Still Not Ginger

        For the second time that week, Derpy woke up eager to get to her job. However, today she was hoping to get the mail delivered as soon as possible so she could talk to the Doctor some more. The day before she’d showed him how to walk as a pony, taught him what ponies ate, fed him something so he’d puke up the TARDIS key, and helped him learn how to use hooves.

“Wait there while I open the TARDIS,” the Doctor had said the day before, sounding like a foal on Hearth’s Warming morning. “You won’t believe what the inside is like!” He’d only dropped the key seven times before managing to force it into the lock and turn it. Then he had shoved open the door, spreading his arms wide. “Derpy Hooves, welcome to my TARDIS.”

Derpy had pushed past him, excited. Once she was inside, though, she frowned. “Huh. I expected it to be shinier.”

The Doctor had snorted. “That’s it? No, ‘It’s bigger on the inside?’ No, ‘Doctor, you have such an amazing ship, thank you for showing me this?’”

“Well, you told me it was bigger on the inside. I believed you, so I knew it was coming.”

As soon as Derpy said that, the Doctor had put on his best puppy-dog eyes, begging, “At least say it’s bigger on the inside and look surprised. That’s my favorite part. C’mon, at least give me this!”

Derpy sighed. “Oh, wow, it’s bigger on the inside! Goodness me, I never expected that! How in Equestria is that possible?”

“Thank you.”

Today Derpy was going to take him on a tour of Ponyville, showing him where to buy food among other things. Afterward he would tell her how he came to Equestria and what his life was like. But, no matter how much she was looking forward to it, Derpy still had work to do. That was why she was flying full speed toward her office with her saddlebags dangling at her sides. And that’s how she came to be sitting amidst pieces of Carrot Top’s wrecked cart after crashing into it.

The gray Pegasus sat up, rubbing her aching head with a hoof. When she spied her friend standing a few feet away, staring in shock, she grinned sheepishly. “My bad, Carrot Top. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Here, I’ll help you clean this up. And…and I’ll even pay you back to fix the damage.”

Carrot Top’s jaw hung open. She seemed fixed in that same position, her eyes huge and unblinking, her legs glued to the ground.

Derpy waved a hoof in front of her face. “Hello? Carrot Top? Are you there?”

“Derpy…please tell me you didn’t just completely wreck my cart, which, by the way, was filled with all the carrots I grew that are now ruined?”

“Uh…I didn’t just wreck your cart which was filled with all the carrots you grew.”

A crowd had begun to gather, most of them shaking their heads in shame. It wasn’t an odd sight to see Derpy sitting amongst wreckage. Actually, it was pretty common, no matter how much Derpy hated to admit it.

“What’s going on?” came a familiar gruff voice.

Derpy cringed. “S-sorry,” she squeaked.

Her boss, Crafty Crate, snapped, “Derpy, this kind of thing is why I wish I could fire you! But if I fired you, you wouldn’t be able to pay to fix this kind of thing!”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re sorry. You know what, Derpy? Because I’m trying to be kind, I’ll let you take the day off to help your friend clean up the mess you made. Sound good?”

“Yes, sir…”

“Good. Now, I don’t want to hear that you’ve messed up anything else for the rest of this week. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir…”

“It better be. Enjoy your day off.” Crafty Crate snorted angrily before galloping off, his head high.

Gradually the crowd began to disperse, leaving only Derpy, Carrot Top, and a few other ponies.

“Does that happen often?” The Doctor came trotting over, his eyes bright.

Derpy’s ears drooped. “More often than I’d like it to. I thought you were still in the TARDIS.”

“What? No, no. Time Lords don’t need much sleep. I was only in the TARDIS half the night, trying to fix it. Unfortunately, my sonic screwdriver’s completely busted, and the TARDIS can’t create a new one if it’s broken, so I don’t know what to do. I decided I’d start my tour of Ponyville a little early. Let me just tell you, of all the restaurants here, Sugarcube Corner is by far my favorite. Who would’ve guessed I really like sweets as a pony? Not me, certainly.”

Carrot Top looked surprised and slightly annoyed. “Derpy, you two know each other now?”

“It’s a long story,” Derpy said flatly.

The Doctor shook her hoof vigorously. “I’m the Doctor. And you are?”

“Carrot Top.”

“Nice to meet you, Carrot Top. Now, let’s get to work, shall we?” He flashed her a smile and sniffed at the broken boards. “My, how’d all this happen from one little crash? And how did you not see the cart? I can imagine it was pretty big.”

Derpy pointed a hoof at her eyes.

“Oh, dear, are your eyes always crossed like that?”

Instead of answering, Derpy folded her wings and turned to pick up a plank. “Carrot Top, I’m really sorry about this.”

The earth pony gave a halfhearted smile, saying, “It’s no problem. I know you can’t help it. So how’d you meet this dude?”

The Doctor grinned. “I accidentally swallowed the key to my—uh—home, and I was asking Derpy for help. Oh, and I didn’t know how to walk or use my hooves or what to eat. So Ms. Hooves decided to assist me. Easy enough, right?”

“Mrs. Hooves,” Derpy corrected bitterly. “I’m married.”

“Really? Who are you married to, and why haven’t I met him?”

“His name is Night. He works in the Everfree Forest all week. A while ago reports of ponies disappearing there started rolling in. If a pony goes missing in the Everfree, we always find bones, or blood, or a body. But not these times. So Ponyville sent a team of ponies to investigate. Night Hooves was among them.” She stopped talking, glancing at the Doctor. He was smiling ear to ear, his hooves dancing around in excitement. “What are you looking so pleased about?”

“Nothing really,” he said. “It’s just that I expected Equestria to be boring and peaceful. I never thought other aliens would come here. But I guess I was wrong! Hee, hee!”

Carrot Top looked extremely confused. “What does he mean, other aliens?”

The Doctor ignored her, grabbing Derpy by the arm. “Derpy! We can clean this up later. Right now we have some important business in the Everfree to attend to. Although it would’ve been useful to have my sonic screwdriver, but what are you going to do?” He pranced in circles. “I wonder what sort of creature it is? It might not be an alien, but if it’s dangerous enough to send a bunch of people—sorry, ponies—to investigate, then it’s probably dangerous enough for me to get involved! Oh, this is wonderful!”

After a few moments, he realized Derpy hadn’t moved. “What’s wrong, Derpy? Are you coming?”

“Actually, Doctor, I’m not,” she said. “I wrecked my best friend’s cart, so now I have to fix it. But…if anything exciting happens, let me know, okay? It sounds fun.”

The Doctor sighed. “Okay. See you around!” Without waiting another moment he took off, giggling madly and tripping every few feet.

*   *   *

Sparkler made her way down the hallway, her head low to the ground. As usual, her backpack bulged, filled with textbooks, folders, and homework. When she saw a familiar blue-maned Pegasus walking toward her, she groaned. “What do you want, Thunderlane? Are you here to make fun of Derpy again?”

Thunderlane shook his head. “Nah. I’m saving the stuff I want to say about your mom for later. Actually, there’s something interesting I thought you should know.”

“What? In case you haven’t noticed, school is about to start.”

The stallion waved a hoof dismissively. “When have either of us ever cared about being late for class? Seriously, I think you’ll find what I discovered very interesting.”

“For pony’s sake, just tell me what you found out already!”

“Somepony’s in a bad mood,” he joked.

“Thunderlane, I swear to Celestia, if you don’t tell me what you found out right now, I will tear every feather off your wings.”

“Okay! Geez. So, last night, I was taking my little bro, Rumble, for a flight around Ponyville. He’s just learnin’ to fly, you know? But then I heard your mom’s voice.”

“She’s not my mother.”

“Whatever. I heard Derpy’s voice. I figured she snuck out, so I followed the sound of her voice.”

“And?”

“She was with a stallion!”

“What?!”

“Yeah. He was really weird, though. Apparently he swallowed the key to his house, so she had to help him puke it up.”

Sparkler made a face. “Ew!”

“He also didn’t know how to walk properly, and his name was, like, Doctor or something. I think he’s got some mental problems, because he kept sayin’ he wasn’t from this planet.”

“What…what did he look like?”

Thunderlane shrugged. “Pretty average. Brown earth pony, darker mane and tail, you know. He had an hourglass cutie mark. No clue why, though. He didn’t look like he made clocks or whatever. Anyway, just thought you should know.” The school bell rang, sending the ponies that were left in the halls scrambling to get to their classes.

Sparkler’s mind raced. Yes, Derpy and Night Hooves weren’t her biological parents, but they still took care of her. Night may not have been the sweetest or most loving of ponies, but he still loved Derpy, and Derpy loved him. Right? So why was Derpy running around meeting some other stallion? It didn’t make sense. And who was this “Doctor?” Why had Sparkler never heard of him before? “Thunderlane, can you tell all my teachers I’m sick with the feather flu?”

“Um…sure, I guess. Why?”

“I have some…business to take care of. Bye!” Leaving behind a very confused Thunderlane, the teenage mare darted out of school. She knew that she couldn’t confide in Derpy, Night Hooves was working, all her friends were in school, and Carrot Top would probably just tell Derpy, which left her only one choice. She was going to have to go into the Everfree and get Dinky.

*   *   *

The Doctor paced by the edge of the forest, breathing heavily. Derpy hadn’t told him much about the Everfree Forest, but she’d said enough to make him realize it wasn’t safe. Usually he wouldn’t care about how safe it was, but he hadn’t quite mastered running as a pony. And, as anyone who traveled with the Doctor knew, he had to run quite often.

Finally he worked up the courage to take a step inside the trees. Just as he did, though, he heard a gasp behind him.

Whipping around, he caught sight of a pinkish unicorn with a purple mane. Her eyes were narrowed dangerously, and her lip curled.

“Hello, there,” he said cheerfully. “Do I know you from somewh—?” His words were cut off as the young mare tackled him, her hooves slamming into him. “Ugh, pony hooves hurt,” he groaned.

The mysterious mare towered over him, her eyes blazing with anger. “You’re the Doctor, right?”

“Y-yes? Honestly, have we met before?”

She smacked a hoof across his face. “What the hay do you want with Derpy?!”

The Doctor rubbed his jaw in pain. “Allow me to repeat myself: pony hooves hurt.”

“Answer the question, wise guy.”

“I’m not sure I actually understand the question. Why would I want anything from Derpy? She was just helping me with some things, like showing me how to walk, how to hold things, what to eat…” He licked his lips. “Speaking of eating, I’m actually quite hungry. Well, I suppose it will have to wait.” He tilted his head. “Okay, seriously, why are you so angry with me? I don’t recognize you, so I certainly can’t have done anything wrong to you. Well, not yet anyway. Well, not at this point in my timeline.”

She stepped off him and crossed her arms with a huff. “I’m Sparkler. Derpy adopted me when I was a filly. So she’s practically my mother.”

“That might explain your attitude,” the Doctor said under his breath.

“Care to repeat that in a louder voice?”

“Um, no, not really.”

Sparkler looked him up and down suspiciously. “Why were you about to go into the Everfree? Don’t tell me you were about to go get Dinky, too?”

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, but who is Dinky?”

“Ha!” Sparkler snorted. “You’ve been sneaking around behind my father’s back with my mother and you don’t even know her foals’ names? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

The Doctor held up his hooves, stunned. “Hang on, what did you just say? Are you suggesting we’re romantically attached? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard some pretty dumb things. I’m hundreds of years older than her, she’s married, she’s got two foals, apparently, and besides, she’s one of the most infuriating ponies I’ve ever met. Granted I haven’t met many ponies, but you know what I mean.”

Now it was Sparkler’s turn to be stunned. “Did you say you were hundreds of years older than her? What are you, an alicorn?”

“No, I’m a Time Lord. Look, I can explain all that later, but right now I have things to do. Very important, save-this-planet type of things to do. Why are you going into the Everfree Forest, and why are you going alone? Aren’t you supposed to be in school? Do ponies even go to school?”

Sparkler rolled her eyes. “You’re weird, you know that? I was going to get my sist—I mean, Derpy’s daughter, Dinky. She’s staying with Zecora.” The Doctor blinked. “The zebra.” He blinked again. “Don’t you know anything?”

“Sorry, I’m relatively new here. Why is Derpy’s daughter staying with a zebra in the Everfree Forest?”

“Did Derpy tell you anything about her life?”

“Ah…no.”

“Well, Dinky’s been getting dangerous magic surges since she was really little. Her teacher as good as banned her from the school, so she was staying with Zecora. Zecora is really smart. We were hoping she might find a cure, and—what are you giggling at?”

“Hee, hee. Magic. That’s brilliant!”

“…Did I mention you’re weird?”

The Doctor began pacing again. “Yes, but that’s not the point. It seems to me like you ponies are wondering how to fix Dinky’s magic surges. But maybe that’s not what you should be wondering. What you should be wondering is…why? Why is she getting these magic surges?”

“Well…Twilight Sparkle said it’s genetic.”

“Genetic. But Derpy’s not a unicorn, she’s a…whatever a flying pony is called.”

“Pegasus?”

“Yes, right, that’s what I said.”

“Well, Dinky’s dad is a unicorn. Maybe it comes from him.”

The Doctor’s mind whirred. “Yes. Maybe. Although I’m not certain, my guess is that these magic surges have something to do with the creature in the Everfree. Maybe these surges aren’t entirely natural. Alien, even.” His eyes widened. “Sparky—”

Sparkler snapped, “It’s Sparkler!”

“Yes, right, that’s what I said. Take me to your sister!”

*   *   *

Watching from the bushes, the changeling’s eyes stretched wide. “Time Lord? No, that’s not possible. The Time Lords were wiped out. But if he is a Time Lord, then we’re in big trouble. He knows too much. We need to find a way to trap him.” Remembering the conversation he’d just witnessed, he gave a cruel smile. “And I think I know exactly who to use as bait.”