The Sparkle Letters

dear princess celestia,
I apologize for the delay. Knowing you and the other princesses, you've been worried sick! Not much has happened, though i did get to meet with the leader of the country of america, one president don al t'rump. Only time will tell if we can arrange something. When the time comes, i will write you again. Hopefully, it will be soon, and we'll get it all over with. Everypony will be safe. Life will go on. I'll have to have another new castle! Exciting, isn't it? Sorry that we have to build a new one so soon.

Having gotten that out of the way, here's an odd little tidbit about america: they are currently staging a coup! Evidently, a process known as "impeachment" is taking place, currently led by the democrats, t'rump's sworn enemy. Luckily, the whole thing is completely bloodless. Providing nobody starts a fight, the process will begin and end without a single sword drawn! Completely harmless. He has claimed that the democrats are cheating, though. Ridiculous! You would think that they'd have more respect for the process. Such is life for humans, though. Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time. Linking a crime back to the perpetrator is very rare, though. I have offered my assistance, and t'rump has graciously accepted my offer. Soon, i'll be speaking to the democrats' leaders.

P.S. Thank you for reminding me of the first time I sent you mail. I have always believed that my first letters is the most important message of all.