We Brave Few

There the two of us lay, upon the shallow revment. Our rifles held tightly in our grasp as we listened to our officers yell over the men. I remembered this day well, one that I would not soon forget. It was here that I tasted what war was like for the first time. The day I almost lost my sanity.

“Hold steady!” The Sargent yelled, “We move as one from the first blow of the whistle!”

I tipped my helmet down as the first shell came down a couple of feet into no-mans-land. The dirt rained down on us as we continued to lay there poised to strike. Looking back at my third mate joining the line my eyes widened.

Her hair was blue as the night sky, her cyan eyes looked up to me with a small smile as she tilted her brodie up. Why was she here? Why did it have to be now of all times that she was here?

It didn’t matter, the attack was already set in motion as the whistle broke through the chatter. All the men stood up and charged forwards. I lagged behind a bit as I came up right next to Luna, her own rifle held forwards as she ran over the parapet with me.

Her eyes widened as she looked out onto no-man's-land. Barbed wire multiple feet deep lay tangled as craters dotted the landscape. Explosions from shells rained down on us periodically. Men were slaughtered in front of us by the bullets making their way down from the trench ahead.

Luna started to slow down until she completely stopped in her tracks. I knew what she was experiencing, I couldn’t let her fall victim to the state that claimed many before.

Grabbing her hand, I shoved her in front of me, “Keep moving!” I yelled.

Her feet started to work again as we raced through the carnage, bodies hung from the barbed wires. Severed limbs and entrails lay spread out between the bodies. Breaching the other side the journey had only just begun as the only thing laying between us and the German line was an empty field of mud.

Keeping her moving, men in front of us fell to their knees. Bullets from the enemy trench ripped through their bodies as I shoved Luna into one of the craters. We both slid in, boots coming upon the muddy water. Bodies from both sides laid face down in the water as we waited for the gunfire to ease up.

Luna wasn’t taking it easy as she looked at the bodies face down in the water. I could see that she was having a breakdown, and who could blame her. She just got served a full course of how horrifying it was to be on the frontlines. I could see from here, her hands shaking as her eyes constantly darted around.

Shuffling over to her, I placed my hand on her shoulder, “we have to keep going!” I yelled at her.

Luna didn’t speak up, opting to shake her head. Her eyes glued to the bodies.

“You will go up there!” I commanded, now was not a time to sit idly by. The longer we stood in the same place, the more likely it is for us to get hit, “get your ass up and get moving! You want to live don’t you?!”

It didn’t feel good yelling at her, but there wasn’t much of a choice here. Grabbing her hand once again, I pulled her up and out of the hole. The moment we breached the edge, a shell landed off to our right, lifting both of us off our feet and off to the side.

Getting up, I ran over to Luna. Her eyes were all over the place. She honestly looked defeated, that she had given up all hope of making it out of here. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her over my back and continued onwards. More bullets and shells landed on the field as we both found ourselves coming upon the German trenches.

With Luna holding me back, we managed to enter the trenches now occupied by our troops. Placing luna against one of the concrete walls, I kneeled in front of her. Just by looking at her, I could see she was out of it. The clear signs of frontline shock was evident from her movements.

Taking the metal canteen from my pocket I reached out and placed my hand on her rifle. Jerking it away her eyes snapped to me. Fear was laced in her expression as I forced her gun down to the floor.

“Here, take a sip of this,” I started holding out my canteen to her.

Her shaken hands gripped the canteen as she took a large sip.

“That’s it,” I supported her, “Drink all of it okay?”

She nodded taking another large sip. I sat down next to her watching the men run around the trenches setting up new dugouts and pillaging all the supplies.

I heard a sniffle come from Luna. My head turned, and I come to see tears streaming down her face, the war had finally broke her. I expected no less, seeing as I was in her exact position two years ago.

Reaching an arm over, I brought her into a one-armed hug. One that my mates used to do to cheer me up in the trenches. It showed that you were not alone and that with the right men you could overcome anything.

“I… I… Ju-” came the stuttering words of Luna. Her head was looking down at the duckboards as people ran upon it, “I just wanted to t-to help,” she finally got out.

“I know, I know, you’ll be alright”, Now was not the time to berate her for coming. She needed acceptance now more than anything. She needed something to grab onto so that she wouldn’t lose her own identity.

She broke her stare from the ground, “But you Leo, what about you-”

“I’m used to it,” I lied, “I’ve been through this many times. You, on the other hand, are not meant to see such things.”

Luna sat there in silence, her sniffles slowly dying out. Taking out the storm cloak, I placed it over her as we both sat there in silence. The world slowly fading out of existence until I found myself waking up. My face up against the wooden table within the study. I must have fallen asleep when I was chatting with Luna last night.

Thinking about my dream I sat up and looked across the table. Luna was sitting there, the fur on her muzzle matted by the tears she had shed. I had no idea how she was able to get into my dreams, but I did know that she needed every inch of support I could give her.

Repositioning myself next to her, I reach over and laid my hand around her hunches. The moment my arm came into contact with her body she jerked away. I, on the other hand, knew this all too well. She was attempting to bottle it up but things were already way passed that point.

Reaching over once again, I pulled her into my embrace. I sat there caressing her as she opened the dams and cried into my side. Not a word was spoken between us as I slowly helped her get it all off her chest.

As her sobs subsided, she looked up towards me, “I-I had no idea,” she managed to get out in between labored breaths, “and you have to relive those moments every night.” She continued.

I nodded, “it is my burden to bear, I have been getting better. I just don’t want you to start getting them too. So please, whatever you did to get into my dreams, please do not do it again.”

The conflict was easy to see in her eyes as she attempted to rebuke my statement. After a couple of moments, she shook her head, “you can’t keep this all to yourself Leo. I want you to come to me after these nightmares. Even though I only saw one, I don’t think I’ll ever look at the world the same again.”

“If you promise to never do that again, I’ll promise to come to you after everyone.” I compromised.

Luna nodded as her body eased up. She kept it leaned up against my own as we took in the silence of the night.

Time heals most wounds, thankfully it healed Luna’s. Being exposed to that kind of bloodshed had broken men in shorter times. I was just lucky that Luna had me to keep herself grounded. Just thinking about what state she would have been in if she was further down the line, or worse yet if the memory was of one from Somme.

Shaking my head, I stepped out into the hallway. I doubt I would ever get used to it. The polished marble, the clean rugs, it all just felt like a fairytale, a passing dream that would fade into the reality of gunsmoke and blood. My hand gripped the linen strap of my rifle as I continued down the hall. The comforting feeling of my rifle pushing me forwards.

It had been some time since the dream incident, and things were starting to look up for me for once. My suspicions from before were starting to subside. Occasionally I would pick up on a word or two that sparked my imagination, but other than that I came to accept that I was, in fact, sober during my time walking around.

Oddly enough that fact was a bit harder to swallow than being drugged by the Huns. At least there I could say I wasn’t clinically insane. Now not so much, the feeling of the wind drifting through the open windows, the kiss of the curtains as they lapsed against my skin as I passed by, it all started to compound on each other.

Following my normal routine, I wandered down the few halls I had memorized till I came to the door of luna’s bedroom. Since the incident, she had told me to visit her after every dream I had. Thankfully, she seemed to be buying my little white lies for the moment. I couldn’t bring it to myself to tell her anything but that.

Ponies, as I’ve come to know, were very fragile beings, emotionally speaking. Their form of war pales in comparison to the images I hold in my memory. So for the time being I’ve been telling Luna tales of brighter days of the war, like the Christmas truce. She seemed to really like that one, how the two sides decided to play some football between the trenches and have time to collect the fallen.

Today, however, I had no idea what I was going to tell her. There were only so many light areas about the war that I was starting to run out. Sighing, I knocked on the door, secretly hoping she was out for the night.

Sadly, I could hear her hooves shuffling around on the other side of the door. After a couple of moments, the door opened revealing her disheveled mane and tired eyes. Taking a second to understand what she was looking at a small smile carving its way onto her muzzle.

“Ah Leo, just the po-person I was hoping to show up. I think you’ll like my proposition!” With that, she took my hand with her hoof and all but threw me into her room. Closing the door behind her, her expression did a complete one-eighty. “Since the deal about sharing dreams seems to have been forgotten, I have a way to prepare myself to re-enter your dream.”

“No,” I’ve never responded faster in my entire life, I knew she was cooking something. She thought that just because she’s been in one that now she could take on all the others. It was just like her, she wasn’t the type of pony to just be fine with my little stories. She wanted to get back into the thick of things. What she doesn't know was that the dream she entered wasn’t even the start of the horror the great war held.

Holding up her hoof Luan continued, “Now I know you’re against me seeing it, but the only way to help is for you to share your troubles. How can I help when I don’t know how you’re thinking. I tried to do it the diplomatic way by having you tell me, but it’s obvious that's not going to happen with the stories you’ve been telling me.”

I was about to interject when she cut me off again, “So train me, I’m sure it’ll be fun. After all, it’s not every day you get to teach a princess.”

“What?!” I quipped.

Train her? Did she really think that some form of training would help with seeing the atrocities man could and did commit? What would knowing ‘how to fire a rifle’ do to your brain that would wire it to handle the war? To top it off to call training and going back in fun?!

“I want you to teach me how to use that weapon of yours. I’m sure that once I know how to defend myself, I could get a better foothold within your dreams.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It just cemented just how naive Luna was. It almost reminded me of myself before the war, “once I am positive that I can defend myself. I wish for you to take me through your memories in order. That way I could truly understand how to proceed. After all, my sister Celestia entrusted me to get you ready for the reveal.”

I let out a sigh, “Luna, I know you mean well, but do you even remember what happened last time you entered my dreams? You were a mess for a whole day!”

“Leo I know the dangers, but I can’t sit idly by while you suffer in the pain of your past. Stop being so stubborn and accept my help.”

Something inside me snapped at that moment. I knew Luna was just trying to help me, but the way she was going at this was wrong. She would only serve to bring herself into my own state, and that wasn’t going to help anyone.

“Stubborn!” I barked, “I’m trying my best to come over the very things you are pushing yourself into! You got a taste of the war, but there's a difference between seeing little snippets of it then it is to actually live there! I saw my friends slowly die! Not from guns or blades but from diseases. I had to drag my commanding officer through no-mans-land only for his neck to be sliced by barbed wire! And you're telling me you want to jump into that! THAT YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT!”

I was livid, I couldn't understand her reasoning. As I stormed past her I gave her a good stern look. Her teal eyes locked onto mine as hers wavered, “the fact that you want to jump in, is the sole reason you shouldn’t. So help me god if I see you in another one of my dreams I’ll do this whole country a bloody favor and end it all.”

This got her attention, her eyes on the verge of tears took an angry turn, “End it all? Is that how you’re going to save yourself? How do you expect to heal when you refuse the medicine!” she yelled back.

“I didn’t say it was to save me,” I simply claimed as I shoved passed the door and left the room. I could hear her door slam shut as I left. As much as I wanted for Luna to be right, she simply wasn’t. How could someone willingly forget about the most important part of their life? Would she have me forget my comrades as well? Such things aren't easily solved by putting yourself in the situation. And training! Was she just as insane as me?! Nothing bloody well good could come from learning to shoot a rifle in such a peaceful place.

Ponies took notice of my mood as they parted away. Their forms becoming soldiers sitting up against the walls of the trenches. Their eyes pleaded with me to get them out of this hell hole, yet the sad truth was that I couldn’t even if I tried. I simply walked down the duckboards as silence engulfed the frontline.

It was always the worst when the guns stopped firing. It allowed you to hear the screams and cries from the wounded out in the field nobody would dare tread on. Nobody but a bloody insane blue pony.

Shaking my head, the muddied flooring changed to the polished marble. I was looking down at my reflection. I was not in the finest frames of mind, but that was just a fact of my life. War got into your mind like that, weaving in all the terrible things with your friends and family.

Reaching my door I placed my hand on the handle. The realization of what I just did weighing in on me. Taking my pride with me, I shoved open the door and shut it behind me. Sliding down the wooden frame I bought my rifle in front of me as I leaned on it. My eyes started to quiver before I let a couple tears past the gate.

The truth was, I was a terrible person. I had killed kids, watched my best friends die, and yet I had the audacity to yell at the only person trying to help me. In the end, I just couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t watch Luna try and help me only to be put into a state where I had to constantly comfort her. It hurt just watching her try to make sense of something that was best left out of her reach.

“God, what have I done?” I asked myself as I watched another lonely tear fall to the pristine floor. “Why have you brought me here?” I knew he wouldn’t answer, why should he. Even if he could, I don’t think he could wash me of all my sins.