Dropping In 2

Chapter Four

Finding the leads

After a night(or maybe it was a day, I don’t fucking know) of sleeping in The Hub the team, comprised of Cole, Blackburn, and Scootaloo went over what they knew about the evil plan that was currently being concocted that they had to stop.

Well, Cole and Blackburn talked about it, Scootaloo just jerked off to 70’s porn in the corner.

“All of the PURE UNCUT COCAINE I own was stolen recently, and we know the plot involves PUC, so perhaps the mastermind behind this plan stole it to feed it to his hookers or some shit” Blackburn said, stroking his cheese grater that he had magically whisked into the Hub from the river he tossed it in.

“OK, so that might be a possible connection; so we’ve got PURE UNCUT COCAINE and a super-weapon involved, and we still don’t know who’s behind it. We need to pursue some leads and look for some clues. What kind of leads do we have?” Cole asked, smoking another cigarette.

“Just the PURE UNCUT COCAINE” Blackburn answered, leaning back against the locked door made of gold.

“Huh? Oh, I didn’t even see this door here.”

“I know, right? It’s so subtle that it’s almost invisible” Cole stated, opening up one of the wood doors and waking up Scootaloo.

“Scoots, it’s time to go” the ub3r-l33t bo$$ said, nudging the sleeping filly. She was so cute, so tender, so young and innocent and vulnera--

Cole smacked himself and forced the pedophile thoughts out of his head, feeling Chris Hansen’s eyes peering at him from around one of the doors.

“Ughh, I’m tired. Can’t I just stay here and sleep?” Scootaloo asked, her voice groggy and she rolled over.

“Sure, me and Blackburn can handle an op by ourselves. In fact, it might be better if you stay here; the universe is a dangerous place” Cole stated.

“Especially since Jerry Sandusky’s escaped from prison” Blackburn commented, making Cole shudder in disgust and fear.

“OK, Scootaloo, we’ll be back soon; sweet dreams, sweetie” the b0$$ declared.

“COUGHgayCOUGH” Blackburn exclaimed ostentatiously, a smile on his douchey face.

“Let’s go” C0le said, the two jumping through the door he had selected.

8==X==D

“Just one question: why the fuck did you bring me here?” Blackburn asked, seeing that they had arrived in the universe of Call of Duty: Black Ops.

“Look on the bright side; it’s Black Cocks, not Modern Warfuck 3” Cole stated, walking forward and perusing the scene; it was the map Jungle, which means...

“BACK IN ‘NAM!!!” Blackburn yelled, his voice changing to the chain-smoker Batman voice and an eyepatch falling on his face as he shit out an M60 and ran forward, spraying the LMG everywhere and screaming “NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM!!”

“Well, this is a trainwreck, huh?” a female voice said behind Cole, prompting him to whip around and take aim with the Family Heirloom... Wait, wrong story... The Man-Toy, his silver M1911A1.

“Hey, wait! It’s me, Kirlia” the female said, holding the Stoner 63 with Extended Mags; how she was able to shoot anything through the clusterfuck that were the iron sights was a mystery.

“I guess you really did go back to Black Ops; wanna help me restrain Blackburn before he destroys the whole world?” C0l3 inquired, stowing his 1911 back in his holster.

“Sure!” Kirlia exclaimed, joining Cole as he begrudgingly went after Blackburn.

I don’t even know if this story will be able to be posted on FIMfiction; what with Blackburn and Kirlia here there’s so much circle-jerking going on the mods would descend from the heavens and hit me in the face with the banhammer like Thor using MJOLNIR as a baseball bat the b0$$ mused.

Maybe I’ll just kill Kirlia.

Sounded like a good plan to him.

After four hours of searching the same map the two of them finally found Blackburn, his balls a deflated mess after he had jerked off over a hundred Vietcong soldiers burning to death from his napalm strikes.

“Gross” Kirlia commented, and Col3 had no reason to disagree.

“Wake him up; we have to do...something. I don’t know” Cole stated, turning away and looking around; they were in that one corner of the map that had the bunker-pit with the choppers behind the fence and the bridge leading to that well with the slanted roof.

“Why do I have to wake him up?” Kirlia whined, not even wanting to look at Blackburn and the charred remains of VC covered in cum.

“Because I told you to, alright?! You can wash your fucking hands in the piss river nearby after you’re done” Cole yelled, heading across the bridge to the well and the hut next to it.

Kirlia looked down at Blackburn and nudged him with her foot, earning no response; he was out like a light.

“Ughhh, I paid $100 dollars for these boots, too; this is so gross” Kirlia said. She nudged Blackburn harder this time and he woke up, grunting and snorting, dumping a pouch of PURE UNCUT COCAINE all over his face and standing up.

“Where the fuck are my pants?” Blackburn asked, searching the piles of corpses for his G36 which he would wear as a cock-sock until he could get some new pants at the Quarian sex shop in the next chapter.

“So, uh, what’re you guys doing here?” Kirlia asked, averting her eyes from Blackburn’s 30-inch penis which he had because he was so awesome.

“The fuck would I know? Ask Cole, it’s his stupid ass that brought us here” the parody writer answered, sticking his dick down the barrel of his G36 and stealing a couple wallets from the dead VC.

“That’s wrong, you shouldn’t do that” Kirlia stated, making Blackburn slowly turn his head to face her with a creepy/angry look on his face.

“OOOK, nevermind.”

As Blackburn prepared to drink a beer they heard Cole call out their names, forcing them to head over across the bridge where they found the b0$$ standing next to the well.

“Take a look at this” C0le declared, nodding at the well and stepping aside.

He didn’t even bat an eye at Blackburn wearing his G36 over his penis.

“Umm, doesn’t this weird you out?” Kirlia asked, pointing to Blackburn.

“No? Why would it? He’s fucking Blackburn; he probably wears that thing like that in real life while playing BF3 with me which is kinda creepy when I think about it I’m going to stop talking now inhale sharply” Col3 exclaimed.

“Anyway, what’s in this well? Tali’Zorah? Can I fuck her?” Blackburn inquired, peering over the edge into the well where he saw the corpse of Casey Hudson, the project leader for Mass Effect.

“Thank God that bitch is dead as hell; he fucking deserved it. Just like how the glitter child deserved to be raped” Blackburn said.

“Wow, you guys are fucked up” Kirlia told them, disgusted by both of their general demeanor’s and attitudes.

“Where did you find this bitch, Cole? Look baby, this is how we act; I say racist/homophobic/sexist and otherwise generally offensive thing, Cole says I’m a bad person despite the fact that he’s laughing his ass off, and then we all get along until I Jackhammer rape him in BF3 and he posts an author’s note that’s longer than the damn chapter he put it in” Blackburn ranted, pissing on Casey Hudson’s corpse.

“That’s precisely why I’m saying you guys are fucked up!” Kirlia replied.

“Look, Kir, I know you don’t like it but you’ll get used to it eventually; hell, I was the same way when I first talked with Blackburn on XBL but I’ve learned to just roll with it ‘cause he’s never going to stop; and regardless of how offensive it is some of the shit he says is fucking hilarious” Cole explained.

“Yeah, what he said; now go make me a sammich, bitch” Blackburn ordered, suddenly wearing a Quarian mask.

“Yeah, no, fuck this; I’m outta here. Cole, don’t forget you need to beta-read my story” Kirlia stated, preparing to GTFO.

“Yeah if you ever get around to writing the fucking thing” Cole whispered, looking away at Blackburn.

“What was that?” Kirlia asked.

“Nothing, get out of here” the ub3r-l33t b0$$ answered, walking away with Blackburn while Kirlia disappeared and went to go jerk off.

“OK, so here’s what we got; PURE UNCUT COCAINE, a superweapon, and Casey Hudson’s corpse; any idea how this fits?” Cole said as the two walked down the grassy path behind the hut that lead to the stone ruins at the back of Jungle.

“No idea, but we’re gonna need to fish out Hudson’s corpse” Blackburn responded.

“Are you gonna do what I think you are, Black?” Cole said, stopping and turning to face his friend.

“No, I’m just going to shit all over it and send pics to my girlfriend” Blackburn stated.

“Gross. Let’s just get out of here.”

*-*-*

Vagina

*-*-*

Once back in The Hub Cole had a shit-fit because Scootaloo was gone and Blackburn didn’t give a shit because he had chicken until Leroy Jenkins rushed in and stole it forcing them to chase after him when he went through the gold door and locked it behind himself, cutting them off and leaving them wondering WTF had just happened.

"That bitch just stole my chicken!" Blackburn declared, Tank Dempsey jumping out of nowhere and yelling "yo dat's fucked up, nigga!!"

*-*-*

My balls are inert: Scootaloo and all related characters belong to Hasbro. Cole, Blackburn, and Kirlia all belong to their respective owners. I don't know who owns Tank Dempsey, probably some lazy faggot-ass game programmers.