How I Fell In Love With A Pony

Falling in love with a pony is a lot easier than most people might think, especially when you’re a pony yourself. It may seem a tad bit odd to be enamored with something that, in our world, lives on a farm and grazes the day away. But when that same being is colored in the most beautiful shades of lavender and can speak back to you and relate to you, it becomes very simple. They say love is complex, but I like to think that it’s very simple at the same time. It’s convoluted, yet, in a somewhat paradoxical, contradictory stance, it’s so easy to unravel. It’s a mystery whose answer is right in front of your nose, yet you take the longest and most winding of paths in order to find it.

As I sat there and waited with baited breath for Twilight to either accept or reject my invitation, my heart and mind pondered these things. It might have only been a split second, yet it seemed like an eternity. I forgot all about Rarity standing there along with any of the palace guards, and just focused on her. I was mesmerized. So far, the love I felt was very one sided, and I hoped to everything that she felt the same way about me. I knew that her acceptance of my small request didn’t automatically constitute a reciprocation, but it would lead to a glimmer of hope. Considering I had been rejected by every single woman I had ever tried to be with back in my world, a simple nod from her would have caused me to leap about the room in joyous celebration.

“Dinner?” Twilight asked, and then smiled, “I would love to.”

“A…y…really?” I asked in shock. My facial muscles became paralyzed and the only thing I could do was stand there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. Once again, I experienced the “stapled mouth effect,” only it was at the worst possible moment. I must have looked like a complete fool standing there with my mouth fairly duct taped to my chest. But then I noticed Twilight’s warm smile and the way she closed her eyes and stifled a giggle. Even her repressed giggles are cute! I told myself.

“Yes,” she said, “I would love to.”

My peripheral vision registered Rarity bouncing up and down, and then rushing forward and knocking me over. “YOU DID IT!” She squealed in delight, “I’M SO PROUD! I’M SO PROUD!”

“Rarity,” Twilight said through her smile, “you shouldn’t knock the poor thing over like that!”

“Oh, I can’t help it, Twilight! He had to muster up so much courage to ask you. I’m just so happy that he was able to do so!”

For me, the sparks of romance had definitely been lit and all of this just confirmed what I already felt. Twilight Sparkle, the leader of Equestria, had agreed to accompany me out for the evening. I wasn’t moving, but inside, I was bouncing along with Rarity. I could do nothing but stare at the ceiling and wonder what the hell just happened. Everything was coming to fruition beautifully, and then I suddenly realized that tonight was a big chance for me. I knew it would take more than one date for Twilight to be swayed my direction, but first impressions were very important. It would cause me to see the purple mare in a completely new light. True, it was her friendly nature and beautiful mind and body that had caused me to love her in the first place, but now I would get to see her in a more private, intimate atmosphere.

“Darling,” Rarity said, cutting into my thoughts, “as we came into Canterlot, I went ahead and booked a table for two at The Pizza Pony.”

“The Pizza Pony?” I asked as my face finally found itself again and I rose back to my hooves.

“Yes! It’s a delightful little pizza place down on Restaurant Row! It may not have Zesty Gormand’s three hoof rating, but it has Rarity’s seal of approval, and that’s something everypony can trust!”

“But…how did you know Twilight would say yes?”

“I didn’t. But I figured that it could be a good place for you and I to eat at if things didn’t go as planned. But they did, and I’m so very happy for you!”

I looked around and noticed that Twilight had disappeared. “Hey, where is Twi, anyway?”

“Oh, while you were on the floor in a state of semi-conscious catatonia, she went off to prepare for this special evening. I hope the two of you have fun! I must be dashing back to Ponyville now, but do be a dear and let me know how things go, hm?”

“Oh, don’t you worry, Rarity,” I said, “everything’s gonna be just fine.”

When Twilight returned, I was nearly knocked over at just how beautiful she looked. She was wearing a dress that matched her coat, and her mane had been done simply, yet stunningly. The crown that rested on her head seemed to shine even brighter than before, and the gold shoes she wore on her hooves did the same. Nothing was overbearing, but neither was anything lackluster. She looked fantastic, and I quickly stood beside her. “Shall we go?” I asked.

“Of course,” she responded.

With that, we left the castle and made our way down to Restaurant Row. Rarity had left me directions to The Pizza Pony before she departed, and I ensured that we arrived promptly. One thing I consider to be a major cause of disrespect is tardiness. I can’t stand it whenever I or someone else is late to an appointment, and I demand perfect timing of myself and others constantly. It might get annoying, but I believe that any good impression is lost if one is late.

When we arrived, the waiter showed us to the table, and I helped Twilight get seated. She smiled at me and my heart gave birth to even more butterflies. I sat right beside her, and the waiter bowed to the both of us. “Your Majesty,” he said, “it is an honor and a privilege to have you dining with us this evening.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Twilight said politely, “and I cannot wait to eat! I hear wonderful things about your establishment all the time.”

“And, if I may ask, who is your companion?”

“Oh, this is Stony Tail. He’s a visitor to Equestria…from the human world.”

I nodded. Ever since I had graduated from Twilight’s tutelage, the word about there being a human in Equestria had spread fairly rapidly. But I was never treated wrongly by anypony, and I was asked many questions about where I came from and how humans lived. I was always happy to take the time to explain things, and I would have to quell my laughter when the ponies would whisper among themselves about humans.

“Well,” the waiter said, “it’s wonderful to have the two of you here. Our chef would like to have a word with you, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Twilight said.

“Wonderful! I’ll go and fetch him.”

So the waiter trotted off into the kitchen. Twilight and I were just getting settled into our seats and enjoying some of the delicious bread they provided when screams and yells were heard from that direction. Suddenly, a pony got kicked out and another pony followed them. He was of middle height, with a fiery mane and a blond coat. His cutie mark was a flame and a pitchfork shaped spatula. “GET THE BUCK OUT AND STAY OUT, YOU BASTARD!” He screamed, “IT’S A KITCHEN, NOT A PLACE FOR JOKERS LIKE YOU!”

It occurred to me that everypony in the restaurant had turned to stare at the proceedings, but then went back to eating as if nothing had happened. The blond pony slowly got his ruffled mane back into line and then trotted over to where we were. He bowed to the Princess and then nodded at me. “Welcome to my humble restaurant, Your Majesty,” he said with a thick Trottingham accent, “and may I say, you look stunning this evening.”

“Thank you, Chef Manesay,” Twilight said.

“And this is…?”

“Oh, this is Stony Tail, my date for the night.”

“Ah,” the chef said as he shook my hoof, “it is wonderful to have you here as well.”

“Thank you…Chef Manesay.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must return to the kitchen. But it is a delight to have the two of you here, and please, enjoy the evening.”

With that, he turned tail and was gone. He had barely been there two seconds, yet he had exhibited the smoothest behavioral transition I had ever seen of anypony. To think that he had fired somepony and then immediately turned up the charm and been gracious to Twilight and I. It was odd, to say the least. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like that, human or pony! I thought.

“Twilight…who was that?”

“Him? Oh, he’s Chef Gordon Manesay, one of Equestria’s master cooks. This is his latest venture, but he has 30 other restaurants all around the nation. I’ve eaten at most of them and I believe this is my 15th time meeting him. But he’s always been nice, and honestly, most of the mares in our country have big crushes on him.”

I could feel envy rising in my heart. “But…you don’t…right?”

“Me? Oh, no,” she said, “there’s another pony I am beginning to see as being very important to me.”

The way she smiled at me and the way her eyes dazzled and danced made my heart nearly collapse. It has to be me, I thought with excitement, it just has to be! She can’t be in love with somepony else! My mind was turning in circles, and I barely noticed when the waiter came by to take our order. I stumbled through something, but I managed to get out that we wanted a pizza with half spinach and half dandelions. Little did I know it, but that pizza would change my life forever.