All My Friends Are Heathens

It’s a quiet summer day in the little town of Ponyville. One week since Pinkie Pie took Rainbow Dash, tortured her and baked her into cupcakes. Right now, Pinkie Pie was hopping down the streets of Ponyville, humming a small cheerful tune to herself, as she made her way to Sugarcube Corner, passing the other citizens of the town as she hopped.

Once she arrived to the café, she turned the ‘open/closed’ door sign to ‘closed’ and walked past the counter to a large sugar pink door. With a cheerful smile, Pinkie opened the door and walked down the stairs into the dark basement. The putrid smell of blood and rust from the basement was overwhelmed by the welcoming aroma of baking, sugar and frosting from the kitchen.

Once she made it to the bottom of the stairs, Pinkie Pie flipped a switch that turned on a light over a young, tall, ravenette, Bat Pony mare tied to a vertical operating table, by strong leather straps. The mare groaned, as she opened her green eyes to look around her surroundings.

“Whe- Where am I?” The Bat Pony asked, her voice hoarse from a dry throat.

“Hey, Frostie. About time you woke up.” Pinkie smiled, bouncing on the spot.

The Bat Pony, Obsidian Frost’s ears perked up to the sound of Pinkie’s voice and Snowie looked forward, “Pinkie? What’s going on? Where am I?”

Pinkie waved her light blue hoof, “Oh, that’s easy. You’re here to help me bake cupcakes.”

Obsidian Frost tried to move, only to find out that she was tied up by the leather straps. “How can I help you bake cupcakes, if I’m tied up like this?” She asked.

“So you can’t escape, silly.” Pinkie smiled and walked toward a wall, “Your number was drawn today and it’s your turn to help.” Pinkie’s smile turned dark, as she glanced at the tied up Bat Pony, “After all, blood is thicker than water, they say.”

Obsidian Frost tilted her head in confusion. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ She thought to herself. As if to answer the green Pony’s confusion, Pinkie Pie pulled down another switch. A bright florescent light expelled the darkness of the room. Obsidian Frost closed her eyes and looked away in recoil of the brightness. Once her eyes adjusted to the light of the room, Obsidian Frost returned her attention to her surroundings. Her confusion melted into horror as her face was drained of all color.

The room was decorated like a party room from a horror show. Tables and chairs made from pony bones with painted skulls resting on the tables. Organs inflated and hung on the walls as decorations. Lungs. Gall bladders. Even intestines hung across the ceiling like streamers. Hung across an empty wall was a large banner, written and decorated with dried blood...

LIFE IS A PARTY!

What really caught Obsidian Frost’s attention was at the corner of the room was Rainbow Dash, only her wings and Cutie Marks were missing and her eyes were sown shut. “R-Rainbow Dash?” Obsidian Frost called, but the pony didn’t respond or move.

Realization hit Obsidian Frost like a lightning bolt. Her eyes welled up with tears and she closed her mouth to swallow the lump in her throat. Suddenly, there was clarity. Everything began to make sense about this whole thing. Why Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes tasted so good in the first place. Where some of the ponies in Ponyville have been reported missing. What happened to Gilda after she left Ponyville. Everything made sense now.

A small giggle escaped Obsidian Frost’s mouth, and gradually grew into a maniacal laughter. This alarmed Pinkie Pie as she turned to the laughing green Pony.

“What’s so funny, Frostie?” Pinkie asked curiously, “Inside joke?”

“No.” Obsidian Frost answered, calmed from the laughter, “All this. Everything finally makes sense in the world. This is madness, Pinkie. And it’s great!”

Pinkie took a step back in shock. Usually Ponies cry and scream for help right about now, but not this one. Obsidian Frost was smiling, laughing and looked like she was having… Fun… Pinkie smiled and started giggling.

“Well. This is new.” Pinkie giggled, “Usually Ponies beg for me to let them go, or start screaming for help.” She looked at Obsidian Frost, “I guess you really are a Pie after all, Snowie.”

Obsidian Frost smiled, and then tilted her head, “Say, Pinkie? Are you hiring?”

Pinkie took a step back, “What?”

“Hiring.” Obsidian Frost repeated, “I want to offer you a proposal. You let me down from here and I’ll help you keep your secret and help you bake other pastries as well. What do you say?”

Pinkie rubbed her chin in thought and glared at the Bat Pony with a raised brow, “How do I know this isn’t a trick and as soon as I let you go, you won’t run to the authorities?”

Obsidian Frost closed her eyes and flapped her light blue hooves and wings to the best of her ability, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Pinkie Pie leaned closer, “Really Pinkie Promise?”

Obsidian Frost nodded, “As Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are my witnesses. I promise, as a member of the Pie family, that I Pinkie Promise that I will keep your secret and will not run to the authorities.”

Pinkie leaned closer to Obsidian Frost. Obsidian Frost was calm and her breathing was regular. To Pinkie Pie’s standards, she was telling the truth. Pinkie gave a small smile and pulled on a nearby lever. The table switched and lowered to a horizontal base. Pinkie walked over and started untying the leather straps on Obsidian Frost’s hooves and waist. Once free to move, Obsidian Frost rolled off the table and stretched and flexed her muscles from the stiffness of being tied up.

“Now that you’re free, what are you going to do?” Pinkie asked.

Obsidian Frost smiled, “Like I promised, help keep your secret and help you bake pastries.”

Pinkie smiled, “Great!” She threw her arms around the ravenette Bat Pony and giggled, “I could never part with my own sister. I can’t wait to get started!”

Obsidian Frost quietly sighed in relief, smiled and wrapped her arms around the Pink Party Pony, relieved that she doesn’t have to die and she has finally found her calling.

“Thank you, Pinkie.”