Murder for 'Briar

The group decided to take it easy for the rest of the night.

While Sunburst and Mud Briar played cards, Trixie looked through one of Mud Briar's plant encyclopedias. She felt vaguely bad about ruining the movie. She felt a little more bad about the GalactaStick thing. She felt terrible about dropping a chandelier on Maud. What if it had been Starlight? She could be dead.

She resolved to find a way to get rid of Mud Briar that would not involve any of the rest of them at all. Her conscience would rest much easier that way.

And, in fact, she'd already found exactly what she needed. Trixie committed the important bits to memory - the name of the thingy, it's very rare, yadda yadda - the rest didn't really matter. She'd put together a scheme that would work for sure!

Starlight came in from talking with Maud and yawned. Sunburst excused himself and escorted her up the stairs, also yawning. Trixie could not help but think they were super cute together. She wasn't sure if they were like a brother and sister, or like a couple, but whatever they were, it was cute.

Trixie looked down at the book. She didn't have a cute couple to be part of. She was always the weird, crazy one nobody liked. She sighed and put the book away.

It was just her and Mud Briar now. She opened her mouth to say something, but then Maud came in and she clammed up. The grey lady went directly up the stairs without pause. Trixie knew Maud usually went to bed early; she got cranky if she stayed up too late.

Mud Briar was still sitting in the same place Sunburst had left him. Trixie stood behind him and waited impatiently.

Mud Briar eventually got up, turned around, and jumped back at Trixie standing inches from his face, backlit by the moon coming through the windows.

"Bonsoir, Mud Briar," she cooed.

"Indeed, the current time matches the use of the Prench expression," Mud Briar permitted. "However, we have been speaking intermittently all throughout the previous day as well as tonight, and have been together in this room for at least one hour, so no standard greeting is quite appropriate."

A vein twitched in her temple. "The Sweet and Generous Trixie has one final present for you," she said. "Do you want to know what it is?"

"That can be inferred: If, at any point, I do not know what my present is, then I must not have received it, and I do wish to receive it, assuming that --"

"Trixie can lead you to a Bright-Faced Moonflower," she cut him off.

He was mercifully quiet for several seconds. "That claim is highly unlikely to be true given the information available to me. The Bright-Faced Moonflower is rated as the rarest flower in the world by several major horticultural publications, and no collector currently owns one."

"Trixie gives very good presents," She waved a hoof. "But she'll need you to put this blindfold on so it will be a surprise."

"You have already identified the present to me. Therefore, I should not be surprised --" Mud Briar objected, but mumbled as Trixie began to wrap the blindfold around his head, first getting it around his mouth before adjusting it. She could have strangled him with it. That would have been satisfying. But also, she would've gotten found out in like two minutes.

"Come on, now, let's get you one of these cool flowers. Just follow Trixie's voice or hoofsteps, she won't let you trip on anything," she promised. "It isn't very far!"

"Please wait," he said, "I will require --" and Trixie had put his saddlebags on him. He frowned. "You have placed something on my person. Are these my saddlebags?"

"They are saddlebags, yes. They have pictures of twigs and leaves all over them."

A pause.

"It is very likely these are the correct saddlebags," he conjectured.

"Great. Now come on!" she rasped. He began to follow her out of the house.

He was quiet for several minutes.

"Can't sleep. Gonna get cut up. They'll make a whole town outta me. The houses. The cupcakes. All me." Rainbow Dash mumbled as they walked past her. She was trembling on a low cloud shaped like a couch, with warm blankets draped over her. Fluttershy, wearing a pince-nez, was gently singing her a lullaby through teary eyes. "All me!" They heard Dash shrieking in the distance.

"I must recant an earlier statement," Mud Briar admitted halfway across Ponyville.

"Which one was that?" Trixie sighed.

"If you have indeed located a Bright-Faced Moonflower, which I currently doubt, then in actuality, I shall be surprised upon acquiring it, even though you have communicated to me your intention to lead me to one," he explained.

"Trixie can be very surprising," she purred.

"This has been evidenced to my satisfaction during the past twelve hours," he said. "It is really a redundant statement."

They were soon at the entrance to the Everfree Forest. Trixie glanced behind her and paused.

This was a terrible idea, what was she doing!

They were both going to get killed. Honestly, she just wanted him to vanish for a couple of days. Just a few days, so she could have one conversation with Maud that wasn't punctuated with tEcHnIcAlLy. Okay, maybe a week or two.

But wasn't she just getting madder and doing dumber, more reckless things because she wasn't really facing the problem and finding a proper solution? She could actually kill this guy.

Technically, you have already attempted to murder me via chandelier, she heard Mud Briar in her head, and tightened her jaw and kept walking. A classic horror literature trope; not very inspired, however. She may have started growling unconsciously.

"What is that noise?" Mud Briar asked.

"Nothing. Okay, listen," Trixie whispered, and he stopped on the spot. "You need to keep your volume down from here, because... because um...the local ecosystem... not only supports the Bright-Faced Moonflower but... also the, uh, the um... the pony-eating snapdragon! Yes, that."

The good news: He lowered his voice. The bad news: He did not lower his loquaciousness. "Are you properly licensed by the Equestrian Horticultural Accessibility Society to lead disabled individuals through the territory of the pony-eating snapdragon?"

Trixie's stomach dropped like a pit. "Y... You're disabled?" If he was, she was a monster.

"Technically," he drawled, "... wearing a blindfold constitutes a temporary disability in Equestrian law..."

She fought back a growl. (Trixie was of course a monster. She had almost accepted it.)

"... so long as it can be demonstrated to satisfaction that the wearer was entirely unable to see for the duration of wearing."

"Right. That's nice," Trixie lied.

"I am also allergic to peanuts," he continued, "With which the pony-eating snapdragon is cross-allergenic."

Trixie's smile suddenly grew ear-to-ear. Why couldn't he have told her that before they went to the movies? "Now that is good to know! Okay, keep following..."

She continued to lead him until the trees nearly blotted out the sun. He never asked if they were there yet, or how much further it was, or if they might have been lost, or even if they could take a breather. He was... kind of a weirdo.

Then she tossed a smoke bomb down. A force of habit, honestly, since the guy was blindfolded and all.

"Trixie." Mud Briar said after five minutes of no direction.

She elicited no response, the expected behavior if she was still present and able to speak. It was possible she was simply being rude or was distracted, however. He allowed a few seconds, the customary delay between speaking again.

"Trixie." He said again.

There was still no response. After speaking a companion's name twice, proper etiquette on their part was to respond in some way - unless they were intentionally being rude, in which case gradually more invasive means of acquiring the conversational partner's attention would become appropriate over time.

"Trixie?" He considered removing his blindfold. Technically, this would have constituted a breach of contract in that he had agreed to keep it on until such time as Trixie had delivered him to the location of a Bright-Faced Moonflower, as they had agreed upon orally. This would not be binding in a court of law, as no evidence of the contract ever existing would be available, but it would be supremely rude. Mud Briar liked to think he was the paragon of courtesy and good manner.

Mud Briar was not a good thinker in the practical sense.

He was very slow to accept that his company could possibly be improper. But, finally, after nearly ten minutes of silence, he was beginning to consider that Trixie may have violated their contract herself - namely by abruptly departing before completing the escort and subsequently informing him that he was free to remove his blindfold.

Indeed, the last sound he had heard from her location was a soft hiss that he hypothesized belonged to one of her smoke bombs. Statistically speaking, there was a very high correlation between Trixie employing a smoke bomb and Trixie rapidly leaving the area in which she had deployed it.

Standing blindfolded, Mud Briar first decided that he did not have sufficient evidence to conclude as a matter of fact that Trixie had dropped a smoke bomb and abandoned him in the middle of the forest.

Mud Briar secondly considered that this remained the most sensible and likely explanation for the dissonance between his reasonable expectation of Trixie continuing to guide him or permitting him to remove his blindfold, and the reality of the failure of Trixie to give any indication of her presence for what was now approximately fifteen minutes.

This would also have been in accordance with her odd behavior over the entire previous day.

Mud Briar removed his blindfold.

He was alone in the middle of the Everfree Forest.

As he had no company, Mud Briar saw no need to say anything out loud. Instead, he immediately surveyed the area to determine his location, Trixie's fate, and, ideally, the location of a Bright-Faced Moonflower.

He quickly determined that this was not a suitable environment for the pony-eating snapdragon. This indicated at least one lie on Trixie's part, which increased the likelihood of her intentional deceit as relevant to their oral contract.

He looked at his blindfold. He was already aware that the Everfree Forest featured cockatrice. He did not know if wearing a blindfold would protect him from cockatrice petrification. However, he did know that not wearing one did not protect him from anything, and therefore, kept the blindfold with him. He would attempt to put it on if evidence of a cockatrice presented itself, and would subsequently exit its territory swiftly.

Mud Briar frowned slightly and began to walk through the forest.

Trixie's heart raced as she ran back through the Everfree Forest, smoke bombs at the ready. If a cockatrice couldn't see her, it couldn't petrify her. Maybe.

Mud Briar would be fine! Probably. He'd been turned to stone before. Wait, he had a blindfold, didn't he? Would that protect him? Trixie wasn't really sure.

She was almost out of the forest. Still galloping, she fearfully turned to look back, despite knowing from every horror movie this was a terrible idea. Looking back meant immediately encountering a terrible monster. It also increased the odds of running face-first into a tree.

So, she looked forward again. Her eyes went wide with horror and she skidded to a stumbling stop with a raspy gasp.

She was looking directly at Maud Pie's face.

Trixie's subconscious had learned to grade Maud's face on a scale of 1 to 10. Higher was scarier. She was at an 8. Her tail swished slowly and evenly. A swishing tail was a sign she was holding something back. Trixie's ears dropped, her pupils small, and she was sure she was about to shrink into her hat and disappear like the wizards of old. At least, she sure hoped she would.

"Hey there, Trixie," Starlight crooned casually, standing next to the dour earth pony. "We've been looking for you." Starlight must have felt perfectly safe on that side of Maud Pie. There's no way she would sound so comfortable if she was in front of her right now.

Sunburst was sleeping on his hooves.

"We thought we might find you here." Maud droned. Not good. Her voice was at an 8 too. Trixie's heart was telling her to turn and run right back into the woods. Trixie's brain was telling her that would put Maud at a 9 easy. "Because Mud Briar's saddlebags are missing. He wouldn't take them unless he was going somewhere..." Her eyes shifted around. "... plant-y."

"Also, both of your footsteps lead straight here. Were you... walking backwards?" Starlight asked.

"Yes." Trixie mumbled.

"Right, sooo, you might be woooondering why we got back up after going to beeed," Starlight chirped in a sort of sing-song voice.

"Mud Briar did not come to bed at his normal time." Maud said. "He keeps a fairly strict sleep schedule."

"So we went downstairs and gosh, you two just weren't there. That was such a strange coincidence, since earlier tonight, Mud Briar told me that he got this weird note during the MURDER House of 🧟DOOM💀... you know, the attraction where you dropped a chandelier on Maud..."

Trixie blinked and shuddered, like a deer standing between Princess Celestia and a cake.

"If I had not spited my notes, or he had taken his turn before me, the chandelier would probably have dropped on Mud Briar." Maud Pie stated.

"I think Maud's right. Because, and this is a really weird coincidence, Mud Briar was the only one who wasn't told to avoid the ballroom!" Starlight said like it was a revelation. "In fact, he only got a note telling him to play the piano which was right underneath it!"

"He is a sweet and trusting person," Maud said. Trixie supposed that was one way of wording it. She had been thinking more along the lines of simple, naive fool, mwahahaha!

"Aaaand this made me think, gosh, Trixie's just been messing everything up all day." Starlight condescended, making a big show of putting a hoof on her chin and looking really thoughtful.

"Like when you sicced a crowd of lovesick fanboys on him." Maud added.

"And..." Starlight started, and then threw her hooves in the air. "... whatever the shine you were trying to do with the whole movie mix-up."

"T-T-Trixie maintains that the movie mix-up was actually quite harmless..."

"True," Starlight nodded. "Except that in hindsight it was basically a threat! Everypony calls Mud Briar a stick in the --"

Maud glanced at her and she choked. Starlight had made a "stick in the mud" joke in Maud Pie's presence exactly once and was loathe to suffer for it again.

"-- calls him a stick!" Starlight finished. "And what happens in that movie? All the sticks get killed!" This was, of course, exactly what Trixie had been thinking at the time. It's just that it was supposed to be obvious after she got away with it, and that was... obviously not happening.

"What were you two doing in the Everfree Forest." Maud Pie asked tersely.

Trixie grimaced, her vision swimming. "J... Jogging..?" She warbled.

"Where is Mud Briar." It was all Trixie could do not to drop to the floor and beg for mercy. She opened her mouth and Maud's eyelashes dropped a quarter of an inch; Trixie's breath caught in her throat. "Do not lie to me." Maud warned.

"T-Trixie may have... been a very good jogger a-and... lost track of him in th-the f-forest..."

Maud stepped forward, pausing in mid-stride, tail frozen. Her eyelashes now rose a full half-inch. "You willfully abandoned my boyfriend in the Everfree Forest?" She blinked twice, quickly. Trixie's subconscious had been wrong; Maud had just hit a level she'd never seen before. Maud was at 11.

"When he was turned to stone the last time we were in here?" Starlight added. She had suddenly lost the edge in her voice and taken several steps away from Maud, staring at her and Trixie anxiously.

Trixie looked for a time at the horrifying visage boring into her soul, trembling from head to toe, her life flashing before her eyes. Just this morning, she had been terrified of someone else getting a slightly firm look from Maud, and now that she herself was finally experiencing one of her greatest terrors...

The fear was gone, for fear was of uncertainty, and Trixie's fate was certain.

Trixie gazed into the eyes of death, inhaled, and exhaled.

"I sure did," she said calmly.

Starlight gave a shrill gasp as Maud charged, seized Trixie, and hurled her to the side hard enough to create a wind. Trixie hit the soft dirt unceremoniously a few yards away and skidded ten body lengths, all of her smoke bombs going off, her breath flying from her lungs.

"I should've said something." The furious goddess of rocks rocketed into the forest behind where Trixie had stood.

"M-Maud, wait!! Sunburst, wake up!" Starlight yelled, glancing wild-eyed at the cloud of fog, then at Sunburst stirring, and teleported away.

Sunburst awoke with a snort at the commotion. "W-what? What's going on? Where is everyone?" He turned and saw her. "Sweet Luna -- Trixie?!" He ran to her side, waving the smoke away, and leaned down, looking between her and the deep skids behind her. "What happened?! Did you pick a fight with an Ursa?!" He began to examine her for wounds.

Long, long ago, Trixie had lied and said she'd done just that. Tonight, coughing and gasping for air as her diaphragm spasmed, she had no breath for lies. Perhaps no time, either. No, in her last moments of life perhaps, she would tell the truth.

"Y-yep." she croaked. "Ursa got me. Owe Luna... slap... in face. Guh..."

"W-what?" Sunburst asked, then levitated her up and ran back into town with her, calling for help.

Trixie's hat delicately swam back and forth in the air, settling back down onto the spot she had been standing just moments before. If anyone came by, and did not notice the deep ravine carved into the earth by Trixie's helpless form, it might look like she had indeed vanished into her hat.

Oh, if only!