Singularity: The Paradox

Vinyl's chest hurt due to all the laughing. Renko was still pretty confused. "Can you please tell me what the fuck I said?" Renko pleaded.

"F-f-fine." Vinyl snickered. "You said you liked...her fapping. Meaning she masturbates to Rule-34 Human pictures. AND YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHA" Vinyl fell over again. "She-she is probably at home, thinking of ways to get you into her bed- AHAHAHAHAHA"

"You...are a cunt." Renko pointed to the white coated DJ. He swallowed heavily. "I'm here a fuckin' day and some green magic pony probably wants to fuck me!" Renko face-palmed.

"The look on her face was priceless!" Vinyl started coughing.

Lyra's house, two hours later.

"Bonbon! Bonbon!" Lyra started bouncing when her long time best-friend walked in the door.

"What?" Bonbon looked depressed.

"I got to talk to a human! I spoke to a human!" Lyra hugged her friend.

"Jeez Lyra, I told you already, those Equi-net things are fake, it was probably some dirty colt." Bonbon scoffed.

"I wasn't on the Equi-net! I talked to him in person! Vinyl and Octavia brought him here!" Lyra bounced some more after letting go of her friend.

"Really now? That's nice." She frowned. "I think I'm going to go take a nap."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Pokey, I think he's seeing another mare." Bonbon sniffed, taking a seat on the soft couch.

"What makes you think that?" Lyra climbed onto the couch with her.

"He's distant, doesn't do anything with me anymore, and doesn't even talk to me!"

"I'm sure nothings wrong, maybe he's planning something special?" Lyra patted her friend's back.

"The other day he called me Lily." Bonbon hung her head.

"You want me to get Pinkie to do recon?" Lyra asked quietly.

"No...Maybe...." Bonbon smiled a little, knowing of Pinkie's amazing stealth skills.

"C'mon I know how to cheer you up! Let's go get you so- Wait. Why would Pokey want to see another mare? I mean, you're gorgeous!"

"He is a flank guy, my flanks are just so small..." Bonbon looked back at her rear.

"Your flanks are fine. Mine on the other hoof are just flesh and bone." Lyra smirked before frowning a little. "Now, let's go cheer you up. Ice cream is on me!" Lyra picked up her friend in her green aura.

"Put me down!"

Twilight's Tree, same time

"So, what can it do?!" Twilight was visibly shaking with excitement.

"Say you have a door you need to knock down, you can A: Use an Impulse, " Twilight agreed to let Nathan use anything for his examples, even if it meant some stressed repairs. Nathan used an Uber-Impulse, the result of the latest TMD upgrade station, and sent things flying everywhere, everything. Except Twilight of course, using her magic to keep her self stationary. "the force literally rips things apart, such as...creatures. I have toned it down as much as possible to keep you all safe."

"And...?!" Twilight quickly jotted some notes down, her mane getting frizzy.

"B: you could age it, " Nathan aged Twilight's desk and reversed it, "it works on anything with E99 in it, in this case, " He pointed the time controlling gauntlet at the purple mare, her eyes going wide as saucers "ponies." He lifted her up with the gravity manipulation feature and swung her around a bit. He sat her down after she grew slightly greener. "I'd uh...show the the Revert system...but..."

"SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!!! I'm am soooo close right now!" Twilight laughed wickedly.

"I can't! If I want to use it, it requires a person to Revert! It would kill whoever is on the receiving end, and change them into a monster." Nathan looked at the mare. "What do you mean 'close'?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry. Before it gets too late, you should go see Rarity so she can get your measurements."

"Uh, sure." Nathan Left the library and shut the door quietly behind him. He briskly walked walked away when he heard various...vibrations and something panting 'Science'.

He walked into a random alley and sat for a second. "Jesus, Nathan. What the fuck went wrong?" He asked quietly.

"Hey, freak, give me your watch!" A blue colt with a cutie mark of a safety pin ordered.

"Fuck off, not in the mood for your shit." Nathan sighed before the blue colt pounced on him and tried to rip the TMD off of his wrist with his magic. He must have hit some unseen button causing him to get launched off.

"What the fuck!" He shouted before running off, glowing slightly.

"Fuckin' asshole..." Nathan murmured before starting towards Rarity's, thankfully Twilight gave him a basic rundown of where everything is. He spotted the frilly building and died a little on the inside. "Oh god..." He made his way to the building and spotted the 'Open' sign before walking in.

"Yes, hello and welcome to Rarity's boutique, anythin- Oh! Mr. Renko, I assume you are here so I can get your measurements?" Rarity chirped.

"I guess?" Nathan was trying not to vomit at all the frilly, bouncy, and overly shiny dresses.

"Good! Now, I've never worked on a Biped before, so you'll have to strip everything off." She magic'd some tape measures over.

"Can't I at least keep my boxers on?" Nathan swallowed heavily.

"I'm sorry, but if you want it done right, everything needs to come off. You don't want something to be too tight or too loose do you?" Rarity made a face of mock disgust.

"Fffine. If you say anything to anyone, I'll age you to dust." He hissed before starting to strip. He got down to his boxers and crossed his arms.

"Everything, Mr. Renko." Rarity dully repeated. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I kinda need close to cover my Guy." Nathan bluntly stated.

"Your...Guy? Oh, OH. You don't have a sheath?" Rarity cocked her head.

"Nope." Nathan sighed before removing his boxers.

"Oh, oh my..." Rarity covered her mouth with a hoof.

"I said don't say anything!" Nathan angrily repeated.

"I'd imagine you aren't exactly...outmatched, when it comes to intercourse?" Rarity smirked.

"I'm not afraid to kill, I hope you know that."

"Oh hush, it was a compliment!" Rarity laughed. She took measures from the top moving down. "May I ask how old you are?"

"Twenty-four."

"Really now? You don't look it, I'd say you look around Twenty, maybe."

"Great, first you comment on the size of my Guy, and now how old I look, what's next? What size guard I use when I get a haircut?"

"I'm guessing a two on everything but the middle, where you use a three."

"....Shut up."

Some time later

"If you come back tomorrow I'll have your suit-" Rarity was interrupted.

"I don't wear suits, is it possible I could just get a plain black hoodie and jeans?" Nathan suggested

"I could, but jeans are so out of season! And the hoodie won't really fit your shape, and, and-"

"It's fine." Nathan sighed.

"One more thing, Dearie? Would you mind telling which way you hang?" Rarity had a notepad. "It's a normal question for my Biped models."

"...Right. WAIT. I thought you said you've never had a Biped!" A realization struck him. "You, madam, are a cunt." He pointed at the alabaster mare before walking backwards out the door.

'Where to now?' He looked at the bell tower. 'Seven in the evening. I guess I should find a place to sleep for the night.' He spotted a can-fire behind a ginger-bread house looking building and walked towards it, spotting several dirty and sick looking ponies, both mares and colts.

"Mom! Look, a monster!" A foal looked fearfully at Nathan, pointing a shaking hoof.

"Calm down, I have no intent to harm you." Nathan calmly stated. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Uh, sure." An older looking colt nodded. Nathan sat opposite of the ponies. "What brings you to our cozy camp?"

"First day here, nowhere to go." Nathan shrugged. "Even on my first day, I fuck up, I fuck up everywhere. Now some crazy pony broad wants to bed me, I caused the librarian to get hot under the collar with science, and the dress maker lied and made me get completely naked. For you, this may be a really bad day, but for me, it's Monday." He sighed.

"Kid we're homeless, everyday is a bad day." The older colt laughed quietly.

"It's different." Nathan put his head in his hands. "Worse."

"How so? What exactly is worse than having to eat out of the garbage everyday, beg for bits, and sleep in the dirt?" A slightly younger stallion asked, glaring at the solider.

"Have you ever been knocked out of the sky, killing all of your friends? Gone through and killed thousand, because you needed to? Ever seen your friend get his head blown off because of something you did? Tell me, pony, have you ever gone back in time to fix the present? Have you had to kill mutated versions of your own species so they didn't kill you? Have you ever gone back in time and killed yourself to save billions of lives?" Nathan asked, stoic faced.

"Uh, no?" The stallion replied.

"That's what I thought. I went from that to this place in seconds. I just want a fuckin' break from it." Nathan sighed. He heard a foal crying. "What's wrong with her?"

"That's my daughter, Ruby Pinch, she got bit by Timber-wolves and I don't have enough bits to afford a hospital." A purple-ish mare with berries on her flank stated sadly.

"Move over, let the magic of whatever the hell is in this needle do it's work." Nathan pulled out a Stimpack but was pushed back by the mare.

"I'm not letting you inject anything into my daughter!" She protested.

"Here, take this, " He handed her the Centurion, "If anything goes wrong, point the end at my head and pull the trigger. That's how confident I am that this will work." The mare too the Centurion...somehow, and waited. He stuck the needle into the crying foal's foreleg and pushed the plunger. The thick fluid rushed in and covered the infected bite marks, cleaning and scarring them over.

*BANG*

She missed. "I said if something fucks up!"

"Sorry. What is in that, anyways?" The mare pointed to the know emptied needle.

"I have no idea, it works great on fixing wounds though." Nathan shrugs.

"What is your name?" The older colt asks.

"Nathan. I'm going to sleep in that corner now, maybe try and regain my hearing in the process. Touch my stuff and I'll Time Slap the shit out of you." Nathan retrieves his Centurion and goes to the designated corner.

Back at Bonbon and Lyra's

Pokey exited the bathroom once more after emptying his stomach for the eighth time. "Pokey, are you sure you don't need to go see a doctor? I mean, this isn't healthy at all." Bonbon looked at her colt-friend with a worried expression.

"I said I'm fine. It's probably just food poisoning." Pokey dismissed the suggestion with a wave of his hoof.

"Okay. But if you need it, don't be afraid to tell me." Bonbon slid over and let her colt-friend take his position as big spoon before engulfing the door in his blue aura and shutting it.

Back in the living room, Lyra sat at her desktop talking to some of her Human-Lover friends.

(Formatting changed to resemble internet chat)

Renki92: "So, LyreLiar, what is it you wanted to tell us?"

Lyreliar: "You won't believe it! I spoke to a real life human!"

20%Cooler: "I saw him too. Are you in Ponyville?"

Lyreliar: "Yeah! Where did you see him? Some of my friends brought him right to my house!"

Renki92: "Pics or it didn't happen."

Sidelong: "^"

LyreLiar: "Give me two days and I'll have the pictures, maybe 20%Cooler could be in the picture as well!"

20%Cooler: "Sure! I mean, if that's okay."

WoonaTuna entered Chat!

Renki92: "Hey Woona."

WoonaTuna: "Hey Renki. Lyre, Cooler, you've seen the human?"

LyreLiar: "Yeah! Here in Ponyville."

20%Cooler: "I had to bandage him and clean some of his wounds."

WoonaTuna: "He was in the Castle yesterday."

LyreLiar: "Alright, I have to get off for now, it's getting late. If you want in on the picture, Cooler, wear a Purple flower in your mane so i can identify you."

20%Cooler: "Alright, this will be so fun!"

Renki92: "Goodnight, Lyre."

WoonaTuna: "Sleep well in our night."

LyreLiar has Left the Chat!

Lyra closed her tabs, some being various Rule-34 images. Some containing Nathan.... And shut down her Desktop before going to her room to sleep.