Rarity's Colt: Snickers's Harmony Trials

Snickers knocked on the library door three times before opening it and walking in letting Diamond Tiara close it behind them. “Hey, Spike,” Snickers said bumping hoof to claw, “how’s the purple one?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “You’re seventeen minutes late for your ‘scheduled meeting’ and Twilight’s downstairs planning a plan to rework her schedule for the next week and so on,” Spike said turning and walking towards the basement door. “C’mon, I’ll lead the way into crazy town.”

Snickers looked back at Diamond Tiara and they both shrugged. “Spike?” Snickers asked as he caught up. “Why don’t you just try to get Twilight a real sexual partner?”

Diamond slowed as she looked at Snickers with surprise.

“She doesn’t even take time to take care of herself,” Spike said stopping and turning to face Snickers. “Trust me, it’s in her private schedule, and it’s not scheduled for another two weeks, give or take. Hey,” Spike said blushing and looking away, “it’s not my job to keep track of that part of her life. It’s her private schedule for a reason… anyway, if you can point a stallion her way, best of luck.”

Snickers hummed and followed Spike as the thought danced in his mind. I wouldn’t mind a matchmaker cutie mark, but what would it look like? He thought to himself.

“Don’t bother, dude. Anypony that gets near Twilight has to have a library card and five hours to talk about whatever with the queen of books,” Spike said as he reached the basement door. “Twilight?” Spike called down as he descended. “It’s me, Spike. And I’ve brought guests.”

“Guests?! Spike, this is no time for guests. I have two days worth of tasks and events to reschedule! Without Snickers here, I can’t even get my mind on that task because we were supposed to talk about the future of non-thaumatic wave pattern transferral between that aetheric plane and three dimensional space in a sixth dimensional sub-spheroid!

“We could have changed the world, but now I’m so far behind,” Twilight whined. The trio finally descended the stairs to the point the could see Twilight and they were surprised at the length and number of scrolls with unchecked boxes by tasks around the mare. Two scrolls longer than the Torah, each, were unraveled and lay at her hooves while another was being marked at while Twilight griped.

“The future was in my hooves, and now it’s ruined, Spike. Gone, like the last drops of ink in a normal inkpot. Gone like the last cupcake on a platter with Pinkie Pie around. Gone, like--”

“Wow, and I thought my mom, Rarity, was dramatic,” Snickers shouted from the landing above. Twilight gasped and looked at them, focusing on Snickers. In a flash of light, Snickers was weightless for a split second. Before gravity could pull him to the floor, Twilight wrapped her forelegs around him in a tight hug that squeezed the air from his lungs.

“Oh, you made it! I was so worried I was a bad friend and you weren’t going to show up, I was going to have to rework my schedules, but don’t worry about me abusing magic. Ever since the Smarty Pants event, I’ve been much more responsible,” she let him go and fall to the floor, not noticing him gasp a deep breath of air. “Over here I have my Turning Test Machine, second generation.

“It puts out four bytes of data every ten seconds and can translate energy fluctuations in a living creatures body in real time using enchanted paper and ink that,” she leaned against the large boxy device that took up a surprisingly small space. She polished her hoof on her chest and looked at the smooth surface. “Yup, one of the most powerful ones in the world, right here,” she tapped the side and walked around it.

“Take a look around back, it’s got a special enchantment on it,” she said waving him and Diamond Tiara over. “Oh, I think I know you… um, Shimmering Jewel?” Diamond Tiara scoffed and told Twilight her name. “Hm, I could have sworn your name was Shimmering something, though.”

“I know my own name, thank you very much. So, what’s the big deal with this dumb box? Does it make tea and stuff, or what?” Diamond asked giving the computer a little kick.

“Hey, watch it! This is a highly intricate and sensitive device that took hundreds of creatures thousands of bits to make. Don’t be so careless.”

“Well, you kicked it way harder than I did,” Diamond retoted.

“That’s because it’s mine and I know where to do that. I won’t go to your house and kick your stuff, so don’t do that to mine, okay?”

Diamond sighed and groaned loudly. “Fine, can we get back to this thing and Snickers?”

Twilight backed up and looked at Snickers. “Find it?”

“No.”

“Well, you’ve gotta open the side panel and step in, silly,” Twilight said moving beside him and tapping a panel that fell off with a loud clank and clatter. “That’s supposed to do that,” she grinned weakly and waved Snickers at the exposed innards. “There’s a path, just follow it and you’ll get to the heart of the Turning Test Machine, second generation.”

Snickers walked in and turned right, following the only path there was. He walked and walked and the temperature kept getting warmer and warmer until he finally walked out of a conduit space and into a massive warehouse worth of space, rows and rows of glow plugs were attached to wires, attached to gems, attached to mechanical devices, all connected at a central hub made from what seemed to be ten thousand individual wires, all wired into a large black sphere that had a dozen cords that dropped to the ground and led back the way he’d come from.

“Wow,” Snickers breathed.

“I know,” Twilight giggled, “isn’t it the most amazing and beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”

Snickers turned his head to look at her, slowly. “I meant ‘wow’, as is ‘what a total waste of space’, except I guess this is outside space, isn’t it?”

Twilight stared at Snickers. “What? But, look at it! It’s a powerhouse of ingenuity and potential, I can even do math with it! Watch this,” she said trotting to a terminal he didn’t notice behind a bundle of cables thicker than his torso. “See,” she placed her hooves on two mental plated and twisted her left hoof and right in different ways, he noticed, adding pressure to set the character in place.

“There, 10 x 10. Now, we just wait for the Turning Test Machine, second generation, to run the numbers.”

Snickers blinked and his ears twitched. “One hundred.” Twilight shushed him. “But, the answer is one hundred. Why are you waiting for a computer to tell you that?”

Twilight grinned as the screen blinked. “Ha, there it is. One hundred. It can’t make a mistake, it never has.”

“Really?” Snickers asked. “What if you asked it to multiply a huge number, then divide the result with another number?”

Twilight giggled and shook her head. “Yeah, right. I tried that once and this beauty, for all it’s greatness, lacks a bit of speed. It took my little friend here about seven hours to figure it out, but it was right.”

Snickers forced a smile. “Wow, that’s really something. What would you do if it was… oh, I don’t know… ten times faster?”

Twilight laughed and it turned into a cackle. Then she reared and kicked her forelegs, landing and looking intently at Snickers and spoke huskily. “That would open the door to more possibilities than even Princess Celestia could imagine.”

Snickers stepped back and his side brushed against Diamond Tiara’s getting him to yelp in surprise. Diamond looked at Snickers like he was half as crazy as Twilight. Diamond looked at Twilight and noted the crazy mare was now petting the monitor like a loved pet. “Um, Miss Twilight, are you feeling okay in your head?”

Twilight’s eye twitched. “Yeah! Just… thinking about the future and the math that could be accomplished in so much less time. Just thinking about cutting seven hours down to four…” Twilight shivered.

Diamond stepped back and brushed her side against Snickers, yelping in surprise. “Don’t do that!”

“Do what?” Snickers snapped back. “I was standing behind you, since you’re supposed to keep me safe, and whatever.”

“I am not messing with a crazy unicorn,” Diamond pointed at Twilight, who had taken notice of the conflict. “She could turn me into a frog or teleport me a bajillion miles away!”

“No she won’t! She’s no where near powerful enough to do that. Maybe five, if she’s really mad… but I don’t think she can actually pop you that far.”

“Oh, you’d think so,” Twilight said smoothing her mane back into place and taking a calming breath, “but, I have the potential, I haven’t needed to use it. It takes a lot of control to be a powerful unicorn, you two, and even a little slip in concentration can lead to disastrous consequences.

“So… I got very distracted over all this, but Snickers and I have some math from his home to go over and he’s going to tell me why alternating current is better than the direct current we currently use. I have to stay current with the times, after all. Huh, huh?” Twilight looked hopefully between the two foals that averted their eyes. “Oh, c’mon. That was funny!”

“Did you ask your machine that one?” Diamond asked. Snickers laughed and gave Diamond a hoof bump while Twilight slumped.

“If I could talk to Chapter, she’d laugh, I know it,” Twilight said giving the monitor a nuzzle.

Snickers snerked. “Wait, did you name your machine Chapter?”

Twilight scoffed indignantly. “Yes, because like a good book, the next chapter is always better than the last.”

Diamond Tiara leaned over and whispered into Snickers’ ear. Snickers’ ears raised and his eyes widened, then he fell over laughing and holding his sides while Diamond Tiara looked smugly at Twilight. Twilight narrowed her eyes. Diamond Tiara shrugged. “C’mon, funny boy, let’s go back to reality and leave Twilight with her book and wires and stuff.”

Diamond gave Snickers a little prodding kick to help him focus and then helped him up. “Yeah, okay… just, I wasn’t expecting you to say anything like that.”

Diamond winked and took the lead. “I’m full of surprises.”

Once the foals were out of the room, Twilight followed. “That’s not all you’re full of,” she mumbled and looked back over her shoulder. “See you later, Chapter. Sweet dreams.”

***

“Ugh, that can’t be possible, Snickers,” Twilight nickered and tapped the page he had given her. “The numbers don’t make any sense, what are these things, and how did you come out to the same answer as I did with twelve extra steps?”

Snickers sighed and waved his hoof for the paper. Twilight floated it back to him and he turned it so she could look at it. “These are mathematical notations from my world. Since I only come from a single planet,” he looked aside to Diamond, who was reading a young adult novel, but glancing over it to him. “Do you recognize any of these?”

Twilight shook her head.

“Okay, do you know what theta is? Delta? Do you know what an ohm is? … Okay, write me one of the most complex mathematical problems you have, I’ll wait,” Snickers said and waited very patiently for a minute while Twilight scritched and scratched her quill across the page she had.

“There, done. If you can figure this out, then you should be teaching classes at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” she gloated. Snickers looked at the page and hummed. Taking the pencil between his hooves he shakily started writing below her problem and Twilight brought a book over she was skimming, expecting him to give up or ask for help.

“Ohh…” Snickers said and Twilight giggled. “Hm, so… okay… and… done. Here, check it out,” Snickers told Twilight. She took the paper and cleared her throat as she looked his math over. She read the work twice and then looked around the page at him, then she sat back in her bean bag with a sigh.

“This proof took seven years and some of the brightest ponies across Equestria to figure out... And you did it in three minutes,” she tore the paper in half and set them on fire with her magic and a scowl. “Okay, what am I doing wrong? What are we all doing wrong?”

Snickers blinked and his eyebrow rose. “Would you like it in any order, or should I just start naming everything off?”

Twilight looked at him deadpan. “Math and science only.”

“Dang,” he wished he could snap his fingers. “Well, I guess that when it comes to math, you use a base four system of math, for one. I get it, really, I do; four legs, four hooves, and four to a traditional herd. Four is very important to your culture and history, but base ten is the best for science while base for can be great for smaller things like counting small items or doing math for foals.”

“Hey,” Twilight and Diamond Tiara said in unison.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with… you know what, let me just show you,” Snickers started to grab some paper from a stack, but was stopped by Twilight.

“I know base ten math, it’s a form of math used by unicorns for our spellwork. What I need to know is how to make it applicable to the science you know.”

Snickers smirked. “Well, do you know what calculus is?”

Twilight and Diamond Tiara nodded. “Yes.” Both looked at one another, then Diamond stepped forward. “Basic math such as adding and subtracting are taught while a foal is between ages eight months and two years. Algebra is taught in the first year of schooling at age three, and calculus is taught in all schools in the fifth grade, which is the last grade anypony has to take before they enter their trade.”

Twilight giggled and nodded. “Very well said, Shimmering Tiara.”

Diamond swatted Twilight’s foreleg away before the mare could congratulate her with a pat. “Diamond Tiara, that’s my name.”

“Oh,” Twilight nodded. “Got it. Sorry about that.”

Diamond snorted. “Whatever!” She stomped back to her beanbag and fell onto it to read her novel again.

Snickers shook his head. “Okay, that’s actually really amazing. But, ponies grow up faster than humans and learn differently, too. So, since you know some mid-level math, I’ll try to explain some things that way.”

Twilight pressed a hoof on the paper before Snickers could take it, again. “Wait, what do you mean ‘mid-level’ math? Calculus is very high level and complicated, thank you very much.”

Smiling weakly, Snickers answered, “Well, Twilight, you see, after a couple hundred years in space, exploring the solar system--”

“What?!” Twilight shouted loud enough to shake leaves from the library she lived in. “You explored your solar system?! As is, outside the planetary bounds?” Snickers nodded and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “How much magic did you need to do that? This opens so many new questions!”

Snickers tapped a hoof on the table. “Twilight?”

“Ponies can actually experience space, maybe in our lifetime.”

“Twilight?” Snickers said again.

“What if we colonize the moon? What next after that?” Spike walked beside Twilight and dropped a book. “Gyah! Careful, Spike, books are troves of knowledge!”

“Uh, Twilight, Snickers is trying to get your attention,” Spike informed her.

Twilight realized where she was again. “Oh? Oh, yeah. So, about space travel and colonizing the moon?”

Snickers closed his eyes. “No, I will not be talking about that with you today… or for the rest of the week, if you’re going to go crazy over it.”

“But, please?” Twilight asked. When Snickers opened his eyes he was met with a face that would have melted a polar ice cap with how hot it was.

Spike poked Twilight with a claw. “Twilight! You’re doing the seductive expression, not the pleading expression,” he said sternly and then pointed to Snickers. “You scared him into covering his eyes, Twilight. Tonight, we’re going to stand in front of the mirror and practice your faces again.”

“But, Spike…”

Spike held a hand up. “Don’t you say that to me when you just aroused a colt one quarter your age.”

Diamond Tiara turned around to see, then ground her teeth when Twilight was completely in the way with Spike blocking the next nearest angle to see.

“Did I?” Twilight asked and started to lean down to look under the table. “Ouch! Spike, don’t push my head like that.”

“Then don’t try to look at him!” Spike retorted. “Let me handle this, you just stay quiet, okay?” Twilight nodded and Spike walked beside Snickers and leaned over, whispering to him for several seconds. “There, all better,” Spike said proudly and then hoof bumped Snickers, who was looking much better.

“Spike,” Twilight asked, “what did you say to him?”

Spike picked up the book he dropped and went back to the shelves. “Stallion’s secret, Twi. Bro code.”

“Twilight, can we please just do math?” Snickers asked in a pleading tone. Twilight smiled warmly and slid a page to him and watched as he took a pencil in his hooves.

…

“...and that’s how and why alternating current is better and more efficient.”

Twilight clapped her hooves together. “Wow! That’s brilliant. And with these Tesla’s, we can combine magic imbued items with electricity for portability, you say?”

Snickers nodded. “Theoretically, yes. If you’re willing to run the experiments, that is.”

Twilight squeed in glee. “Oh, yes, I’ll run them,” she rubbed her hooves together in small circles with a growing devious grin, “I’ll run many, and then share them for peer review and be recognized for the genius I am. Er, us,” she blinked and sat up looking normal again, “us, as in the geniuses we are, together.”

Snickers rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I don’t need anything from this, just a 2% cut of all profits from now until the end of time.”

Snickers raised an eyebrow when Twilight started laughing. “Oh, you’re serious. Well, that’s something the lawyers can work out.”

Diamond snored loudly. “Oh, my, it’s gotten later than I thought,” Twilight said taking the pages of notes and ideas they’d made and stacking them neatly, “let’s wake her up and you make sure she gets home safe, you big herd stallion you,” she giggled as he walked by.

“Nope, not doing that again for a while. I’ve got a lot to learn before I can be that committed,” Snickers said as he reached Diamond Tiara and gave her a nudge with his forehoof.

“Psh, you say that now. I know how colts and fillies are, there’s book about them right above you! You’re gonna be in a new herd before you know it.”

“Diamond, wake up,” Snickers shoved her and she snorted awake kicking her legs.

“What? Wha-? I don’t wanna banana,” she said groggily while rolling up to stand. “What’s going on? Why’re you here, blank flank?” Diamond said as she blinked her eyes open. “Oh! I’m sorry… I forgot, um, why am I in the library?” She asked with a yawn.

Snickers walked around her and nudged her toward the door. “C’mon, let’s get those bags on and get you home before you walk into a tree.”

Diamond’s eyes focused on him. “But, I am in a tree,” she said innocently.

“That you are. C’mon, step over the strap,” Snickers said and helped Diamond get ready while Twilight and Spike watched.

“See you later, you two,” Twilight said sweetly as they left and got a playful swat on her foreleg.

Spike looked up at Twilight. “Don’t tease them, especially after everything he’s been through, Twilight.”

“Oh, it’s harmless. I’m not telling or making anypony do anything, I’m just stating the obvious. How many fillies have practically thrown themselves at him over the past week since he showed up?”

“I don’t know, but I do know that he doesn’t need sexually confused mares hinting at him.”

Twilight set the papers down and grinned. “Spike? What day is today?”

“Thursday, Twilight. Why?”

Twilight giggled and pranced in place. “It’s my personal night! Spike, stay up here so I can,” she winked her eye, “clean up my basement,” she winked again, “for about an hour.”

Spike sighed loudly. “You don’t have to wink at me, you can just tell me you need an hour to clean up your mess.”

Twilight snickered. “It won’t take that long to clean up the mess I’ll be making.”

“Gross! Twilight, bring towels, air fresheners, and sponges. I’m not cleaning up after you this time,” he said sternly.

“Fine, I’ll do everything myself!” she said and her horn lit conjuring a ready made basket with everything a mare would need from start to finish for the task she was about to undertake. She hovered the basket at Spike. “See, all here.”

“Ew! Twilight, get those away from me!”

Twilight giggled and laughed as she chased Spike around the main room for a minute before she turned off and ran to the basement door, slammed it shut, and locked it behind her.

Spike gasped and caught his breath. “Okay, that was awful… at least there’s still sunlight, otherwise I’d have to light candles to prevent her from overloading all the lighting gems. Back to organizing,” he said moving to a short stack of books and looking at the title. “At least I’ll get a couple minutes of quiet now.”