As I walked through the convention, I was perusing through the booths, until something interesting caught my eye, a lone merchant selling items that appeared to whisk people away to who knows where.

I approached him and he said, "Optimus Prime."

I didn't even question how he knew that. "Do you by any chance have the ion blaster?" I asked him. He nods and says:

"That'll be 50 dollars." I buy the item and I disappear in a flash of light. Was this a bad idea? Probably.

The Merchant just shrugs and says, "Mission accomplished."

The landscape opened up around me, a beautiful glance of trees and shrubs. A customary glance down at my body brought a shocking site; my body was now entirely metallic. A quick look in a nearby lake confirmed this most confusing state of affairs.

I did a few tests with my hand to see if I was correct, and the mirror image did the same "Interesting, Not only do I look like Optimus, I have his voice as well." Seeing the ion blaster lying nearby, I walked over to pick it up. It then became obvious to me that the Merchant must have sent me here. But why? What did he get out of this?

Checking all other systems were working correctly, and noting the Matrix lodged in next to my spark core, I headed off in a random direction. I then looked to my left and sent a mental command for my flight tech to attach to my body and power up.

"Let's... roll!" And with that, I flew up into the air to my next destination.

It was all over, the main six decided. Tirek has won and there's nothing they can do about it as they watched him raze Equestria to the ground.

Until...

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia suddenly felt a shiver down their spines.

"I suddenly feel sorry for Lord Tirek."

"Why do you say that Auntie?" Princess Cadence asked. "He took away our magic!"

Princess Celestia looked thoughtful before responding, "I have the feeling he's gonna get quite the flank kicking that we should have given him long ago."

"Pick on someone your own size... Lord Tirek." I said with biting sarcasm, landing on the ground as my flight tech powered down. The battle mask activated and covered my mouth.

"YOU DARE?!?!?!" the centaur bellowed.

"Easily." I say, with no fucks given. The main six, plus Discord and Spike, were slack jawed. Maybe there was some hope as the cage around them disappeared with Discord somehow getting his chaos magic back.

"Ooooh. He's good." the pink one says.

I charged Tirek in an attempt to hurt him some.

With a primal roar, Tirek charges up some magic and sends me flying into a mountain. I reactivated my flight tech and slammed into him, sending us tumbling into Ponyville. He grabbed hold of me, with the main six rooting for me.

"Fight back!" (Twilight and Fluttershy)

"Take that you ruffian!" (Rarity)

"KICK HIS FLANK!" (Rainbow Dash and Spike)

"Darn tootin'!" (Applejack)

"GO! GO! GO!" (Pinkie Pie)

"This'll be fun to watch. Serves him right for betraying me." (Discord)

As Tirek prepared to charge up another bout of magic, I pulled the ion blaster off my back and blasted him. I meant to aim for his chest and stun him, instead the shot missed, since I fired it blindly. Instead I hit him in the leg, which caused him a great deal of pain and made him angrier. He grabbed me and tried to strangle me. There were two problems with this: One: I was a Cybertronian, which means I don't have lungs. Two: I was somewhat taller than him, which has him at a disadvantage.

"Ponies don't deserve to live!" He said as he still had me in a hold.

"They deserve to choose for themselves!"

"Then you will die with them!" he threw me back a few feet. He charges up some magic.

"Join them in extinction!"

I respond by blasting him in the shoulder with my ion blaster. He is stunned for a few moments, then before he could blink, I gripped the shoulder that I blasted and did the unthinkable...

I BITCH-SLAPPED THE MAGIC RIGHT OUT OF HIM! All across Equestria, magic was restored to all the ponies. The Princesses escaped from Tartarus and teleported to Ponyville to greet their new savior.

He cried out in pain as the magic left his body as he shrieked like a little girl. He shrank and shrank until he was his normal size.

He wound up in the fetal position as he weakly cried for his mother to save him, only to get no response as he ended up in Tartarus. Oh, and that friendship castle grew out of the ground.

"I rise.... you fall."

Optimus Prime wins.

Brutality!

The entire town of Ponyville trotted over, albeit reluctantly emerging, to greet their savior.

"Thanks mister!"

"He saved our children!"

"He saved our lives"

"He's friendly!"

"What is your name?" three princesses asked me as I turned to look down at them.

"I... am Optimus Prime. Leader of the Autobots, and the last of the Primes; the Last Knight of Cybertron."

"We the monarchs of Equestria would like to thank you for defeating Lord Tirek. If you hadn't shown up like you did... Equestria would have been doomed." said the three Princesses.

"Why did you spare him when you could have finished him off?" asked Princess Luna.

"It wouldn't be right of me to finish him off." I respond. "Besides, I think I scarred him for life. And he'll probably need a boatload of therapy." In the background, Pinkie blurted out that I was one of the Displaced and was promptly dismissed as Pinkie just being herself. I wasn't even going to question how she knew that.

All across Equestria, ponies came to thank me for liberating them from Tirek. Oh, and Pinkie, as I would learn her name, threw me a 'welcome to Equestria and saving it from Tirek' party.

The very next day, several statues were erected of me. One depicted the bitch-slapping I gave Tirek, another one was erected in the Canterlot Gardens in a heroic pose. Another was put up next to the statue of Spike.

"GOD DAMN IT!!!!" Tirek screamed in frustration.

"What happened this time?" said a prisoner in a bored tone.

"Well, if you must know." sneered Tirek. "I HAD MY FLANK HANDED TO ME, BY A BEING FROM ANOTHER WORLD!"

"That sucks."

"FINALLY! SOMEBODY WHO GETS IT!" Tirek screamed.

"My ears." said the poor inmate.

All across Equestria, several villains suddenly felt a shiver down their spines. Starlight Glimmer locked all of her doors and windows and then she looked under her bed for Optimus Prime. A changeling queen suddenly felt very afraid and wouldn't come out of her hive.

Author's Note

I'm not sorry for writing this.