replacing the barricade as quickly as possible.

A few seconds of silence, in which Twilight took the time to catch her breath, and see if any of the creatures managed to get through.

They didn’t.

“Yeah!” she cheered, much more softly.

Confident in the impermeability of the door, she turned around almost on autopilot, ready to continue her search-

And stopped.

The smell of old leather filled her lungs, the sharp scent snapping her back into the now. Old bookshelves tastefully decorated with carvings of vines and leaves sagged under the weight of thousands of books, the stacks extending far into the darkness. Periodically, there were light orbs suspended on antique iron wreaths, illuminating the alleys but also leaving areas of dark.

It was…

“Heaven.”

The word escaped from her mouth before she even thought about it.

And then she was off, practically flying through the labyrinth, hair and cloak fluttering behind her as she moved. The grin on her face was positively cartoonish, but she didn’t care about any of that. Even her goal in coming here was completely forgotten.

“Gasp! An Anthology of the Lesser Griffin Tribes of Scandinavia? I thought all copies had been destroyed! And The Trials and Tribulations of Writing a Memoir when there’s a bee trapped in your office and you try to open the window but it still won’t fly away so you just have to deal with it but it’s very annoying so you write a book about how annoying it is by I. Hei Tubis? Incredible!”

She flittered from shelf to shelf not unlike the aforementioned bee, though with considerably less buzzing and considerably more fawning. Indeed, if this library had still had a librarian, Twilight would’ve been escorted out for gasping too loudly.

Among other things.

“I’ll have you,” she slipped a massive, dusty tome into her saddlebags and grunted as the weight almost pulled her to the ground, “and you,” she grabbed a small paperback with the words ‘Twilight: New Moon” emblazoned across the spine, “and you!”

The excitable young girl pranced happily into another aisle, as though a small child left alone in a candy store. She turned a corner-

-and almost had a heart attack.

Just beyond the next bookshelf, in the annoying slice of darkness between two light orbs, stood an imposing tower of pure evil, grumbling as it flipped through the pages of some old book.

And as she watched it, she felt its luminescent eyes look up from the book it was reading… and bore right into her soul.

It stepped forward.

She gasped, taking in the creature in the slightly better light. Blood-orange eyes, leathery bat wings that towered far above either of their heads, and limbs that definitely weren’t made of skin. And it was thin…

…it wasn’t human. Oh god, it was going to kill her. It would kill her, and she would die, and Celestia would hate her forever for organizing this expedition behind her back, and-

As the creature took another step forward, Twilight found her curiosity and her fear battling it out. Eventually, they reached an unsteady truce, and as the beast took yet another step, Twilight felt her mouth fall open.

“…what are you?” she asked, reeling back in horror.

The creature blinked.

“Excuse you, fuckin bitch.”

Twilight paused.

“What?”

The creature scoffed, setting aside its books. “That was rude. Didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

Twilight spluttered as the creature stepped fully into the light, revealing itself to be… basically just a weird looking human. Sure, the wings were a bit freaky, it looked a bit malnourished, and the arms were really odd… but apart from that, it just looked like a burned-out student who’d tried (and failed) to revise the course material the night before a final exam.

“I’m still waiting on that apology.” the thing said, crossing its arms as it tapped the ground with its foot.

Twilight shook her head, stopping her train of thought. “Alright, I’m sorry. That was rude of me.”

The creature grinned, revealing its unnaturally sharp canines. “That’s great! I knew you weren’t brought up in a barn. Now…”

It stepped even closer, grabbing Twilight’s face and inspecting it from all angles. Twilight tried to bat its arms away, but after a strategic poke to a nerve cluster, she realised that resistance was futile. Eventually, the creature lifted her cheeks to get a good look at her gums and teeth.

“…you seem healthy.” it concluded, stepping back into the darkness. “And naïve. So, you’re probably not here for the necromancy spells.”

“Wait, there are NECROMANCY-”

“Ssssshhhh…” the creature pushed her finger against Twilight’s lips.

“But-”

“SSSSSSSHHHHHHHH….” the pressure on her lips increased, until the creature apparently decided Twilight wasn’t going to say anything else. “Now, who are you?”

Twilight puffed up her chest, feeling a distinct sense of accomplishment as she introduced herself.

“Twilight Sparkle, head librarian of the library in Ponyville, one of the bearers of the elements of harmony, and personal student of Princess Celestia.”

The creature opened its mouth to respond, presumably about to berate the newcomer or flaunt its own accomplishments, and then halted with all the grace of someone smashing headfirst into a ‘pull’ door.

“Well, I- wait, WHAT!- no, it- why?- I don’t- I see-”

The thing closed its eyes, massaging its temples as it muttered angrily under its breath. Sure, it was probably thinking up new and interesting ways it could kill Twilight, but at the moment… she couldn’t bring herself to care.

It was fascinating!

“Are those bat wings?” Twilight asked.

The creature took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then nodded.

“And what happened to your arms?”

The creature looked down at its appendages, and shrugged.

“Magic.”

“Oh!” Twilight grinned, suddenly finding herself back in her element. “I’m actually an expert on magic!”

The creature’s grin widened, one eye twitching sporadically, and all of Twilight’s instincts told her to run as far as you can as fast as you can please I beg of you.

“Not this kind of magic.” she growled through clenched teeth. “I’m certain Celestia made sure of that.”

“Wait, how do you know about Celestia?”

The thing sighed. “That is… a long and complicated story.”

Twilight shook her head in sudden realisation. “Oh, wait! You’re probably friends with Sunset Shimmer!”

The creature stared at her.

“…what?”

“You’re probably friends with Sunset Shimmer!” Twilight continued, unaware of the problems her sunny disposition was causing. “You see, I found this journal and it told me I’d find Sunset Shimmer here!”

She sided up to the creature in a move she probably thought was suave and inconspicuous. “So go on… tell me where she is and how you guys met, and… maybe I can be friends with both of you!”

The creature, rather rudely, burst into laughter.

“Wai-”

The laughter became even louder.

“Come on-”

The creature paid her no heed, instead electing to keep on laughing. Sighing, Twilight decided to wait it out.

Let it never be said I am not patient. she thought, observing as the creature slapped its knee.

Eventually, gasping for air, the creature stopped laughing. At this point, it was bent over almost double trying to keep the giggles in.

Twilight decided that this was her best shot.

“So… are you familiar with Sunset Shimmer?”

The creature snorted, and Twilight found her temper rising.

“Hey, why don’t you try being helpful?”

“Oh, darling!” the creature cried out, wheezing with laughter. “You’re looking for Sunset Shimmer?”

“Yes.” she responded adamantly.

“Honey, you’re looking at her.”

And Twilight’s brain, running on adrenaline as it was, decided it had had enough for one day.

So she passed out.

Twilight was playing chess against Spike.

“Oh!” she said in immediate realization, taking in her fuzzy surroundings and Spike’s blurry form across the crystalline chessboard. “It’s a dream!”

For a split second, she let a sense of pride and accomplishment fill her. She had correctly identified a scenario as a dream almost immediately! Usually, it took much longer than that.

Maybe she was better at lucid dreaming than she thought-

“No shit, sherlock!”

Twilight jumped at hearing the abrasive voice, a newcomer to her mind.

Sunset Shimmer heaved out of the fog surrounding them, picked Spike up, and placed him off to the side; taking his place across from her. The dragon was more of a placeholder or a statue than her faithful assistant in this dream, so he didn’t object. Casually placing her chin on her weird holey hand, the… girl… considered the chessboard.

“…hello?” Twilight asked, rather nervous. This dream itself wasn’t really a dream- it was a self-defence mechanism Luna had taught her for when she lost consciousness unexpectedly. And Sunset…wasn’t supposed to be here.

“This is clever, you know.” Sunset mentioned, picking up a pawn and moving it two paces forward. “Set up a game of chess against someone you’d never play chess with in real life… boom, instant lucid dream.”

“…I agree.” Twilight responded, moving her own pawn two spaces forward and blocking her opponent’s from moving any further. “Though I don’t mean to be a braggart… I did learn from the best.”

“Princess Luna, I presume?” Sunset asked, moving her knight over so it could take her opponent’s pawn on her next move.

Twilight was silent for a long second.

“…Princess Celestia told me a lot about you.”

Sunset grinned, fangs- for Twilight recognised those unnaturally sharp canines as fangs now- glinting in the indistinct light.

“Any of it good?”

“Not really.” Twilight moved her own knight to back up her pawn- if her opponent took her pawn, she’d take her opponent’s knight.

The creature sighed, unfurling one of her wings lazily as she moved her bishop to the same column as Twilight’s knight. “That’s fair, I suppose. Still, you must’ve found something fascinating about me- otherwise you wouldn’t be out here.”

Twilight frowned, taking in the board.

“…I find a lot of things interesting about you, Sunset. And not just physically.”

Sunset battered her eyes seductively. “I didn’t know you swung that way, Twilight.”

What?

“I- I didn’t- I was talking about your wings-”

The creature giggled into her hand, waving the student’s concerns off. “Oh, relax! That was just a bit of fun. Though for the record, I do swing that way.”

Twilight frowned, recognizing what Sunset was saying as a dirty ploy to get her mind off the game. Speaking of which… “Italian Game, huh. Wouldn’t have put you up for that kind of gal.”

Sunset watched as Twilight moved her other knight forward, in position to capture her pawn. “I never really payed attention to the fancy chess move names.”

She leaned forward, wings twitching as she did so. “Princess Celestia tried to teach me, you know. ‘Oh, this one’s the Sicilian Defence, this one’s named after a guy named Gregor for some reason’…”

She placed her hand on the knight she had already moved forward, “…like…” moving it forward so that now threatened one of the pawns behind Twilight’s knight.

“…get fucked, amirite? Who has time for all that jargon?”

Twilight nibbled on her lower lip, decidedly ignoring the unnecessary profanity. Though Sunset didn’t know the jargon… what her opponent had done was a pretty solid defence.

And Sunset was stretching, which, due to the tattered nature of her shirt, was… distracting Twilight quite badly.

“Need a minute, smarty pants?”

Twilight blinked, a furious blush coming over her face as she realised that she was staring.

Sunset grinned evilly. “You know, if you wanted a show you could’ve just asked…”

Her hands moved to unbutton her shirt, and Twilight almost passed out despite already being unconscious.

“NO!” she yelped in a voice that was about two octaves higher than it should’ve been. “I’m fine!”

Sunset shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

And then she went right back to stretching.

Sweet Jesus on high, don’t look at her!

In an attempt to do anything except ogle the person she’d come here to rescue, Twilight moved her other pawn to back up the pieces she had on the field. This, however, turned out to be a bit of a blunder, as Sunset immediately took the pawn.

When Twilight tried to analyse the situation, Sunset took to stretching again, and the younger girl found herself- once more- making moves on impulse instead of thinking them through.

Get your head in the game! she chastised herself, watching as Sunset took her two knights in quick succession. That was quite obviously a trap! You’re a big girl! You can deal with a flash of skin every now and then!

Five moves and a checkmate later, Twilight was forced to admit that she couldn’t deal with any flashes of skin. She was pretty sure her nose was bleeding.

Thankfully, she accepted her defeat with both grace and poise.

“You cheated!” Twilight maintained, pointing an accusing finger at her opponent, who was trying very hard not to laugh.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Sunset giggled, wiping at her eyes. “I don’t think this was a very good demonstration of your chess skills regardless… it’s just so much fun!”

Twilight pouted, which only made Sunset laugh harder.

“Relax!” she cried, putting her hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’ve been there. I mean, at least you haven’t tried playing chess while being eaten out.”

Twilight blinked.

“Do you mean… playing chess while eating takeout?”

Immediately, all traces of mirth (and a decent amount of blood) drained from Sunset’s face. Her eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks. Her jaw dropped so far down that it circled around and came right back up again.

“…how old are you?”

“Nineteen?” Twilight answered hesitantly. Had she done something wrong?

Sunset blinked. “…dude, haven’t you lived?”

Twilight frowned. “I’ve lived a perfectly fulfilling life, thank you very much.”

The other girl shook her head, spreading her wings as she stood and leaned over the chessboard. “That’s not what I mean. How is it possible that you’ve lived- presumably around other humans- for nineteen years, and you don’t know what ‘eating someone out’ means?”

“…I don’t know.” Twilight responded, a bit cross. “You tell me.”

Sunset shook her head sadly, mumbling ‘pathetic’ under her breath as she did so, and then snapped her fingers.

“Alright, remind me to get you some reading material once we wake up. I will not let this stand.”

“Wait!” Twilight interrupted. “How are you here, anyways?”

Sunset blinked.

“I thought you read the journal.”

“No, I mean in this dream.”

“The same statement stands. Regardless, the answer is dream magic.”

“…I thought only Luna could use that!”

“No, anybody can learn it. It requires a whole lot of practise to use, though.”

“…and what’s wrong with your hands?”

“Magic.”

“…come on.”

“Fiiine.” Sunset sighed, dropping back into the chair and putting her feet up on the table. “I guess this is fair trade for me teasing you so badly.”

Twilight sat down too, eagerly awaiting what Sunset had to say.

“…I used some magic to turn myself into something else, and this is the result.”

Her smile dropped. “That’s it?”

“Yup.” Sunset popped the ‘p’, looking around them. “I’m officially part bat and part pakshi, in case you’re interested.”

“What’s a pak-”

“I believe I’ve answered your questions.” Sunset continued, a devious glint in her eyes as she leaned forward. “Now, how about you answer some of mine?”

Twilight gulped as Sunset’s predatory gaze burned into her, making her feel… different.

She’d need a cold shower once this was all over.

“…and I’ve been living in Ponyville ever since.” Twilight concluded. “It’s nice- though the distinct lack of any ponies is weird.”

“Hmmm…” Sunset bit her lower lip, drawing a tiny amount of blood. As Twilight watched her tongue dart out and lick it away… she felt… different… again.

This is is weird.

“Alright.” Sunset ceded. “That all makes sense. But how did you find my journal?”

Twilight sighed. “That’s… a longer story…”

…

Bzzt…

Bzzt…

Bzzt…

…

Bzzt.

Twilight had spent most of the morning hiding in Celestia’s room, expecting whatever was in the chest to alert the Princess to how she had snuck into the royal chambers. She had curled up underneath the massive four-poster bed, chewing on the fine linen bedsheet nervously as she awaited guards dragging her to the gallows.

She shouldn’t have come in here. She had just been curious! Was that a crime?

…probably, now that she thought about it. Celestia was probably plotting her death.

Or calling in a royal airstrike. Honestly, Twilight could almost imagine Celestia giving the orders.

“Commence carpet bombing. That girl should know better than to go into my room.”

She whimpered, biting down even harder on the bedsheet. She didn’t want to die!

But retribution didn’t come. Even after the last buzz had long faded into silence… nobody came rushing down the hallway, demanding that she be drawn, quartered and hung for her crimes.

She peeked over the edge of the bed, bangs falling into her eyes as she clambered over the mattress and towards the chest.

…might as well take a look at whatever it is. she reasoned. I’ve come this far.

Because now that it had stopped buzzing, and it was clear there weren’t to be any repercussions for her actions, Twilight was no longer scared.

She was curious.

Of course, Twilight Sparkle was always curious. Celestia found it endearing. Adults found it disturbing.

She didn’t know what other kids her age thought about it.

Maybe because she didn’t know any other kids her age.

Opening the chest, she found only one item inside: an old journal, bound tastefully in leather.

She thought about opening it… but instead decided to sneak it into her bag. Slowly closing the lid of the chest, she snuck out of the room, and disappeared into the corridors of the castle.

…

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Well…” Twilight drew out the last syllable for dramatic effect, “…that isn’t the entire story.”

Sunset remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

“…at the time, I didn’t really understand the concept of ‘stealing’. It was only about two years later when I learned about it in a book where someone was executed for stealing a loaf of bread, and… well…”

Sunset leaned back. “Les Misérables, I assume? You’re a very interesting girl, Twilight.”

Twilight blushed, but continued. “Anyways, I became terrified of what Celestia would do to me… but I also wanted to know what was inside the journal. And the idea that what I had done was punishable by death… it really made me anxious around everybody for a long time- even my brother, because he’s a member of the royal guard. Eventually it got so bad that I told my parents, and they took me to Celestia to return it.”

Sunset frowned. “That doesn’t add up-”

“Hold on.” Twilight placated her, holding up her hands with her palms facing outwards. “I gave it back to Celestia… after I made an exact replica.”

Sunset was, for lack of a better word, utterly stumped. “…how old were you?”

“Seven when I stole it. Ten when I gave it back.”

Sunset whistled. “I’m impressed.”

Twilight grinned abashedly. “It wasn’t that hard. The most complicated part was trying to get the thing to run off my own magical reserves.”

“Still, that’s pretty accomplished for a ten-year-old.”

“I try.”

“…go on.”

“So I gave it back and had a straight up panic attack in front of Princess Celestia, who seemed more amused than anything. As a sort of joke, she gave me my own version of the journal that I could use to tell her things.”

“Hmm. Interesting. So, how often does she talk to you through the journal?”

“…the journal only works one way, Sunset. I can talk to her- she can’t talk to me.”

Sunset blinked. “Mine does.”

“…what?”

“Mine works both ways. And I bet you anything yours does too.” Sunset leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Celestia just doesn’t write in them cuz she’s a terrible person.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh, get your head out of your ass and admit it!” the other girl drawled, gesticulating wildly. “Celestia’s a terrible person, I’m a terrible person, everybody’s a terrible person, et cetera. Just say it!”

Twilight grimaced, not meeting Sunset’s eyes as she processed this information. “…I’ll reserve judgement until you justify your words.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, and then yawned, stretching again. Unlike the previous times, it didn’t seem deliberate.

That didn’t change the effect it had on Twilight, though.

“MOVING ON!”

…

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

Bzzt.

“Wha?”

Twilight shushed Spike, who had finally noticed the rather annoying buzzing coming from somewhere in the room.

“Go back to sleep.”

“…uuuungh.”

Bzzt.

“Damnit!”

Twilight slammed one of the cupboards open, and finally located the source of the noise; a leather-bound journal.

“What’s that?” Spike asked drowsily, flipping over in bed to get a better look. “Is it making the noise?”

As thought to assuage the concerns of those present, the journal buzzed once more.

“Welp, this has to go.”

Twilight grabbed it with her magic, and left the room. Her footsteps faded into obscurity for a few seconds, and then slowly faded back in.

“What was that?” Spike asked as Twilight walked in, journal-less.

“We’ll find out tomorrow.” she yawned. “Well, today morning, I guess- it’s like two. Go back to bed.”

“Where’d you keep it?” he mumbled, already burrowing back into his warm bedding.

“In the library. Now let’s try and get some sleep.”

Twilight flopped forward onto the bed, and was snoring within seconds.

…

Sunset was slumped back into her chair in a position that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. Her wingtips were drooping, twitching slightly with irritation, and her hand was covering her mouth to obscure any yawns.

“…so, what happened next?”

Twilight grinned nervously, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her right ear. “…I forgot about the journal for like two or three months. I mean, it doesn’t really drain my magical reserves that much… so it didn’t affect me in any way.”

At this point, Sunset had picked up Spike, and had begun fiddling with him. In the dream he was more akin to a plastic flamingo than an actual baby dragon, so Twilight let it slide.

“Anyways, the journal resurfaced a while later. Essentially… I used a spell on myself that was supposed to make me super smart- except I didn’t read the fine print. Basically, it had some… unfortunate side effects.”

Sunset balanced Spike on her head, grinning with pride as he didn’t fall off.

“Go on then!”

…

“Did you hear that knock on the door?” Spike (the real one) asked, praying to all that was holy that Twilight wouldn’t give him some stupid answer. Honestly, he’d had it up to here with how she was acting, and he couldn’t wait for the spell to wear off.

Twilight, dressed resplendently in a chequered-grey evening bathrobe, looked up from her comfy armchair, puffing the smoke from her pipe as she did so. Her horn was adorned with a greyish deerstalker, and her glasses were perched low on her nose.

All in all, she looked like lavender Sherlock Holmes.

“Oh, shoot!” she began, widening her eyes in amazement. “That noise?”

Spike nodded furiously.

“Yeah!” she agreed, leaning back. “It was weird!”

Twilight immediately went back to reading her broad-spread newspaper, turning the pages with her magic. Another puff of smoke escaped from her nostrils, almost obscuring her mouth from view. “Did you know of the new strides made in Underwater Basket Weaving? It’s a fascinating-”

“No!” Spike slammed his hands onto the table in front of her, upsetting her tea. “That knock? It means our friends are here! You know, the ones we invited over?”

“Wait, our friends are here?” Twilight asked, her face now barely visible through the growing cloud of smoke. The green-vizored lamp next to her flickered- apparently, the fumes were having a detrimental effect on its functioning.

“Yeah!” the dragon responded, indignant.

“…where?”

“AT THE DOOR!” he screamed, clambering onto the table and yelling in her face. “THEY WERE THE ONES KNOCKING!”

“Wait!” Twilight began, speaking in a tone that was a definite precursor to extreme violence. “What. The. Heck?”

The dragon sighed in relief. Finally, Twilight had regained some brain cells! Now-

“One of those bitches is hitting my door?”

Oh.

Spike facepalmed as his sister rushed to the front of the library, still puffing on the pipe. He’d have to remember to destroy that weird spell later. It was far more trouble than it was worth.

And he’d have to get rid of that pipe. It was, at best, a serious fire hazard.

Twilight flung the door open, revealing- oh, good lord no- Rarity, looking dapper with her hair styled to perfection, a wide-brimmed straw hat and an airy sundress that complimented her eyes. In the delicate afterglow of the morning, with the wind caressing her face like he wished he could… she seemed radiant.

Oh, and the other girls were there too.

Why, hello, my dear!” the fashionista began with a flourish. “What-”

“HITTING DOORS CAUSES THEM TO LOSE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY!”

There was a pregnant pause, filled by the chirping of various birds and Spike’s deliberate coughing.

“…ah’m sorry, what?” Applejack began.

“I SAID, HIT-”

“Alright!” Spike interjected, pulling Twilight back into the room. As he did, she puffed on her pipe furiously, obscuring the entire room in a thick haze of smoke.

“You stay here!” he hissed furiously to Twilight, handing her another broad-spread newspaper- which she happily accepted.

“…ummm, is Twilight sick?” Fluttershy asked, concerned. The group took a few steps inside the room, and then immediately began choking on the smoke.

Spike sighed deeply, running around the circumference of the library and opening the windows in an attempt to clear the air.

“Look, Twilight cast a spell that made her book smart, but made her lose all her common sense.”

“Lost her common sense?” Rainbow asked, waving at the smoke in front of her face “More like she’s become a pretentious twat.”

Another pause.

“…how do you know that word?” Spike asked, a bit impressed at her vocabulary.

“It’s the only curse word I can say without Rarity fainting.”

He groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Let’s just find a counter spell. There should be one here somewhere.”

…

“Something about that scenario feels… off.” Sunset mentioned, juggling the chess pieces in one hand and spinning Spike with the other.

“Oh, I’m paraphrasing.” Twilight mentioned, trying not to reveal how entranced she was by the display. “Anyways, spoiler alert; there wasn’t a counter spell, and they had to deal with me being an asshole for the rest of the day.”

“Hmmm. Interesting.” she tossed one of the knights higher than all the other pieces, and caught it perfectly. “Not that I’m not enjoying this… but what’s the point of this story?”

“I’m getting to it…”

…

Oh god these books are SO BORING!

Rainbow Dash inhaled deeply, resisting the urge to throw the massive book she held in her hands out of the window. There was nothing in here about anything!

And she was bored!

Sighing, she put the book back, trailing her fingers along the spines of the other books in the shelf. They were all incredibly massive, and she hated them, and she-

Her finger stopped on a thin sliver of a book (compared to the others, at least). Pulling it out, she found herself flipping it to the first page.

Her eyebrows shot up.

“Wow, I should really give this a try.”

Looking around, she realised that the only librarian present was slightly incapacitated by virtue of (temporarily) being a massive asshat. Seeing no other way to borrow the book, she walked over to the desk and stamped the book herself. Of course, in her haste, she never noticed that the book wasn’t labelled- or even that it was missing a date sheet.

And, of course, she didn’t notice that unlike most other books in the library… this one appeared to be hand-written… and tastefully leather-bound…

…

“Lemme get this straight.” Sunset asked, hovering upside down and keeping herself aloft with slow, steady beats of her wing. “This girl checked out my journal thinking it was a library book?”

“Yes.”

The other girl sighed, dropping down a bit. Now, her short hair brushed against the surface of the chess board.

“So… how long did this Rainbow chick have my journal?”

“About a month. When I found out, though…”

…

THUD.

Twilight turned around, holding up an arm to protect her eyes from the cloud of dust that rolled towards her from the door.

“Where.” Rainbow Dash demanded icily, stalking towards Twilight’s desk in a menacing manner that was unbecoming of the iridescent individual.

Hey, that’s decent. Twilight thought. I should write that down.

…

“Yeah.” Sunset agreed, “that’s some pretty good alliteration.”

…

“Where’s the rest of this book?” she demanded, slamming her hand down on the desk so hard it cracked in five different places.

Twilight blinked. “What book?”

“THIS BOOK!”

Rainbow brought her other hand (the one holding the book) up, and smashed it into the table, successfully obliterating the polished mahogany.

“…”

Twilight used her two fingers to extract the book from the rubble of her desk, trying her best to avoid the wood splinters surrounding it, and opened it to the first page.

“This isn’t a library book.” she said immediately.

“Well,” Dash growled, lithe muscles rippling as she prowled across the remains of the desk and advanced on all fours towards the librarian. “I found it in the library. So what does that tell you?”

Twilight felt sweat beading on her forehead… though she wasn’t sure what it was that she was feeling. It was equal parts fear… and something else she couldn’t quite place-

…

“Damn, you really don’t know anything.”

“What?” Twilight asked.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “You were turned on, dude! You’re clearly a sub.”

A sub…

“Do you mean one of those sandwitches you can get at the deli? And what do you mean turned on?”

Sunset sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Nevermind. Go on.”

…

“I’m serious!” Twilight retorted. “It’s not a library book. It’s…”

She took the book, inspecting it from all angles. “It’s something from my personal collection.”

“Well, do you know if it has a sequel?” the other girl demanded, splaying her hands across Twilight’s cheeks and forcing her to make eye contact.

“N-n-no?”

“Damnit!”

Rainbow groaned, punching her fist into her open palm.

“I finally found something that I like as much as Daring Do, and just my luck- it hasn’t been finished!”

She collapsed into Twilight’s lap, inspecting her nails. “Goddamnit.”

The librarian delicately placed the book aside, and then softly patted Dash’s head. “There, there. I’ll find you something better.”

Rainbow looked up at her, opening her mouth to speak-

…

“Dude, unless you’re about to launch into a lewd sex scene, just skip it.” Sunset interjected.

“Alright!” Twilight sighed, exasperated. “The long and short of it is that afterwards, I managed to burn about half the book in a freak explosion.”

Sunset blinked. “What?”

“And then I finally read the first page, which was basically the only one that survived, and then I came here to rescue you.”

Finished with her retelling, Twilight leaned back into her chair, trying to mirror the nonchalant position Sunset had assumed. It was… more difficult than she anticipated.

The other girl considered this information, and then shrugged. “Fine. But doesn’t Celestia know about this?”

Twilight gasped in pain, feeling a cramp coming on in her lower neck. She wasn’t sure spines were meant to bend that way.

“No.” she spluttered. “I- I went behind Celestia’s back-”

She gasped loudly, finally freeing herself from the prison that was her chair. Her head ached from her attempt.

“You should really leave that stunt to the professionals.” Sunset mentioned, inspecting her nails in the same position Twilight had nearly suffocated in.

“Well?” she asked once Twilight kept staring. “Go on!”

…

FWOOSH!

“Oh, thank goodness!”

Spike wiped at his forehead, discarding the fire extinguisher. It had taken almost half an hour, but he’d finally managed to put out that stupid goddamned chemical fire. Twilight, on the other hand, was upstairs, trying to salvage what was left of her notes.

“Twi, I think I’m done!” he called.

Silence.

Panting heavily, he threw the door open, and clambered up the stairs. “Twi, I’m done!”

Still silence.

He staggered into the main room of the library on unsteady legs, and fell to his knees. In front of him, Twilight was staring down at the tattered remains of a journal sitting on her desk. Her lamp was on, and she was inspecting the pages with a jeweller’s loupe.

“Twi…” he wheezed, stretching his arm out in her direction before collapsing to the ground.

The sudden thud from his fall caught Twilight’s attention, though, as she suddenly looked up with an intense vigour in her eyes.

“Get ready, Spike!” she called, bounding over to him. “We’re going to go rescue a student in need!”

He didn’t respond.

“Spike?”

She poked him, and suddenly realised that he was drenched in sweat.

“Oh.”

Spike sat in the bathtub, listening as Twilight recounted the contents of the journal. The icy water from the faucet sloshed over his shoulders, sometimes spraying her in the face.

She supposed she deserved it.

“Alright.” he said, rubbing at his forehead. “So, what do you plan to do about this Sunset Shimmer person?”

Twilight grinned. “I’m going to go rescue her, and bring her back to Canterlot to reunite her with Celestia!”

Spike paused. “Have you… talked to Celestia about this, perchance?”

“Actually, that’s step one!” she responded, pulling out a chart. “Step one: we’re going to ask Celestia-”

“Twi, according to this, Celestia and Sunset have plenty of bad blood. How about we don’t do something that may jeopardise our chances of rescuing her?”

She shrugged it off, her grin widening. “I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.”

…

“Just…” Sunset interrupted, massaging her temples, “…a wild guess; she wasn’t fine with it, was she?”

Twilight sighed sadly. “Nope.”

…

“No.”

“Wha-”

“I expressedly forbid it.”

“But-”

“No argument.”

Twilight sighed, trying to look past her mentor’s unusually stony demeanour. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

She sighed, turning away. “Alright.”

Even without glancing back, she could tell that Celestia’s smile was back.

“Brilliant! Now, are you opposed to telling me more about your discoveries back in Ponyville?”

…

“Well, you can’t claim Spike didn’t warn you.” Sunset mentioned, now planking on the chessboard.

“That isn’t even the worst part.” Twilight said miserably. “I only asked Celestia if I could do some research on you.”

The other girl quirked an eyebrow. “Once more; not unexpected. Still, does this mean you’re here behind Celestia’s back?”

“…yes.”

Sunset nodded. “Damn. Alright.”

She stretched casually, yawning deeply as she did so. Perhaps out of common courtesy, she didn’t mention Twilight’s blush when she stopped.

“You’ve been asleep for a few hours. I’ll drag myself out of here, and then I’ll wake you up. Sound good?”

“Wait.” Twilight interrupted, diddling her fingers. “One last question.”

The other girl raised an arm, flicking her hand in a circle. “Go ahead.”

“Why do you look so starved?”

Sunset paused, probably thinking of a way to answer that question.

“I made myself part pakshi in an effort to learn their magic. However….I miscalculated and kinda forgot that I need some emotions to sustain myself. In fact, I was planning on heading out in a few days to eat.”

Twilight gasped. “Will you be alright?”

Sunset grinned at that. “My dear, I feed off emotions. Chances are, when we wake up your lust will be enough to satiate me for weeks!”

“Wait, lust?”

“Unimportant!” she flung her arms into the air. “Let’s go!”

And with that, the world went black.

Author's Note

A/N: So apparently Starswirl wasn’t in a relationship with Luna. It’s just that I’ve read three different fics where that happens, so I assumed it was canon.

It isn’t.

Welp, fuck canon. I’m making my own canon, with blackjack and hookers! And my canon is gonna be waaaay better!

Also just to avoid any nasty surprises, I should mention that this is a SunLight fic. Just FYI, y’know?