Opportunistic Pragmatism

“What are they doing?” Asks a blue griffon before he devours one of the plain cupcakes we were supplied with.

“Is this like a Equestrian thing or what?” I ask, just as confused by what is going on.

Lady Starlight has left to greet the Equestrian envoy, along with her entire town. All the creatures that weren’t in my squad are doing some sort of dance routine or something, I guess this is how you greet important people in this society.

If Lady Starlight expects me to sing and dance for her I think I might declare mutiny on the spot.

I glance out the window and see that the citizens are marching in around the envoy in a military fashion, their organization is commendable.

The envoy is made out of horses, with no surprises except for a purple horse that looks like it’s the leader. It’s got legs. It’s got wings. It’s git a horn.

Now let me just say that I am a open minded person, the horses having racial abilities is fine by me. But having BOTH of the special things is COMPLETELY BULLSHIT!

Oh, looks like the envoy is being led towards the house. I turn towards my squad. “In position, I hear as much as a peep out of any of you and I’ll shoot ya myself.”

They laugh it off and go downstairs to hide behind a wall. I make myself comfortable on the couch, my shovel in my left hand and my crossbow in my right.

Lady Starlight and the abomination walk into the house, already in conversation.

“I assure you that there is no problems in my- our little town!” Lady Starlight was saying.

“The town does indeed look nice, but I am still here with a task Starlight.” The freak replies.

“Well then, what do you offer?”

“........friendship?”

I snort. It’s completely unprofessional but I couldn’t help myself! We are offering status, prosperity, fame and protection while the opposition is offering friendship! You can’t build a town on friendship alone!

Lady Starlight and the freak look at me.

“Jeremy? Is that you?” The freak asked me a question.

“Do I look like ‘Jeremy’ to you?”

The freak just stared at me, her horn was slowly powering up so I slowly raised my crossbow in retaliation. Thankfully, Lady Starlight spoke before I took someone’s eye out.

“I believe that I have came to a decision! After all ‘carefully considering’ the benefits and drawbacks of both offers, I have came to a decision!”

She turned to me with a shit eating grin, the grin a child would have after their first time saying a bad word.

“Conscript, please evict the Equestrians from my land.”

“Right away, Lady Starlight!” The freak looked completely confused, it’s like she thought that her offer was good or something. I raise my voice “YOU HEARD HER! GET YOUR FLANKS DOWN HERE AND EARN YOUR MEAT!”

My four griffons skidded round the corner, their crossbows drawn, and managed to stop without falling over. Commendable. “Get out of here Equestrian, we won’t shoot you if you go.” Said my more level headed griffon, this one was completely grey.

“But I...”

“No buts! You have 20 minutes to get out of here before we open fire, now stop dirtying the earth with your filthy hooves.” I cut the freak off.

I had to actually prod the creature with my crossbow before it started moving, the poor thing genuinely confused. Makes me think of all the shit I could get away with if i woke up wherever the freak hails from.....

''You can't just claim this land!'' The freak is in the town square, arguing with me and Lady Starlight.

''She can, and she did. This was an unclaimed zone that was left alone because claiming it would cause a war to break out, pretty much free land safe from all neighbours-'' I say before Lady Starlight cuts me off.

''-BUT I am willingly giving this land over, thus the war being prevented!''

''Delayed'' I whisper to the Lady.

The freak turns around and looks at her guard, a quite shabby one if i say so myself. Let's start with the yellow one that has wings, she looks like she is scared of her own shadow. Then there is the one with wings and rainbow hair, she actually looks to be capable but has worse discipline than me and my griffons, she is literally flying above us in circles. Next up is the white one, a unicorn. She is looking at the town in what looks like disgust I'm pretty sure she is the only one wearing makeup. Onto the next capable looking one, orange earthpony with a cowboy hat, she is keeping an eye on all our crossbows. And finally there is the pink earthpony, she is eating a cupcake and sitting on a canon, all the crossbows are pointed in her direction.

''You have 10 minutes to leave...'' I remind them.

The freak looks around, muttering something to herself, then she turns around and raises her voice.

''Starlight Glimmer, by my authority as the Princess of friendship, I place you under arrest for treason!'' she declares with a smug grin.

''You have no power on griffon land, Princess.” Lady Starlight points out with an equally smug grin.

“I was sent here by the cutie-map, and I now know it’s in order to stop you!”

“Cool motive, still illegal.” I cut into the conversation, pointing my crossbow in her general direction.

“Now hold on a sec-“ The white unicorn tries to interrupt, I counter interrupt her.

“5 minutes till we open fire.”

I get given five death stares, the freak opted to give Lady Starlight a glare instead.

Then the freaks horn lit up and her group popped out of existence with a ‘POMF’.

“Oh thank fuck that they left!” I exclaim. The rest of my squad makes similar statements.

Lady Starlight gives me a confused glare.

“Our crossbows would be useless against telekinesis, they aren’t fast enough so they just get plucked out of the air.” I explain.

Lady Starlight sits down and raises a hoof to her chin. “You need better weapons you say?”