I got home and opened my bag to take my clothes out. At the bottom of the bag, I saw the sleeping pills from when I used them on day two of Newquestria. “In case I need these.” I said as I put them in the cabinet in my bathroom.

‘I wonder if I could use those to get closer to Puppet.’ I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I thought about that.

‘Don’t! You shouldn’t do it, you have so much to live for. You shouldn’t even be thinking like that.' Said a voice in my head.

'Do it.' Said another voice.

'You have amazing friends that care about you. You are blessed to have them.' Voice one said.

'You can be closer to Puppet within minutes.' Voice Two said.

"I know I shouldn’t, but at the same time, I love Puppet. I want to be with him for as long as I can." I said, turning back towards the bathroom. "No, I can’t. I’m stronger than this. I also have a lot to live for. I’ll go play some songs to get this off of my mind.”

I went to the theater to play a few songs, and it did work for a while. That night, it was hard for me to fall asleep, since Puppet and Chrysalis weren’t here. I went to the cabinet, and got the sleeping pills. I opened the bottle, and paused.

‘You already have them all in your hands. Now, you just have to pour them in, and swallow.’ Voice Two said.

“No, I won’t.” I grabbed one, got a drink of Pepsi, put the pill in my mouth, and drank the Pepsi. I then went upstairs, and went to bed. When I woke up, I heard the voice.

‘Friends, you said?’

“What do you mean?”

‘If you were having trouble, don’t you think Luna would have visited you?’

“She only helps with nightmares. Plus, she was probably just visiting other ponies dreams.”

‘Or, she’s not your friend.’

“Just because she might not be my friend, doesn’t mean I don’t have friends. I’ll show you.”

I went to Twilight’s castle to get Twilight, but couldn’t find her. I found Spike, and asked him where she is.

“Oh. One of the animals at Fluttershy’s cottage died, and she has been having a hard time.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry about Puppet.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” I walked out of the castle to think of what to do next.

“I’ll go home and write to the Princesses! Surely they’ll answer.” I went to the teleporter room, and teleported home.

Dear Princess Celestia and Luna,
I know this is a really weird question to ask, but we are friends right? I just wanted to make sure.
From, Johnny Soaps.

Dear Princess Cadence and Shining Armor,
Are we friends? I know it’s weird to ask, but I’m just going through something right now and I need to know if we are friends.
From, Johnny Soaps.

Dear King Thorax,
We are friends, right? I just need to know.
From, Johnny Soaps.

I gave the letters to Spike, and asked them to send them to their designated pony or ponies. I even put the first letter of their first names on the letters so he couldn’t screw this up. I figured that while I wait for responses, I would ask Twilight if we were friends. I wouldn’t want to take all of them out while Fluttershy wasn’t doing alright. I decided to pick up some flowers on the way to give to Fluttershy.

I knocked on the door. Twilight opened the door.

“Hey Johnny.”

“Hey Twilight. Could I ask you something outside?”

“Sure.” She stepped outside. “We have to make it quick though.”

“Are we friends?”

She just stared at me for a second.

“How can you ask me something like this when Fluttershy is going through a hard time? Don't you think we should be showing her support!?”

“I… I- never mind. Could you give this to Fluttershy for me?” I said, handing her the bouquet of flowers.

“I’ve got to go. Tell everybody that I love them.” I said walking away.

I went back home and the voice started talking again. ‘I told you.’

“Shut up. Just because Twilight was rude doesn’t mean I don’t have any friends.”

‘Face it. You have no friends.’

“I do so!”

‘Listen, right now, you don’t have any friends. But if you consume all the bottle of pills, you’ll be with someone who does care about you: Puppet.’

I considered my options. I could go back and talk to someone, or I could end it all, and be with the love of my life within an hour.

I decided to go with the latter.

I plugged in my speakers, and put “Adam's Song” on repeat. I didn’t have time to make a suicide note, so maybe this could do something. I got a cup, and filled it with Cherry Pepsi and headed upstairs. If I was going to die, at least I would die with my favorite drink. I went into the bathroom, and grabbed the container of pills. I took off the lid, and the voices battled with each other.

“You don’t have to do this! You can go to Twilight, and talk to her. You can get help. If you don’t do this, you can go on tour, and release CDs.’

‘But, how will you do the band without Puppet? Speaking about him, if you do this, you’ll be with him in under an hour.’
I then heard footsteps.

‘If you do it quick enough, they won’t know.’

After that thought came into my head, I poured the pills into my mouth, and then poured the Pepsi into my mouth, and swallowed.

“Johnny.” I heard Twilight say. I turned to my right to see Twilight and Discord about seven feet away from me. There was silence for a few seconds before Discord said, “We need to get him to the hospital.”

Before I could say anything, Twilight got a hold of me with her magic, and Discord teleported us. I started feeling a little dizzy.

“Look,” Discord said to the mare at the front counter, “my friend here swallowed a whole bunch of pills. He needs to be operated on before he dies.”

There were some things that were yelled, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was starting to feel dizzy. Then I started blacking out, which after a few minutes, I did. I’m not sure if it was from the pills, or the laughing gas I was put on.

I woke up on a stage. It looked like the one from “Bullet In A Bible”. ‘If I’m here, I might as well play.’ I thought to myself. I grabbed my guitar, put it on, and said into the microphone, “This song is called ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’.” I started playing, and the drums and bass also played. ‘So I’m definitely dreaming.’ I thought. “This next song is called ‘Panic Song’.” We finished that, and we played a bunch of songs. Brain Stew, All The Small Things, Uptight, Waiting, King For A Day, and a bunch more. I was wondering why it was taking me so long to wake up, or to find myself at the gates in Heaven.

After what felt like one thousand years, I woke up. As soon as I did, I felt a sharp pain coming from my stomach. I groaned, which alerted Celestia that I was up. She walked out of the room, and I could hear her say, “He’s awake.”

I could have sworn a stampede was coming. The Mane Six, Starlight, Discord, Celestia, and Luna came into the room.

“Johnny, are you alright?” Luna asked.

“I’m feeling a little dizzy, and there’s a sharp pain in my stomach, but other than that, I’m fine.”

"You got your stomach pumped.” Rainbow Dash said.

“You scared all of us. Why would you do such a thing?” Luna asked.

“Because I miss Puppet. I didn’t want to do it either at first, but after a while, one of the voices in my head convinced me.”

“How?”

“Well first, it was just that I would be back with Puppet, but then it convinced me that I had no friends.”

“But, you do.”

“I know that. It started this morning, it said that I clearly didn’t have any friends, because if I did, Luna would have come and helped me with my troubles, but I can’t recall having any. I had trouble going to sleep, but I fixed that when I took a sleeping pill. Anyways, I then tried to convince the voice that I have friends. I wrote a letter to you and Luna,” I said, looking at Celestia, “one to Cadence and Shining Armor, and one to Thorax. While I waited, I figured that I would ask Twilight. I went to Fluttershy’s cottage, since they were there helping Fluttershy cope with the death of an animal. I asked her, and she got angry. The voice convinced me that I should end it, and that I would be able to see Puppet again, so I swallowed the rest of the sleeping pills, and Twilight and Discord brought me here. After that, it was a blur.”

Everyone stared at me, until the nurse came in.

“Alright, so we pumped the pills out of your stomach, and we can release you today. But if we release you, you’re going to need to take it easy. Don’t drink any fizzy drinks, any spicy or hard foods, and you’ll need to stay in bed. I just need to ask you some questions. I’ll need the rest of you to step out of the room.”

Everyone else left, and the nurse asked me some questions.

“Alright. You’ll be released later today.” The nurse walked out of the room.

A few days later, I was in my room, playing with legos when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I said. Twilight opened the door and said, "Hey Johnny. Could we talk?"

"Sure." She sat down in front of the base of the building I was making and asked, "What are you making?"

"I'm making the stage from 'Bullet In A Bible'. I don't think I've showed you the movie, but it's a live DVD and album from Green Day of them playing in Milton Keynes in 2005. I'll have to-" I heard Twilight sniffling, and looked up at her. She was looking at the ground.

"What's wrong?"

"I..." I pushed away my legos, and scooted over to Twilight.

"Listen, you can tell me anything.”

She hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry about what?"

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you! I should have remembered that you were going through something, but I didn't. If I had known that you were suicidal, I would have helped you, I promise. But instead, I yelled at you, and nearly stripped you away from life. You have a lot of potential, you make everypony happy, but I was a jerk, and I yelled at you."
I tried looking for the right words. I couldn't say "It's okay" because it really wasn't.

"I understand. If I was in your position, and I didn't know you were suicidal, I might have done the same thing. Let's..." My eyes started watering, and I sniffled. "...let's just be happy that I am here. You and Discord could have been an hour late, or you couldn't have come at all, and you could have found me a few days later." We hugged for a little bit and cried, and then I said. "Let's sing a song."

We sang a few songs, and after a little bit, Twilight got up and said, "I want you to Pinkie Promise me that if something is wrong, you will come tell me. Alright?"

"Alright."

"Do you need anything right now?"

"No."

"Okay. I'll let you get back to your legos."

Author's Note

If you are feeling suicidal, or know someone that’s suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's not worth ending it.