120 Nights of Pony

"Okay, you have Trixie's attention now."

"Fuckin' told you I wasn't vanilla," I say with a smirk and a wink.

"Oh, no, you're still well below Trixie's Incredible and Highly-Held Standards. But I do want to know what your next move is. Also, about the timeloop thing--"

"What is it?"

"Trixie regrets her responsibility to inform you...you may tell other ponies about the timeloop. They will understand immediately from now on."

Holy shit. That opens up so many possibilities. "Kickass--"

"But be VERY careful! The more you tell a pony about your timeloop, the more likely it is that they will keep their memory. If you tell one pony about the timeloop too many times, they will become looped as well, and then the whole deal is off!"

Even after I told Rushie about the timeloop, it took like an hour to convince her to let me go walking straight into a Changeling hive. An hour of dicking, anyway. Ha, gotty.

The drone who found me drags me into the throne room. By one of my legs. My face has been grinding into the floor for the whole trip, but it's okay. Whatever they make the hive out of, it's really smooth. The drone hisses, and begins to speak:

"All rise before our almighty, deadly queen..."

Wait. Deadly queen. Oh, this is an opportunity.

"Queen Chrysalis!" the drone finishes, and he kicks me (gently) in the rib. I spring to my hooves, facing backwards.

"How kind of you to present yourself so quickly, little pony," Chrysalis croons.

I spin in place, smiling confidently the whole time. "Actually I had a question for you!"

"...well." Chrysalis taps her chin, making a hollow tink every time her hoof meets her chitin. "I suppose I can answer one question before I suck every last drop of love out of you."

I clear my throat. "Can you turn into inanimate objects?" I ask, stumbling a bit over the big word.

"this is going to be stupid," the drone hisses.

"Shut up, though. It's gonna be great. Remember your cues!" I clear my throat again, and stride purposefully toward the inconspicuous door currently set into the middle of the throne room.

The drone, surprisingly, does a pretty good pose. And he even gets most of the line right! "The killer queen is already in that doorknob!"

With a flash of green fire, Chrysalis unmorphs, going from door to deadly in the span of less than a second--and she pounces, landing directly on me, baring her fangs.

"Heheh...hehehah...hehehehHAHhehAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCK ME THAT WAS PERFECT!" I start rolling on the floor, laughing like mad. My sides have ascended from this plane of existence, for their people need them; indeed, my sides have returned to Earth, only to shoot into the sky, approaching a reasonable fraction of lightspeed. Also, they go right through Uranus. Hah.

The queen looks nonplussed. "Is that it? You wished to act out some inane joke?"

"Oh, no. That was a wonderful jojoke."

"Well, it cannot be so wonderful if I did not get it."

The laughing stops. "Well, I can help with that. Oh, Trixie~!"

Trixie poofs into existence next to us, casually yawning as a wave of drones bounces off an invisible force field around her. "Anon, you can't be serious."

"Oh, but I am. I need a TV and all of Part 4."

"He punched through the thief to take the knife! Clever, very clever, but it won't save the female--"

"Just watch, Chryssy."

"...what!? What power is this?"

"It's the work of his [Stand], of course."

"Oh, so he can literally read them like a book. How interesting."

"Yeah, but he's gonna make one mistake..."

"Yes! Yes! Josuke, you mad genius!"

"His power's my favorite, and this chase scene is why."

"Agreed. So many clever little uses for something which seems utterly pointless."

"Also, when he finds out who did it, he fixes the bad guy so he can beat him up again."

"I love it!"

"But how can they possibly fight Kira!? Sheer Heart Attack has no weaknesses, he said so himself!"

"Just watch, this is one of the good parts--"

"Hm. You know, this seems poignant. A brilliant lesson in why a villain should never rely on luck."

"It always runs out," I answer, nodding sagely.

"Speaking of luck running out, you have done well to distract me, but it seems your protection has left you," Chryssy replies, gesturing to the now-empty cushion where Trixie was sitting.

"Ah, but I have one last trick up my sleeve," I say, pointing to the VCR. The clock on the front reads 11:59.

"What are you talking abou--"