I have 10 minutes to get ready to go to work now that I've finished this.
~~~Intro~~~
"Hello, Twilight."
"Hey, Super."
"Just 'hey'? You're not going to go into histrionics at the fact that you are yet again trapped in a Super Trampoline story?"
"I'll be honest, I'm over it. Your stories are short and usually rather unoffensive albeit awful. And I'm not going to kick a guy when he's down; I know you're not doing so hot right now. And lastly, I'm an imaginary version of an imaginary character, so whether I throw a tantrum or snark or whatever or not doesn't matter; in fact nothing I do matters at all."
Super sighed, at last breaking up the pure dialogue. "Twiggles, you've influenced--often profoundly--the lives of tens of millions of people all over the world. You should feel good about that, even if you in all actuality lack the ability to feel good on account of not actually existing. But enough chit chat. As Ponkers would say, 'Time is candy.' Starbutt, you ready for another shitty shitfic?"
Twilight Sparkle smiled a brash smile and brohoofed Super Trampoline, both of them still in the descriptionless white void all characters end up in when a crappy author neglects to describe their surroundings. "Fuck yeah, let's fucking do this. Balls out to the walls out, let's get this shitfic rolling!"
~~~The Shitfic Proper~~~
Okay, so it turns out that Scootaloo is a right proper math legend. See, she bribed Twilight Sparkle (Who appeared earlier in the intro, as you may recall. I certainly hope you recall this; it was literally a few lines ago. Speaking of forgetting things, did you know that there's a North Carolinian teenager named Caitlin Little who lives like the woman in what is arguably Adam Sandler's best Movie, Fifty First Dates? Every day she wakes up thinking it's October 12th, 2017, the day she suffered a concussion at track practice. That's gotta suck. You know who doesn't suck? Scootaloo at math. Wait a minute, this is still a parenthetical aside. I should probably get back to the main story now. Oops, my b fam.) to bring a computer over from the human world into Equestria, but when she did, it turned into a giant mechanical monstrosity not unlike SCP 914 because ponies don't have computers anywhere near as complex as humans do at this point in time. So instead, Scootaloo goes over to the human world almost every day as an alternative schooling arrangement and watches math videos on whatever the Equestria Girls version of YouTube is. And I mean, that isn't super implausible or anything. Well, I mean, beyond the existence of both the Equestria Girls and My Little Pony universes in general, but I mean that isn't super implausible in-universe, since we see the human CMC watching whatever the EQG version of YouTube is in the first EQG movie I believe but am too lazy to check. She watches a lot of instructional videos like whatever the EQG version of Khan Academy is. But she also watches a lot of cool edutainment videos from Numberphile. Here's an example:
Pretty cool, right? I love Numberphile and how they interview mathmeticians who clearly love what they're doing.
Anyway, Scoots was getting pretty fucking good at math, you know? Like, really fucking good. How fucking good? Like more fucking than my partner and I did the last time we visited each other good. That's a lot of fucking. Actually, not really, we did have kinky BDSM sex with ropes and handcuffs and vibrators and forced orgasms and electricity play, but mostly we just cuddled and watched the amazing show they turned me on to called "Letterkenny". I'm about to start Season 4 now. So good. It's a breezy sitcom about twenty-somethings in the small Canadian town of Letterkenny. It's really fucking funny, especially if you're stoned. It has that mild surrealism I really like that you often find in good MLP comedy fanfics.
Anyway, the point is, Scootaloo got really good at math. So she started tutoring Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. As we all know, Apple Bloom (two words, not Applebloom.) is pretty smart and applies herself, but Sweetie Belle, while fucking adorable, is also, at the risk of being a bit ablist, dumb as a fucking brick. In fact, I believe there is a story on this very sight entitled Sweetie Brick. Let me see if I can find it. Okay, yes, my memory does not deceive me. Here it is:
TSweetie Brick
The common household Sweetie Belle has many uses and applications. Here are a few of them.
shortskirtsandexplosions ·
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Unsurprisingly, it's a Skirts fic. I say unsurprisingly because he's one of the few people on this site who can write weirder shit than me.
Anyway, Holy fuck, I've now unintentionally started the last three paragraphs with "anyway", which tells you a lot about the rambly state of my writing. Anyway, Scootaloo is so fucking good at math from cumulatively watching thousands of hours of math videos in the human world, that she is able to successfully make Sweetie Belle good at math herself, and Sweetie Belle gets good enough at math that she decides to become a civil engineer and design civil engineering shit, which is good because Twilight Sparkle, having ascended to the thrown to rule Equestria with the help of her friends since Celestia and Luna have fucked off to who knows where, probably knocking back mai tais and having sex with buff stallions and cute mares on the regular, oversees a peaceful, prosperous era of expansion known as Pax Equus, which sees a population boom, and Sweetie Belle, now a civil engineer thanks to Scootaloo tutoring her for thousands of hours, is hired as chief engineer to design a new ring road that will wrap all the way around the Canterhorn, which is what I like to call the mountain Canterlot sits on, since Canterlot now envelops the entire mountain. Sweetie Belle does indeed design it, and after almost a decade of hard work and a tempestuous relationship with Flash Sentry, now a security consultant, it is finally completed, and dubbed the Sweetie Beltway. (Password: "dumb fabric")
Author's Note
