Sticky, Stained And Otherwise Fouled Up

The sound of stomping hooves filled the Castle of the Princess of Friendship. It has been many, many moons since the last time anypony was this mad, and as the offended pony stomps and stamps and growls, it becomes clear that not just anypony has been pissed off.

"SPIKE!" Twilight shouted as she burst into her throne room, a purple garment trailing through the air behind her regally-extended mane. "Care to explain THIS!?"

It was a set of pajamas. Specifically, a kind often referred to by the Neighponese as a "kirugumi". It was also very clearly crusted with something that used to be incredibly sticky. Spike went wide-eyed.

"Uh--it's a kind of pajamas," he said. "The Neighponese call it a--"

"I know what it's called!" Twi shouted. Since growing to full Alicorn height, she had become significantly louder, and it took a moment for Spike to regain his balance. "What I want to know," she growled, "is why it is currently covered in semen."

"Seamen? But Equestria hasn't had a navy for--"

"CUM!" Twilight screamed. "Spunk! Jizz! Cock sauce! Foal batter! The tears of the one-eyed serpent!"

"...oh," Spike mumbled from behind the Throne of Friendship. Twilight groaned as she walked up the steps to her throne, flopping onto it in a manner more becoming of a mare approximately half her size.

"...I'm sorry, Spike. I feel more than a little confused," she said with a sigh.

And in that moment, she remembered that the friendship council was today.

"Sorry I'm late, Twilight, I had to speak with the Saddle Arabians again, you would not believe wha-ha-HA!?" Rarity squeaked. "What--you--Twilight, honestly, I know you've always been a little self-centered, but this is ridiculous."

"Rarity! Thank goodness you're--what? No! No, this--I didn't use this--"

"Twilight, darling, everypony has a kink. Some ponies have a lot of kinks."

"Rarity, I found this one."

"Of course you did, darling. Now--"

AJ and Rainbow pushed open the door, bickering over chores as usual--and stopping to stare at Twilight, who was still cradling the Twi-rugumi in a levitation field.

"...ah reckon this was a bad time."

"Oh, sweet! Twi got one of those too!" A moment later, Rainbow blushed as Applejack shot her a look--specifically, Look number 347, "Stop talking about what we do in bed", not that Twilight recognizes it.

"It's not mine! I found it in the bushes outside," Twilight muttered. Her friends responded with a chorus of knowing looks and mm-hmms.

A hole in reality quietly tore itself open next to them, as Fluttershy stepped in. Fluttershy, upon seeing the Twirugumi, immediately stepped out. Hushed conversation wafts through the Chaos portal, and Flutters steps back in, blushing furiously and clutching a brown paper bag. Nobody pays her any mind.

Finally, Pinkie bounces through. "Hey guys! I finally found a babysitter for Li'l Cheese--oh! Thanks for finding that, Twilight! I was wondering where I left it!"

Everyone stopped to stare as Pinkie bounced up, yanked the Twirugumi right out of Twilight's magical grasp, and slipped into it. The cum-stains (for that is what they are) neatly line up with Pinkie's rump, and so do her naughty bits. "You shoulda seen Cheese Sandwich when he saw me in this thing! He got a hardon so fast he almost passed out!" To everypony's horror, she keeps going, describing a romp in the bushes in entirely too much detail. Fluttershy, thankfully, intervenes with a whimper.

"...So," Pinkie says. "I guess Twi doesn't know about the Twilight costume thing, huh?"

"THEY WHAT."

Twilight was livid. No, she was beyond livid--she was in danger of giving herself an aneurysm.

"They totally want to bone you!" Pinkie said with her trademark smile. Applejack rolled her eyes, and pushed Pinkie to the side.

"What she's tryna say, Twah, is that most ponies in Equestria think you're..."

"Super hot," RD explained.

"An exquisite specimen," Rarity elaborated.

"...very pretty," Fluttershy whispered.

"Fuckable," AJ finished.

Twilight was having trouble taking it in. "And this has been going on for how long?"

"About three years now!" Pinkie squeaks, bouncing excitedly. "They started making them in Neighpon to celebrate! They were soooo popular. And Neighpon's birthrate doubled overnight!"

Twi's eye twitched. "Doubled."

"Yep! And so did Griffonstone's." Twi's eye twitched again. "And Equestria in general." Twilight gritted her teeth, trying to surpress a scream. "Oh, and I hear Yakyakistan's birthrate quadrupled!"

"ENOUGH!" Twilight shrieked, silencing the whole room. "I am NOT some--somepony's fetish! I am not a costume! This is not who I am, and this is not okay--"

And then Starlight Glimmer, carrying a tray full of juiceboxes, stepped into the room. "Hey guys, brought the drinks--oh. Huh. I was wondering when Twi was gonna get one of those."

"And that's how Ponyville became a crater!" Pinkie says, closing the scrapbook.

"...over a costume?" Li'l Cheese asks, tilting her head (she was feeling like a filly today, as evidenced by the extra pink in her mane).

"Yep!" Pinkie replies. "And that's why you always make sure to pick up your toys."

"...mom, I'm 22. I don't need to learn how to pick up after myself. Especially not with sex toys."

"Yeah, but you gotta remember extra hard. If Twilight finds out you have one, she'll start another war!"

"Wait, you know about my--"