Still Not Ginger

       The Doctor gave a cry of pain and stumbled, sending the TARDIS hurtling through the sky. A familiar feeling surged through him, but he resisted, fumbling with the controls in desperation. Everything seemed to spin around him, which made it pretty hard to land the ship. There was no way the TARDIS had enough energy to make it to Earth.

“I’m going to have to crash land,” he grunted, glancing at the screen above him. “Well, I suppose that’s as good a place as any. Nice, quiet, peaceful…” His shaking hands grasped the controls, sending him veering toward the nearest planet. There was a sudden lurch as they entered the atmosphere, then a loud crash.

Gasping for air, the Time Lord staggered outside. Unable to fight the need to regenerate any longer, he fell forward, yellow light bursting from his hands and face.

This lasted for a few moments before he sat up, breathing heavily. Before he had looked like a regular Time Lord, with hands and such. Now, where he had been sat a very dazed and confused pony.

“Huh. That’s new.”

*   *   *

Derpy Hooves, Ponyville’s most reliable mailmare, trotted cheerily through the streets. Her saddlebags, usually bulging with mail to deliver, were now empty. Her wings sagged slightly and her eyelids drooped, but she kept the same cheerful smile plastered on her face.

“Derpy!” came a familiar voice. Carrot Top galloped toward her friend, her orange mane bobbing up and down. “Are you finished with your route?”

“Yeah,” the gray mare said, laughing. Her friend always seemed to be in such a rush, no matter what she was doing. “Why? What’s up? Do you need help with something?”

Carrot Top shook her head. “No. I was just wondering what you were doing.” She glanced around before beckoning Derpy to come closer. “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but earlier Colgate smelled smoke from a fire. We couldn’t find the cause of the smell, but she—not me, mind you—thought you might have something to do with it. I didn’t say that, she did! I know you’re not nearly as clumsy as you look.”

Derpy didn’t know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. It wasn’t her fault she was always bumping into things. When she was younger she and her parents had been in an accident. Her father had died, her mother had broken one bone, and Derpy’s eyes had become crossed. Depth perception wasn't her strongest point, which led to quite a few collisions and more than one destroyed building. “I didn’t smell anything, and I didn’t cause any fires.” She hesitated. “Well, not that I know of, anyway. So how have you been?”

If Carrot Top knew Derpy was trying to change the subject, she didn’t show it. “Oh, I’ve been great! My carrots are almost ready to harvest! Then I’ll be able to make carrot treats for everypony!”

“That’s great." Derpy glanced at the sun, noting its position in the sky. "Hey, I’d love to talk more, but I have to pick up my daughters from school. I’ll talk to you later, Carrot.”

“Okay. Bye, Derpy!” Carrot Top waved goodbye and raced away, probably going to tell Colgate that the burning smell wasn’t her friend’s fault.

Giving a sigh of relief, the gray mare trotted away again. She appreciated Carrot Top a lot, and she was one of her best friends, but sometimes the yellow pony’s antics became a bit too much.

You’re one to talk, Derpy thought. You always cause everypony a lot of trouble. You think that makes them like you?

She shook her head to clear it. Of course ponies liked her. She knew for a fact that her daughters liked her, and her best friends, and her husband. So there, she told herself.

Before too long she could see the Ponyville schoolhouse up ahead. Dinky, a purple-gray filly with a yellow mane and tail, was already waiting outside, talking to the Cutie Mark Crusaders about something. When the filly saw her mother, however, she immediately broke away and raced toward her, tackling her to the ground.

“Mommy!” Dinky exclaimed. “You won’t believe what happened today!”

Derpy lifted her daughter up so she could look her in the eye and kissed her on the nose. “Oh? What happened today, muffin?”

“Excuse me, Mrs. Hooves. Perhaps I should be the one to tell you what took place,” Cheerilee said sternly, coming up beside her. Her normally gentle gaze had an edge to it, and she kept clenching her teeth like she was trying to bite through stone.

Derpy set Dinky down uneasily. “Dinky, run along and play with your friends, okay? Mommy needs to talk to your teacher for a little bit. I’ll get you when it’s time to leave.” She turned back to the teacher. “Did Dinky do something wrong? If so, I’m terribly sorry. I’ve been trying to teach her to behave better, but—”

Cheerilee held up a hoof, silencing her. “No, Mrs. Hooves, Dinky’s behavior isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. Yes, she can be a bit much to handle, but I assure you, I’m used to foals being rowdy. No, what I need to talk to you about is something else entirely.”

“Oh.” Derpy stared at her hooves. “I...I’m sorry, Cheerilee! You know she can’t help it. I don’t know anything about magic, her father never has time to teach her, and Sparkler has already tried to teach her how to control her magic surges! Nothing works!”

“Derpy, this is the third time this week. If your daughter keeps having these magic surges, somepony could get hurt!” Cheerilee sighed. “I love all of my students, Dinky included. But the last thing I need is for one of my students to become permanently injured because of your daughter. I’m terribly sorry, Derpy, but I’m going to have to ask you to switch schools.”

Derpy’s jaw dropped. “Wh-what? But this is the only public school for ponies her age in all of Ponyville! Night Hooves and I can hardly pay the bill as it is. We—we can’t afford to send her to a different school.” Derpy could feel her lower lip trembling and knew tears were bound to come soon. For the past few months Dinky had been getting strange magic surges at random. Usually she would just accidentally change objects into other things, such as her pencil into a plant, or her lunchbox into a book. They’d seen magic specialists, doctors—heck, they’d even asked Princess Celestia for help. But nothing seemed to work. Recently the surges had become a lot worse, changing ponies into inanimate objects for a few moments before changing them back. “Please, Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee searched Derpy’s eyes before dropping her gaze. “I’ll give you one month to make these surges stop, Derpy. Understand that I wish I could give you more time, but for the sake of my students and my job I can’t.” She reached her hoof and brushed a strand of blonde out of Derpy’s face. “Remember that I’m still your oldest friend, and I care about what happens to you and your family. Now, go on. I’ll bet Dinky wants to get home and see her father.”

“Yeah.” Derpy turned to leave, not looking back as she said bitterly, “Thanks.”

*   *   *

“Derpy, I’m home,” Night Hooves called from the door. His yellow mane was messy, and his purple coat was covered in grime. His legs trembled with exhaustion.

At once Derpy came racing around the corner, her wings beating furiously. When she reached him she threw her arms around him. “Nighty! You’re back!” she exclaimed. “How was work? Did your team find anything new?”

Night brushed her off. “No, not this week. Although we did manage to rebuild camp after the last attack.”

Countless years ago, Night Hooves had worked as a mailpony, like Derpy. That was how the two had met, bumping into each other and accidentally getting their bundles of mail mixed up. However, a little while after Dinky’s birth, many of Ponyville’s stallions, Night Hooves included, volunteered to investigate in the Everfree Forest. Ponies had been disappearing in there for a while, leaving behind no traces. If a manticore or another beast had killed them, their bones would’ve been left behind. Such wasn’t the case for these incidents. The investigation team was required to camp in the Everfree during the week to search for bodies and clues as to what caused them to disappear. So far, all they’d found was a document written in a strange language, and even that had mysteriously vanished. As Night always said, it was a dangerous job, but worthwhile. "Protecting my family is my top priority," he'd said time and time again.

Sparkler looked around the corner, gagging when she saw her adopted father. “Yuck. Dinner’s almost ready, but for Celestia’s sake, take a shower first!” Years before, she’d been Dinky’s foalsitter. Once the Hooves discovered she was an orphan and living completely alone, they had adopted her at once. “I mean, no offense, Night Hooves, but you smell like a dead rat that's been dipped in sweat and dragged through Foggy Bottom Bog.”

Night laughed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ll shower. Say, how’s Dinky’s magic thing been? You know, those weird rushes of magic? I hope she hasn’t been causing trouble at school.”

“Oh, she almost turned her teacher into a broom,” Sparkler said nonchalantly, “three times.”

His eyes widened. “Dinky Mariella Hooves! You get over here this instant!”

Dinky crawled out from where she was hiding behind Sparkler. Her ears drooped. “I can’t control it, Daddy. I don’t know anything about magic, and you never teach me.”

“Dinky, you know I have to work in the Everfree all week! It’s a dangerous job, you know. Some of my coworkers don’t come back. But do you know what? I do it for my family! Do you hear me? I do it for my family!! So I don’t want you to complain one more time about me never being home." He snorted in anger, pausing to catch his breath before continuing his rant. "And you know what? I’ve been working all day. I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’ll shower after I eat, thank you very much!” Finished with his outburst, he stormed into their small dining room and sat down at the head of the table. “Well, what’re you waiting for? You were hungry; let’s eat.”

The rest of the night was spent in silence.

*   *   *

The Doctor took in his surroundings as calmly as he could, considering the circumstances. “Well, this place is pretty nice. Can’t say I’m glad I’m here, but of all the places to crash-land, this is good. Very good.” He stopped for a moment, his eyes narrowed. “Too good.

“And speaking of too good,” he went on, beginning to pace, “why did I regenerate to look like a pony? That’s impossible. I still have two hearts, but really, why a pony? If I regenerate on some random planet, I turn out just fine, but if I regenerate here, I look like a pony! I know I’m still a Time Lord. I would've been able to tell if my DNA was completely rewritten. But…why a pony? What's up with that?”

Realizing that he was getting a bit confused, he took a deep breath. "Okay, Doctor, start with the obvious and work from there. I'm a Time Lord from Gallfirey. My spaceship, the Time and Relative Dimension in Space, is bigger on the inside and can travel to any place or time in the universe. We Time Lords are born with the ability to regenerate when about to die, changing our appearance and personality. For some reason, though, this time I regenerated to look like some sort of small, bright-colored equine." Groaning, he sank to his haunches. "That was supposed to make me feel less confused. Why is it never that easy? Why don't I have some sort of traveling companion that knows everything and can tell me exactly what's going on? That's not fair. Nothing's ever fair for me. I'm just the last Time Lord in the whole universe, there's nothing important about me! ...Oh, dear, I'm getting a bit off topic.

“And what’s this?” He twisted his head to see his flank better. “There’s an hourglass on my rump. That’s bloody brilliant! I’m a talking pony with an hourglass on my rump. Ha! I'm a talking pony with an hourglass on my rump! It feels weird just saying it! In fact, I’m feeling quite dizzy, I think I’d better…” Trailing off, he toppled forward, landing in a jumbled heap. “…Lay down for a spell…”