The Sparkle Letters

Dear Princess,

First of all, thank you for thinking of me. I will describe what the humans did to me in a later missive. Their cruelty is deeper than I imagined.

Your behavior, on the other hoof, confuses me.
I admit I understand the logic of sending Spike, of all people, to my aid. Both because he can send letters for me, and because his obsession with Rarity is obvious fuel for my powers. But I do not understand how you could bring yourself to do it. Even I can see that Spike is an adolescent dragon, emphasis on adolescent, and that by indulging him I may be causing both Spike and Rarity incredible emotional harm in the future.

Then again, perhaps I am particularly suited to seeing this. I have spent my whole life indulging ponies in their bad relationship habits; I have watched as husbands abandoned wives, as teenage ponies gave up on romance to pursue simple physical contentedness. I have tempted them, sure, but more often than not they do it to themselves. Twilight believes that humans are worse at romance than ponies are; I think that humans are simply more cautious about it.

Thinking about it, maybe I am good for something after all. If you could not see this harm, and I could, perhaps I could become an advisor of sorts?

But enough about that. I am sure you want to hear about how I escaped. It was quite simple, really; after an eyebrow-raising ten minutes (perhaps Rarity will be happier with Spike if I speak of his performance?), I sent Spike to a corner of the cell and awaited my usual tormentor. He stepped in, and--energized by the desires I had just fed upon--I tackled him to the ground and assumed his form. He suffered quite a blow to his head. Spike expressed worry for him. After putting on the human's uniform, I told him to shut up and follow me.

Shortly thereafter, I led him out the front door. Any guard who asked was told that Spike had appeared somewhere inside the building, and was asking to see Twilight Sparkle. This was immediately accepted, as technicolor creatures appearing out of thin air was the hot new trend in Reality. After that, I made a beeline (pardon the expression) for Barack's apartment.

I will write again when I am good and ready.

-- Chrysalis

Dear Princess Sunbutt,

That was FAST. I'm impressed, both by you and by Chryssy--walking right out the front door? She's got bigger balls than anybody I know.

I'm also glad to hear you got the message through to Twi. We stand a chance of actually helping people, now. God-and-Princesses only know how messy it could've gotten if Twi started debating Trump on immigration policy, or worse, started agreeing with him.

The next thing you need to warn her about is the unrest. Some people are getting mad that the first intelligent species we met was tiny technicolor horses. Others see the Princesses as an affront to God himself. Everyone wants to know if Twilight's a Democrat or a Republican, and there is NO right answer in that one. And I hope and pray that the other countries of the world don't pick up on the existence of the tiny magic equines.

Oh, by the way. The show's finale is coming up soon. Between you and me, I hope it won't end your world.

-- Anonymous