Chapters In the Cutiemark Crusader Clubhouse, the three founding members gathered in eager anticipation of the night's festivities. Apple Bloom cheered, "Ah cain't believe it's finally Nightmare Night!"
Scootaloo added, "We've been waiting all year. Parties and super sweet treats that will give us sugar highs!"
Sweetie Belle addressed the group, "Okay girls, before we lose focus, let's go over our checklist. Apple Bloom, do you have our candy baskets?"
"Right here!" she said, raising three extremely large decorated baskets.
"And did you bring your scooter for hauling all our candy?"
Scootaloo eagerly nodded, "It's parked outside."
Sweetie Belle raised a map. "And I created a timetable and map to hit the best houses in town and maximize our haul!"
Apple Bloom laughed, "Are you sure you're not Twilight's sister?"
"Great! All we have to do now is to get into our costumes."
The three fillies stared at each other.
"So Sweetie Belle, when is Rarity coming with our costumes?" asked Scootaloo.
"Rarity!" gasped Sweetie Belle. "Apple Bloom said her family had a lot of leftover costumes from previous Nightmare Nights!"
"Y'all wanted our old costumes? Ah think we're using 'em all fer scarecrows at the corn maze."
"Wait," interjected Scootaloo, "are you saying that we don't have any costumes for tonight!? What are we going to do? We can't go out on Nightmare Night as ourselves!"
Knock! Knock!
Apple Bloom trotted over and opened the door.
"Are you three in need of some help?" asked Discord.
"It's Nightmare Night and we can't go trick or treating!" cried Scootaloo.
Discord grinned. "You're in luck! I can help you with that." He produced three vials of a bubbling green liquid. "Drink this."
"What's that?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Oh just a potion that will allow you to go out tonight for trick or treating."
The three fillies eyed him suspiciously. "What's the catch?" asked Sweetie Belle.
The draconequus was taken aback. "Why, I was just trying to help out some friends, but if you don't want to enjoy yourselves this evening - "
"Give them here!" declared Scootaloo.
The three girls paused for a moment, then popped the corks and downed the liquids. They stood there, waiting for something to happen.
"What's supposed to happen?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"Ah feel kinda funny," said Apple Bloom, clutching her barrel.
Suddenly, they let out piercing shrieks. Apple Bloom became orange, with black stripes appearing while her hooves changed into paws. Sweetie Belle turned gray and grew a second horn. Scootaloo lost all her limbs but gained scales and a forked tongue she flicked about the air.
"Now you can go trick or treating!" said Discord.
"Well, Ah guess this will work. Let's go!" declared Apple Bloom.
The three girls struggled to move. They glanced over to the mirror and let out new screams as they saw they had been transformed into a chimera.
Sweetie Belle sighed, "I know the three of us are close, but this is ridiculous!"
In the background, Discord chuckled as he altered the sign to read:Clubhouse of Horror .
Author's Note
I was going to publish some Halloween-themed chapters of Robot Pony
Dreadnought
The crew of the Nostromo gathered around the table in the mess for a final meal before going back into stasis. Artificial food was passed around, alcohol consumed, and cigarettes smoked.
"First thing I'm going to do when we get back is eat some descent food," boasted Kane, still recovering from his harrowing experience in the alien ship.
"I can dig it. I've eaten worse food than this, but then I've tasted better," replied Parker.
Tapping her cigarette into the ash tray, Lambert remarked, "You're pounding down this stuff like there's no tomorrow."
Parker gave her a sly grin as he replied, "I'd rather be eating something else, but right now, I'm thinking food."
Disgusted, she rolled her eyes at his comment.
"You should know, you know what it's made of," chuckled Kane.
He laughed, "I don't wanna to talk about what it's made of. I'm eating this!"
Kane began choking.
"What's the matter, man? The food ain't that bad baby!"
The crew grew more concerned as he continued choking.
He struggled to stand up, then turned and fell back onto the table. As he writhed in agony, the other crew members rushed over and grabbed his limbs to restrain him. Parker tried forcing open his jaws to insert a spoon for his friend to bite down on. Kane let out a scream and blood exploded from his chest as though he'd been shot in the back. Covered in blood and shocked, everyone stopped in horror for a moment and just stared. Kane began convulsing, and the other crew members struggled to hold him down. A mass grew in his chest and his chest ripped open. "Surprise!" yelled the pink pony.
"CUT!"
Everyone stopped.
The director rubbed his head. "Everyone take five. Pinkie, I need to talk to you for a moment."
"Sure thing, Mr. director," replied the buoyant pony, climbing out of the faux chest and wiping the fake blood from her face. Everyone else headed to their trailers or the cafeteria. One disgruntled cast member muttered, "That was take fifty."
Ridley Scott stood there for a moment, searching for the words. "I don't think this is going to work."
"Why not?" asked a concerned Pinkie.
"Well, your entrance was too... enthusiastic. Our creature isn't supposed to talk. It's supposed to be a mindless monster that scares the s@#$ out of the audience. And," he paused for a moment, "I don't think a pony is going to do it. No matter how much blood and guts we cover you with, you're still come across as cute. Tempest Shadow might be able to pull this off, but I'm sorry, we're going to have to replace you."
Author's Note
Bet you didn't see that coming! BTW, Alien will be back in select theaters starting October 13th!
Dreadnought
Chapter 4: Revelation
"All my life I've awaiting your coming and dreaded it, like death itself," said Dr. Zaius.
"You're afraid of me and hate me? Why?" asked Applejack.
"Because you're a pony," Zaius spat back. "And you're right. I have always known about ponies. They were a primitive, backwards race."
"What proof do y'all have?"
"This land used to be a paradise, not it's a wasteland."
Applejack shook her head. "A planet where humans rule over ponies, it don't make no sense. There's gotta be an answer." She donned her stetson and turned to her mute companion, "Come on."
"Don't look for it. You may not like what you find," he cautioned.
Applejack ignored the warning as she and Nova galloped off down the beach....
The pair climbed over boulders. They pushed through thick brush. They waded through heavy surf.
Rounding a point, Applejack slowed down and her mouth fell open. She came to a complete stop. "Oh Celestia. Ah'm back. Ah'm home. All this time, it was..." She pounded the sand. "You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to Tartarus!"
Confused, Nova looked down the beach. Before the pair loomed a ruin statue, recognizable to Applejack as Manehattan's Statue of Friendship.
Chapter 5: Death
Wham!!! The doors slammed open and a blue pegasus burst into the waiting room. "I came as soon as I heard," said Rainbow Dash, still wearing her Wonderbolts uniform. "How she doing?" But she didn't need an answer. Rarity, who was consoling a distraught Spike, looked up. Tears had caused her black eyeshadow to run down her cheeks.
"What happened?" demanded Rainbow Dash.
"Well," began Fluttershy. "We were having a nice lunch at a Neighican restaurant, when - "
The door to the emergency room opened, and Dr. Horse stepped out. Twelve sets of eyes full of hope fell upon him. He slowly pulled the face mask off to address the group. Shaking his head, he said, "I'm sorry. There's nothing we could do. She choked on her food and couldn't be revived."
A long, insufferable silence hung over the room.
Finally, Applejack said, "Ah guess she was right tah be afraid of cheese quesadillas."
Author's Note
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. For those of you who need a refresher:
Dreadnought
The colt meandered around the Appleloosa County Fair, taking in the sights. There were booths with all sorts of carnival games, passing out prizes for winners. Tents housed vendors who hawked anything and everything to the festival goers. The smell of sweet treats and fried food drifted lazily through the air. Upbeat country music could be heard from the bandstand.
"Out of the way!" yelled an orange pegasus mare. She and her two friends, an ivory unicorn mare and a yellow earth mare with a red bow in her mane, raced past him to one of the rides. A moment later, a brown pegasus filly chased after them.
Momentarily disoriented, the colt walked down a back alley.
"Hello there," came a voice.
Startled, the colt turned to see a stallion. He was dressed in baggy clothing and large clown shoes. He wore white face-paint with two long red stripes running from his mouth up to near his eyes.
"Hello," the colt greeted.
"I'm Troubleshoes, the Dancing Rodeo Clown." He gave a quick silly jig.
"I'm Corn Harvest," the colt volunteered.
"You look like a foal who likes to have fun."
Corn Harvest shrugged. "Sure."
"Well, step right into my tent," said Troubleshoes, holding a flap open.
"I - I'm not sure."
Troubleshoes looked downcast. "I just wanted some feedback on my new routine. I'm giving it tonight before everypony at the fair."
"Oh, okay, I'd be happy to help." The colt walked into the tent.
Troubleshoes gave an evil grin, bearing his fanged teeth. He followed the colt and let the tent flap drop....
Chapter 9: Medical Procedures
"How - how bad is it?" asked Lightning Bolt.
Dr. Horse removed his glasses and sighed, "You sustained very serious injuries in your accident. Your right wing is completely shattered."
The pegasus's eyes filled with tears.
"I'm afraid there's not much I can do," he confessed.
Looking him deep in the eyes, she pleaded, "Please. There has to be something. I'll do anything. I'll pay anything. Please. I - I need to fly again."
"Well," Dr. Horse said, rubbing his chin. "I have heard of this new clinic up north. They claim that they can help ponies with severe injuries and diseases...."
***
"All aboard!" cried the train conductor.
Lightning Bolt hoofed over her ticket and boarded the compartment. She was immediately taken back its occupants. There were unicorns with broken horns. Pegasi with shattered wings. Earth ponies with legs in casts. Others let out hacking coughs or looked as though they were on death's doorstep.
She made her way down the aisle until she found an empty seat. The pony sitting across from her, a stallion with a multitude of scars, said, "Howdy, Miss."
"Hello," she timidly replied.
"Not what you were expecting?"
"I didn't expect - Well, I guess it shouldn't be a surprise. After all, the Halo Clinic is supposed to be the best in Equestria."
"Yeah, that's what Ah hear. Seems like it's given every pony here a second chance."
***
Thrrrrp!
Scootaloo spread the white liquid around, before dumping glitter onto her project. Suddenly, something hit her. She looked up at the other members of the CMC. "Girls," she asked, "do you ever wonder where glue comes from?"
Author's Note
In case you were wondering, the "Halo Clinic" is supposed to be a take-off of the "Mayo Clinic." I couldn't think of anything pony related. At least Futurama uses "Taco Bellevue Hospital."
Dreadnought
Chapter 10: Funeral
"...ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Amen." The pastor wiped a tear away from his eye. "Now to give some remarks, here is her good friend, Miss Pinkie Pie."
The pastor stepped aside and Pinkie Pie took his place at the rostrum. "I know you're all here for a funeral and we're all super mopey over Twilight choking on her quesadilla, but the first three letters of 'funeral' are 'fun' - so let's party!" She threw confetti into the air and blew a party horn.
Rarity, sitting in the front pew, lamented, "I knew we should have had Applejack give the eulogy."
Author's Note
"The first three letters of 'funeral' are 'fun'". It comes from Cold Sassy Tree , a book I had to read in English class years ago. That saying is one of the few things that I still remember about that book.
Dreadnought
Chapter 11: Special Order
Chapter 11: Special Order
Ding-a-Ling!
Pinkie Pie bounced out from the kitchen to see Rarity perusing the delicious desserts of Sugarcube Corner.
"Hiya Rarity!" she greeted.
"Pinkie, darling, I have come to place an order."
"Okie dokie!" She grabbed a pencil and pad. "Who's it going to?"
"Prince Blueblood."
"Prince Blueblood! You mean that meanie unicorn who treated you terribly?"
Rarity waved a hoof. "That was ages ago."
Pinkie leaned in, "Ooh, do you still have a crush on him?"
"No. But I need some closure. I'd like to send him a cake."
"What kind?"
"Your special cake."
"You mean - "
"Yes."
***
The door gently opened.
"I wasn't to be disturbed," reprimanded Blueblood.
"My apologies, sir. You have a special delivery." The butler held forth a large cake.
"Hmm..." thought Blueblood. "That does look good. Bring it here."
***
Pinkie Pie merrily bounced her way down the streets of Canterlot.
Boom!!!
Everypony gasped. They looked up to see smoke billowing from one of the tallest and priciest buildings in town.
Pinkie just smiled. It was always a special day when somepony got her pineapple grenade upside down cake.
Author's Note
Greetings readers. I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. I'm feeling a bit down, and when I'm down, I lose all desire to write. So I had to force myself to write today's chapter. Let me explain:
It's cold and gray outside, and it's been snowing for nearly a week. Summer seems like a lifetime ago. Plus a number of my friends have departed for their next duty station, so it's getting lonely here. Yesterday I managed to catch Joker at the movie theater. It's depressing and you really feel sorry for the guy. On top of that, tomorrow is the series finale. Discovery Family's special "Decade of Pony" showed a few glimpses of the finale - it's going to be a tearjerker. Well, that's all I have to say about that. The year's almost done and I want to make 2020 a great year!
Dreadnought
Chapter 12: Trick-or-Treaters
Knock! Knock!
Slowly the front door swung open to reveal Granny Smith. "Why, hello there young'uns."
"Trick or treat!" chorused six fillies.
"My, my, what do we 'ave here."
"We're the Elements of Harmony!" cried one of the fillies.
"Oh, yes, Ah can see that. Well, here's some treats." She reached for the bowl of candy sitting on the table next to the front door. "One for the Twilight," she said, depositing a piece into a bucket.
"Thank you," said the little blue unicorn wearing fake wings and a crown.
"And one for the Fluttershy."
"Thanks Granny Smith."
"And one for the Rarity."
"Thank you... darling," giggled the little filly.
"A piece for the Rainbow Dash."
"Awesome!" squeaked the little indigo filly.
"One for the Pinkie Pie."
"ThankYou!ThankYou!ThankYou!!!" gushed the pony as she bounced up and down.
"And finally, one for Apple...." Granny Smith paused and rubbed her eyes. "Do my eyes deceive me? You don't look like mah Applejack."
The little purple filly said, "I'm not. I'm Starlight Glimmer."
"Ah thought that you six were the Elements of Harmony."
"We are!" they chorused.
Granny Smith rubbed her chin. "Applejack is the sixth Element of Harmony."
The purple filly spat, "No pony wants to be Applejack. And even if they did, they don't make Applejack costumes."
Author's Note
Poor Applejack! Best character on the show, and she always gets a bum rap. Build-A-Bear workshop had Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy - even Cheerilee. But no Applejack. Furthermore, remember when McDonald's had My Little Pony toys last October? Take a look at the Happy Meal box below:
Dreadnought
Chapter 13: Twilight Goes to Hell
Fire and brimstone. Lava waterfalls. The smell of burning sulfur. Screams of agony filling the air.
A demon carrying a pitchfork escorted a purple alicorn through the bowels of Hell.
She cringed as the caught the glimpse of a pony on a wrack, being stretched to unbelievable lengths.
"So, what's your story?" he gruffly asked.
"I - I'm," she stuttered. "I'm Twilight Sparkle."
"I thought alicorns were supposed to be immortal. What happened? Taken down by an evil overlord? Stabbed in the back by a best friend? Fought to the death against a rampaging dragon?"
"I - " she paused as she heard yet another scream. "I choked on a cheese quesadilla."
He stopped and eyed her suspiciously. "A cheese quesadilla?"
Twilight hung her head low. "Yes," she whispered.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Well, don't feel too bad, it happens more than you might think."
He continued to lead Twilight on, until they reached a long hallway with doors. As they passed by, she read the names on the doors: "Terrorists" ... "Homicidal Maniacs" ..."Cannibals". She even thought one was labelled "Hasbro Execs Who Cancelled Friendship is Magic."
Finally, the demon opened a door and said, "In you go."
Twilight stepped inside.
Slam!!!
Twilight jumped slightly. After taking a moment to catch her breath, she looked around her eternity. To her surprise, it was a large, well lit room. The floors were clean and the furniture appeared comfortable. But most surprising were the multitude of creatures that filled the room, all of whom were currently staring at the newest resident.
A tall one sauntered over. She knelt down to Twilight's level. "Hello there," she said, reaching out a hand.
Twilight gave a hoof and they shaked. "I'm Twilight."
"Rey," the girl smiled.
She hesitated. "I've never met someone like you. What are you?"
"I'm a Jedi."
Two more creatures came over. "Hello," Twilight greeted.
"I'm Ginny Weasley."
"Katniss Everdeen."
"I'm Twilight Sparkle." Twilight continued to take in the room. "So, what's the deal? I thought this place was supposed to be bad. Why are we all here?"
Rey shrugged. "Maybe the first occupant can tell us?" She waved over a woman.
A tall, beautiful woman came over. "Oh, hello. What's your name? I'm Mary Sue."
Author's Note
Maybe I should bump up the rating on this story to Teen. Thoughts?
Dreadnought
"Granny, which one do you think it was?" asked Applejack, scanning downtown Ponyville.
"Ah'm not sure, they was wearing a costume."
"Well, do you recognize anypony?"
"That group of foals over there dressed like the Elements of Harmony came by earlier," said Granny Smith, pointing to a group trick or treating at a house.
Applejack looked over. "Well, maybe. Hey, wait a minute. They've got a Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity... and is that a Starlight Glimmer? Where's me!?"
"Said they don't sell Applejack costumes. Not popular enough."
"Ah've just about 'ad it wit this popularity business."
"What did you get?" came a foal's voice from behind.
"Oh cool!" came another voice.
Applejack spun around and saw a foal dressed as a pirate sporting cheshire grin with a large pair of dentures. "Hey you kids! Get back here with mah granny's teeth!"
Chapter 15: Stress Relief
"Thank you, Princess," said the noble as he fell into a bow.
Celestia nodded in return.
The noble rose and left the throne room, the heavy doors closing behind him.
Stretching her wings to to the fullest extent, Celestia remarked, "That was a long session of court."
The captain of the guard, struggling to stay awake, shook his head to focus and replied, "Yes, your highness."
Celestia stood from her cushioned throne and said, "I'm in serious need of some relaxation." She fixed her captain with a hard glare. "I am not to be disturbed."
The captain snapped to a salute as the door closed behind the princess.
"Relaxation?" said one of the guards. "Probably headed to the kitchen to pig out."
"Yeah," responded another, "maybe we should warn the cooking staff."
"Princess of cake," laughed a third.
The captain, too tired to discipline his lieutenants, trotted off to bed.
Celestia descended the spiral stone staircase. Step after step, flight after flight. Only the glow of her horn allowed her to see the way ahead. At last she reached the bottom, beholding the crystal caves that lay beneath Canterlot. She trotted over to an alcove. Behind several thick iron bars, concealed in the shadows, sat a form. Green eyes slowly opened.
Celestia raised a jar and popped open the lid. A red aura came out and swept into the cell. "Eat up," said Celestia with a wry smile.
"Bleah. It hate puppy love."
"Love is love to you changelings," replied Celestia.
"I wish you'd just let me starve."
"Oh, and miss our time together?"
"I'd rather die," retorted Chrysalis.
"Well, where'd be the fun in that?" asked Celestia with an evil grin. Her horn glowed and a lightning bolt erupted from the tip.
Chrysalis let out a piercing scream as she writhed in agony. Wisps of smoke rose from her chitin skin.
"You should know that day court was particularly stressful, so I need a lot of relaxation." Celestia's horn built up another charge....
Five friends sat around the map in Twilight's castle.
"So, we're all in agreement 'bout dividin' up the stuff?" began Applejack. "Rarity gets the fine china, Fluttershy all the stuffed animals, Pinkie Pie the party supplies, Rainbow Dash all the Daring Do stuff, and I get the rest of the books in Twilight's library."
"What do you want all those books for?" asked Rainbow Dash. "You don't read all that much."
"True, but winter's comin'. We need somethin' fer gettin' the stove an' the fireplace started."
"Ooh, it's a good thing Twilight isn't here to hear you talking about burning books."
Suddenly, a ball of fire rose up from the floor. The flames died away to reveal Twilight Sparkle. "You want to burn my books!"
"Zombie!" cried Pinkie, suddenly wielding an ax.
Applejack said, "Pinkie, Ah don't think - "
Whack!
"Pinkie!" admonished Rarity.
Laying on the floor, a bloody Twilight groaned in agony.
"Double tap!" yelled Pinkie.
Whack!
A demon sat in Hell, reading the newspaper. Suddenly, a ball of flames grew on the ceiling, and a purple pony fell to the floor. "Ow," she said.
Looking up, the demon asked, "Don't tell me you had another cheese quesadilla."
"No," said Twilight. "Pinkie Pie."
"You just proved you weren't a Mary Sue and got returned to Equestria, now you're back."
"Like I said, 'Pinkie Pie.' Say, is there any way I could have a mulligan?"
"Oh, I suppose I could be bothered. The in-processing paperwork around here is murder." He snapped his fingers and Twilight disappeared in a ball of flames.
The bus rolled down the country road.
"We're going to have so much fun!" cheered Pinkie Pie, throwing her hands into the air.
"Yeah, it'll be a real hootenanny," agreed Applejack.
Rainbow Dash cried, "Aw yeah! A week at Camp Everfree!"
Standing and turning around, Principal Celestia addressed the bus full of eager Canterlot High students. "Oh, I have some news," she began. "There's been a flood at Camp Everfree. But do not fear, I have booked you all at another camp."
"Which one?" asked Twilight.
"Camp Crystal Lake."
"That sounds so tranquil," added Fluttershy.
Chapter 20: The Portrait of Princess Luna
Many regard service as a royal guard as a dream job.... Protecting the sovereigns of the land from all enemies, foreign and domestic. Hunting dangerous fugitives and taking down evil overlords. Rescuing fair maidens from dastardly villains. Being experts in every weapon from heavy swords to powerful crossbows to sharp lances. Wearing shining golden armor. Marching in formal military parades. Having young colts and fillies looking up in awe.
But the reality was far different.... The constant drill. The low pay. The cramped barracks that lacked all privacy. Ceaseless polishing of armor until it achieved a spotless reflection. The long nights patrolling the grounds. The mind-numbing boredom of standing guard throughout the castle.
Being a Sunday, today was an especially tedious day. Royal court was not in session and very little government business was ever conducted. Even formal engagements, from galas to parties, were hardly ever held on Sundays. It was with some relief that the royal guard took note of the two ladies coming down the long castle hallway. One, a stunning unicorn mare, trotted along with an elegant grace that spoke of high social standing. The other, a unicorn filly, practically skipped, her enthusiasm infecting even the salted royal guard.
Looking down at the energetic filly, the mare admonished, "Calm down, Sweetie Belle. This is not the place to run about."
"Sorry, Rarity. I'm just so excited about BSSCAD!"
"BSSCAD ?" repeated Rarity.
"Belle Sisters Special Canterlot Adventure Day!" she cheerfully explained.
Rarity chuckled, "I see. Pinkie's obviously talked to you about PSSSD."
"And PSSSDWR."
Rarity shuddered, "Don't remind me. I have no idea what I'm going to give to Maud."
"Well, we've got the entire day to spend in Canterlot."
"Yes, I'm surprised just how quickly Princess Luna's fitting went."
"Her Nightmare Night Gala dress looks great! Princess Luna looked beautiful."
"Yes she did, but then again she always looks so beautiful."
Sweetie Belle thought for a moment, "Yeah, and she and Princess Celestia are way old. How come they look so young?"
"I suppose it's alicorn magic," Rarity mused.
"That makes sense."
Meanwhile in a little-used wing of the castle, down a forgotten hallway and behind a heavy locked door lay the storage room. Inside it was filled with an odd assortment of items that could fill a museum... or earn a fortune at auction. Boxes overflowed with ancient, powerful artifacts. Cabinets brimmed with centuries of gifts from foreign dignitaries and rich admirers. Shelves strained under the weight of all sorts of curios. And in an a far corner stood an easel. Upon it, gathering dust, was an ancient painting. It was a portrait of Princess Luna. While once it showed a beautiful, youthful alicorn mare, it had turned ugly and horrid over the centuries while it's subject remained young and beautiful....
Author's Note
Thank you Oscar Wilde.
Dreadnought
Chapter 21: Treehouse of Horror 30.1
Professor Frink stood in the living room. "As you can see, mother, this invention will change the world!" He leaned over to the contraption. Mechanical arms came up to his chest and in a flash its work was done. He stood up and continued his demonstration. "From now on, nerds like myself will never be made fun of because they can't tie a tie."
Mrs. Frink rolled her eyes. "You've got a PhD from MIT, and this is what you spend your time on!? I thought you were trying for a Nobel Prize." She got up and left the room, leaving her son distraught.
Sitting in his office at the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology, Professor Frink mused, "I've got to do something to win the Nobel Prize so my mother will be proud of me." He looked at his scientific notebooks for inspiration. "Hmm.... Lasers for sharks? No. Spray on hair? No. Self-paying parking meters? No."
Five hours later....
"Well, it's either build a time machine or develop a way to increase intelligence. Which one should I work on? I think the drug. The Nobel Prize for Medicine seems to have lower standards, what with the simple biology and molecular science."
"Yes, your research is quite promising," said Dr. Hibbert as he put down the file. "I'd be willing to help you with this project."
"Excellent. Now to proceed with the human testing."
Dr. Hibbert chuckled. "Do I look like Edward Jenner? No, first you must do animal testing." He pulled out a file from his desk, "Here are the prices for testing on chimpanzees."
Looking at the file, Professor Frink exclaimed, "Hoyvin-glavin!"
Once again Dr. Hibbert chuckled, "Yes, it can be very expensive."
"What about other animals?"
"Well, there are dogs and cats. Or you can try for other creatures such as frogs or ponies."
"Ponies! My as-yet-to-be-introduced brother raises ponies. They'll be cheap!"
Dr. Hibbert and Professor Frink stood in the stable. "I gave the drug to this pony two weeks ago. Let's test its intelligence." Turning to the pony, he said, "What do you get when you add two plus two?"
The pony stomped its hoof four times.
"Amazing," exclaimed Dr. Hibbert.
"Yes, let's try again. What is four times two?"
The horse in the next stall stomped its hoof eight times.
"That one is intelligent too," noted Dr. Hibbert.
"I - uh - didn't give it the drug."
"How can this be?"
Professor Frink examined his notes. "Oh, I forgot to carry the one. Let's see, divide this by that and take into account exponential growth. Uh-oh."
"What?"
"My technique involves the use of gene therapy. It seems that the adenovirus has become airborne."
"Meaning?"
"All the horses in Springfield have become intelligent."
Mayor Quimby reflected on the presentation. "I don't see a problem here."
"Flavin!" cried Professor Frink. "Intelligent horses could be the end of us! They could overthrow mankind."
"I don't think you understand the magnitude," insisted Dr. Hibbert.
"Intelligent ponies will bring in tourist dollars and raise our school's scores on the state's standardized tests," explained Mayor Quimby.
"But their not just intelligent, they're also talking and registering to vote," replied Professor Frink.
"Registering as Democrats?" asked Quimby.
"Republicans."
Mayor Quimby slammed his fist on the desk. "These ponies present a threat and must be eliminated. What do you propose?"
"Well, the animal rights activists won't let us shoot them, but we could conceivable wipe them out with an intense radiation dosage."
Mayor Quimby looked out his window. "How could we create a massive radiation dosage in Springfield?"
"Let me get this straight," said Mr. Burns. "I cause an intentional core breach, and you will absolve me of all liability."
"Yes," assured Quimby.
"And all liability for past accidents?"
"Yes."
"And future accidents?"
"Yes."
"This is a good deal, sir," said Mr. Smithers. "However, given your reputation, perhaps it would be best if someone else were to take the blame."
"Did you have someone in mind?" Mr. Burns asked.
Smithers pointed at the monitor.
"Excellent," said Mr. Burns.
Homer Simpson came back from lunch and sat down in his chair. He looked over the control panel. The "Drain All Coolant" button had been scratched out and written in pencil above it was "Press Here For Free Donut."
"Ooh!" cried Homer, excitedly pushing the button over and over again."
A moment later the Springfield's emergency alarms began broadcasting across town.
After several months...
Mayor Quimby addressed the crowd. "I've been assured that we can return to Springfield."
Lisa spoke up, "But won't radiation levels still be too high?"
"I've been assured by leading scientists hired by Burns Worldwide that it is safe to return, right before they bought private jets to fly to Bora Bora."
The people crested the hill overlooking Springfield and gasped. Instead of a ruined town, Springfield was thriving. The town was populated completely by ponies. Some ponies worked on putting up a building. Another one, a police officer, had pulled over a speeder. Colts and fillies played during school recess. The sign above town that normally read "Springfield" had been changed to "Equestria."
"Oh smagin!" cried Professor Frink. "The radiation dose mutated the ponies. They've turned pastel colors and have enormous eyes."
Dr. Hibbert commented, "And some have evolved into pegasi while others are unicorns."
Princess Twilight Sparkle set aside the book. Looking at the Cutiemark Crusaders, she said, "And that was how Equestria was founded."
Scootaloo said, "That's cool and all, but we asked you 'Where do baby ponies come from?'"
Author's Note
Last night was the Simpson's "Treehouse of Horror XXX". Thought I'd pay tribute to this Halloween series, the inspiration for this story, with a special chapter. Hope you enjoyed it!
I'd also like to note the milestone I've reached with this chapter. I have now published over 200,000 words! I never thought I'd write enough to reach that, but here I am! And there's still so much more to come!
Dreadnought
Chapter 22: Classified Briefing
The earth pony hurried to the briefing room. Walking in, he was surprised that it was packed to the brim with lots of chatter. The general motioned to a seat, and the pony quickly sat down at the conference table.
"Thank you for coming, Dr. Kiso," said the general.
"Yes, sir," replied the earth pony.
The general addressed the conference room, which instantly fell silent. "Good afternoon everypony. I know that things have been moving quickly and there's been a lot of rumors and misinformation swirling around, so I've asked Dr. Kiso to brief everyone on the situation." Turning to the earth pony, he said, "Dr. Kiso, you have the floor."
Standing up, he said, "Thank you, sir." Turning to the assembled ponies, he said, "What you all are about to hear is of the highest classification. What is discussed here is not to leave this room. I've prepared some slides to help illustrate what's happening." He took a deep breath before continuing. "As you know, we've established good relations with several races: the changelings, the yaks, the dragons, and the hippogriffs. However, our relations are based on current leadership. Any change to the leadership of these races, whether natural succession or a coup, could drastically affect our relations and radically change the balance of power in Equestria, to our detriment. To that end, we began the Manehattan Project. The purpose of this program was to develop a weapon that we could use to defend ourselves. After several years of research and millions of bits expended, we developed the ultimate weapon. Slide please."
A slide appeared on the screen:
Dr. Kiso adjusted his glasses. "That, is the friendship bomb. Ten megatons of pure friendship. Deployed from airships, we could drop them on our enemies, filling all creatures within the blast radius with love and kindness."
"Was it a success?" came a voice.
"Initially we deemed this explosion a complete success. Full production on the friendship bombs has been greenlit. However," he took another deep breath, "our experiment had an unintended side-affect. It appears that it has awoken an ancient beast. Next slide."
More gasps filled the room.
"What is it?" came a question.
"We call it Spikezilla. And we believe it's headed to Canterlot to spread friendship."
The town square lay unusually quiet. Most ponies were busy at the market or running their shops. On a park bench sat a filly. The deserted town square only added to her misery, as she had her face buried in her hooves as she let out heart-wrenching sobs.
"Red Rose?"
Through her tears Rose beheld a familiar looking mare. The earth pony was dressed as a clown, with white face paint, red lips and green hair. But this outrageous outfit was not was out of character for the mare. Wiping her eyes, Rose attempted a friendly greeting, "Pinkie Pie."
"Why so serious?" she hissed.
"I had a fight with Pumpkin Cake. I don't know if we'll ever be friends again. I'm so miserable!"
A twisted smile grew across the mare's face. "Well, let's put a smile on that face of yours."
Author's Note
Glad I'm not the only one to come up with this idea:
Dreadnought
Solemnly the Apples gathered at the top of the hill. Their tears mixed with the rain that fell upon that cold, October day. They looked down upon the freshly dug grave with a wooden marker.
"Ah think we all should say somethin'," said Applejack.
"Eeyup," confirmed Big Mac.
Sugar Belle began, "Though the days we shared were few, I will always treasure our time together."
Big Mac took a deep breath, "I've known her most of my life. Ah always knew this day would come, but - " He choked and couldn't finish. Sugar Belle wrapped him in a loving embrace.
It was Applejack's turn. "I love ya. Nothin' will ever change that. You made all our lives better."
Apple Bloom stepped forward, "Ah -" She wiped her eyes. "Ah - " She turned and galloped down the hill toward the farmhouse.
Applejack started to follow, but a hoof on her shoulder gave her pause. "She needs tah grieve in her own way," said Granny Smith.
"Eeyup," confirmed Big Mac.
Granny Smith turned toward the grave. "Ah remember when Pear Butter brought you home. You were the cutest puppy Ah ever laid eyes on...."
One week later...
Sugar Belle laid another stack of pancakes upon Applejack and Big Mac's plates. She glanced over to see Apple Bloom's plate still had its untouched pancakes. The shot a glance to Applejack and Big Mac.
"Apple Bloom," Applejack said, "ya need to eat yer breakfast."
"Eeyup," added Big Mac.
Apple Bloom looked at her plate. "Ah ain't hungry. Can Ah be excused?"
"Of course dear," said Granny Smith before anypony else could reply.
"Ah'm goin' to mah room," she said. Apple Bloom walked out of the kitchen with her head hung low.
Silence reigned for a long time.
Finally, Applejack said, "She's really upset."
"Eeyup."
"What are we going to do?" asked Sugar Bell.
Silence returned to the kitchen.
Later that day...
"Welcome and greetings my friend,
"Eeyup." Big Mac entered the tree, and Zecora closed the door behind him.
"Do not be meek,
"Well, Ah'm here looking for help."
"Awe, I'll see what I can do,
Big Mac sighed. "Apple Bloom's real upset over Winona. She hardly eats and is sad all the time. Ah can't stand to see her so upset. Is there a potion that will bring Winona back?"
"I do not know a brew,
"Please, there must be somethin'," he pleaded.
"Legend speaks of a cemetery full of dread,
"Really?" he looked hopeful.
"Yes, but I advise against this act,
"Ah've got to do it."
"This act may bring harm,
Later that afternoon...
Applejack pulled the wagon up the hill. Nearing the crest, she came to a dead stop. Over by the barn was Apple Bloom... playing with Winona?
She hurriedly raced over to her brother. "Is that Winona?"
"Eeyup."
"What?"
"Ah brought her back," he said simply.
"How?" she demanded.
"Ah buried her in the pet cemetery in the Everfree."
"You did what!"
"Buried her in the pet cemetery."
"You know that anything brought back is tormented and brings terrible harm upon those it loved!"
"Er - " he said guiltily.
"Did you bring anything else back to life?"
In the distance, Apple Bloom yelled, "Mama! Papa!"
Author's Note
Writing Zecora is maddening.
Dreadnought
Twilight furiously ran a hacksaw across the chain that shackled her back hoof to the pipe.
"It's not working!" cried Starlight, who was working on her own chain that bound her back hoof.
"We have to keep trying. If we don't, Jigsaw will kill our families."
The two kept at it, watching the clock on the wall count down.
"We're not going to make it," said Starlight.
"We have to keep going. Jigsaw wouldn't have given us this saw unless we could escape." The saw in her magical telekensis slowed then stopped.
"What?" asked Starlight, stopping her sawing as she looked over at the alicorn.
"There is a way to escape." Twilight levitated the saw to her hoof.
"No Twilight!" cried Starlight.
"It's the only way!" insisted Twilight. She placed the rusty blade firmly against her hoof. She took a deep breath. Taking one last look, she closed her eyes and grimaced....
"Wait!" cried Starlight.
Not opening her eyes, Twilight reiterated, "It's the only way."
"Why don't we just teleport?"
Twilight's eyes popped open. She looked over at Starlight, who stared back. Twilight felt an intense pain as her free hoof found her face.
Chapter 28: The Godmother
A crescent moon hung high in the cloudless sky. A fine mist wafted in and among the trees. Faceless eyes peered from the shadows while a timberwolf howled in the distance.
Rarity rushed along the worn path. The spooky eyes disappeared as the mare approached. Occasionally, she would stop to glance behind, before hurrying along toward her destination.
Finally, she reached a clearing. Even in the dark, she could see the small cottage. But whereas most saw a cute, little cottage in the beautiful sunlight, somehow in the gloom of the wee hours of the morning it bore an ominous feeling. The dark shape. The absence of any animals or the songs of birds. The complete lack of cheerfulness that normally pervaded the homestead. The two rough-looking stallions standing by the front door only added to the apprehension she felt.
She walked over the bridge that crossed the babbling brook.
"Halt!" cried the stallion on the left.
"Who goes there?" demanded the other.
"It is Rarity. I am here to see Fluttershy."
"She said she was not to be disturbed."
"I'm her friend."
The stallions looked doubtful.
"Please, I need to speak with her. It is urgent," said Rarity.
After a few minutes wait, Rarity was ushered into a back room of the cottage. There, in the dark, sat a shadowy figure in an armchair. She stroked a rabbit sitting on her lap.
The two stallions departed the room and shut the door.
"Rarity," greeted the figure neutrally.
Rarity took a breath to calm down. "Fluttershy."
"This had better be good," said the icy voice. " I was in the middle of a very important business meeting."
"Yes, I'm truly sorry to bother you. I need your help."
"Go on."
"I signed a contract with Photo Finish. But I've been offered an extremely lucrative deal with a firm from Prance. It would truly transform my business into one known worldwide."
"And the problem," said the figure who had never stopped petting the rabbit.
"Photo Finish won't let me out of the contract. She's completely defiant that it's ironclad. I need some help resolving this issue."
The tension hung in the air for a minute. Finally, the figure said, "I'm going to make her an offer she can't refuse."
In a mansion in Canterlot…
Photo Finish slowly awoke. She reached to the nightstand for her glasses and put them on. Only then did she notice the blood on her hoof. She looked down, and her nightgown was covered in blood. The sheets were drenched in blood. With great trepidation, she pulled the covers back to reveal -
A bloody human head!
Photo Finish began shaking.
After a moment's study, she noticed certain features. The pale blue skin. The white hair. The black glasses with pink lenses.
Photo Finish let out an ear-piercing scream.
Author's Note
I actually was going to use this as the premise for The Secret Life of... Fluttershy . However, I have an even better idea, if you can believe that.
Dreadnought
Once upon a midnight dreary, while he pondered, weak and weary,
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Presently his soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Deep into that darkness peering, long he stood there wondering, fearing,
Back into the chamber turning, all his soul within him burning,
Open here he flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
Then this brownish bird beguiling his sad fancy into smiling,
He blinked. "You, that is who!" said he to the fowl.
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"You" the drake said again.
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
His face grew red, not blue
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
A thought came to him as he yelled at the bird above the door.
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
He pointed to the owl above the door.
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Say 'Nevermore' from your perch upon my décor,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Off to Canterlot, that lovely dame,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"The fair unicorn, whom the angels named Miss Belle,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Me! Spike! You know who I am."
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Spike! Twilight's aide, the young dragon with the crush,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Leave my private chamber you bird most foul,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
At first he let out a growl,
He blew from his mouth fire,
The room became filled with flame,
He turned and ran quickly out the door,
Looking at the castle all alight,
"Spike!" came a loud voice full of bite.
"Uh, your castle is no more,
Quoth the Owlet "Who."
"Spike! Spike! Spike! That's who!" the drake did burst.
Author's Note
I did think of trying to maintain the rhyme and meter throughout, I thought it'd be funnier if everyting gets derailed when Owlowiscious showed up.
Dreadnought
Chapter 30: Earth Pony Magic
"Bye, Applejack," cried Apple Bloom.
"Yah be home in time fer supper, ya'hear?" came Applejack's voice.
"Sure thin'."
Apple Bloom trotted down the worn path to Ponyville. She passed the garden, with its multitude of vegetables, the corn field with its acres of harvest-ready produce, and the apple orchards with their endless sea of trees. As Sweet Apple Acres proudly demonstrated, earth ponies had a special bond with plants.
After a brisk walk, she arrived at Carousel Boutique. Knock! Knock! the door swung open to reveal a smiling Rarity. "Hello, Apple Bloom."
"Hello, Rarity," she returned.
"Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are already here," she said, stepping aside to let the filly in. "They're in the kitchen."
A moment later, Apple Bloom was in the kitchen. Her friends were there, and on the counter sat pumpkins.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Hello," said the other two.
"What are we doing today?"
"We're carving jack o'lanterns," explained Sweetie Belle.
"W-we are?"
"It'll be real fun!" declared Scootaloo as she walked over to a pumpkin.
Apple Bloom stood behind a pumpkin. "Wouldn't y'all rather do somethin' else? We could decorate our candy baskets or plan our route."
"Already done," proclaimed Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom hesitantly picked up the knife. It was a long knife, with a blade at least nine inches. The sharpened steel reflected her uneasy appearance.
"Y'all really sure about this?" she asked.
"Yeah," said Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom put the tip of the knife against the skin of the pumpkin. She glanced over at the other Crusaders, who looked at her expectantly. With a deep sigh, she plunged her knife into the pumpkin. It let out a terrible wail of pain. A moment later, the room was filled with two more screams of agony, screams only she could hear. Sometimes Apple Bloom hated being an earth pony.
The Castle of Friendship was rocking. Vinyl Scratch blasted Nightmare Night themed songs with her new, extra-large speakers dialed up past eleven. The music reverberated throughout the cavernous entrance hall that was packed to the limit. It seemed all of Ponyville had turned out for the party. What's more, dragons, buffalo, yaks, griffons, and changelings joined in the revelry. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Even Grampa Gruff and Cranky Doodle had broad smiles upon their faces.
Four members of the young six watched a perfectly matched pair on the dance floor. Yona and Sandbar moved and grooved to the beat, with eyes only for each other.
"Pinkie Pie always throws the best party," said the dragon-costumed pony.
"What?" demanded Yona, dressed as a mummy yet still able to avoid tripping over her wrappings.
"I said, Pinkie Pie always throws the best party," he repeated.
"What?" she repeated.
"Pinkie Pie always throws the best party!" he yelled.
"What!?" she yelled back.
"This party is great!!!"
"What do you hate?" she asked.
Next to the young lovers was Big Mac, dressed as Sir McBiggun, dancing with Sugar Belle who had decided to come dressed as Pinkie Pie.
Meanwhile, a mischievous pegasus flew up to the balcony. She turned to the entrance hall, and grinned.
"Enjoying the party?"
Rainbow Dash jumped, "Twilight!?"
"You okay there, sugarcube?" asked Applejack, coming over on Rainbow Dash's other side.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied, rubbing the back of her neck.
Turning back to the entrance hall, Twilight asked, "It's quite the party, don't you think?"
Rainbow Dash chuckled, "Yeah, it'll be real memorable."
Twilight eyed Rainbow Dash suspiciously. "What did you do?"
"Nothing," Rainbow replied too quickly.
Applejack looked Rainbow Dash squarely in the face.
Rainbow Dash squirmed under the gaze.
"I didn't do anything."
Applejack's unblinking eyes stared directly into Dash's.
"I mean, it's nothing," insisted the pegasus.
Applejack cocked an eyebrow.
"Okay, okay, you got me. I spiked the punch."
"You put alcohol where foals can get it?" gasped Twilight.
"No, I used this potion that Discord gave the Crusaders."
"What!?" yelled Twilight and Applejack simultaneously.
"Jinx!" cried Rainbow Dash, laughing nervously.
"You spiked the punch with somethin' Discord gave the Crusaders?" demanded Applejack.
"Yeah?" confirmed Rainbow Dash. "It'll be okay," she assured.
The music screeched to a halt. Creatures gathered around the punch bowl began screaming in agony. Then, the unthinkable happened. Fluttershy grew into a monstrous dragon, while Dragon Lord Ember turned into a cute blue pegasus. Lyra became a manticore, while Bon Bon turned into a quarry eel. Rumble transformed into a cockatrice. Four members of the young six merged to become a rampaging Hydra.
"Rainbow Dash!" yelled Applejack as Twilight fainted.
Author's Note
Happy Nightmare Night! Oh, and Halloween.
I should also mention that I post this as I'm standing in line for registration to Ponyville Ciderfest 2019!
Dreadnought
Twilight slowly came to. She groaned as her head pounded.
"You alright there?" asked Fluttershy.
"I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that Applejack became a tree, Rainbow Dash spiked the punch, Princess Celestia became a vampony, and I went to Hell."
"Uh, Twilight?" began Rainbow Dash.
Twilight opened her eyes and gasped at the sight. Rarity was completely covered in hair, the Cutiemark Crusaders were a chimera, Celestia was horribly burned, Spike was a large dragon, Pear Butter and Bright Mac stood stoically, and an apple tree loomed over all.
"It was all real!!!" shouted Twilight.
"Why so serious?" asked Pinkie Pie dressed as a maniac clown. "Well, one thing's for sure. If we had this much fun this year, I can't wait for next Nightmare Night!"
Author's Note
How could I not have a post-credits scene, with a teaser to boot?
Dreadnought
Backup singer : ♫ Nightmare Night, ♫ Nightmare Night,Twilight Sparkle : I used to wonder what nightmares could beBackup singer : Nightmare Night)Twilight Sparkle : Until you all shared their horrors with me ♫Backup singer : Nightmare Night)Rainbow Dash : Big pranksPinkie Pie : Sweet candyRarity : Terrifying masksApplejack : Twisting corn mazeFluttershy : Adult parties!Twilight Sparkle : It's an easy feat
Author's Note
MLP should totally do a Halloween-themed special!
Dreadnought
Chapter 3: Home Visit
Grandpa Gruff sat eyeing the two individuals sitting at the round table. On the left was his young charge, Gallus. On his right, was one of the School of Friendship's teachers, Butterfly or Flutterspy or whatever her name was.
"Oh, Gallus has been a good student. I just love having him in class," she said.
"And how much trouble has he caused?" Gruff asked, well, gruffly.
"None," she replied.
Gruff eyed Gallus who squirmed on his stool. Next, the elderly griffon turned his steel gaze to the pegasus, who seemed to wilt under his glare.
"Well, at least nothing lately," she qualified. "But he's a good student now."
Gruff's gaze hardened.
"Well, there was that time- "
"Oh look, there's Gilda with dinner," interrupted Gallus.
Gilda placed four plates around the table, before taking a seat herself. Before each creature was a plate with a steaming dish of food. It was rice with vegetables and other ingredients mixed in, and the aroma made everyone's mouths water.
Without hesitation the three griffons began digging in. Fluttershy picked up a fork and took a bite. It was truly delicious. She could taste rice and carrots and broccoli. But there was something else. She took another bite. Water chestnuts. But what was that other flavor? Another bite. Peas and bamboo. But what was it? Another bite, and the mysterious flavor continued to confound her. It was chewy, and tasted like nothing she'd ever had before.
Fluttershy asked, "What is in this?"
Gilda paused stuffing food in her mouth to say, "You know. Rice, peas, bamboo, carrots, broccoli, rabbit."
"Rabbit?" squeaked Fluttershy.
"Yeah."
Fluttershy stared in horror at the food in front of her. Rabbit. Rabbit!!! She'd never be able to look Angel Bunny in the eyes again!
Gallus leaned over and whispered, "You need to finish your meal. It's a grave insult not to eat the food you're given."
"But - "
She looked across the table towards the elderly Gruff, who squinted at her with his larger eye. Fluttershy hesitated, then, trembling, brought another piece to her mouth.
Author's Note
Author finished the new installment, satisfied with the chapter. He hit save. "Error. Computer needs to restart." Author let out a rich string of profanity. Author grabbed his phone and discovered to his surprise that the chapter saved. Author praised the Lord. All is right in the world.
Dreadnought
The party was raving. Ghouls and monsters and creatures filled the grand ballroom. They danced, they socialized, they drank, they caused good-natured pandemonium and chaos. Everybody - er - everything was having a great time.
Knock! Knock!
Morticia Addams excused herself from the party and approached the front door. Thing turned the doorknob, and pulled the door open.
Morticia quirked an eyebrow. "Cousin Itt?" she hesitantly asked.
A hoof parted the purple hair to reveal a face. "I'm afraid not, Morticia, darling." Rarity sighed, "I apologize for arriving late to your soiree, but as you can see I've run into some poison joke on the way here."
Author's Note
I remember the movies, and even seeing the original show a few times in reruns. But now there's a CGI movie coming out.
Dreadnought
Chapter 8: On the Apple Farm
Chapter 8: On the Apple Farm
Luna's thin crescent moon hung high in the sky, offering scant light for the night. Gusts of wind howled through the forest, rattling tree limbs, causing their shadows to dance across the ground. Meanwhile, a faint mist blanketed the land.
Along the country road, a single pony staggered along. The normally orange mare bore a distinct green tinge. Occasionally she would stop and dry heave, other times - well, the less said the better. Eventually, she reached the gate to the homestead. "Ah'm home," Applejack muttered, as she leaned on the rail fence for support. "That's the last time Ah eat somethin' Discord made." She really hadn't wanted to try his dessert, but it would have broken Fluttershy's heart if she hadn't at least tasted it.
***
Celestia's sun rose above the horizon, it's golden light bringing warmth and driving away the mist. Another beautiful day on Sweet Apple Acres.
Applejack slowly awoke to the dawn. She had suffered through a terrible night's sleep and her dreams had been crazy. Now, she found herself stiff and sore.
Applejack tried to move, but couldn't. Her outstretched limbs rose to the sky while her leaves basked in the glorious sunlight. Leaves! She had leaves! Her forelegs were branches, her rear legs roots. Her torso was now a hardy trunk covered in thick bark. She had become a tree! She stood amongst the rest of the trees in the family orchard.
When this was all over, she was going to hunt down Discord. That mischievous draconequus was going to get it! She didn't care if it would break her friends heart. She was determined to tan his hide and mount his head on her wall!
Creak! Cr-creak!
Coming up the hill was Big Mac pulling a cart.
Big Mac! Big Mac! It's me, Applejack. Ah've been turned into an apple tree! she silently cried.
The stallion unhitched himself from the cart.
Big Mac! Help me!
Big Mac placed baskets on the ground.
Big Mac?
He approached Applejack.
Suddenly a realization hit her. Big Mac! No!
Bam! Big Mac bucked Applejack squarely in the side. The pain! The pain! She reeled. If she'd been a pony, the wind would have been knocked out of her for a year. Her limbs flailed wildly as apples fell into waiting baskets.
The stoic stallion looked up and saw an apple still hanging from one of Applejack's branches....
"Well, I've got some good news."
"Yes, doctor?" prompted a hopeful Sugar Belle, squeezing Big Mac's hoof.
"You're not sick," replied Doctor Horse with a wry grin.
"She's not?" asked Big Mac.
"No."
"But what about all the throwing up?" asked Sugar Belle.
"Oh, morning sickness is quite common with pregnancy."
"Pr-pregancy?" sputtered Big Mac.
"Yes."
"Oh, that's wonderful news," said Sugar Belle.
"Yes, just one thing. You know Big Mac set a record for new borns. As Big Mac's the father, your foal will be quite large. You're in for one hell of a ride when you go into labor."
Nine months later...
Big Mac sat on a couch in the waiting room. Sitting on either side of him was a younger sister. Across from him, Granny Smith along with Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. Twilight paced nervously, as Rainbow Dash snored.
Meanwhile, from the other side of the door:
The screaming went on for hours.
"So let me get this straight," began Twilight, "you were able to use magic - "
"The Force," corrected Rey.
"the magical force, even though you never studied it before."
"Yes."
"And even though you never touched a lasersword - "
"Lightsaber."
"lightsaber, you were able to wipe the floor with a master."
"Yes."
"And though you never received any training, you were able to do things no jedi had done before."
"Well, I did have two days of training."
Twilight mused for a moment. "I really don't belong here."
"What do you mean? You've been able to do extraordinary things too," countered Rey.
"Yeah, but only after years of training, study and hard work. Plus, I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes, fought with my friends, and had a complete mental breakdown."
Twilight glanced around, at all the women who filled the room. She did not belong. She needed to get out. NOW!
Twilight bolted to the door and began banging. "I need to talk to somepony! I need to talk to somepony!"
Finally, a door opened. A demon stood there, looking at the frantic mare. "What?"
"I don't belong here! I want out!"
"You wish to appeal your eternity?"
Twilight vigorously nodded her head. "Yes."
The demon rubbed his chin. "I should warn you, it's a complicated legal process."
"I'll do anything."
"Okay, it is your right."
"By the way, I would like legal representation. Is there any lawyer down here?"
The demon's face twisted, then he snickered, before letting out a hearty belly laugh. He dropped his pitchfork and he clutched his stomach and fell to the floor. "Are there any lawyers in hell!? Are there any lawyers in hell!!"
Twilight deadpanned, "I take it that was a rhetorical question."
Fluttershy let out a cry and fell out of bed. Gaining her bearings, she turned on the light to better see her assailant. Upon the bed sat an excited bunny trying to get her attention.
"Angel, don't scare me like that," she admonished, in a tone she rarely ever used.
Angel began flailing his arms.
"Oh, there's someone at the door?"
Angel nodded.
Without another word Fluttershy flew downstairs, with Angel hopping just behind. She opened the door to see - nothing. A quick tug on her mane led Fluttershy to look to Angel, who pointed ahead. On the ground, peering up at her, was a small furry animal.
"Oh, aren't you just the cutest thing," she cooed.
She gathered the creature up into her forelegs and brought him inside. After making him comfortable, she began searching her library. After an hour, she came across an entry. "Oh, you must be an mogwai. There's a picture in this book, but no description on how to care for you."
The creature continued to look at her expectantly.
"Well, it's two o'clock in the morning," she observed. "You must be starving. How about a small dinner, then a nice bath before going to bed?"
Author's Note
Fluttershy has no idea of the horror she just unleased upon Ponyville!
Dreadnought
Three princesses sat around the table, waiting for the fourth to arrive. Occasionally, Princess Cadence stole glances, causing Princess Luna to scowl and Princess Celestia to shift uneasily in her seat. The room lay silent, save for the clock slowly ticking to six o'clock in the morning. All wondered how long it would take to address the ursa minor in the room.
Finally, the door opened and Princess Twilight Sparkle entered. "Sorry I'm la-" She came to a dead stop upon looking at Princess Celestia. Princess Luna turned her scowl to Twilight as Cadence silently motioned for Twilight to come to the table. Taking a moment to compose herself, Twilight trotted forward, taking a seat opposite Celestia.
The four sat in an awkward, tense silence. Nopony wanted to say anything. At last Princess Luna said, "Well, it should be obvious why we are all here." Cadence and Twilight let out nervous laughs, who again received scowls from Luna.
"What happened?" asked Twilight, finally broaching the reason for their gathering.
Luna sighed, "It started last night. After a particularly stressful day of court, my sister decided to go for a moonlight stroll. While in the gardens, she was..." Luna couldn't continue, but Celestia adjusted her torc to show two bite marks. Everypony, most of all Princess Luna, gasped at the sight.
"Has the -" Twilight hesitated, but pushed through her own discomfort "- vampony been found?"
"No," confirmed Luna.
Again, the room filled with a tense silence.
Dong!Dong!Dong!Dong!Dong!Dong!
Celestia stood, "If you'll excuse me, it is time to raise the sun." Everypony noticed her newly-acquired fangs.
As soon as Celestia left, Twilight said, "I'll go through all my books. If there's a way to cure her, I'll find it."
"I have also reached out to Starswirl. Perhaps he has a means to cure my sister."
"And I'll consult Sunburst," added Cadence.
"How will she rule?" asked Twilight.
"We don't wish to alarm our subjects. I'll be handling the running of the country until she can be cured. I will ensure - "
A beam of sunlight penetrated the room. "Wait!" cried Cadence. "Aren't vamponies horribly burned by the sun!?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came a pained scream from down the hall.
♫ Nightmare Night, ♫ Nightmare Night
Developed for Television by Lauren Faustian Bargain
©2019
Author's Note
I had the opening, with appropriate lyrics. Why not credits too?
Dreadnought
