Analysis Anarchy: The Red Spy

~Echo Nymph's POV~

Ugh! Why can't I shake off this feeling? It's been building up since yesterday. It's making me tense, very alert and extremely cautious. Like the main character from the Telltale Heart.

"Aw, yeah! Come at me, bro-ski!" ToonKritic shouted from behind me, "Show me what you've-" I quickly drew my pistol and shot him in the arm. Toon fell to the ground, holding his arm in pain, "Medic!"

"Hey, ya big brutes!" KP shouted from the left of the field, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the-" I fired my pistol at her too. The impact threw her into a shack in front of her, "Seriously burnt girl Scout cookie..." She fell to the ground, "Medic!"

I realized what happened and I covered my muzzle, "Oh my gosh, KP! I'm so sorry."

"Uh... Talk?" I heard Golden Fox mutter from above me. On instinct, I drew my pistol and shot at him too. Golden fell from the roof and hit the ground in pain, "Son of a-"

"Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Golden." I quickly apologized.

"It's okay, Nymph." He assured me, then called, "Medic!"

After Keyframe healed all her teammates, she was out of breath and decided to talk to Dr. Wolf and Firebrand.

"Doc, sorry to sound so blunt..." Keyframe started between breaths, "But can you, possibly, maybe, kinda, sorta, if you don't mind... Hire someone who isn't a walking, talking BULLS-EYE?!!!"

She sighed and fell to the ground in exhaustion. Dr. Wolf and Firebrand took a step back.

"I think I landed on my crossbow." She muttered under her breath, in pain.

I arrived and tried to speak, "Hey, I'm trying to say I'm sorry, Key." Then noticed, "And she's out." I sighed, "Figures... Serves me right..."

"What do you mean by 'Serves you right', Miss. Nymph?" Dr. Wolf asked.

I rubbed my arm, "I... Was... Responsible for Keyframe overworking herself..."

Firebrand nodded and explained, "She shot all of them in the arm."

"Goodness!" Dr. Wolf gasped, "Now I see what you mean, Firebrand." Then jotted on his clipboard, "Perhaps we have enough meat shields and distractions, and could likely use another character of subtlety to fill in one of the last two slots for the Blu Team."

"It's not my fault!" I quickly defended, then I rubbed my arm with my ears down, "I guess I've just been a little bit tense, lately."

"Why? What's got you all tense suddenly?" Firebrand asked.

"I keep feeling something ominous is going to happen." I answered, "It's been growing since two days ago. It started off small and easy to shrug off. But, since yesterday, it's been getting bothersome, and it's making me feel like American McGee's Alice." I rubbed my arm again, "Am I going mad?"

"I'll make an appointment for you, Miss. Nymph." Dr. Wolf assured, then a thought came to him, "Now that I think of it, we'd actually have even teams then."

Just then, a Unicorn stallion entered the office. His fur was a light blue. Well-combed brown mane and tail. And brown eyes.

He wore a pair of black-framed glasses, similar to mine. And a red collared vest with black pants.

"Um... Excuse me?" The Unicorn cleared his throat, "Is this where auditions are being held for-" He looked at Keyframe, "Uh... Keyframe? Why do you look like you're ready for beddy-bye?"

Keyframe opened her eyes and looked at the Unicorn, "Oh. Hey, daddy. Will you read me the story about how the angel got his devil horns?"

"Either she's talking about Lucifer, or she's so exhausted her words are mixed up." I noted.

"You're Christian?" Dr. Wolf asked me.

I shook my head, "No. I'm an atheist with spiritual views." I scratched the back of my head, "I just read a lot."

"An Earth Pony being Buddhist?" The Unicorn raised a brow, "That's unheard of."

And just like that... I want to burn something... Or someone...

"Atheist with spiritual views... Not a Buddhist." I corrected.

"So you're Wiccan?" He asked me.

I glanced at him and grit my teeth in anger. But I calmed myself, shook it off, stayed silent and helped Keyframe back to her hooves.

"Anywho..." Dr. Wolf spoke up, "Yes, this is where applications can be turned in." Then asked, "But, if I may ask, who are you?"

The Unicorn turned his attention to Doc and smiled, "Oh, sorry. How rude of me." He cleared his throat and introduced himself, "Name's Thespio, Dr. Wolf. Actor. Singer. Dancer. ECT. I heard through the chain-link fence, that a select few of my good friends happen to spend their free time out here, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, maybe I can join the fun'."

"So... You have personal connections to some of the teammates we've recruited here?" Dr. Wolf asked.

Thespio nodded, "Oh, absolutely. I've worked with KP a few times. I've known Eliyora and Golden Fox for quite a while. And me and Keyframe, here, are pretty tight."

"And we should care about that why?" Firebrand asked.

Thespio's right eye began to twitch, "Why?" He laughed and tried to keep the twitch under control, "Why? Well... Isn't that what being a team is all about? You know, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses for better cohesion on the battlefield?" Another laugh and twitch, "Also, not to sound rude or anything, but..." Another twitch, "I kind of hate being left out of things that my friends are a part of, you know?" Another twitch, "And... I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm pretty hot to trot, if you what I mean..."

He finished with a laugh and another twitch. Keyframe and I looked at each other in concern, but Firebrand and Dr. Wolf were oblivious to the twitching.

I've seen that twitch before. The twitch of someone trying to contain their anger when either insulted or slipping to insanity. It's a psychiatric condition, not a physical condition. I know because I have the same twitch. I just have better control over it.

"No, we don't." Firebrand answered, "And as a medical unprofessional, you might want to get that eye-twitch looked at."

Thespio glared at the Soldier Medic.

"Listen, Mr. Thespio, while it is good you have a plethora of references with you, I'm afraid we don't have too many positions open at the moment, that fit your apparent need to garner attention-" Dr. Wolf explained.

But Keyframe interrupted, "Come on, Doc. Come on! Let Thespio give it a try. Like he said, I've personally known him for a while. And I know from experience that he great to work with." She laughed nervously, "Also, uh... I think we kinda owe it to the colt who, you know, saved my life." Then she added, "Plus, he-he's got great hair! I mean, come on! It's so poofy."

I glanced at Keyframe with a raised brow. She gave me a 'Help-Me-Out-Here' look. I gave a smile and nod, "I agree with Key, Doc. With his talents, I'm sure we can pick a position for him."

Keyframe gave me a 'Thank-You' look. I smiled back.

Firebrand and Dr. Wolf raised a brow at Keyframe and I. But Firebrand sighed, "Well... I suppose we should trust their opinion." He turned to the smiling Unicorn stallion, "Alright. Show us what you've got, Hipster."

"Oh, yes sir!" Thespio cheered, "Okay. How about this?" He cleared his throat, put of a fake eyepatch, and altered his voice to sound like the in-game Demoman, "If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be standing here, discussing it with ya, now would I? You piece of crap!" He drank a bottle of cider, disguised as whiskey, and threw on the ground with a burp.

Firebrand sighed and shook his head, "I meant, can you shoot a-"

But Thespio cut him off again, "Wait, wait, wait! I know!" He cleared his throat again, grabbed a bat, and this time, he sounded like the in-game Scout, "Hey, pop quiz. How long does it take to beat a moron to death?" He swung the bat, "Bonk!"

But he ended up hitting Silver Quill over the head, as he was entering the shack. Silver fell to the ground after impact with the bat.

"Ooh... Silver, are you okay?" I asked.

"Oops." Thespio scrunched his face a bit.

"Okay, first off, I'm not cleaning that up." Firebrand spoke up, "Second, would you just simmer down for a sec-"

But Thespio cut him off again, "Oh, wait! I know! My personal favorite." He cleared his throat again, put on an Australian hat over his head, and altered his voice to sound like the in-game Sniper, "Here's a touching story, mate. Once upon a time, you died. And I lived happily ever after. The end."

~EEEEEEEERRRRKKKK!!!!~

Firebrand pulled the rope for the alarm sound, "Yeah. Bring down the curtain there, Rob Schneider. This is an actual battlefield, not a middle school play." He told Thespio, who frowned, "We're kind of looking for someone who isn't a Mardi Gras float with hooves. That's what we have KP for anyway."

Thespio started growling at Firebrand in anger.

~Dr. Wolf's POV.~

Thespio stared growling at Firebrand, until Echo Nymph spoke up, "I think he did pretty well. Much like how Wendigos mimic voices to lure prey, a bit of voice acting can be used to even out the battlefield."

I shook my head, "Listen, Thespio, we do very much appreciate your enthusiasm..."

Then Keyframe spoke up and looked at me, "D-D-D-Doc? Can I speak to you in private?"

Without waiting for an answer, Keyframe grabbed me and dragged me to the Respawn Room. All I could do was yelp, "What? Ow! Goodness!"

Once there, she let go of me. I stepped away from her and asked, "What is it, Keyframe?"

"Look, Doc. You need to indulge him for your own good." She told me, "I mean, he's a great guy, and all, but let's face it. The guy's got an ego the size of Silver Quill's losing streak."

"You know, you guys are the reason I'm one of Dr. Wolf's favorite patients." Silver Quill spoke up from behind me, with an ice-pack over his head.

"I apologize for my bluntness, Keyframe." I apologized, then added, "But I struggle to see how that's our problem."

"Some days I wonder why I should get out of bed..." Silver Quill moped, "And then... The bed explodes..."

"It WILL become your problem! Trust me." Keyframe shouted, "If you don't stroke his ego, he will force you to stroke it. In very unpleasant ways."

I raised a brow, "Define 'unpleasant'."

Keyframe pointed to my office and, to my surprise, Thespio had Echo Nymph tied up and hanging over a pit of lava sharks!

When did this happen?!!!

"Hey! Wait a minute! I said that I liked your talents. I stuck up for you. And you're hanging me over a pit of lava sharks? Why, Thespio?" Echo Nymph asked.

"I never trust the words of a Wendigo, or a Wiccan." He answered, drawing a Conover's kunai.

"I meant the Wendigos from the North American folklore. Not the MLP franchise." She explained, then shouted, "And for the hundredth time, I'M NOT A WIC-"

"Marks for creativity. Well done." I spoke up, walking between Thespio and Echo Nymph, "Also, I have to say some new... Information has been brought to my attention, and I've had the time to process your earlier..." I turned to Echo Nymph, then returned to Thespio, "Remarkable display of talent."

"I'm not following, Doc." Echo Nymph spoke up, "Either I'm getting delirious from the heat of the lava, or I just heard you compliment Thespio's arsenal of talents."

"I'll explain later, Miss. Nymph." I assured her, then returned to Thespio, "Oh, Great and Magnificent Thespio, I think we may have a position for you that requires your superior acting skills, as well as your unique close intimate knowledge of the other teammates."

Thespio smiled at me, "Go on."

"Uh... Guys? I'm still hanging here, and I'm getting dizzy from the lava." Echo Nymph spoke up.

"You're not getting dizzy from being hung up-side down?" Thespio noticed, "Huh."

Echo Nymph rolled her eyes, "Oh, for Luna's sake..."

*Later, on the Battlefield...*
~Echo Nymph's POV~

I was still recovering from what Thespio did to me from hanging me over a pit of lava sharks. My back ached. I still feel dizzy from the heat. And my legs were still wobbly.

Thespio was enjoying his role as the Blu Team's new Spy, until he took it too far and started killing the members of his own team. Of course, Golden Fox was able to take him down a notch.

I turned to Keyframe, who was helping me get around, "Are you sure this is a good idea, Key?"

"It's better to have the Devil be your ally... Than be in his path..." Keyframe answered, in a German accent.

I looked at the new Spy, who was laughing maniacally. The ominous feeling growing, making me feel more tense and uneasy.

I sighed and collapsed on the roof, "We're doomed..."