"Time for another round," Cadence giggled.

Twilight scowled at her, though the mouthful of cake slightly ruined any effect she was going for. Still, gorging on cake was a better way to calm down than any other that was available, at least until she could get her hooves on a quill and parchment to scribble down an irritation-fuelled smutfic.

"Time indeed," Celestia agreed as she picked up the first question of the round. "Ah, another two card question. The sequel is here! Get ready for blank 2: blank."

Luna hummed thoughtfully. "I fear I lack a snappy rejoinder for that one. Still, I shall attempt to catch up to our younger compatriots."

"Good luck with that, at your age," Cadence said with a grin.

Luna scowled, but said nothing as she followed the others in flicking through the cards. Celestia narrowed her eyes at Cadence too, but she was soon distracted by the answers placed in front of her. "Let's see what you youngsters have for me. I still can't be bothered to shuffle pairs, so I'm just going to go in order." She picked up Luna's answers first. "The sequel is here! Get ready for the King of the Griffons 2: Not Being A Part Of My Son's Life."

Twilight winced and turned a reproachful look on Luna. "That's a little too accurate."

"Really?" Luna looked at her in surprise. "Twas my impression that the Griffons were a tightly-knit group watched over by their benevolent king?"

"Not for a long time," Twilight told her. "I've spent way too long around Gallus to find an answer like that funny."

Luna coughed and looked away uneasily. "Ah. I… I seem to be making a habit of putting my hoof in my mouth tonight."

"No more than usual." Celestia smirked as she picked up Cadence's answers, and her face fell a second later. "The sequel is here! Get ready for Fascism 2: Turning Poor People Against Each Other So They Don't Pay Attention To Economic Inequality." She sighed and tossed the cards away. "It seems dark and depressing is the name of the game for this turn. Has Twilight given us anything less miserable?" Celestia raised an eyebrow at the last pair. "The sequel is here! Get ready for Synergistic Management Solutions 2: Kamikaze Pegasi." She turned a curious gaze at Twilight. "If I may, what in the living mother of fuck were you thinking?"

"They were the only cards I had that made any sort of sense," Twilight replied defensively.

Celestia shrugged. "Well, they're good enough to win this round, purely for being the least miserable."

Twilight blinked in surprise. "Wow. I never thought that that would put me back in the lead."

"There's still time for the rest of us to catch up," Luna warned before selecting a card. She grinned as she read out, "What's hot, smelly, and about to die?"

"If she wasn't immortal I'd say your sister," Cadence quipped.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "I assure you I have no intention of shuffling off this mortal coil anytime soon, and most certainly bathe regularly." She smiled and flicked her mane. "You're right about one thing though. I am indeed a hot piece of ass."

"A giant piece, which is about the only thing you have going for you," Luna shot. "Now, kindly provide your answers. I want to see what you can do with this question." She blinked in surprise as three cards quickly materialised in front of her. "That was quick. Okay. What's hot, smelly, and about to die? Stallions."

"I hope not, I've got needs," Cadence huffed.

"There'll still be mares," Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. "And, um, toys," she added meekly.

Cadence grinned, biting back the urge to ask how Twilight was familiar with such toys, or what sort of toy collection the purple pervert owned. "Yes, mares are fine, but they can't quite scratch every itch. Or butter every bun, so to speak."

"Don't ask!" Luna interrupted as Twilight tilted her head curiously. "Really, Twilight, you should know better than to ask questions you don't want the answer to by now." She sighed and picked up the next answer. "What's hot, smelly, and about to die?" She grimaced at what was written before her. "Yogurt that moans in pleasure as you eat it."

Cadence smirked and lips her lips. "Well, it's not necessarily the yogurt that moans, just the one that provides-"

"What's hot, smelly, and about to die?" Luna said loudly, having had quite enough talk of Cadence's sex life. She picked up the last card, and her expression instantly turned to stone. "Princess Luna."

The temperature in the room felt like it had suddenly dropped several degrees. Even Celestia kept didn't dare to open her mouth, so it came as a great surprise to all of them when Twilight cleared her throat and said quietly, "Um, if it makes you feel any better, there's a French saying, la petite mort, that literally translates as 'little death'. It sometimes refers to the blank sensation felt immediately after an orgasm, so…"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "So I'm hot, smelly, and about to have an hysterical paroxysm that's poised to clove my head in twain? I like the sound of that. This card wins! Which of you degenerates does it belong to?"

Twilight, hiding her face behind a wing to cover her luminous blush, slowly raised a hoof.

"My, such boldness. I shall accept your offer once the game is concluded." Twilight spluttered and tried to stammer out a refusal, but Luna ignored her and passed the card over before nodding to Cadence. "Very well, niece, tis your turn next."

Cadence nodded and picked up a question, privately wondering if her sister-in-law had her eye on a certain inky-black flank. "Seriously guys, there's nothing funny about blank."

"Twilight's jokes?" Celestia quipped.

"Celestia," Twilight countered. "Just Celestia in general."

"Enough with the bitching, you two," Cadence said firmly. "If you want to get rough with each other do it in the bedroom."

"Unfortunately, Twilight is booked tonight. You can have her tomorrow, Tia," Luna put in.

"I'm not booked!" Twilight snapped.

Luna grinned. "Either way, you'll be busy."

"As much as I enjoy watching two old nags flirting with a mare a fraction of their age, you should probably hoof your cards over," Cadence said with a crude smirk.

The other three flicked through their cards. Luna and Celestia were particularly focused, and Cadence couldn't help but giggle as she realized that losing miserably to Twilight, not to mention each other, was a terrible prospect for the two of them.

Finally, three answers were plonked in front of the pink princess.

"Okay, quick shuffle… and first card!" Cadence pulled it out with a flourish, then flashed an amused glance at Twilight. "Seriously guys, there's nothing funny about pooping in a book and closing it."

Celestia and Luna snorted with laughter, both staring at Twilight who, slowly, as if the words weren't quite processing in her mind, cocked her head to the side. "Ponies don't do that. No creature does. That would be silly. No creature alive would be stupid enough to ask for a horrific and agonising death as drawn out and painful as my considerable intellect can possibly conceive in such a manner."

Dead silence followed in the wake of her little vent.

"O...kay… moving on." Cadence finally said, hurriedly throwing the answer card away and picking another one before Twilight could get any destructive ideas. "Seriously guys, there's nothing funny about getting herpes from Trendsetter." She arched an eyebrow and looked around at the others. "Is one of you speaking from experience?"

"Ugh, please, none of us would touch him with a barge pole," Celestia said with a grimace. "I daresay even your standards aren't that low."

"Hey! Her standards happen to include my brother!" Twilight snapped. She hummed as a memory struck her. "Rarity probably would have begged him to give her an STI at one point, but I think she prefers going for a tumble in the hay with somepony else these days. Literally."

Cadence gasped at the prospect of salacious gossip. "Okay, as soon as this game is done I want details, but first. "She picked up the last card. "Seriously guys, there's nothing funny about what looked like a chemical weapons facility but turned out to be a children's hospital?"

Celestia chuckled, getting surprised looks from the others. "Sorry, I was just thinking that, for dragons and unicorns, I don't think there's really much of a difference."

"Riiight." Cadence shrugged and held up a card. "Who got herpes from Trendsetter?"

"I assure you I didn't, but the card is mine," Celestia replied.

As Celestia accepted her win, Twilight suddenly gasped loudly and glared at Luna. "That means you had the crapping-in-a-book card!"

Luna recoiled from the sheer venom in her voice. "I-I thought it would be funny. My apologies, I shall make it up to you tonight."

"You'd better!" Twilight hissed, then she blushed as she realized what she had said. "I didn't- that wasn't a mph!" She was silenced by a question card suddenly being teleported inside her mouth.

"Enough teasing, it's your turn," Cadence leered.

Twilight scowled as she pulled the card out of her mouth, but any retort she was about to come out with died on her lips the second she saw what was written on it. "I can't read this," Twilight stated flatly.

The others shared a curious look. "We've all had some awkward questions tonight, Twilight, I'm sure it can't be worse than any of the others."

"It can and it is," Twilight said adamantly.

"Go on, Twilight, put it out there," Cadence urged. "If it's that bad, we'll let you off the hook."

Twilight blushed and covered her face with a wing. Quietly, she read out, "Yeah, that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk about blank again! Oh, I'm cumming."

Three princesses broke into demented cackles, Celestia rolling off her cushion and waving her legs in the air in her mirth.

"I'll pick another card," Twilight muttered.

"Not a chance!" Cadence shot.

"You must stick with that question, Twilight!" Luna cried. "Tis perfect!"

Twilight gave a resigned sigh. "Fine. Give me your answers." She blinked in surprise as three answers teleported instantly in front of her. "You all suck."

"Regularly," Cadence said with a smirk.

"Ugh." Twilight grimaced and shuffled the cards. "First answer. Yeah that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk-"

"Oh, come on, Twi, have some fun with this!" Cadence pressed.

Twilight shot her a glare, then read out in a voice distinctly resembling Maud's, "Yeah, that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk about Miss Harshwinny again. Oh, I'm cumming."

Cadence sniggered. "Actually, I could tell you some things about Miss Harshwinny."

"I do not want to hear it," Twilight said firmly.

"Fine, fine." Cadence fell silent for a second, then grinned. "So could your brother, actually."

"Okay! Next answer!" Twilight snatched up the next card and read out in a fluster, "Yeah that's so hot. I'm so close. Talk about bat ponies again! Oh, I'm cumming!"

"You like bat ponies?" Luna asked. "I can arrange something in the After Dark Circuit for you, if you'd like?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what that is, but no thank you." She picked up the last card, smiled, then shrugged. "Oh, stuff it. Yeah, that's so hot. I'm so close! Talk about braiding three penises into a Curly Wurly again! Oh, I'm cumming!"

The room echoed as four princesses, each a respected ruler, collapsed into hysterics. Twilight had her head buried in her forelegs, giggling and blushing furiously, while the others were cackling and snorting like the demented offspring of a witch and a wild hog.

"I, snrk, I think that one wins," Luna spluttered.

Twilight nodded, her cheeks still burning. "Who had that one?" She rolled her eyes as Cadence raised a hoof. "I should have known. Now, I'm going to go for a pee and let my breathing settle before I burst a blood vessel. Get the next round ready while I'm gone!"

Author's Note

Current Score

Sunbutt - 5
Moonbutt - 4
Lovethebutt - 7
Bookbutt - 8