The Equestrian Monomyth - Book 2 - Complexs of Disharmony

"You did WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash's facial expression talked by itself: "You moved to Fluttershy's cottage?! But if you told me that you were gonna move with ME!" She angrily pointed herself with a hoof.

"Nope, Dashie. I told you that if I didn't find anything that suited me, I'll move with you. That was what I said. Remember?" I replied, amused with her jealousy display.

"NO! You said that you were gonna find a rent, that Rarity payed you to!"

I cackled. "Ha ha ha ha ha! No! Rarity didn't payed me to find a rent, she just gave me the money so I could afford one!"

"Youptfh..." Rainbow Dash angrily shooked the head, saying some incomprehensible babbling. "Stop laughing of me! I thought you liked me!" She angrily sobbed.

I looked to her, and the smile dissapeared from my face: "What?"

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes wide, and blushed: "What...? What I meant is that I thought you liked to train with me. That was." Her tone suddenly softened.

"Sure, Dashie? Because that wasn't what I understood." I told her, coming a bit near of her. Her rushed heartbeating was clearly visible on her chest.

"No? And what did you understood?" She asked with scared voice, starting to tremble.

"Will you rip my ears off if I told you?" I smirked.

"Yes! Yes! Definitively! I'll rip your ears off! Without thinking!" She yelled, scared.

"Well, then let's leave that there." I smiled and withdrawn.

"Alright, alright." She agreed, sighing with relief.

"Well then. Ready for today's beating?" I smiled and sharpened my eyes, casting my dispel sword.

"You bet." She smiled and sharpened her eyes as well, casting her lightning swords.

We started to train as usual, but, despite what I told her, she kepts with her unrelentings, but predictable attacks. Finally, I had her pattern so well known, that this was just boring me. So, I decided to teach her the hard way, and when she came in her ninth dive, I, instead of just block her lightning swords, pierced her for the torse with my dispel sword. Her swords slowly faded, and she fell to the ground, panting and staring me with a surprised and scared look.

"You killed meeeee..." She barely could sadly say, puffing.

I pointed to my dispel sword: "No, Dashie. If this would have been a solid sword, you'll be dead by now. But this is not. Check yourself. Any wounds?"

She looked to her, checking surprised and relieved that there were no injuries. Then, she looked perplexed to me, then to herself, then to me, then to herself again. She even touched her coat, still untrustful. Then she looked to me again.

"Why I'm not...?"

"Dashie, the dispel sword doesn't cut. It's primary purpose is to disarm and exhaust the opponent. That's why you're so tired."

"Ow." Rainbow Dash relaxed. "But why you haven't told me that? You scared me to death... almost literally."

I looked up, thinking. "Well, I thought that you'll be more careful if I kept you believing this thing actually cuts." Then I sternly looked to her, putting my fists in the waist. "But I see that I was wrong."

"Wait... But you didn't cut Luna's horn with it?" She pointed me with a hoof.

"Nope. I just used it to block her magic attack, and when she was close enough, I swung my hand like this." I did a karate bottle cut move with my hand. "... and chopped her horn off. That was it." Then, I extended my hand to her: "Are you alright? Can you step on your legs?"

"Let me see..." Rainbow Dash tried to stand up, but she fell in her haunches again. "Buckings, master, I can't barely move..." She panted.

I smirked. "Alright. Let's end our drill for today. I'll take you for a treat. Do you want me to carry you?"

She angrily looked to me, shrugging an eye: "Don't you dare."

"I swear I'll rip your ears off for this." Was angrily protesting Rainbow Dash, while I was carrying her inside my backpack.

I mindlessly walked to an outside restaurant, and pulled her out and sat her in a chair. "Alright girl. Ask what do you want." I smirked.

She looked to me, scowling: "I want two monkey ears. Fried."

We both laughed.

"Sorry, but I think that isn't in the menu." I pointed.

"I can fix that." She replied. "Just put your head close of my muzzle and that's it."

We laughed again.

"No way." I raised my finger.

"What happens? Chicken out?" She challenged me.

"That's so? If that's the case, I want two pony ears. Raw." I retaliated, and pulled one of her ears.

"No! Don't you dare! No!!" She tried to buck my hand off, but she was just too tired to even do that. So, I pulled her ear even further, and then I bent near her and opened my mouth like if I was gonna bite her ear. "NO, NO, NO, AHHHHHH!!" Dashie bucked desperately, freaking out.

I released her and got back to my seat, cackling.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Holy Christ!" Then, I looked back to her: "Do you still want monkey ears, fried?"

She shooked the head, with the eyes opened wide, and I stopped laughing, because she was about to cry.

"Come on, Dashie. It's just a prank. You do pranks all the time. So what's the big deal?" I asked her with a concerned tone.

"Now I know why Twilight bucked you out. You're mean." She sobbed.

That hurt me as hell, so I made an annoyed gesture with my arm. "Yes, Dashie. You're right. I'm mean. I came from a world where almost everybody is mean and cruel. And I fell in a world where almost all setient creatures are nice and lovely. What did you expected? That I'll suddenly change, like I was some kind of super cool dude, that spreads love and tenderness everywhere? Sorry, Dashie, but that's not how I am. And believe me, that if you don't want to keep hanging up with me anymore, I'll understand. I loved my marefriend to death, and she left me. And I don't know what could be worse than that."

Rainbow Dash looked down, then she looked back to me: "Well, maybe she gave up with you... but I never will. It's like you said to me: 'Failing doesn't make you a loser, but giving up is'."

I looked to her, and smiled. This time not with a prankish smirking, but with a truly grateful smile: "Thank you, Dashie. You don't know how good make me to hear that." Then, I scratched my eyebrows: "I guess I can't give you a hug yet?"

She smiled. "Not here. And don't you dare to tell anypony, or I'll rip your ears off."

We both laughed again.

"Are... you ready to order?" Asked the waitress, gulping, a bit scared.

I looked to her, surprised: "How long were you been there?"

"Since... since the 'I'll eat raw pony ears' part. I sincerely thought you were going to eat her ears... I was so scared, that I couldn't move, and closed the eyes, thinking that I was the next..." She confessed with a fearful voice.

I looked to Rainbow Dash, and she was deeply blushing. "Sorry girl. Seems that your little secret is no more." I smirked.

"You bucking worm..." She concluded.

As part of my new schedule, I was making periodical travels to Canterlot, to check how Cadance and Luna were going on and, I hate to admit it, but I had grown a recent interest in seeing Celestia more often. I could say that I had developed my own version of 'feelings storm'. I really liked being with her, as I've recently discovered how interesting was to talk with her about the history of our respective worlds, and comparing both.

And maybe the relationship could have evolved to something else, if it wasn't because Cadance started to get an interest on me too. All started a day that, after Celestia suddenly departing to attend an important meeting, I decided to check on Cadance, who was in the garden, trying to pull out an undergrown bush there:

"Come on, come out already!" She angrily said, pulling the bush with her magic. "You're going down this time, you little scoundrel!" She swung her head to the sides, and the bush did the same, but remained stuck to the ground.

I raised the brows, as I didn't recall she was this weakling: "Hey Cadance..." I was to ask her if she wanted help.

She gasped, putting a hoof in her chest and looked to me, scared and hyperventilating: "No, please, don't hurt me! I'm not doing anything wrong!"

I chuckled. "Don't worry, Cadance. I know you're not doing anything wrong. Actually, I don't even know what are you doing at all!"

"Ow!" She relaxed and put the leg back down. "I... I'm practicing my magic, so some day I could be as strong as Tia."

I looked to the tiny bush. Maybe it was really this hard to pull out? So, I come closer to it, and pulled it out with a single hand and a single attempt.

"Hummm... seriously Cadance? You can't even pull out this?" I asked her, perplexed, with the bush still in the hand.

"Awwww! I wanted to pull out that by myself!" She complained.

"Oh. No problem then." I told her and I planted the bush again, cast a ground spell and left it like it was before.

Her smile was enlightening: "Hey... 'rascal'..."

"Rascal?"

"Yes... that's how Tia calls you, isn't?"

"Yes, it is, but that's her per... I mean, her ponial way to call me. I'd rather you call me by something else."

"Ow. Of course! And how do you want me to call you?"

I raised the head, wondering how she could call me.

"Wait! I know!" She happily waved a hoof: "Bushy!"

I chuckled: "'Bushy'?"

"Yeah! Isn't funny?" She giggled. "Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy!" She giggled again. "Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy Bushy!" She laughed with a clear and lovely laughter. It reminded me some angelic singer back there in Earth.

"Yes, it is." I had to admit it.

"See, Bushy?" She giggled even again. Then, she facehoofed, blushing a bit. "And I was wondering... if you could train me... I've heard that you're training that pegasi at Ponyville... and she's quite something!" Then she looked at me, putting her wings over her face. "Can you train me too? If it's not too much bothering, of course." She femininely blinked several times.

"Sure. But I have to warn you. My training sessions are quite exhaustive and hard working."

"It doesn't matter! I'm ready for it!" She spreaded and flapped her wings, self confident.

"Are you sure? You can't even stand a flank slapping." I chuckled.

She startled a bit, then, she scowled: "Yes, I can! Look!" And she turned around to me, giving her flank to me. "Go ahead, slap it!"

I smirked, shooking my head a bit, trying not to focus in the sight I had before my eyes:

"Are you sure, Cadance? Don't be crying later! Last call!"

"Go ahead! I'm telling you that I can stand it!" She turned her head to me and winked.

I shrugged my shoulders and slapped her flank.

"Ouch!" She trembled a bit and lowered the ears, and then looked back to me: "Again!"

I raised the brows: Well, if she wants it...

"Ouch...! Again! Ouch...! Again! OUCH!"

"Alright, alright. That's enough. You convinced me." I waved my hand, trying to not get used to it. You know, too much of a good thing...

Cadance turned around to face me, deeply blushing and rubbing her sore flank. "See? I told you I could." Then, she looked to a side: "Hmmm, it doesn't hurt as much as the first time. Did you slapped softer?"

"No, I slapped the same."

She raised the head, perked the ears and smiled. "Ow! Then I'm improving! Yeeeeeees!"

The next time I arrived to the palace, I found Celestia angry with me again:

"Cellie? What's up with you this time, girl?" I asked her, concerned.

She looked at me with rage: "So, it looks you're having fun with Cadance lately, isn't?"

I chuckled "Ah! Is that! How do you think I could resist to such lovely flank..."

Celestia slapped my face. I stared to her, dumbfounded.

"I thought you respected me, rascal, but now I see that you're just an idiot that jumps into the first flank you put your sight on." She scolded me. Then she walked away: "We have no more business to deal with. Please leave."

Just... perfect... It looks that I've shitted everything again. Bravo, superhero, bravo...

I thought that my 'affair' with Cadance had came to an end, but, only two days after returning to Ponyville, she came to visit me at Fluttershy's cottage herself! And this time, it was Fluttershy the pony that was jealous too! They had an argument and all! It was even more funnier, because it was like two little angels trying to scare the other. They ended just pulling the tongue out to each other. I was about to have something to dinner, when the lovely storm came:

Both mares flown to me and asked at the same time: "Do you love me?!"

I stared to them: "What? If do I love you?"

"Yes!" They said at the same time.

"But... do you mean... 'love you' like... 'I like you' or 'I want to marry you'?"

The both mares deeply blushed, then they looked to each other, and then back to me:

"Yes!" They said at the same time again.

"But which 'yes'? The first or the second?"

The mares gulped at the same time and started to tremble and sweat cold.

"Both..." They said at the same time even again, but not too convinced this time.

I made an annoyed gesture with my arm.

"Hey! That's not fair! You're confusing me!"

However, luckily for me, in that moment a pegasi Royal Guard patrol came looking for Cadance, as she had escaped from the castle and everypony there was worried for her. Cadance protested a bit but lastly they convinced her to go back. Then, I looked to Fluttershy:

"Well, you saying?"

"Eeeek!" Catatonic.

I sighed of relief. At least, that's something I can manage, isn't?

Three months. Three month have passed since my last visit to Canterlot Palace, and Celestia was sadly looking to the mirror in her room:

"Ohhh... how I miss the rascal..." She dried a tear from her eye. "Why he has to be such an idiot? Why he can't be a gentlecolt like Shining Armor, or Storm Chaser?" Then, she started to hit her own chest with a hoof, crying. "Why, bucking heart? Why you had to play this dirty trick on me? Why, after all those thousands of years? Why precisely now?! Whyyyyyy?!" Then, she put her hoof back down. "Just hold on, Celestia... You've survived worst things than this. You'll make it. You will..." Finally, she looked back to the mirror: "I just don't know if I could take something like this again..."

At that moment, a 'plop' sound was heard behind her:

"Hello, sister. Missed me?"

Celestia turned her head around, facing her sister, all blood stained, and with a horn in her head. But it wasn't hers.

"Luna! But how did you...?! Oh, holy heavens!" She startled, looking her bloody sister.

"Don't worry sister. It's not mine." Luna evily smirked, sharpening the eyes.

"For the memory of the ancestors! What have you done, Luna?!" Celestia was horrified.

"Whatever it tooks for escaping that pitiful prison. I told you that you should have killed me when you could. But you never listen!" Luna hissed. "Now, let's finish this! En guarde!" She threatened Celestia, casting her flaming sword.

Celestia slowly turned back to face the mirror again. "I'm not going to fight you, Luna. I'm tired of this nonsense."

Luna chuckled. "Really? You're not going to fight back? What about all that whining of 'oh, my poor ponies', 'my poor little ponies'" She mocked. "Come on, stand up and fight!" She hit her sister with a hoof in the loin. Celestia shivered due the pain, but she doesn't moved.

"Luna, promise me that, if I let you kill me, you'll take care of the day and the night." The white alicorn pleaded with sad voice.

"Sorry, sister, but the only thing that I can promise you is... certain death!" Luna evily assured.

Celestia sighed, defeated. "Fine. If that's what it takes to end with this stupidity, then so be it."

Luna clenched the teeth and trembled with rage: "Why, sister, why? Why always do you have to take everything from me? Even the pleasure of revenge?!"

"I didn't take anything from you, Luna! You're just an ungrateful naughty filly that never learnt to forgive and forget!"

"How can you...?" Luna was livid of fury. "How can you say such thing...? Don't you remember? Six months ago? Just six months ago, Celestia! The only stallion that had love me, and you took him from me! Maybe you didn't killed him, but it was with your consent! Nothing happens in this cursed kingdom without your bucking consent...! And King Sombra... You knew I was into him! But you... you seduced him until he galloped after you, and you cared nothing about me!"

"I didn't seduced him, Luna! He was into me from the beginning! And I rejected him, and that's why he became evil! And that's a guilty load that I have to carry every single day of my existence!" Angrily replied Celestia. "So YOU stop your whinings and be a mare for once in your life, and finish me off already!" And saying that, Celestia roughly pushed Luna with a foreleg, making her to walk some steps backwards.

Luna just stood there, with her muzzle half opened and quivering eyes, looking perplexed to her sister. Her flaming sword simply faded.

"So well? I'm waiting." Celestia hurried her, scowling. She didn't fear death. Not anymore.

But instead of giving her sister the killing blow, Luna just nervously chuckled: "You can't fool me, sister. This is another of your tricks, isn't?" She pointed her sister with a hoof. "You're just waiting for me to shot you, so you can backfire to me." She pointed herself with a hoof. "But guess what? I'm not falling in your trap this time. Because I'm smarter than you!" And she teleported and dissapeared.

A little while after that, a pony guard started to frantically knock Celestia's room door:

"Your Highness, Your Highness, Princess Luna has escaped! It seems that she killed two guards! What are your orders?!"

Celestia sighed, defeated, again: "Send the alarm..." She ordered with weariness.