We Brave Few

I sat there for quite some time thinking about what had just transpired. I knew I blew my top, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like it was warranted. Did I feel bad, yes, but did I want to go back there and apologies, no. It’s was like having a fight with a kid over something you knew was in fact right.

The kid runs off, and you’re left there feeling like a complete ass. Difference is, Luna was not a kid, far from it in fact. So the moral of making a kid cry did not apply. She was a grown enough woman to see the errors in her ways.

Soft tapping soon became apparent as I lifted my head and leaned it against the door. The glass pain window on the other side of the room had a couple of drops streaking down it. It was as if mother nature was setting up the perfect atmosphere for my inevitable spiral into depression once again.

Sighing I looked towards my rifle, it’s beechwood weathered with cuts carved deep into its grain. It was my constant companion, a trusted friend that I could look to in times of need. Leaning it back upon my shoulder, I looked across from me to see a couple of my mates playing trench cards with some french soldiers in the back of the liberty truck. I smiled as one of them placed down a full flush, this caused my mate to slam down his hand.

“Va te fair foutre!” He croaked out in broken french.

The French soldier laughed as he collected the pile, “maybe you win next time?”

“Maybe I’ll shove my boot up your as-” was all he could say before another one of my mates elbowed him in the shoulder.

“This one’s a bit of a sore loser,” He chuckled.

“Oi, that bloke better understand that it was us bloody brits that helped take the Marne!” He quipped.

Thankfully ol’ liberty jerked to a halt before a full-on British/French war could break out. Picking up the cards we watched as a brass hat came walking around. “Get your bloody rifles out and get your asses moving we still got a couple kilometers to go and the truck ain’t going any further in this mud.”

We didn’t have to be asked twice as we started to jump out of the truck. My mate was the first to start complaining. “I’m used to mud and all, but this is something else.” He claimed to try to get his boot out of the mud.

Pulling my hood over my head, I jumped out next. My boots landing in a foot of mud in the process. Getting off the muddied road I looked down to see the start of the trenches. A sign reading Carnoy stood leading up into the camp.

“I heard about that place,” My mate stated, “poilu back there said he was sweet on a girl that lived here. Said the Somme river was beautiful to look at. I just hope we get to see it, god knows my bloody eyes will ever see anything but the trenches.”
I nudged him, “you’re french is getting pretty good.”

“I blame their cards, I think they did it on purpose to get us to like them better,” He retorted, “good ol’ King George knew for a fact it’s a lost cause, that’s why they give us propper decks to play with.”

Laughing at his way of thinking, my eyes snapped to the city bellow as a large bang from a howitzer sounded. Looking at the streets through the glass pain I could see two ponies having dropped a load of stones off their cart. One stallion was profusely yelling at a mare who was apologizing to the colt.

I didn’t even realize I had gotten up and walked over here, it was kind of scary knowing that during my episodes I was able to move around this much. Turning away from the window I took a glance at the clock sitting upon the table. It was starting to get well into the evening and about that time where dinner was usually served.

My expression immediately fell. I knew I would have to face her again, or risk not having a meal tonight. Sliding my rifle back over my shoulder, I walked over to the desk. The mirror leaning against the wall showed just how beat up I’ve been. The stress had frayed my hair, the little sleep I got created bags under my eyes, and the running around had started to affect my sent.

With a small nod to myself, I walked towards the bathroom. Stripping myself of my clothes, I stepped into the shower and turned the tap on. Hot water rained down upon my figure as I stood there looking up at the nozzle with my eyes closed. It felt too good to have hot water, it was almost as if I had died and gone to heaven.

I could feel the grime and worries wash off me as they made their way down the drain. If only we had this kind of shower back in the pits. Would have kept the moral so high that we would have beaten the war in two weeks.

Taking the bar of soap left on the ledge, I quickly got to work cleaning. I was done within a couple of minutes, and stepping out to a nice clean towel ready for me surprise punched me in the gut.

My mates back home didn’t have this kind of luxury, and here I was hogging all the perks. Getting home was going to be a feat, but sitting around sulking about letting a mare into my dreams was not going to get me back any sooner. Things were a mess, and getting things back in line required help, as much as I hated to admit it. That, however, didn’t mean I would be letting Luna back into my dreams.

‘Maybe the training was a good idea?’ I thought to myself momentarily.

Of course it wasn’t! Plus teaching her how to shoot a gun? How would that help me with my episodes? On and on, my mind went like the endless gunshots on the western front.

Drying myself off, I looked back in the mirror. I could see a part of my past self come back, as well as a bit more color wash over my face. The only thing keeping me from being presentable was the rat’s nest of a beard I held.

Taking the nearby straight razor off the counter, I applied some soap to the area. Looking in the mirror I placed the razor next to my beard. My hand was shaking, but I still pushed forwards. With a clean sweep, a large chunk of my beard feel to the sink below. Positioning it again, I continued the pattern until it was completely gone.

Scooping up all the hair, I placed it in the trash before going back to wash my hands and face. Looking back in the mirror I saw my ma and pa waving as I walked upon the gangplank towards the ship.

I waved back as the horn blew. Keeping my steady pace I looked up towards the massive stack. ‘This is it, there was no turning back now.’ I told myself, the knots from the excitement of going to war started to appear in my stomach as I looked up.

Feeling a bit of vertigo, I finally stepped onto the ship. There I fell in with the rest of my mates along the edge of the boat. It took a while, but I once again found my family upon the dock. They were waving at me as the boat finally started to leave port. I watched as they turned around to head home my eyes once again looking back at the mirror.

“At least it was a happy memory,” I sighed placing the straight razor back on the ledge, “if only they were all like that,” I continued walking out of the bathroom and back into the hallway.

The halls were now lit by the white orbs floating above, while the guards could be seen starting to switch their stations out. I, on the other hand, was making my way down to the dining hall. Passing the paintings I couldn’t help but feel that they were staring at me. That their judgmental gazes piercing my soul were looking down at me for leaving my brothers back in the trenches.

Before I knew it I was stopped before the dining hall doors. I had been spacing out a lot recently, whether that was good or bad for my episodes had yet to be seen. Nevertheless, I braced myself for what lay just beyond the doors. Truthfully, I had no idea if I was even welcome to eat here anymore. Either way, with a sealed resolve I took a breath and walked into the dining room.

Immediately I could feel the two pairs of eyes settling on me. The atmosphere quickly turning dark and cold as the later of them were colored teal.

“Good to have you join us Mr.Leo,” Celestia commented as she motioned towards the chair across from her, “we have a lot to discuss.”

I didn’t like that last part. It was as if it was my commander calling me into his dugout to explain how everything I was doing was wrong. Alas, I was starving; and a hot meal is something that every soldier would never turn down, no matter the cost.

Taking a seat across from Celestia, my eyes wandered over to Luna. I caught a quick glips of her staring before she returned her attention to Celestia. It was quite easy to see she was still mad, so I opted to just follow her lead. I looked over to Celestia awaiting what she had to say, good or bad.

“With Leo here, I can finally say that the public should be ready for your reveal in the upcoming days. I’ve been chatting with the local press and have even given them some descriptions on was my ideals were. Thankfully they seemed to get the gist of it and have already done an amazing job slowly leaking the information.” She beamed, “On top of that, I’m pleased to relay that most if not all the ponies around the castle have already been exposed to you via a small news articles.”

So Luna didn’t tell Celestia about our little spat? I pondered in my head as I looked back towards the Lunar mare. This time it was I who was caught staring as she glimpsed over to me then back over to her sister.

It was the first time in a long time I had gotten this feeling. It was fairly rare in the trenches for there to be a feud between men. Usually, things were dealt with swiftly, leaving no room for the lingering bite of awkwardness to settle in. In an attempt to quell the feeling I replied to Celestia.

“I’m happy to hear that, do you think within a week or two I’ll be able to get out of the castle?” my words were hopeful. Not only because I could go out and see this new world for myself, but I could also distance myself from the castle. Just being under the same roof as Luna has my mind twisting and turning in ways I thought only howitzer fire could do.

Celestia smiled as she looked between me and Luna, “for sure and forsooth, I would like to know what this constant battle of the glances is about.”

If she didn’t know before, she sure did now. I wonder if it was better or worse that Luna didn’t tell Celestia about the spat. Because now she was about to learn about it with both of us in the same room.

That being said, however, having her opinion on the matter may settle things down between the two of us.

Luna kept quiet through this whole ordeal. I had no idea if she was trying to keep it from her sister, or if she was doing this just to spite me. In the end, it was clear that I was going to have to be the one to speak up about the topic.

“We’ve had a little bit of a disagreement with her methods in helping me,” I commented.
I could see Luna’s eyes roll as I came out clean. I strongly believed that things should be dealt with swiftly as to not grow into something more. Clearly from Luna’s reaction, she thought otherwise.

Celestia’s eyes scanned the both of us, “and what may I praytell is this ‘disagreement’?”
I looked to Luna to pick up from here, but once again she was giving me the cold shoulder. Hardly a way for a princess to act, but I digress, “Whether or not I should allow her into my dreams so that she can witness first hand what I had gone through.”

Celestia looked to her sister with sympathetic eyes before bringing them back over to me. Her sympathetic gaze turning into a questioning on, “and why is this a bad idea? Having someone else there with the same memories can really speed up the process of overcoming the past.” This got Luna’s ears to perk up and a smirk to etch its way onto her face.

I didn’t want to do this, I really didn’t, but to an outsider with no recollections of what the war really was like, offering this solution really does look like the be all end all. However knowing about their magic, I asked her a simple question in return, “do you have the ability to look into my memories? Ones that I can preferably pick from.”

Celestia adorned a puzzled expression before nodding, “The spell only lets me see what your currently remembering, is that good enough?”

I nodded, “fire when read,” I commanded.

Just like that, her horn lit up, and the area around us changed to a sea of mud. I was crawling from one trench to another as artillery rained down on us. Mud went flying, coating us with a thick layer. Looking back I could see one of my mates eyes towards the sky. His lower half was completely gone while his body lay tangled in the wire.

Gunfire opened up as the first man stood up to run, I could see tens if not hundreds of men stand to charge only to be placed in an early grave. Rolling to the side I took cover behind what was left of a horse. The smell alone was enough to make someone vomit, but I continued to peak above to find an opening.

More men fell as most of the Huns started to reload. Taking this as an opportunity I jumped up and charged the line. I don’t know how I made it without getting shot but the next thing I remember was jumping into the trench, a kid, not more than 17 years old found his life fading away at the end of my bayonet.

A large explosion was heard off to my right bringing both me and Celestia back to the present. Luna had slammed her hoof on the table, giving me a stern look. I was utterly confused as to why she was so mad at me, that is before I looked over to Celestia. Her eyes were wide open, tears already matting her fur. Just a couple seconds in and she was already starting to develop the symptoms.

“Such young death, and being forced to charge against a line of death,” she looked over to her sister, then to me, “Why? Why would you willingly sign up for that?”

I looked over to Celestia with a small smile. Here things were different, they didn’t have the looming threat of war hanging over them. Naturally, this question was to arise. My eyes continued to look into her own as I spoke, “One day the war will be over, the grass will grow and we will pass. Our names and faces to never be seen nor spoken of again. The scars left on the earth will heal. Yet through that, we hope that one day, long after we’re gone, someone remembers our story. For we will continue to fight amongst the dead, lay in places far from the sun, and press on towards loaded guns; because that’s who we are, those brave few, wishing not to be forgotten. Wishing that our families back home are spared the horrors of war.”

Celestia wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked towards Luna, “I’m sorry sister, but I have to agree with Leo. Seeing something like this once is more than enough. I fear what may become of you if you continue to walk amongst his memories. There has to be another way to help.”

Luna shook her head, still holding onto her pride, “this is the only way sister, how could I help Leo heal if all he does is tells me white lies and censored stories. I know that it will affect me, but I assure you that I will be prepared the next time I enter. I wish for Leo to train me, to give me all the knowledge I need to minimize the damage.”

“Why?” I simply stated after a moment of silence.

Luna looked over to me with confusion, “why what?”

“Why risk your own mental health for a complete stranger?” A relative I could get, a best friend sure, but a stranger that just so happened to land in your lap not moments ago? Why was indeed the question?

Celestia looked to Luna and a look of understanding finally dawned on her face, “as much as I want to agree with you Leo, I can no longer force my sister. I can see that she will not budge from her position.”

Luna nodded before looking back over to me, “for you see the answer is quite simple, nobody was willing to help me when I needed it the most.”