The Sparkle Letters

Dear Princess Celestia,

Firstly, I have discovered what the "D" is. Apparently this is an element of human courtship rituals. I shall not elaborate.

Secondly, Barack took me on a trip through his city today. Many humans stopped and stared at me. I am not surprised; I must be the first pony they have ever met. But one thing stuck out to me, as I heard them murmur. I turned to Barack and asked him: Who is God, and could I please talk to him?

He grew concerned, and I realized I was about to learn something very important. What follows is a summary of what I have learned about the being which takes on the role that you and Luna do in our world.

In the beginning, God created the Earth over the course of precisely six days, taking one day afterward to rest. It is said that the seventh day of the week is holy for Humans, because of this. Most important among God's creations were the first Man and Woman, "Adam" and "Eve", who were instructed not to eat a specific fruit from a special tree of "knowledge of good and evil"--perhaps something similar to the Tree of the Elements? But they did so anyway, aided by a snake. When they did so, they began covering themselves with crude clothes made of leaves--perhaps this is why the humans are constantly wearing clothing? God apparently grew very angry at this, and cursed both of them. Then, there was some business with Cain and Abel. One attempted to kill the other. Then, God decided to wipe out all humans save for one chosen family, using a massive flood. And then, God allowed an evil creature simply called "The Devil" to torture a man, simply to prove that this man would continue to pray...

I grow uneasy. Barack seems nice enough, but if the humans have such a vengeful God, how will this God react when I meet him? Barack says that I probably won't meet God anytime soon, but I told him I intend to. What kind of diplomat would I be if I weren't willing to meet their greatest leader?

Your brave and adventurous student, Twilight Sparkle.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Apparently "meeting God" is a euphemism in the Humans' world. They have such strange ways of talking.

Your vaguely confused student, Twilight Sparkle.