Of All Trades

Where was I? Ah, yes! Twilight flippin' Sparkle, Element of Magic, is chasing after me through a town I don't know too much about! It isn't so hard to remember when you-off track once more. I need to work on that.

"Hey! Stop!" said Twilight, who was probably behind me. I didn't look back, for I was trying to save myself by locating a hiding spot. Irony, you suck.

I found a bakery to my left and I dove right in...to find the Element of Laughter sitting at the front desk. I take back my prievious statement, Fillies and Gentalcolts. Irony REALLY sucks.

"Hey! You're the assassin! The one who escaped three days ago! Woah, I was at your execution! My tail twitched then my eyes them by nose itched and my hooves stomped which means that you're being chased by Twilight! Do you need to hide? I'll give you a hiding spot, but you'll have to pay me back!" she said.

"Deal!" I responded. I bolted upstairs and pressed my face to the wall. I heard the door open; that had to be Sparkle. She was panting.

"Pinkie! Have you seen a mare run in here?" she asked.

"Was she red with a white mane and black tail? Did she have a single spade as a cutie mark?" asked Pinkie, her voice still jovial as ever.

"Yea! That's her!" replied Twilight.

"Haven't seen her." said Pinkie.

"What? Then how did you know-"

"Well, my fourth-wall powers allowed me took look at the cover of the fanfiction we're in! But that only shows her head, so I read Ven's mind using my gypsy magic and I found out what she looks like from that! But, I haven't seen her around, Twilight. Sorry."

I was sure Twilight was gaping. Me and you both, sis. Me and you both.

"W-well t-thanks, Pinkie..." She quickly left.

I came out from my hiding place.

"How much do I owe ya, Pinkie? 1000 bits? 2000?" I asked.

"No no no no no, silly filly! I want you to deliver a package to my friend Rainbow Dash!"

"S-she lives here too? How many other Elements live here?" I asked.

"All of them! Isn't it great!" said Pinkie.

If any of you readers see Irony, could you kick his ass for me? Thanks!

"Alright. What's in the box?" I asked, hoping it wasn't that heavy.

"It's just some rainbow cupcakes I've been wanting to test. They seem super-rific to me, but I want to see what Dashie thinks! Just do that and we're even." said Pinkie.

"What if I take the box, get out, and throw it in the trash can?" I couldn't see how she could be so sure the task would be done.

Her expression from oozing with joy came to a death glare.

"Oh, I'll find out. And when I do, I'm going to kill you! I shall put you in an oven and bake you to 350! Your death will come slowly with you wishing that you haden't messed with me! You're final breath will be a call for mercy, one that shall go unheeded as I relentlessly devour you soul! So what are you waiting for, silly filly! Deliver the package! But most importantly, HAVE FUN!" she shouted.

Note to self; Don't talk to Pinkie Pie EVER AGAIN.

I walked out the door, looking behind me to see if she had an axe in her hooves(she didn't, thank Celestia), and I flew up above the clouds as I did on the day of my escape. I was going to have to pull an EPS guy on this one. Ya know, ring the doorbell, put down the package, and run away? I hate it when they do that. Deserters.

Well, I approached the house of which I assumed was Rainbow Dash's. So, I did what any other mailmare would do(except for Derpy. Derpy would probably drop an anvil on somepony from the sky like in the cartoons. Say, where do those birds get the anvils? I mean, do you buy them or do you-sorry). I rung the doorbell, dropped the package, and flew away as fast as I could.

Unfortunatly for poor old Jack, Rainbow Dash was faster.

As I stated before, I have 30 wingpower. That is generally considered outstanding for a pegasus, but we're talking about Rainbow Dash here. She averages 60, but has been known to clock 75-77. That's insane. Anyways, short story short, She brought me to the ground after kamikazee-ing me in mid air.

"Who are...ah ha! You're the assassin!" said Rainbow.

"You've heard of me? Flattered." I said.

"Not a very good assassin if you failed." Rainbow teased.

"I would have gotten away with it if it wern't for those meddling guards!" I shouted, shaking my hoof in the air.

"Scooby Doo? Really?" said Rainbow.

"Hey, already did Friendship is Witchcraft. What else?" I asked.

"Whateves! What was in the package, huh? A bomb?" said Rainbow.

"No. Pinkie wanted me to bring you some cupcakes for you to try. Not a bomb. BUT, I should try that sometime, better than a bullet to the face-"

"Wait a minute. Pinkie trusts you?" asked Rainbow.

"Heh he-no. She wanted me to do this favor in return for shelter. But you caught me, so you can take me off to the clink. Actually, they'll probably just chop my head off."

Rainbow looked at me before smiling.

"...Actually, I need a favor done as well."

"Mother of Celestia." I said, returning the smile.

"I'm an avid pranker. Do you know who the Slender Pony is?" asked Rainbow.

"Of course. I've taken out targets dressed as him." I said.

"That's messed up. Anyways, Fluttershy saw me playing a game about him and got kinda freaked out. I conforted her and told her it was okay. Now I need you to go into Carousel Boutique and steal a manni-majiggy from her shop. I can do the rest." said Rainbow.

"One. I'm not a theif, I'm an assassin. If you wanted me to snipe a mannequin in the head, that's more my game. Two. You would let a Equestrian-wide kknown assassin off the hook becasue you want to pull a prank on somepony?" I asked.

"...Yes."

"I'm starting to warm up to you, Rainbow Dash."