All My Friends Are Heathens

~Obsidian Frost’s POV.~

It’s a quiet summer’s day in Ponyville. It has been a week since Pinkie Pie drew my number, and tried to turn me into cupcakes. I have to say, if it wasn't for my quick thinking and understanding why Pinkie does what she does, I would have been cupcakes and won't be able to tell you this story. Hehehe.

Anywho, right now, Pinkie Pie was in the Sugar Cube Corner cellar, waiting for our newest playmate to wake up. I was watching over the café, to make sure no one will interrupt Pinkie’s playdate. Apple Bloom, who I found out was into baking as well, was at school.

Everything was quiet, until the doorbell rang, indicating the door was open and someone has entered the café. My ears perked up and I turned to see the customer.

It was a young, grey Pegasus mare with blonde mane and tail. Her distinguishing feature was her golden, walled eyes. And a Cutie Mark of seven bubbles floating in the air. It was Derpy Hooves, but I call her Ditzy Do.

“Hi Ditzy.” I greeted with a friendly smile and a wave, “What can I get for you today?”

“Hi Frostie.” Ditzy smiled back, “Have you got any muffins? I need some for lunch today.”

I frowned, “Sorry, Ditzy. We’re out. We ran out earlier this morning.” Then I assured, “I’ll tell Pinkie Pie and we’ll start baking as soon as possible.”

Ditzy waved her hoof at me, “No need. I can tell Pinkie Pie. Do you know where she is?”

My eyes darted around the café, uncertain and frightened of what to say next. I wanted to tell Ditzy what was going on, but that means I’ll break my Pinkie Promise to my younger bubble gum sister.

I sighed and hung my head low, “She’s in the cellar, but-“

“Thanks, Frostie.” Ditzy smiled, and then opened the sugar pink door to the cellar.

“Ditzy! Wait!” I cried after the grey Pegasus, until my right back hoof caught the rug and forced me to fall into Ditzy.

Suddenly…

~Poof!~

Pinkie Pie’s P.O.V.

I was pacing in the cellar, waiting for our newest playmate to wake up, until I froze to the sound of a loud tumbling and a sudden thud at the bottom of the stairs. I turned to see the dust clear to reveal the intruder to be a tall Pegasus Pony.

She was as tall as Princess Luna. Her fur coat was a greyish green color with light blue hooves, like my hooves. Her wings faded to a white color, and her Cutie Mark was of seven rainbow wisps. Her mane and tail were a dark yellow color and her eyes were heterochromic. She looked like a combination of my sister and a familiar Pegasus.

"Hi Pinkie!" The mare greeted me happily.

I raised a brow at the mysterious mare, “Do I know you?”

The mare raised a brow, “What do you mean? It’s me!” Then she looked her hooves and gasped. Her demeanor changed, as she face-hoofed herself, “I did it again.” She looked at me, “Hold on a second, Pinkie. All will be clear soon.”

With that, the mare took a breath and closed her eyes. Her body began to glow in a white light and her body separated into an Earth Pony and a Pegasus. The light faded to reveal that it was Frostie and Derpy.

Clarity hit me as everything made sense to me. Now I remember! Frost is capable of fusing with other Ponies. I think Twilight Sparkle called it ‘Fusion Magic’.

Obsidian Frost’s P.O.V.

I unfused myself with Ditzy and Pinkie’s eyes widen with clarity, “Oooohhh. That’s what was going on.”

Ditzy smiled and waved, “Hi Pinkie.”

"Hey Derpy," Pinkie smiled back, and then asked, "Did you need something?"

"You weren't up there so I came looking for you!" Ditzy answered, pointing up the stairs, "I wanted to ask if you could make some muffins!"

Pinkie looked at our newest playmate, Candy Mane, to see her stirring. We’re in trouble…

Candy Mane lives up to her name. She is Ponyville’s candy maker and lives just across from Sugar Cube Corner. She is just an average Earth Pony with a honey golden coat with raspberry mane and tail with lighter pink streaks. Like taffy or licorice.

"Well, I was planning on making cupcakes today... But..." Pinkie Pie paused, thinking.

We both knew that Ditzy wasn't stupid, but she wasn't exactly like the other ponies. Due to her walled eyes, she gives off the impression of being a bit mentally challenged, but she was a very sweet Pegasus nonetheless.

Pinkie Pie looked conflicted for a second, then she turned to the grey Pegasus, "Derpy," She smiled her usual bright smile, “Wanna help me make your muffins?"

"Oh yes! Yes!" Ditzy cheered, bouncing up and down.

"Okay!” Pinkie cheered, then turned slightly serious, “But you gotta promise Snowie and I something."

"Anything!" Ditzy replied.

"Don't tell anypony about the secret ingredient." I told the grey Pegasus.

Confused, Ditzy tilted her head, "What's your secret ingredient?"

Then, as if right on cue, Candy Mane became fully conscious, "W... Where am I...?" She asked drearily.

Pinkie Pie led Ditzy to the table, "Well, you see, everypony in Ponyville has a number, and when that number is drawn, I go get the pony." She explained.

Candy Mane struggled against her bindings. I glanced at the candy pony. I could tell she was listening to Pinkie’s and Ditzy’s conversation.

"So everypony has your secret ingredient?" Ditzy asked.

"Yes.” Pinkie nodded, "But we need to get it out of them first! But baking is fun, so we play a little bit before harvesting!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Candy Mane asked loudly, Pinkie and Ditzy looked at her, "Why am I tied up? What do you mean harvesting?!"

Pinkie giggled, unable to contain her excitement, "Candy, today is a special day for you!" She squeaked, Ditzy began to giggle with anticipation, excited about this new event, a small smile grew across my muzzle, "You're gonna help me, Frostie and Derpy make muffins! We were gonna make cupcakes, but Derpy likes muffins better, don't you Derpy?"

"I do! I do!" Ditzy answered, hopping again.

"How can I help if I'm tied up?" Candy Mane asked with an angry expression.

"Oh, that's the most important part!" Pinkie Pie cheered happily, "We need you to stay still!"

Candy Mane started looking around the room, her eyes adjusted to the lights of the room. Pinkie's party decorations were pony innards and hide, the brightly painted pony skulls on shelves and in the center of a table, the ‘LIFE IS A PARTY!’ banner. Then... she noticed the Rainbow Dash mannequin.

"What the hell is going on?!?" Candy screamed, making Ditzy flinch from the volume.

"Pinkie, I don't think she wants to be here," Ditzy told Pinkie, a little shakily.

"But Derpy, her number was pulled." Pinkie replied, "We have to. It'll be fun! Trust me! I've been doing this for a long time.”

I nodded in agreement and added, “And after this we can make your muffins!"

The smile returned to Ditzy's face, "Oh yea! Okay, I'm ready!" Candy Mane began to panic and struggle wildly.

I rubbed my hooves ready to dig into the fun, “Let’s begin.”

"What do we do?" Ditzy asked, ready to learn.

"Well, I like to save the Cutie Marks, so..." Pinkie started, as she pulled a scalpel off of her metal stand, which held her tools, "Watch carefully, Derpy."

Ditzy scooted closer, watching as Pinkie carved a circle around Candy's Cutie Mark of wrapped candy. Candy Mane screamed and cried, trying to break her bindings, but it was no use. Then Pinkie dug the scalpel under the hide to slice it away from the muscle.

"See?" Pinkie held up the patch of hide in front of Ditzy.

"Can I do the next one?" Ditzy asked with a smile.

"Of course!" Pinkie nodded with a delighted smile, "But be careful not to cut yourself, Derpy, and try not to cut the Cutie Mark. We want it to still be nice and pretty."

Ditzy nodded then took the scalpel and held it up to Candy Mane's other flank.

"No, Derpy please, no!" Candy Mane begged, sobbing.

Ditzy shakily pierced Candy's hide and carved a circle around the Cutie Mark. It was messy, but it did the job, though.

Pinkie clapped her hooves, cheering, "You got your first Cutie Mark!" She cheered, "You can keep it if you want!"

"Really? No fooling?" Ditzy asked, smiling broadly.

I nodded, “You bet! It’s yours.”

Ditzy smiled and tucked the Cutie Mark under her wing for safe keeping. Then she asked, "Now what do we do?"

“The best part.” I smiled.

"Frostie’s right. Now we have some fun!" Pinkie nodded, "We can do anything we want to her. What do you think we should do, Derpy?"

Ditzy thought for a moment, and then gave a great hop, "Can we take away her legs?" She asked happily.

Candy Mane wailed again, trying to call for help as tears ran down her face.

"Yes! That's a great idea!" Pinkie Pie smiled and grabbed her hacksaw, which was still stained with blood. Rainbow Dash’s blood, if I’m not mistaken. Pinkie turned to Ditzy, "Hey Derpy, maybe you can answer this. Why do they call it a hacksaw if it doesn't hack?"

"Um..." Ditzy started, nervously shuffling her front hooves, "Maybe... maybe you can also hack with it!"

Pinkie laughed, "I never thought of that! Wanna give it a try?"

Ditzy took the hacksaw and trotted closer to Candy Mane.

"Listen, Derpy..." Candy Mane pleaded, "Killing ponies isn't good! It's bad! Please don't hurt me anymore!"

"But we need the special ingredient or else Pinkie Pie's muffins won't be as tasty!" Ditzy chirped.

She leveled the hacksaw right above Candy's left knee, then pulled back her arm, and swung the saw. It broke the skin just a bit, and Candy Mane screamed again.

"Keep trying, Derpy!" Pinkie Pie encouraged.

Ditzy began to hack at Candy's leg violently with all of her strength. Over the candy pony's screeches, Ditzy was laughing giddily.

I smiled and clapped my hooves. Another Pony has joined the madness. Awesome!

"This is fun!" Ditzy cried. However, when she got to the bone, she couldn't hack anymore, "Pinkie Pie, it won't go through!"

"We might have to actually use the saw part now." Pinkie replied.

"Please stop! Please stop!!" Candy Mane bellowed.

Derpy began sawing through the bone, and Candy Mane gasped and screamed with wide eyes.

"Oh no!" Pinkie frowned, "I think she's about to faint."

Derpy sawed her way through the bone, and the severed leg lay limp, still strapped to the table. Candy Mane was hyperventilating now.

"Here, let me do the other one." I offered.

Derpy handed the hacksaw over to me, and I made quick work of Candy's other leg, sawing just below the knee. Candy Mane looked dizzy as her eyes began to tear up.

"Pinkie, I think she's sleepy." Ditzy noticed.

Pinkie Pie pulled the detached legs from the straps and threw them aside.

"I can fix that!" She smiled, as she jabbed a needle into the left side of Candy Mane’s torso and injected a shot of adrenaline into her. Candy Mane gasped, fully awake, breathing hard and continuing to sob.

"Pinkie, please..." She sobbed weakly.

"Derpy, wanna see what an eyeball feels like?" Pinkie asked. Ditzy nodded excitedly. Pinkie took her scalpel again, along with a spoon, and got closer to Candy Mane's face.

"No, please, NO!" Candy Mane pleaded again.

With another blood curdling scream, Pinkie used the scalpel to cut the membrane that was holding Candy Mane’s right eye in its socket. Pinkie then took the spoon and carefully scooped out the slimy ball, slicing the optic nerve to detach the eye. She brought the bloody eyeball to Ditzy, who nudged it onto her nose, smiling.

"Ew! It's all gooey!" Ditzy giggled, and then asked, "Can I play with the other one?"

"No, we want Candy to see everything until she has to go," Pinkie replied.

"Okay!" Ditzy smiled, dropping the eyeball to the floor, rolling it with her hoof before stomping on it with a cry of joy.

Pinkie Pie took one of her knives and set it in a pot of burning coals that was heating up some nails.

"We're going to heat this knife up." She explained to Ditzy. "And then it will be hot enough to make marks on her hide. Do you like drawing, Derpy?"

"Yea! Yea!" Ditzy cheered, running in a small circle, and then trotted up next to Pinkie. Candy Mane wasn't screaming or struggling anymore, just simply sobbing, her empty eye socket spilling blood infused tears. After a few moments of waiting, Pinkie Pie handed Ditzy the hot knife.

"Careful Ditzy, it's hot!" I warned the playful Pegasus.

"I know exactly what to draw!" Ditzy cried, and touched the tip of the tool to Candy's chest.

Candy Mane tried screaming, but her voice was badly hoarse and cracked that she only managed a small squeak. Ditzy took her time drawing her masterpiece, and even had to reheat the knife a couple times. When she was done, it was an image of two messy stick ponies. One with curly hair, the other with straight hair.

"Aw, are those us?" Pinkie asked.

"Yea!" Ditzy answered, "Because you're both my best-est friends!"

Pinkie's lip trembled, and she hugged Ditzy tightly. Tears welled up in my eyes and I threw my arms around the two ponies. Ditzy really was a sweet Pony.

"Okay Ditsy.” I started, releasing the hug and wiping the tears from my eyes, “I know we haven't played for very long, but I bet you want your muffins, huh?"

"Yea!" Ditzy nodded.

Pinkie handed Ditzy the scalpel once more, and then traced a line on Candy Mane's abdomen with her hoof, showing where to cut.

"You're going to cut her open, but first I'm going to numb her," Pinkie Pie explained, and she gave Candy another shot of clear blue liquid.

After a few minutes, I poked Candy Mane’s side, to check if she was numb. Pinkie gave the okay to Ditzy, who began carefully cutting open Candy Mane's belly. Her hooves were shaky, but she bit her tongue with concentration as she tried to keep the scalpel steady. Candy Mane watched in horror.

"Now what?" Ditzy asked.

"Now, start pulling out whatever squishy thing you see and toss it into this bucket!" Pinkie replied, "I usually try to make jokes to entertain our guest, but you can do whatever you want!"

Ditzy smiled and chose an organ. It was Candy's liver. Ditzy tugged hard, finally managing to rip it away, and then held it up for Candy Mane to see.

"Look, Candy! It's a Lively Liver!" Ditzy smiled, and Pinkie and I giggled. Then Ditzy pulled out one of the kidneys. "Kind Kidney loves to go with Lively Liver to her house and play!" She tossed the two organs into the bucket, "But Sad Stomach is very sad because he never gets invited. But it's okay, because Bad Bladder will go with him to crash the party! Playful Pancreas hears their plan and tries to stop them with the help of Silly Spleen, and they go to warn the others. The Intestine Twins go over too to try and bring peace to them! They don't like fighting. Then Laughing Lungs comes over to see what all the fuss is about! Sad Stomach and Bad Bladder argue with everyone until they get a call from Helpful Heart..." Derpy grabs the still beating heart, but doesn't pull it out yet, "She says, 'Don’t fight! We should all be friends and play nicely together!' And then everyone makes up and has a good time..." She pulled the heart out, and Candy slowly began to fade. "The end!"

Pinkie Pie clapped enthusiastically, "That was great, Derpy!" She cheered.

I nodded, “That was wonderful.”

"Now what?" Ditzy asked

"Now we gotta skin her and pull her bones apart.” Pinkie answered, “It gets a little annoying, but it feels great when we're finally done!"

With that said, Ditzy, Pinkie and I began cutting up the remains of Candy Mane.

*Later That Afternoon, in the Café…*

Pinkie Pie took the tray of freshly baked muffins from the oven and set them on the table in front of Ditzy, myself and Apple Bloom.

"Wow, Ms. Pinkie!" Apple Bloom smiled, taking a warm, fluffy muffin, "These look great!"

We all took a muffin each and began eating them. Ditzy giggled, while I smiled in delight. They were warm, fluffy, full of flavor and very delicious.

"How are they, Derpy?" Pinkie asked.

"They are great! Better than any muffin ever!" Ditzy exclaimed, "Can I help you bake more often?"

"Of course!" Pinkie Pie and I answered with an excited smile.

"Just be sure to keep our special ingredient secret." Apple Bloom told her.

"Okay!" Ditzy nodded, and she helped herself to another muffin.